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Hex 24.1.5 - Beautiful Answer Re: Gossip

Arasca

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Hello friends

I am posting here not to ask for an interpretation, but to share what I think is an example of why I think some've said the Yi is very kind.

Yesterday, I had a really nice time reconnecting with someone I'd had a falling out with, and sharing with a new, really exciting person, feeling our budding friendship. In my culture, it's a social practice to "make fun" of people present (we have a name for it and everything), and if you can stand it and also joke about others, you're considered to be "friendly". People who are used to this way of relating aren't usually hurt by what others say, and the dynamic usually is fun. Those who don't come from the city, however, aren't used to this dynamic at all, being instead used to more sincery and open ways of treating others.

It happens that, reconnecting with this old friend and building a new connection with this new one, I was with the guy I'm dating. He is from a town far from the city, and though he's been here for many years, sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't quite understand the dynamic. I noticed him being somewhat quiet at that time, and he left without saying goodbye. Today he tells me he felt like we were making fun of him that day, though I know that no one in that conversation had that intention... However, I can also recognize it is a problem for me, not measuring my comments and unwittingly hurting others.

Additionally, I have another issue: Whenever I feel in confidence, and with others who share my sarcastic sense of humor, I tend to talk about other people... not in idle gossip (I consider), but to analize the social structures and the way that others express themselves when talking about other people (I'm an anthro major). I feel that this type of talk serves a social function, and to me, it's ambiguous... sometimes I feel like I take it too far, though, in how I share my thoughts.

The last piece of background information is regarding the friend I was reconnecting with. We had a really difficult falling out, where he said a lot of hurtful things to me. It was very difficult, and I thought it'd never happen, but enventually I could come to terms, forgive, and learn. We've been on the path to a reconnecting recently, which makes me very happy since I've found our intelectual/spiritual collaboration quite wonderful... nothing's ever really come close. However, despite forgiving him, I was very critical with many of the attitudes he assumed during our falling out, which I let him know at the time quite clearly. As we reconnected in the presence of the new friend (who is closer to me, and doesn't know about the history with the other person) we again engaged in the ribbing that is common and accepted in our culture. The ribbing is often used to say truths as well, masking them in irony or sarcasm, and I took the opportunity of making it clear (through the joking) some of the thoughts I had about him. My new friend joined in because she'd observed (without my input) the same attitudes. He took it quite well, and it was clear that we all had a great time together, speaking of many things...

When I got home, however, he apologized for the first time since our falling out. He said that some of the things I'd said weighed on him, and he wanted to apologize because he didn't know if he'd been able to talk about me or others in a positive light, or without making fun, or making someone feel bad. He said he hoped he could achieve it, and that he was only telling me because he knew I appreciated honesty and sincerity above most things. Although I felt touched that he'd think about me that way and apologize, I felt bad that perhaps what I'd said had been something bad and unecessary, weighing him down. Again, it's the same problem of not measuring myself.

At any rate, fearing how I've been expressing myself to and about others socially, I started feeling like I was making a big mistake with my life, and it'd catch up to me eventually... people would know me as a gossip, or a person that said out of context things, and I'd be ostracized within the institution where I study, that is very very small. This led me to seek the Yi and ask for some general advice regarding the situation. It said one of the most beautiful answers I've recieved, so I wante to share it with others who might have a similar question, or be in a similar situation:

Hex 24, lines 1 and 5.

Line 1: Seems to say that my mistakes haven't really taken me as far from the path as I feared, and that I am still in time to make an easy and painless return to my center.

Line 5: It says that by comfronting my faults stoutedly and with an open heart, I can make a successful return to my center and virtue.

Finally, this becomes Hex 8, Seeking Union, which describes what I want to do: seek union with the people around me, and with my virtuous self and the flawed self that I am.

I hope others can see the same beauty and kindness as I saw in this answer.
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
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