Hex 57.5 relationship " I want my ex back should I follow my brother's advice ? "

[ymoshietsu]

Hex 57.5 relationship " I want my ex back should I follow my brother's advice ? "

Hi everyone,

this is my first post, I use the Yi since a few years now. An old friend (70+) was using it and taught me how this can be helpful.

I want to share my story about the hex 57.5 I was in relationship for 3 years. She left me in september and 3 weeks later she found a new boyfriend.

In september i asked the yi what was going on and i got hex 41.3 loss and line 3 say i have to go.

Now she wants me to stay a close friend to her but i can't because i have too much feeling for her. I talked with my brother because something seems not finished in my relationship with her.
I made a dream the day she said that it was over with me. It was a bridge like san francisco bridge and he was still in construction. the great water was passing down the bridge. She and I was on the bridge and was waiting for something.

So i asked my brother what i have to do to get back in her life because something needs to be fixed like the bridge !

I asked the Yi " Should i listen (trust) my brother's advices to get my ex back ? " and i have 57.5 => 18

In my opinion the Yi said i have to keep in mind my objective and work on me step by step to heal wounds (hex 18) repair what it need to be fixed !

My brothers said to me to find a new home, show how I am a newest guy who understand what I messed up in my relation and stop talking with her, Time to rebuilding myself, moving on growing up. He added that a women need to see positive changes in a man she has loved. My brothers is deeply convinced that she came back if i follow his advices.

What do you think ?

Thank you very much and i wish you an happy new year to all of you !

Ps : sorry for my bad english I tried to do my best.

 

[folledeschiele]

I'm sorry to hear that this breakup has been painful. I do feel that both hexagrams, as well as the changing line 5, suggest careful, gentle reform. They indeed point to a need to examine yourself and your past mistakes/unhelpful habits, behaviours etc that may have damaged the relationship, and to allow a process of gentle, careful inner change to take place. Then you have to check carefully that the "repairs" and improvements have led to genuine reform: a kind of inner monitoring.

I don't think this process of self-reform guarantees that you'll get back together with your ex. It may or may not happen, as that's up to her, not you. However, in transforming your attitudes and behaviours and submitting to this process of careful self-examination, you will be ready for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship, whether with your ex or someone new. So perhaps you need to let go, however painful, of the objective of "winning her back", focus on your inner development/reform, and then see where life takes things. As Bjork wisely says "Unthinkable surprises are bound to happen/But what they are..it's not up to you!"

Best wishes in this new year!

 

[folledeschiele]

I'm sorry to hear that this breakup has been painful. I do feel that both hexagrams, as well as the changing line 5, suggest careful, gentle reform. They indeed point to a need to examine yourself and your past mistakes/unhelpful habits, behaviours etc that may have damaged the relationship, and to allow a process of gentle, careful inner change to take place. Then you have to check carefully that the "repairs" and improvements have led to genuine reform: a kind of inner monitoring.

I don't think this process of self-reform guarantees that you'll get back together with your ex. It may or may not happen, as that's up to her, not you. However, in transforming your attitudes and behaviours and submitting to this process of careful self-examination, you will be ready for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship, whether with your ex or someone new. So perhaps you need to let go, however painful, of the objective of "winning her back", focus on your inner development/reform, and then see where life takes things. As Bjork wisely says "Unthinkable surprises are bound to happen/But what they are..it's not up to you!"

Best wishes in this new year!

 

[angelatlantis14]

I think your brothers advice is good - it does not guarantee to be successful, but what he describes are indeed the changes that a former partner would look for, it they are to reconsider the relationsship.

hex 57 speaks of gentle, but persistent influence - keep at it, make necessary changes and not be discouraged too soon. Line 5 underlines that, and also warns you to not expect a concrete result too soon: "Before the change, three days. After the change, three days.""
Hex 18 seems to say that there ware corrupting influences in the relationship, maybe that was the reason for the breakup. These need to be addressed, in a gentle Hex 57 type way.

I wish you the best

maui

 

[ymoshietsu]

Thank you for yours answers !
the most weird is my ex doesn't want and cannot cut the link with me (she said that multiple time).
But i need to cut off to heal myself and do the right changes in all my being. I can't stand she has a new partner (I think it's normal) so i made myself clear with her and she brutally cut off all contact form since I said " Sorry I can't be your friend like you want ". Now she's upset angry against me.. but this is her who break up.

I even said to her " you were right, I do understand so much thing and how i can grew up now to be a better person ".

Another Weird thing is that she is 37 and she date with a young boy 25 years old. It's seems like she is on the 40 crisis ( time is running out for women)

this was why I ask the Yi because something need to be review.
Another time i asked the Yi on " what can i do to evolve my relationship with her ? " Answer was Hex 61.2 the most beautiful Hex on the Yi.. I think the Yi ask me to have faith and trust and be discrete. So this is why it seems that nothing seems played yet

 

[ernobe]

I asked the Yi " Should i listen (trust) my brother's advices to get my ex back ? " and i have 57.5 => 18

This suggests that you got a good first reading in 41.3 -> 26 and need to finish working it out. It's the Yis' way of saying, "I've given you good advice, why listen to your brother?" The loss in 41 shows that your relationship has been a drain on you, and 26 that you need to replenish your energies. So your brother may be giving good advice for dating in general, but it probably doesn't apply to your current situation.

 

[ymoshietsu]

Thx for your point of view it's very usefull ! for the present time, I just rebuilding myself and make grief about my relationship. But who knows, the Yi don't predict the future but the best road to take at the present time but I can be wrong too !

 

[diamanda]

Should i listen (trust) my brother's advices to get my ex back? 57.5 > 18
In short no, this will not get her back. You'll try and try (57.5) and then you'll just keep trying (18).

You say she went after the thrill of a younger guy, so obviously what she's after is not a rebuilt guy with a new home - she's after some thrill.

I would suggest you ask the I Ching how you could get her back, and fingers crossed

 

[ymoshietsu]

I'm not expecting getting her back in days or weeks but rather 6/9 months to a year.

This is a time I think to work on myself and be a better person. I asked the Yi " How to develop my love situation ? " I got 46.6 So time is needeed and i'm just in the beginning. Nothing can be see now but this hex seems very positive in long term thinking.

I will ask with the question you propose. thank for your light !

 

[ymoshietsu]

I just asked like diamanda said : How can i do to bring her back ? the Yi answer 13.1.6 = > 31

I think with this answer i have to move on right now 13.1 (open to other) 13.6 bad communication and can't do anything so maybe the advice is " look on other people, maybe another love will come thanks to hex 31 ? "

So what do you think ?

Thank in advance !

 

[diamanda]

I'm not expecting getting her back in days or weeks but rather 6/9 months to a year.

Well of course that's up to you, but in my opinion that's way too long. At least one of you will be completely gone and far away by that time.

How to develop my love situation? 46.6 > 18
If you push in the dark (i.e. alone, hidden) then the result will be something rotten, an obsession.

How can i do to bring her back ? 13.1.6 > 31
One of you hasn't even left the gate of the house and the other person is far in the suburbs of the city. 31 says the man woos the woman. So the answer goes quickly away from the just-friends 13, and straight into 31. Remember, how did you win her when you first met? Aim to meet her in person and woo her. OR another possibility here is, as you say, go out with many people and you will find love. Very nice answer!

 

[ymoshietsu]

Well of course that's up to you, but in my opinion that's way too long. At least one of you will be completely gone and far away by that time.

How to develop my love situation? 46.6 > 18
If you push in the dark (i.e. alone, hidden) then the result will be something rotten, an obsession.

How can i do to bring her back ? 13.1.6 > 31
One of you hasn't even left the gate of the house and the other person is far in the suburbs of the city. 31 says the man woos the woman. So the answer goes quickly away from the just-friends 13, and straight into 31. Remember, how did you win her when you first met? Aim to meet her in person and woo her. OR another possibility here is, as you say, go out with many people and you will find love. Very nice answer!

As a therapist, I work at the same place as her, so we see each other twice a week in the store she own.

46.6 > 18 The question was about my single situation and nothing to do with my relationship with my ex I think this answer said : things are coming, you just have to wait.

13.1.6 > 31 The Yi doesn't seems to really answer the question. Like you said Diamanda, it appears in one hand that I should go toward the other one (her) but the 6 line says i cannot have at the moment sweet communication, i have to settle with that.

On the other hand, the yi highly suggest that get out of your cocoon hex 13 love (Union) is waiting for you hex 31

What do you think ?

Thank you !

 

[diamanda]

Hi ymoshietsu,

46.6 > 18 The question was about my single situation and nothing to do with my relationship with my ex I think this answer said : things are coming, you just have to wait.

Sorry to say this but nothing in 46.6 > 18 says that things are coming and just wait.
It just describes someone pushing in total darkness and ending up in a rotten situation.

13.1.6 > 31 The Yi doesn't seems to really answer the question. Like you said Diamanda, it appears in one hand that I should go toward the other one (her) but the 6 line says i cannot have at the moment sweet communication, i have to settle with that.
On the other hand, the yi highly suggest that get out of your cocoon hex 13 love (Union) is waiting for you hex 31

The Yi definitely answers this question. It's obvious, if from nothing else, from 31 which is wooing.
In 31 a man woos a woman.

13 is not 'love', it's just being out there with lots of people.
13 changes from A to Z (line 1 and line 6), so quickly do "being out there", and woo someone.

Maybe the answer means that you just need to make her jealous.
I'm saying this because your question was "how to bring her back".

 

[ymoshietsu]

The Yi definitely answers this question. It's obvious, if from nothing else, from 31 which is wooing.
In 31 a man woos a woman.

13 is not 'love', it's just being out there with lots of people.
13 changes from A to Z (line 1 and line 6), so quickly do "being out there", and woo someone.

Maybe the answer means that you just need to make her jealous.
I'm saying this because your question was "how to bring her back".

Hum it's very interesting, it's like I have to show her that i'm surrounded with people ! but woo someone to make her jealous isn't very ethical. I cannot do that, I don't want to manipulate people.
But thanks for your insight !

The things I know she can upset her is become the man she wanted to see. Last time she said to me " I'm sad, why you make change on yourself only now when you're not together ? "
So the more I change in a positive way, the more she's going to regret left me I think.

 

[equinox]

Another Weird thing is that she is 37 and she date with a young boy 25 years old. It's seems like she is on the 40 crisis ( time is running out for women)

Maybe you should first start to rethink your quite sexist perception of women in general.
A 25 years old guy is not a "young boy" anymore and a 37 years old woman is not necessarily in "the 40 crisis" -- whatever you mean by that -- respectively feeling that her "time is running out". Why do you think that her time is running out? Women in western societies nowadays reach an average age of 70 or 75 years.

Did you ever think of the possibility that they simply like each other regardless of this (even not so huge) age difference? If the man was 37 and she was 25 nobody would consider it a "weird thing".

I am sorry I have nothing substantial to say to your result right now, but I don't need the Yi to state: I am afraid with such an attitude you will have a hard time winning back the heart of a self-confident woman who prefers to live a life according to her wishes instead of following the absurd restrictions of a quite misogynist society. Also because you delude yourself. She dates somebody and you persuade yourself that she does it because of what you consider a deficit (her age, a woman's age close to forty).
At the same time this all means, you do not take her and her decisions seriously.