Hex 58+2=>17

[modesty]

Hi all,

My wife came back home last month after leaving me and our one year old baby for a month. This time, I managed to get a job for her where we live. She was looking forward to this, my baby is so happy to see his mother, and all of a sudden,her depression became worse and she wanted to leave again. I asked the Yi "is she leaving again this time?". I got Hex 58+2 => 17. I need to know to prepare mentally and physically how to re-arrange baby sitting etc,...

Can anyone help to intepret please? I do not trust myself in this situation. Many thanks

modesty

 

[mudpie]

This line of questioning and the previous threads on same matter are SO upsetting to me that I have never participated in the discussions. It is probably none of my business, but can I ask how old you and your wife are, MOdesty? Is there any ADULT here in charge of this small child? I realize your wife is depressed and that you are probably doing the best you can, but why do you not demand the answer to this question from your wife, rather than asking the yi? AND Why is a baby's well-being at the mercy of the whims of a woman who sounds like she is still a child herself??

WITHOUT DELAY, you and your wife should go to a competent professional who can explain the effects of this kind of emotional see-saw on a baby, and someone needs to make an adult decision as to how to meet the needs of this child.
the real question is NOt 'is she going to leave again, oh-my?' the real question is how to protect this child from ths back and forth abandonment game. It is a shame that children can be born to women who can't make up their mind whether or not they want to be a mother, but at this point, the decisions should be taken out of her hands.

Please, for the child's sake , hire a loving nanny who give some nurturing to this baby and STOP giving your wife all the power.

 

[modesty]

Hi Listener

My wife have been going to therapy (a very competent Psychiatrist) and on medication. It was going well for a few months and something triggered her off to a frenzy episode where she gave up medication and therapy.

I actually let her know that the decision to go or stay is completely with her but I will look after the baby. She wanted to take the baby overseas (with no job, no support...she is not even capable of the simplest thinking).

I am at the stage where it does not matter much what she wants to do. The baby 's well being comes first.

Back to the Yi, what is your understanding of the reading?
Regards,


modesty

 

[willowfox]

Hi modesty,

"I asked the Yi "is she leaving again this time?". I got Hex 58+2 => 17. I need to know to prepare mentally and physically how to re-arrange baby sitting etc,..."

I think that you should prepare yourself for yet another leaving situation. Your wife will probably pack up and leave again in next 1-4 weeks. You cannot go on living under these conditions and neither can the child. It is about time that you made a very permanent decision about your wife otherwise it will mess up your life and your child's life. One minute she wants to be with you, and the next minute she wants to be elsewhere. When she gets back to her own country, she will then want to return to you yet again. This circle can go on for years if you let it, but it will destroy all of you eventually.

Hex 58.2 you are married to a problem person and to carry on this way will only cause you regret and sadness. When you realise this and take the right action to break off contact, then you will be happy again.

Hex 17 you have learnt to help her but she has not learnt to serve you and the child therefore, no good fortune here. It is wise for you to get some rest. She cannot follow and cannot rest, she has no perseverance in this relationship or anything else for that matter, this will prove to be unfortunate. She is not adaptable, and is perhaps stubborn so she won't listen to you. She is following negative forces and that is going to cause her real trouble because of the negativity that she is attracting to herself. So, you should find a way to avoid the negativity that is leaking out and smothering you..

Listener said and I quote;
"Please, for the child's sake , hire a loving nanny who give some nurturing to this baby and STOP giving your wife all the power."
More a case of you and the child's worlds constantly revolving around your wife. Stop!

 

[hilary]

I am not confident about the interpretation of 58.2 in this situation, because I'm not sure whether or not Yi is answering your question directly. If it is, though, then I would say you can believe what she's telling you, and would do best to act and plan accordingly. And - like you yourself said - to concentrate on your son's well-being.

 

[toganm]

I asked the Yi "is she leaving again this time?". I got Hex 58+2 => 17. I need to know to prepare mentally and physically how to re-arrange baby sitting etc,...

Can anyone help to intepret please? I do not trust myself in this situation. Many thanks

modesty

As Hillary pointed out it is difficult to make an interpretation. I would suggest to ask open ended questions if one wants to understand the situation . Nevertheless the below is my understanding and interpretation of the hexagram in this case.

Dui (58) Wilhelm comments that the yielding line attributes melancholy. Hence he says true joy rests on firmness and strength within. Line 2 which is within changes from firm to yielding. Hence melacholy in my understanding suits better for the meaning of hexagram with this line change and question.

Nuclear hexagram (37) is Jia Ren and line 1 of this hexagram suggests having an authority within the family to keep the family in order.

Hex 38 Opposition (diversity) is another nuclear hexagram that can give you insight. Line 2 is here is related. In general small steps should have been taken in this hexagram and Wilhelm comments for line 2 due to misunderstandings it has become impossible for people by nature belong together to meet in the correct way.

Hex 49. revolution is yet another nuclear. The image says superior sets the calendar in order and makes the seasons clear. Hence one needs to make the plans to set the changes. Line 1 which is related suggest to wait for the correct timing to prevent any premature offensive acts.

Hexagram 61 Inner Sincerity is another nuclear hexagram suggesting to have slf confidence. Line 2 which is related to your primary hexagram suggest to choose the correct words to express your thoughts and intentions else it would not help the situation.

Finally Hexagram 28 being another nuclear hexagram suggest this is a crisis situation and the best of people should be brought.

Hexgram 17, Sui Following is not just following blindly, it is having a sense of what the other person is doing and what will the other movement be and when. Line 2 of this hexgram says in the commentary an individual must make a carefull choice in close relationships. One cannot have a good and a bad companion at once.

So overall, based on my understanding of the question and hexagrams the interpretation I have is, one needs to have a clear agenda to initiate a change, inorder to keep the good companion, that is expressed with right choice of words, sincere yet with firmness and authority sensing the other party's feelings and actions.


Togan

 

[autumn]

I interpret 58.2 (17) as showing you her inner state in response to your question about her intention. You were asking, "is she preparing to leave", and I think your picture is what's in her mind. Not great planning and preparation, but emotional reactions.

I believe what 58>17 is showing you is manipulation. I have seen 58 refer to manipulation in a negative sense. Line 2 is about entertaining baser ideas and lower impulses. She probably is aware on some level that she is not in control of her responses. 17 is about her attempts to control the flow of energy between you (using her instability).

The person who needs to go "get help" is you. And I say that simply because you have a baby and an emotionally unstable woman connected to you, and you are emeshed. You need the competent professional to teach you how to respond to her threats and unstable behavior in a way that de-escalates conflict, instead of setting you both off.

It's probably going to start with not reacting to her manipulation. Not allowing her to set the stage for the drama you have played over and over again. Something along the lines of, "Well, good luck to you then. Good-bye. Don't forget your teddy bear when you pack your bag to run away. I need to take care of our child, and I'm sorry the presence of another "child" here to take attention away from you is so threatening to you".

 

[dobro p]

"I asked the Yi "is she leaving again this time?". I got Hex 58+2 => 17"

My take on it's pretty radical, but it's the one that comes to mind. In answer to your question, the Yi seems to be saying: "Yes, when you talk of her leaving again this time, you have captured the perfect expression for what is happening and yet (despite appearances) this is a fortunate situation, and being without remorse is appropriate now." If you want to incorporate 17 into the reading, it would simply add: "Following this situation is a good thing to do." (In other words, a second endorsement of her leaving.)

Perhaps you should considering trusting your wife's inclinations to be somewhere else than with her husband and child? The Yi does seem to be saying that it is a situation not only to be accepted, but viewed positively. Strange, I know. But perhaps a useful way for a bruised heart to view the situation?

 

[luz]

Hi Modesty,

Like others here, I also question whether the Yi is directly addressing your question.

Line 2 speaks of inner sincerity, from what I understand, so I think this is telling you that you should stop depending on your wife's decisions for your contentment and your well being.

Outwardly, you must keep in mind that your wife is ill and you can not count on her when it comes to caring for the baby. You have to make baby sitting arrangements, whether she is in town or not. In this way, you won't have to rush around to find a new baby sitter when she decides to leave again. Plus, you won't be leaving your child in the sole care of your wife when she is with you.

Inwardly, it might be a bit more difficut for you to let go and find contentment on your own, since you love your wife and wish you could all be together and happy again. But you can provide a stable emotional environment for yourself and your child by not depending so much on her comings and goings. Keep on loving her, be there for her, help her get help.. just don't depend on her.

Best wishes.

 

[martin]

Yes, I believe that is what 58 to 17 says in this case, basically. Try not to depend on your wife and what she does or doesn't do. Because in her condition she will probably waver a lot and be indecisive most of the time.
I think this is perhaps also all that the I Ching is saying. I would hesitate to read more in this answer.

 

[modesty]

Hi all

thank you all for your input. I think this is a really difficult reading and we have to rely on practical considerations above all things.
Today, I asked the Yi please comment on the current situation, I got Hex 53 +5=>52.
This seems like an unexpected good turn (possible reconciliation). This is the second time I got this (same hex, same moving line). Am I reading something that is not there?

modesty

 

[rosada]

Whether or not you wife actually leaves, I believe the I Ching is advising you to be prepared for her leaving just incase. Indeed, if you had a nanny in place the stress might be so decreased that your wife would be able to find herself and stay.
BTW, Are you all getting enough sleep?

 

[hilary]

Hello Modesty,

Here is some unsolicited advice. (I do know you didn't ask for it and I'm not loading you with expectations about what you might do with it.)

I think that right now, asking Yi about what's happening or what's going to happen is of limited use for you. I would suggest putting the oracle away until you are very, very clear in your own mind what's important to you here. Think about the outcomes you most want (family reunion? peace and security for your son?). And then ask Yi what you can do to maximise the chances of these things coming about.

Of course this is all about 'maximising chances' and not 'making it happen'. But when you ask for advice, and follow it, then you will know you're doing all you can in support of what's most important.

This is pretty much the same thing as other people have said, about not giving all the power to your wife. Your choice of what to ask and how to interact with the oracle is an important part of this.

I hope this helps!

 

[willowfox]

Hi modesty,

"Today, I asked the Yi please comment on the current situation, I got Hex 53 +5=>52."

Well, you asked a question and so I suppose answering it would be the polite thing to do.

Hex 53.5 says for the time being, she is not understanding you and you just cannot control her, therefore nothing is going to be accomplished in this situation for a fair old while. But, oneday, hopefully things will improve. It will take time, real love and true marriage are still being very illusive for the both of you.

Hex 52 says to restrain yourself, take no action. You cannot see how to deal with the situation, you are both seeing this story from different angles, therefore nothing is going to be resolved for the moment. Nevermind, don't worry about it. Keep still and relax.

 

[hilary]

Well, you asked a question and so I suppose answering it would be the polite thing to do.

*grin*
Point taken!

 

[toganm]

Today, I asked the Yi please comment on the current situation, I got Hex 53 +5=>52.

Option a)
What is trying to be reached is far away, hence gradual progress comes to stand still.

Option b) The dangers and fears have dimmed the light hence vision is limited. The road to the summit is dangerous and unexpected events are likely. Hence the traveller comes to a stop in his quest.

Togan