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Hex 59.5 to 4: Please show me what influences are active in my lovelife at this time?

dancingfox

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Hi good folks

A quick background.

I am single since October '16, after a long-term relationship with an addict. It took a lot of courage on my part to break of the relationship and for a long time I wasn't interested in other men at all. I needed time to heal and find my self again. It took me a while but lately I have started enjoying my social life again. I feel like I am blossoming after years of isolation and low self esteem. I had intense encounters with two different men in the time of a month. Despite enjoying all this sudden attention immensely these encounters triggered a longing for something more meaningful then what I experienced with these men.

I accept my single status and understand this is necessary for me right now. At the same time I feel a deep longing for a meaningful connection. In the mean time I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of enjoying my single life to the fullest. This change in my emotional life has happened quite forcefully and sudden. I am trying to get a deeper understanding of what is happening to me right now.

So I asked Yi
Hex 59.5 to 4: Please show me what influences are active in my lovelife at this time?

In a thread about this line on the forum I found a useful comment from Martin:
I think that in line 5 the self (the king) discovers that dispersion is what he or she really wants or that dispersing is the best thing to do in this situation.
It becomes his or her decision instead of something that more or less just happens to him or her.
Consequently the self assumes full responsibility for the dispersion, makes it his or her 'cause', and takes the lead in the process.
This is a change of attitude.

It could be me realizing my true desire for a deeper connection but at the same time accepting what is happening to me and taking responsibility for it. This is a change of attitude for me, especially when I think of my younger days when I was single. I felt much more uncertain about romantic interests. I feel like I am growing as a woman, still challenged but more accepting and less desperate then I used to be.

Still, other insights are very welcome, as always :D
 

rosada

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I think you are being advised to put all your energies into being your absolute best self at this time. Like the king dispersing the grain, now is the time to take what ever resources you have and invest in yourself - hair, wardrobe, trainer at the gym, etc. etc. By doing everything you can for yourself on your own first you will then be able to go out into the world and recognize and attract someone that will support and reinforce your best self - a relationship that will make your life better, not just someone who will tolerate your bad habits.
4. Youthful Folly suggests to me that you are at a place where it's more appropriate for you to be getting out in the world and just seeing what all is out there - dating a variety of men - than trying to zero in on The One. Of course, that could change in an instant but I think the first step is to be like the Fool who doesn't know what they want and needs to have life experience.
 

dancingfox

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Hi Rosada

I am taking care of myself in all those ways. I started swimming since February, lost 30 pounds since the breakup :cool: and started dressing more feminine. I am definitely going out more often too, opening up and dating different men... and it's fun but at times also exhausting emotionally. It's just that all these different contacts make me wish for something more substantial. Which does not mean that I don't enjoy them :p
 

rosada

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Hmm..that's very interesting. Well you asked "What influences are active in my love life at this time?" so perhaps rather than being advice for what you should do, 59.5 is mirroring back to you what you are doing already. So maybe you should ask something along the lines of "How do I make this feel less emotionally exhausting?"
 

dancingfox

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'How do I make dating men less emotionally exhausting for me?' Hex 14.1.4 to 18

I interpret this along the lines of...

In order for me to enjoy my ability to give and receive love abundantly I must work on what has been spoiled in the past.

What do you think Rosada?
 

rosada

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Hexagram 14.1
The first line of a hexagram tends to describe things the way they are BEFORE you get into the situation outlined by the hexagram. For example the first line of hex. 1. The Creative tells you that before creating anything you should pause and not act at all. The first line of hex. 2. The Receptive says that before you can be receptive you have to cool down. The first line of hex 14 is telling what to do before acquiring abundance - a boyfriend - and I see it as a caution to be discerning about who you become involved with.
Hexagram 14.4
Beating the drum, could mean making too big a deal about things, or perhaps wanting a friendship to be more than it is.
Hexagram 18
I think in your case this has to do with recognizing old habit patterns and being able to transform them. Maybe literally you have a pattern of agreeing to go out with someone even when you pretty much know it's not a suitable match, then you try to at least make it a pleasant evening, but in the end you have to disentangle from something you knew early on wasn't going to work. Exhausting!

So all together I see this as advice that if you are feeling emotionally drained by the dating game, it is a sign you may be trying too hard when a more casual attitude is called for - especially now when rather than having an intense one-on-one relationship it looks as if you are meant to play the field.

Astrologically in just another week half of the ten planets we look at are going to be retrograde and will remain so for at least a month. This portends a time when forward movement is stalled but bringing the past up to date - working on what has been spoiled - is encouraged. So use this to be discerning about who you give your attention to, don't try so hard, and you should ultimately find yourself no longer attracting the same old situations but instead feeling you're stepping karma-clean into a whole new world. :)
 
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dancingfox

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Woaaah Rosada... that really hit home!

The last guy wasn't really a date... he was an old friend. We ended up sleeping together after a night out with a group of friends. There was always an attraction between us and the night ended up to be pretty intense. I have been confused about my feelings afterwards. We know each other very well and I know in my heart that we wouldn't be a suitble match, not now and probably not in the future either. We haven't had contact since that night, which is fine as it is. I have been nervous for a while about stumbling upon each other, not sure how I will react when I see him. He is travelling abroad for a few weeks so now I feel like I can relax and really let go of my fantasies and confusion about what happened that night. My instinct says it will be fine, we're good friends and eventually I will cool down :blush:

I do have a pattern of dating guys and end up feeling way to deeply about them, I have lots of fantasy and I tend to let my feelings carry me away :bag:. I used to be so angry and hurt afterwards, when the illusion faded. Angry with myself and those guys. I have grown a little since then, no longer angry at myself or them and recognizing my own contributions. But still dealing with all the feels. Draining indeed. I am a champion at hiding those feelings for others, so I deal with it in solitude. To be this open and vulnerable about my feelings is a new thing for me. I know the work that lays ahead of me and I am happy to take it on. I feel ready for new experiences I don't want to live under a rock anymore. If I am meant to play the field for now I am happy to oblige, I trust that I will get to sort out all of my old wants and insecurities.

I recognize everything you said very much. Stop overthinking, relax a little and enjoy the attention. Doesn't sound so hard ;) Typically a challenge for me in most fields of my life though...

This has helped a lot, thank you Rosada!
 
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