Hex 61 changing to 57

[aries]

Hello,
Any insight on this reading would be greatly appreciated. I asked the Iching how I should best handle this situation and i got 61 changing to 57 (lines 1 and 3 changing)

My situation: My instinct tells me something is changing in my relationship. I had been away for a few days and he was distant. My gut tells me he might have cheated. No evidence of that just a feeling. Should I confront, is this all in my head? How do I handle these feelings.

This has been a difficult relationship. I lost my self in it.. and am just now in these last few weeks making a focus on myself. He has a very powerful pull over me.

thanks for reading

 

[aries]

any thoughts?

 

[pocossin]

How I should best handle this situation (of growing alienation)?
61.1.3 > 57

Note that the Judgment of 61 is

Thus the superior man discusses criminal cases
In order to delay executions.

So please don't be too hasty. You have apparently sought distance ("making a focus on myself"), and he is responding accordingly. Line 1 says, "If there are secret designs, it is disquieting." But I think that rather than cheating he is responding to the nonvocal signals he is getting. I don't think you want an escalation of alienation in the relationship. Hexagram 57 is the hexagram of communication.

Thus the superior man
Spreads his commands abroad
And carries out his undertakings.

Isn't there some way to clear the air so that there would be justice for both of you?

 

[hopex]

i would agree with Pocossin (always) i would say he thinks you have been
cheating! howzabout that!!!

Knock it on the head 57 says you are in right relationship, he is yours - I
take this from a career reading where someone said (senior on here) 57
implies your foot is in the door the job is yours - 58 implies a happy anticipation
that may not come to pass.

57 is a augur of having a sound relationship - dont know the lines of 61 but
being inner truth you could communicate your fears???

 

[aries]

Thanks to both of your responses. I appreciate your time.

I think I have been trying to make more a focus on myself.. my outward behavior has not changed. but inwardly I am gaining strength again. I lost myself. Maybe, as you both say, he is picking up on that.

Communication is key. I need to try to approach him in a way that does not seem needy... I don't want to ask him if he is seeing someone else, just cause I had a flash of intuition. I need to figure out how to communicate my larger concern: commitment or "where are we going"!!

 

[dancing white ferret]

Just my experience with the Commitment/Where are we going question... Not a fun conversation! You know this person better than me, so use your best judgement here, but it doesn't sounds like this is the time for that question, if there ever is a time. Trying to put defining lines here or projecting into the future with this guy may not be a good idea right now. I would definitely communicate with him, but also watch the verbiage... I would just try to clear up the smaller issue, be honest about what you want in your relationship now, but try to keep it in the moment, and I think happiness will follow for you. Maybe get him talking more about what he feels, what he values in your relationship, etc. If he wants it to go somewhere, I think it will become apparent without the direct question. Comittment/where are we going can sound like an expectation being put on someone and can hinder communication, and most guys I know cringe at that question even if they want it. Relationships are in the moment, so I would just bring him into the moment with you. And don't start with, "We need to talk." Find some other way to start off. Anything is better than, "We need to talk."

 

[aries]

Excellent point dancing white ferret. My head understands that, it is just my heart cant stop myself. I am trying to be patient and just chill, but I have sacrificed alot here and just want to know the truth. I really do not think he is cheating at this point, but he is definitely pulling away.

 

[dancing white ferret]

I think you should communicate with him, but get him talking. If someone says to me we need to talk, I immediately think they need to talk and I will have to listen . Perhaps try, "I've noticed such and such and I was hoping you could share your thoughts with me," or "I know you could help me better understand X." Words like share or help open someone up more. Or something like that. Just think a little about how you approach him about it. Let us all know what you find out.

 

[aries]

I think, or know, that he sensed my concerns. He invited me over last night and asked that we read a story together. We took turns reading it page by page and the theme of the story was about divine, true love. I remembered why I fell in love with him.
Feel great.

 

[dancing white ferret]

Whew... That must be a relief. So glad to hear that it worked out well. I'm actually tearing up a little... What a sweet heart! And no, "We need to talk" necessary. Nice! The best communication does not involve words, and that story he read with you sure says a lot.