Hexagram 13 uc and 41.2

[Topher]

I have been told the whole week to wait by the iching to hold on to contact my friend who doesnt want to know anything about me, until the transformation happened, probably refers to my friend's anger... and yesterday I asked if I should sent her a message to her this sunday(asking for forgiveness) to which I received a 13UC, then I had asked what could I do for the connection to be romantic. the answer was 41.2

so in way I could ask for forgiveness without diminishing myself ? because I have to admit I commited an error(because the last time she told me something she said I was the worst person in the world) while what I did wasn't bad, she thinks I am the worst person and she hates me...I would think that in a email asking for forvigiveness I should admit my fault, here the emaiL i thought to send her:

Spoiler: email

"I beg you to read this, I know it's not easy,but it's important that I have to communicate this to you, when you you said that it seem you thought that I had done wrong, I understood after what I did, it wasn't the best way to act,I want you to understand that I am not a bad person,I know when someone goes through a problem of sexual abuse that would hurt her for live, emotionally and psychologically, I didnt want that for you,, I wanted you were ok, I love you so much that I had the neccesity to tell someone else about this situtation you were going to be through, because I couldnt forgive myself that my favorite person in this world would be harmed and that she would feel bad for a damage, that a disgrace sadistic person could do to you, I want you to understand me for a moment, I am not a bad person if I did anything wrong to you, I feel so much what I did, I saw that day after you arrived home you didnt want to eat and feel depressed that you wanted to go to sleep, I hurts me to see you like that,I thought something bad had happened to you, I only care aboue your well being, and I want you to know I am sorry for anything I could have done wrong,and I want to let you know that if you ever could forgive me I would be here for you whenever you need me, because you are the most special person in my life"
Context: she had a new job with someone was possibly a pedophile, she looked underage, and of course that happened he offered money to se her naked.... I had talked some hours after to her best friend, but well maybe I told her best friend by showing some of our conversation what she said, now she feels betrayed for what I did also she blamed me when she broke with her best friend because she sided with me when she told her I was worried.

so how do you ask for forgiveness? do you accep you commited the error? that sounds like dimishing yourself. so how

I asked what should I tell her in said email 58.6 was the answer which suggest

Seductive joyousness = leads one astray. Changes to (10) Treading.

Spoiler: 58.6

When joyousness reaches this upmost place, situations can trend toward Dispersion in the following hexagram. Treading shows a person focusing on their footsteps and the path to discover more meaning in life. However, this outward searching can be overdone and we can wander away from being centered in joy. Too much looking around to reinforce our sense of worth or self esteem leads to vanity and instant gratification. You may need to balance a sense of discovering meaning in unfolding events with the power of being sincere in joy. We are only seduced when we have lost self love, self respect or our connection to our internal compass.

how does this tell me how to address her? it tells me to have self respect and self love, but how can I express her sincere joy in a forgiveness email?

 

[rosada]

Are you thinking 41.2 means don't diminish yourself? That is one possible interpretation but I don't think it applies here. Your question was what could you do to have a romantic connection with this person and given the circumstances I think the I Ching is telling you to diminish that idea, that the purpose of your email is to gain forgiveness, focus on that for now and don't try to take on romance at the same time. Likewise, the advice from 58.6 cautions you that in your email you must be careful not to try "to reinforce our sense of worth or self esteem" which I think is how it comes across when you say things like, "It's important to me that I have to communicate this to you," "I am not a bad person," "I am not a bad person if I did anything wrong to you." In fact, the whole email comes across like you are telling her she is wrong for being upset with you when what you really want to emphasize is that you recognize she is totally right!
Maybe Diminish the whole letter and just write something brief like, "Please know that our friendship means the world to me and I am deeply sorry that my unthinking actions hurt you. Please forgive me,"

Good luck!

 

[Topher]

Ok that is one way to look things at. I was told to achieve less than love, something like a friendship, so you are right the iching is telling me to try to dimish the message that I love her, and I should instead talk to her as a friend.(So I will remove the parts that include romantic affection)

now the interpretation for 58.6 I thought was mainly about expressing the joy I had with her as a friend(I supose) since it says "You may need to balance a sense of discovering meaning in unfolding events with the power of being sincere in joy." but your interpretation on that line also is right I dont have to reinforce my point of view of myself onto her, but she really thinks I am a bad person,her words on her last response she gave was (when I tried to reach her to let her know what her best friend thought, as I tried to reconciliate them) as her best friend blocked her

Spoiler: old email response

Tell me what she said to you, even if it is painful and a product of anger, because those words are the most real that exist, and nothing tell me quickly,I don't want to know anything about you anymore,You ruined the only friendship I had, but you know how well you did it because just as you showed me the crap of a person you are, you also let me see that she is not my friend at all,because when you are friend with someone you believe in that person And let her explain herself and don't judge me like she did, go to hell,don't tell me you're sorry, you screwed up my life and in a difficult moment on my life.

the reason I wrote the email like that was to let her know she was wrong about me, implictly telling her that I could have done something wrong but doesnt reinforce her idea to hate me, I only try to write the email like this, to not fuel her rage/hate towards me because I am not addmiting I did something wrong,only I do it to let her current judgement try to say if she still thinks that I did something bad and she could forgive it, I could have done something wrong, but that doesnt mean I am a bad person. but you are right I have to aim for forgiveness only

Spoiler: quote

so 41.2 maybe tries to tell me to not dimish myself to the level she would hate me again by remembering the facts of what I did, so I shouldnt put myself as guilty?

see this post https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...nging-castings-hexagram-13.16434/#post-234459

mustn't act shamefully and diminish myself in the interaction, but that both parties should be increased (nourished) by it

I asked if I should admit my guilt in the email and said
50.3.4.5 > 59

I asked if I shouldnt admit my guilt in the email
42.1.3.6 > 39

by the look of it I should admit my guilt.

in what way should I admit my guilt?
22.3 > 27

same interpretation as above being brief but also humble, admiting I have done wrong

 

[Topher]

as usggested by iching sent the email today, it seemed the best day since it told me it would be allow me to make a friendship/alliance 8(uc) and I would be 11(uc) passing rhrough if sent said email

I asked what would be the result at the moment of sending
19.3.4.6 > 14
line 3 doesnt seem too possitive while 4.6 somehow point to some approach and (approaching with friendliness)

what should I do now so she would want to speak to me?

10.1 > 6

Spoiler: interpretation 10.1

Simply going one’s way = progress without blame. Changes to (6) Conflict. Many enlightenment seekers begin their journey when the ego is wounded. Interacting with others and not fitting in will throw you back upon yourself. This is necessary when you are searching for your own path. Don’t be angry at others to vindicate yourself. Remember that conflict has one purpose ~ to transform you. Just go your way. If it is real, it will come back to you.

is it suggestion I move on, if she wants she will come back to me?

while other interpretation

Wing: Use your most basic values of Conduct in advancing toward your aim. Do not try to use others beyond maintaining friendly relations. Do not become obligated to others in your endeavors. Your position is low. Simplicity in your behavior will prevent mistakes and allow you to progress.

and 11 unchanging for the same question