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Hexagram 27--Providing Nourishment...and uh boy, am i lovesick!

jnick123

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Hi. Great site!

I'll be as brief as possible. I have a friend. She is (unhappily) betrothed. Her relationship is crumbling.

Over the last few months our friendship blossomed into something more. Recently, we kissed. Just once, for a moment.

So I came away with stronger feelings...and over the last several days, my inner turmoil has increased. I am at odds with myself over 'doing the right thing', rejection, maintaining the purity of the original association...

I feel i am denying my Tao...my emotions and thoughts are leading me to feel wound up, stifled, and self conscious where before all i felt was calmness and peace. Somehow, I stopped my forward motion and dammit, it _hurts_!.

Tonight, I cast, and came up with 27, Providing Nourishment, (no moving lines).

I seem to remember the old Bantam edition saying that 27, in the context of love, meant words alone could not suffice to bring a couple closer together. Now obviously that sounds great to me, but I would love to get your insight into this...I could use not more information, rather clarity on that I already have in abundance around me...

thanks ever so much.
Nick
 

pocossin

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Hello Nick,

Your question is, I believe, "Should I pursue the woman I love who is in a failing relationship?" and you received hexagram 27.

Translators give this hexagram titles such as "Jaws," "Corners of the Mouth," "Bulging Cheeks." Visually, it is an open mouth.

The alternate title in Wilhelm is "Providing Nourishment." Hexagram 27 (IMO) symbolizes the feeding of the elderly. This was a fundamental obligation in Chinese society and is discussed throughout the Book of Rites.

This is appropiate to you because you wish to fulfil the general standards of good behavior, which at the moment seem to be in conflict with your impulses toward a loving relationship: "I am at odds with myself over 'doing the right thing', rejection, maintaining the purity of the original association..."

On the one hand, you do not want to intrude and break up a relationship. On the other, you do not want to deny yourself love.

My opinion is that there is no real conflict. What is best for you is also best for everyone else. The relationship between you and your friend is pure if you put her interests first.

It may be that she feels trapped in her current situation and does not realize that you are an alternate avenue for her life to develop. If you really are willing to step into her life and support and nourish her, then you certainly ought to feel free to convey this to her.

Honest expression of value is never an impropriety, and it may give her the strength to terminate an unhappy relationship.

Best wishes,
Tom
 

hilary

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Hello Nick (hope you?re still around),
(Hello Tom, too
happy.gif
)

Hexagram 27 generally encourages you to stand back and take a long hard look at all the issues around ?nourishment?. To expand on the Judgement a little - look at your own ?quest for sustenance? and for something real to nourish yourself with; contemplate the absolutely fundamental needs and desires involved. Then carry the understanding through into practice with painstaking honesty and awareness. This seems to me to be the overall message: taking a step back, and a step up, as it were, in awareness.

So ? what are your needs, what are you looking for? And next ? what messages do you send, what are you ?feeding? to your friend, and how does this match her needs? As your feelings have grown and been nurtured to maturity (#26), they have become something substantial that you can offer her. The ?wise disciple informs with considered words? ? which means (literally) words true to the heart. The open seems to be the best place for all this.

The final question that needs careful contemplation is what you ?consume? yourself ? what you accept, or as we might say, what you ?swallow?. Test the images of yourself you are offered, all the emotional food, against your own needs and your own conception of yourself. Emotions and needs are surging up within like thunder ? and are met by the still, solid mountain, suggesting you reflect on how these things fit with you.

The negative associations of ?swallowing? something aren?t really present in the I Ching. However, I do have one unpleasant thought: to what extent does your friend need you, to what extent is she pursuing her own urgent need for emotional nourishment in her unhappy engagement? (Needless to say, this is another thought for you to be discriminating about before you swallow it!)

One final thought: the nuclear hexagram, the core of potential, in Nourishment is the Earth. This makes obvious sense, as the earth is what nourishes all new growth. Perhaps it points to finding its broad generosity of spirit, supporting whatever grows with all your strength. #27 definitely calls on you to be aware and discriminating ? but hidden within it, the earth doesn?t choose which seeds will grow. In other words, you have the option of becoming acutely aware of what happens, yet without trying to direct events or to limit what can grow from here.

Tom is absolutely right (of course!) that there is no real conflict of interest. No-one involved (including her fiancé) would be served by perpetuating a relationship that lacks substance.

I hope this stream of questions and possibilities will be of use to you!
 
C

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Excellent interpretations, Hilary and Tom.

Hilary, regarding your point: "The negative associations of ?swallowing? something aren?t really present in the I Ching." Allow me to sight part of the judgment in Wilhelm: ?Pay heed to the providing of nourishment and to what a man seeks to fill his own mouth with.? Then we also have the Image: ?Thus the superior man is careful of his words and temperate in eating and drinking.? Doesn't this sound like a warning of a sort? A cautionary note, at least? I think your analogy of ?swallowing? it (hook, line and sinker) is very well founded.

I agree with Tom on this point, so long as your focus is to provide (healthy) nourishment, you can't go wrong. To provide good food to her, is to feed your soul as well. The outcome will then be as it should. But, its necessary to persevere in this, lest you become sidetracked. The word given to achieve this balance is, tranquility. ?For tranquility keeps the words that come out of the mouth from exceeding proper measure, and keeps the food that goes into the mouth from exceeding its proper measure. Thus character is cultivated.?

I wish you all the best.

Candid
 

anita

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Hello everyone,

I'd love some help with a question that has a rather complicated background-- in the sense that you need to know about it. I've known this German student of Mathematics for a year now. He's already visited India twice to be with me and the last time he came (very recent), he had a shock. He realised that job prospects in Bangalore are pretty bleak for one with a PhD (which he plans to do next year)in his line of interest and add to this the fact that I cannot move from India for a few years since my spiritual path requires that I support the Japanese temple I belong to here. However we can meet twice a year at least (I can't get more than a month off a year from my advertising agency) and the great thing is that he adores my spiritual path and follows it. I believe the spiritual advice to him has been to focus on his studies for now which has mdae him take a pretty tough stance -- we don't write to each other and haven't done so for a month. But we said goodbye with great love and a promise of faithfulness, no matter what the future would bring. There was no rancour there at all.

The temple has written to him recently asking him to come over for a very important function that happens to fall on my birthday! The Temple is playing Cupid I believe. They think he is right for me and all I need to do is wait. He has written back to them saying he misses me and the temple immensely and perhaps he will come back very soon.

When I ask the I Ching about our future together and a possible marriage soon, I have drawn 22 -line 4 I think which says that he is not a obber but will woo at the right time. And hexagram 54 with no moving lines this time. I believe that 54 says that affection is the basis of all relationships and although it won't be an ideal situation, I will marry him soon (we will be separated for long periods of time till we can settle together as we had planned to). I have strong reason to believe that he will be back in December, whereas there was no guarantee of his return at all earlier. Only that maybe some day...business coupled with 'I will always love you. Never forget that!" Please help.

Regards

Anita
 

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