Hexagram 31>41 - All lines changing!

[yibee]

I've been dating X on and off since last september. Tumultous. We parted ways once but got back again because we couldnt stay apart. He withdrew after one very emotionally intimate date and it hurt me and we again parted ways for the second time. He admitted he had been a 'Player' and that I will forget a 'cad' like him in no time. I told him how hurt I am that he led me on and cut all contact for 6 weeks and was doing ok until last week when I lashed out at him with all my angst for playing me. He didnt respond to me. But posted 2 beautiful poems by Pablo Neruda on his blog (where I have a personal too and he often looks me up and vice-versa and I had recently posted my poem there). The ones he posted were 'Perhaps not to be is to be without your being' and the other poem was 'Always'. I never knew he had so much depth.

A guy who is a Player posting love sonnets seemed a bit strange and that too following my lashing session at him! So I asked 'Whats X's take on me'

I got hexagram 31 > 41 with every single line changing.

Is this saying there is attraction but with some kind of sacrifice? Any insights?

 

[meganj]

He is trying to influence you on a deeper level..
Resist because he is a player, and players love the chase.

 

[meganj]

Maybe a question of compatibility should be something to consider if you are interested.

 

[yibee]

Thanks meganj. Yes that's the saddest part. We are perfect for each other. But whats the use of such great chemistry and compatibility? Its just not manifesting into a relationship. Do players ever fall in love I wonder? If so many women before me couldn't get him to commit, Id be foolish to think Id be the ONE who'd make him change his ways!

 

[meganj]

Of course they do.
But you can't force somebody to change, they have to decide.

 

[mirian]

Dear shubslola,

The thing with 31 is that it is a "highly charged" hexagram and your reading -with all those changing lines- gives you a good idea of all the risks of dealing with emotions that you cannot control. I am not surprised that you described the relationship as "tumultous". In this Hex 31 scenario is difficult to resist the temptation of doing things on impulse, usually leading to disastrous consequences As you already know, there is also a very strong physical attraction that also gets in the way of thinking straight and putting things in perspective as they really are. In addition to that, the relationship lacks real communication. There is a lot of talk, which is usually either superficial or flattering, with no commitment at all.
So, we don't need too much thinking to come to the conclusion that this is not quite the scenario that you want for your relationship.

The question that you might ask yourself is to what extent you want to get involved in this situation and how much you can actually handle. We don't know what your chances are to change this into something good for you (you didn't ask the Yi. So, it is up to you now to make a decision on how to proceed for here.

all the best for you.:bows:

 

[yibee]

Thanks Mirian. That's my take too.

On his blog he also made a mention of Julius H Comroe's description of Serendipity, how one goes looking for a needle in the haystack and gets out with the farmer's daughter.

He then goes on to recommend reading the book 'Fifty Shades of Grey' by EL James. This book a trilogy is the latest blockbuster for its Mummy porn and erotic content although the author (a female) dubs it in the Romance genre. Its about a dark brooding millionaire Christian Grey who is besotted by a young graduate 'Ana'stasia Steele. She is sexually inexperienced but Grey uses the intense attraction between them into a game of seducion and BDSM sex while Grey is dealing with his own complexities from childhood. Ana is torn between her attraction and sexual curiousity and conflicted by Grey's dark mysterious self. In the 2nd and 3rd series of the trilogy, Grey falls for Ana and marries her too and then the story continues.

This was exactly that transpired with me too. The resemblance of my 'relationship' with X to the characters in the book is eerily uncanny. Id been fairly inexperienced until I met X. Yes The physical/sexual aspect is blinding indeed. From within half an hour of setting eyes on each other, we were in each other's arms. Inexplicable sense of deep familiarity and connection or so I thought or maybe it was a seasoned player playing his seduction game. Over time, I continued to remain oblivious to the fact that I was being played. No talk of commitment, no conversations, but when we did have they were about history, art, politics, business, culture, religion, spirituality - it was intellectually stimulating but never where X would reveal his true self or his feelings.

I had gone on a vacation to India. I visited this temple and bought for X the symbol of the eternal, the almighty the sacred 'shiv ling'. Some western literature associate the shiv ling as a phallic symbol though the vedic literature refutes this and refers it to a formless interchange of male-female energy. When I gifted this to him, something happened to him and he just withdrew into a shell. When I asked him what happened why he did not keep in touch, he mentioned there are times when he just withdraws not just from me but from the whole world. Following his withdrawal, I demanded my shiv ling back as not only did he not revere the sacred energy but he did even acknowledge the giver. For some reason he sounded terribly hurt and defensive but returned my gift. It was when he admitted he had played me. Thereafter on and off I did keep talking to him, not for him to get back with me but about spiritual beliefs, relationships and integrity. But eventually cut all contact 6 weeks ago.

Over a 3 month period, I did consult the Iching on the diagnosis of what was happening and often times I got hexagram 50 unchanging or 50.1 or 50.4 and mostly hexagram 50 that stood out. Transformation in the works.

X is too complex a character. Perhaps I have unknowingly cracked him, but I am not sure if I can go on. It seems too ardorous a climb....

 

[mirian]

Your story does remind me of someone I met long long time ago -a bloke who had this "intellectual approach" and he really got me. It turned out to be that he was basically non-committal and all the intellectual discussions were used to hide his own feelings and/or fears.

Anyway, it might help to remind you that 50.1 is also about getting rid of old stuff that is blocking your way in life (possibly your own inner conflicts). I think that the advice for you is to "clear your own vessel", which you seem to be doing already.

Regarding 50.4 this is a quote from WikiWing that is self-explanatory.

"Relying on someone who fails you."
"The lack of firm foundations can also have to do with a lack of communication (see the paired line, 49.3), distrust, and relationships insufficiently strengthened."

Hope that helps to make your final decision.:bows:

 

[yibee]

Thank you Mirian. Exactly what I needed to hear,someone's perspective in a similar situation. Its all too easy to romanticise and imagine myself to be the lead character of a book. At the end of the day this is my life - fact, not fiction from a book. I have been in a relationship before when I thought Id never be over the person but today when I look back I am like eeeks did I actually feel all that for him? Similarly, I can let go and come out of this..unless X come backs as a changed man. But I am not waiting for him. He does not meet my relationship goals. The fact that that I did not fall for his poems is an indication that while poetry, racy thrillers and verses may add a sense of beauty and romance to my situation, it doesn't make up for the lack of foundation and commitment!

 

[dancing white ferret]

Hello Shubslola... I'd read 31 to 41 as seduce then dump. The reading and your description smack of misogany. It's certainly a possibility. Some people get off on wooing women, then smashing there heart into a million pieces. Could also be a heads up to you to forget this influence, put it in the past, let it go, and you will be replenished with something new. Don't get sold on some jerk with a lot of smoke and mirrors. Because that's all being a player is. A show. Take it from a girl with experience. Bad history equals bad character. Move on to someone with a proven track record.

 

[yibee]

But I am wondering what yi's message is with all the lines of hexagram 31 changing. Why didn't I simply receive hexagram 41 unchanging? or maybe hexagram 23 or 44 that resonates with my situation? That I need to decrease my involvement is clear to me. But I just cant help wondering if there are any more dimensions to this reading with every line changing.

 

[dancing white ferret]

Many people, including myself, read hexagrams with every changing line as forget the first hex, focus on the transformed hexagram. I think the Yi is saying this 31 situation will quickly become a 41 situation, that 31 is part of the picture, but won't be long. You will cycle through it in a flash. Hence, all lines changing. That's why you got 31 with all lines changing. It's almost as if it's in reverse with 31 as the backdrop, like the transformed hex usually is. So it reads to me as a fast romance (31 all lines changing) and then a breakup, but more like dumped than breakup. Hope that helps clarify. Good luck Shubslola...

 

[dancing white ferret]

I don't think this is a flat out no to sleeping with him though, LOL. As long as it's an equal exchange. And if he says he is really interested in you, don't believe him. Even if he doesn't seem to have a reason to lie. I can give you a million reasons a man who doesn't mean that might say it, even when there is no apparent reason to. Doesn't seem like you trust him, which says more than me or the Yi or anything or anyone else. You probably want to believe him because you are so attracted to him. But, just accept that he's not Mr. Right, but may be Mr. Right Now. This doesn't mean there is nothing there. Just nothing of substance. If that isn't what you want, or you can't keep your heart out of it, than just forget it. And I'm not endorsing any particular decision here. Do what you think is right for you. I just give my take on the reading, and the situation as you described it. Doesn't sound like what you are looking for though, and may be too late for that anyway. Too confused to be much fun maybe now. The reading does suggest letting it go... Either way, good luck, Shubslola. I have a feeling you'll need it.

 

[dancing white ferret]

One last tidbit. The biggest player I ever dated was big into writing and poetry. Wrote a lot of his own too. Smoke and mirrors. Sleight of hand... Ah, the magician at work. It's called misdirection. He was intellectual too and said that was one of the reasons he liked me. Kept the pillow talk interesting. He was sick of dumb women boring him to tears

 

[mirian]

Dear shubslola,

I agree with dancing white ferret, but just want to address your question "Why didn't I simply receive hexagram 41 unchanging? or maybe hexagram 23 or 44 that resonates with my situation?"

Because your situation is so hex 31 with all those lines changing That is the reason why the Yi is shouting it loud, otherwise you are going to leave this man and fall into some sort of similar trap again. Hex 41 unchanging would not even come close to explaining to you the situation that you got yourself involved and particularly would not have addressed your own emotions and/or difficulties that need sorting out.

Hope that is a bit more helpful:bows:

 

[yibee]

dancing white ferret and mirian thank you both for your insights. As I was reading your posts, I gained some more insights myself!

We were sexual but did not have sex, if you know what I mean? When I asked why he held back he said it required greater commitment (as in marriage)! He recited poems on his blog, but he didn't recite them to me. He didn't chase me then and he isn't chasing me now. I was the one who walked out using the fire exit in the pub leaving him stranded on our second date that led to our separation. Yep I played the runaway date! I was the one who picked up the phone and reconnected with him after the first break up a few months later. Infact following our first break-up, I even went out with an another man. After we reconnected he asked me if I met anyone during our time apart. I said I did while X claimed he hadn't felt like dating since me or its too cold, its winter and he is busy writing his book and he wasn't feeling upto it (don't know what his story was/is).

He also mentioned Im in lust with him and because of my inexperience and inner conflict believe myself to be in love so it justifies err my passionate streak.I did not ever press for commitment or whats with us talk. I seemed to be thoroughly enjoying and soaking myself in the passionate affair.

I wonder if I outplayed a Player!

So could the Yi be answering my original question directly which was 'What is X's take on me?'

Maybe X decreased or sacrificed his carnal desires (lol) for hexagram 31 for his deep attraction (lol)? Even the poems he posted are about how he will wait for his woman to realise his love and come to him (phew!)

 

[mirian]

Dear shubslola,

Considering your more recent version of the events, I would assume that the reading applies to both of you

All the best:bows:

 

[yibee]

I do talk to X over email from time to time. Following his recommendation of the raunchy book on his blog 'Fifty shades of grey' I had commented on the book and asked if he played a Christian Grey on me. Again he didn't reply directly. But today when I checked his blog, he had deleted the recommendation! Plus his two poems were edited with spaces and paragraphs for emphasis!

Beautiful love sonnets by Pablo Neruda sharing with everyone here

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being.

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being,
without your going,

that cuts noon light like a blue flower, without your passing
later through fog and stones,

without the torch you lift in your hand that others may not see as golden,
that perhaps no one believed blossomed

the glowing origin of the rose, without, in the end, your being, your coming
suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life,

blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze: and it follows that I am, because you are:

it follows from ‘you are’, that I am, and we: and, because of love,
you will, I will, We will, come to be.

Always

I am not jealous
of what came before me.

Come with a man
on your shoulders,
come with a hundred men in your hair,
come with a thousand men between your breasts and your feet,
come like a river
full of drowned men
which flows down to the wild sea,
to the eternal surf, to Time!

Bring them all
to where I am waiting for you;
we shall always be alone,
we shall always be you and I
alone on earth,
to start our life!

I consulted the Iching once again.

'What is the best course of action for me in this complicated situation with X?'
I got hexagram 5 unchanging.

Smack! Best to give this intrigue a rest. We got back together once before and X n I had evolved a great deal in the way we related to each other. So who knows whats in store? Wait it out. It will either be X or someone else in my life. Its X's birthday BTW next week! Think I will keep mum not because of hexagram 41 or playing any form of reverse psychology on X but quite simply because Im exhausted.

 

[long yi]

Hexagram 31 is an enjoyable initimate sexual relationship in which both parties are willing.

Hexgram 41 means the man withdrawn from the relationship and he is leaving (Tarot: six of wands).

In the process, the man stole the heart of the female.

The world has changed with time. If the man is a player, he is a non-stick frying pan. Nothing sticks. Winning a woman's heart over to gain sex is a game that he enjoys in his life.

I did not look at the six line layout. Sorry for the feedback. This is what the big picture means. I have seen this from the analysis of another reading from someone else recently.

 

[yibee]

I totally agree with you long yi. Especially when a man tells you something, you've got to believe him. So if he says he was/is a Player then he most likely is. And as a sensitive thinking individual my sensibilities do not permit me to believe I could be the one to change him. However, I offered him myself on a platter, but he did not take it! I even played seductress with burlesque outfits and an elaborate plan that I shared with him, asked him out and cancelled it because it was too decadent and I needed a bit of romance, felt he didn't nurture my yin energy and therefore didn't deserve me. But that was an inner conflict. Emotionally, I hardly thought about commitment. I just wanted him.

X may very well be a Player, but this Player has lasted 10 months in my life (with breaks in between). I have been in a so-called relationship ( I have previous threads on this site) where this perfect nice boyfriend in a typical boyfriend-girlfriend relationship where the guy called daily, met often and discussed marriage, had lied and decieved me and things ended in 3 months and he is now not even a spec of dot in my scheme of things. But this Player's presence has evolved in my life since last september!

The duality and contradictions in our nature - I am inexperienced but bold and passionate. He is intellectual, an investment banker writing a book, serious, man of few words but sexually outgoing - just makes it difficult to typecast our personalities. He once commented I drive him crazy. I do. I challenge him, mock him, tease him, even throw other prospective dates on his face (I have one asking me out this weekend) - Its just a very open ended non-commital equation. Not for lack of wanting commitment from my side though but the passion did override quest for commitment. Ultimately things will time-out and a new situation or a person may arise. For now, its an episode which is still running, perhaps concluding .. unfolding...