Hexagram 38.6>54 - Why can't I relax and trust him?

[waterlevel]

Hello Hilary and Clarity Community, thank you for welcoming new members. I apologize for no paragraphs; my original text contains them and I tried to put them in but they won't appear.

I am an American of part-Chinese descent, so I grew up familiar with the Yi, and use it. I also use Mah Jongg to do Gong Hay Fat Choy readings. Both are casual. I consider myself a raw beginner! I am hopeful you new friends can help me with a hexagram and line the Yi gave me about a friendship that feels as if it could become a significant romantic relationship, but I cannot trust because others similar to it in the past disappointed me greatly, and my heart is still broken and closed because of it.

I hope I am doing this right, this is my first hexagram presented to your team for shared examination with me... here goes:

Question: (more of a statement) "That does it, this man and I are over. I hate him and I don't trust him. He'll hurt me, he has been sent as a cruel joke to disappoint me. Besides, I don't need a man. I've been alone 50 years. I'm fine with spending the rest of my life alone. Take this man away. I will find better things to make me happy. "

Yi's reply: Hexagram 38 line 6 > 54. I read corresponding lines, so I consider 54 to be 54.6.

The Situation Behind This Reading: I am 50 and, obviously, part-Asian. I am also part another race that Americans generally despise. I am said to look young, and I am often presumed in my 20's. But I'm also less than bone skinny. I'm not fat, I am more "average". I could lose 10-15 pounds and then I'd look acceptable in American terms. I'm reluctant to do this because I think altering your personality or body for a romantic partner is unwise and won't last.

So here I am, less than The Perfect Blonde American Girl, which most men I am attracted to seem to prefer. I on the other hand have a very specific physical type I am attracted to. I wish I didn't and have even tried hypnosis to change it because I never successfully interest this type of man. But there it is. Three separate times, I have been or worked near a man who fits this physical look. Each of the times, he did not return my affections. Each of the times, a blonde American girl was involved, and that is whom he later chose.

So I swore such men off and have been alone. To get over the last one, I went overseas to Shanghai and spent a year there in meditation in a remote place (tough to do in busy Shanghai). I didn't meet anyone interesting while there. Demoralized and convinced I am a forever alone girl, I returned to America. This is where I met the fourth man who fits the type I am interested in. He seemed immediately flirtatious and interested. But he is married. I swore him off and have been incredibly mean to him but I can't help it. I want him to go away. He tells me about his blonde American wife in great (unsolicited) detail. I reply nothing back except wishing them both the best. He gives me gifts, he compliments me, he tries to sit beside me, he flirts, whatever. I hold back and stay back. After all, he is married therefore off limits. Worst of all, yet another blonde thin American girl is his wife. I feel like life has slapped me with this but I am bearing it stoically.

Last night, I lied on a popular social medium that I have a boyfriend and love him forever, and posted a picture of an ex. This fourth man often visits my page and I know he saw it. He fell silent immediately and has been sulking quietly. I feel I scored a bulls-eye and am determined to send out more messages calculated to chase him away. I feel he is a trap presented to me by (hate to say it but) a cruel universe and it is my job to teach both it and him and lesson by proving I can walk away this time.

I did the above reading, telling the Yi that I want no part of this man. There is a weird strong feeling in the pit of my stomach that this fourth man actually is "meant" for me and I am ruining a fated relationship. But I just can't help it. Every man I've ever liked who looked like this man devastated me. Each one rejected me then paraded a blonde as their choice instead. This one's not only married (unhappily but who cares), but to an almost IDENTICAL BLONDE to all the others.

My interpretation of reading: 38.6 - The Yi is telling me actually this man would be good for me and there is an element to this situation, especially his marriage, I do not see. I am advised to wait it out and do nothing, because being catty, unfriendly and mean as I am doing accomplishes nothing and will not prevent a fated alliance from occurring anyway. However: 54.6 (corresponding line) - The relationship is doomed to fail in the end anyway. So then why would the Yi advise me to let it happen and be involved in it? Any thoughts?

By the way, I have asked the Yi about this man six times now in three months. Uncannily, every response has been 38.6. I also do see him as "a pig covered in mud" and "a wagon full of devils". How eloquent is the Yi! My opinions of this man are he's a jerk, a philanderer, a "typical male", a pig, a bas---d, a potential as---le, and absolute poison and danger. Yi nailed it. I know this was long. I am a writer and long-winded. Thank you for bearing with this. I am angry at being tested and want this man GONE. I keep trying to hurt him and chase him away but nothing is working. Why would I be sent a married man? Apologies again for the lack of page breaks. I tried.

 

[waterlevel]

Can a mod please help me break this into paragraphs?

 

[moss elk]

'Did you cut and paste the above post?',
Moss Elk asked. (then hit the enter key)
(twice)

Then he typed a new paragraph. (and hit enter twice)

If you wrote it somewhere else first, then copy and pasted it here, you will have to manually put your cursor after sentences and hit the 'Enter' key (twice) to form paragraphs.

And you can always hit 'go advanced' & 'preview post' before submit. This will let you see exactly how it will look.

 

[rosada]

38.6 Your own inner turmoil creates an ambiguous state of mind which results in an attitude of deep mistrust towards people you call your friends. You cannot decide whether the people around you are to be trusted, and you vacillate wildly between trust and mistrust. This brings a great deal of confusion to you, and your heart is sore.

However, despite your own inability to reconcile your attitude towards those people, they approach you with honesty and clarity. In this way they bring you to your senses, enabling you finally to recognize their true worth in your life.

- The I Ching on Love
by Guy Damian Knight

 

[waterlevel]

Many kind thanks, Moss Elk.

 

[waterlevel]

This is accurate. It is as if you are peering into my life. I am trying to trust better. My heart is so sore. Thank you. My friends are very much reaching out to me with both honesty and clarity. I hope I am able to honor them in time. Again great thanks.

 

[waterlevel]

I notice that sometimes querents fail to update their threads and let members know how an issue addressed by a Yi hexagram eventually worked out, so I am placing here an update. The situation rapidly deteriorated. I refused to engage with or flirt back with this married man, so he began the silent treatment with me. Taking advice from other hexagrams to be less confrontational and to "loosen the knot, soften the glare", I sent a gentle email apologizing for whatever he felt I had done to hurt him. He did not reply but instead spitefully continued silent treatment.I ended my friendship with him, let all our mutual friends know, and blocked him on phone, text and internet.I'm sad he could not allow us to be only friends but very proud of myself for not giving in to his shenanigans. I finally put myself, and self-love and self-care, above everything, and took my own heart's advice, not even the Yi's. I feel the ending is better for it. Thanks to all who answered.

 

[waterlevel]

I'd like to update this thread. The married man wound up turning into a stalker and it required police intervention to calm and stop him. His behavior became terrifying. The Yi did mention friends, and two persons entered my life at that time, long enough to help me as court witnesses, and to say kind things to me. Then they stepped back into the mist as quickly and quietly as they came. He absolutely became piggish and a "a wagon of devils covered in mud". The part about "wagon of devils" is interesting: my therapist, reading hate statements made by the man about me online, diagnosed him as schizophrenic with multiple personalities. This was close as the doctor would say however without personally sitting the man down and interviewing him at length as medical intake but he did call him that and warned me stay far from the man for my own safety. The Yi, calling him a wagon full of mud covered devils, was astutely correct and was accurate. This ends my update.

 

[equinox]

The Yi, calling him a wagon full of mud covered devilss astutely correct and was accurate.

Thanks for updating.
But Yi didn't call him like that -- Yi said that you wrongly see one or more persons like that. This line is about misjudgement in times of enstrangement. Also it should be an auspicious line eventually, because the misunderstanding is to be solved according to the line. It is also the last line of the hexagram 38 dealing with alienation, so the alienation terminates here.
So if this guy is really such a problematic person, which I believe you, than it is more likely that 38.6 referred to your general attitude towards your surrounding in these times, rather than to him. Is it possible?

 

[MirrorTouch]

Greetings, All:I am a long time lurker who finally joined so I could thank Waterlevel and respondants for this post/thread. I so identify with WaterLevel's initial post, the repeated 38.6s, her attraction, self-reproach, and most of all her update!!! Updates rock! This really helped me!I've read the I-Ching off and on for 20 years. I suppose I use it more as confidante and therapist than as oracle, although I have read for others on occasion. The question IS ALL IMPORTANT. You can't understand the answer if you don't know what you're asking. Learning to ask the right question is 99 % of it. I get it right maybe 10% of the time...