Hexagram 4 - No changing lines

[monkey]

My question was

“Shall I go to lunch tomorrow with X?”

I received Hexagram 4 no changing lines.

A little back-story…..

I’ve been engaged in a relationship with X for about 6 months where I really don’t feel like I am valued, but for whatever reason I am still drawn to this person. Mostly I am drawn to the illusion or possibility of a potentially great relationship. He’s moving soon so in reality this would be the last time I would see him. We have talked about maintaining a relationship, but honestly I’m not sure if he’s capable…. at least not capable of giving me the sort of interaction that would be interesting to me. Even with all of this I still have such a strong desire to be patient with him, to wait and see if something meaningful can result out of this. Anyway, he has been really busy and has turned me down every time I was available to see him this last week. Tomorrow I leave for a trip to Boston to see my sister so I could have lunch, but man I’m going to be busy. Part of me wants to be like screw him…he had his chance to see me. Then there is another part that wants to see my friend and say good-bye before my trip because when I get back he will have moved. Anyway, this obvious confusion is why I asked my question. I’m tired of feeling abused by him because I continue to put myself out to always accommodate his needs. Should I just move on……..

This hexagram confused me. Is it saying that I should go because I’m ignorant or inexperienced and need this interaction to learn something? I have heard others say that yes or no questions can be difficult to interpret.

I would appreciate any help. Thanks!

Lian

 

[willowfox]

"My question was “Shall I go to lunch tomorrow with X?” I received Hexagram 4 no changing line"

If you mean "shall" as in 'should' you go then Yes, you will probably learn something of benefit to you, so listen to him and keep an open mind.

 

[pargenton]

who is the young fool ?

Hi all,
I think the key question to solve is "who is the young fool ?".
Who is the young / inexperienced one ?, i.e. is it you Lian, or him ?

Once you identify correctly the young /fool one (and don't let the ego fool you..) I think you can understand better the relationship with him and the answer to your question.

Love
Bashir

 

[Trojina]

This hexagram confused me. Is it saying that I should go because I’m ignorant or inexperienced and need this interaction to learn something? I have heard others say that yes or no questions can be difficult to interpret.

I would appreciate any help. Thanks!

Lian

I think you know all you need to know about this relationship - you know the score well. I don't think it indicates you will learn something - more like I see 4 here as "why are you asking this question - you know the answer but its up to you. If you go you are acting the young fool cos you know this relationship is abusive". The question was should you go - my take is if you go you are foolish to but still its up to you.

I admit my bias is in favour of not going. If he can't give you enough importance to make time for you in his life then walk away.

 

[willowfox]

I think you know all you need to know about this relationship - you know the score well. I don't think it indicates you will learn something - more like I see 4 here as "why are you asking this question - you know the answer but its up to you. If you go you are acting the young fool cos you know this relationship is abusive". The question was should you go - my take is if you go you are foolish to but still its up to you.

I admit my bias is in favour of not going. If he can't give you enough importance to make time for you in his life then walk away.

Trojan is right in what she says, this guy has been on and off for 6 months, so you know the score with him. But, I suggested that you go because this will in all likelihood be the last time you ever see him. So, youthful folly has success, and you are the young fool who seeks him out, not so much fool as naive lover. It suggests that he has something to say to you for this last occasion. Then drop him.

 

[monkey]

Yes, thanks all…..

I suppose we both could be the young fool, but I defiantly feel the Hex is talking about me in this particular situation.

Is the I Ching giving me this Hex because it ultimately knows that I want to go and that I always lean in the direction of accommodating him? That assuming I would do it anyway I receive a Hex that points out my inevitable youthful folly, but also points out that it is not always a really destructive thing to follow that ignorance. That ignorance can in fact teach you something.

I guess I don’t like the idea of doing something that shows this quality in me. Youthful folly doesn’t have a very wise or glamorous ring to it Obviously it speaks to me…and listening to your comments it’s like ….. “Ahh yes …of course”… BUT is the Hex saying to go (regardless of the back story I wrote) because it’s what I do…. or because it will actually bring about learning or change for me? The Hex says “Youthful folly has success…. Perseverance Furthers”…..

I would be very painful to tell him no, but really no more painful then a continued interaction like we have had. It would just be pulling the band-aid off more quickly and showing me reality.

Anyway, thanks again for all the insight

Lian

 

[dobro p]

I guess I don’t like the idea of doing something that shows this quality in me. Youthful folly doesn’t have a very wise or glamorous ring to it

I call this one 'Inexperience'. Everybody suffers from it on some level. Anyway, what's wise and glamorous is to learn what you have to learn and do what you have to do. In answer to your question, the Yi's establishing the main theme as that of your inexperience. It's a positive line, an auspicious line, so that would indicate that you should lunch with him. But keep in mind that very important idea in Hex 4 that your first hunch is the one you should trust and don't keep asking questions about it.

So - what was your first hunch about lunching with him? Go, or not go?

 

[rosada]

Hi Lian,
I see Youthful Folly in this instance as a comment on the whole relationship. The connection between the two of you hasn't been strong enough to make it more than a fling. Perhaps you've felt abused, but is that because you wanted him to care more deeply than he did? Perhaps if you were to think of it as simply being one of life's Youthful Follies you wouldn't agonize over it so. Considering that you have a tight schedule to morrow and that making a huge effort to see him would be more in keeping with what one does when a relationship has more Depth and Significance than this one seems to have, I suggest you not move heaven and earth to go. In fact, if you are able to just say something light hearted over the phone - "Hey, I guess we're not going to get together before you have to leave. Shoot! Well, gosh, I wish you the best. Give me call the next time you're in town. See ya, 'bye!" - that may be so much more in harmony with what's really going on here that then the two of you actually do have a chance to feel a connect.

If you do decide to see him before he goes, I still feel IC is advising you to keep it light. It doesn't have to go down as an Abusive Relationship if you don't give it more significance than it merited.

Best wishes,
rosada

 

[bruce_g]

Or...

Drop any and all expectations or requirements of him or yourself, and just go and have a nice time.

 

[monkey]

Funny I was just about to ramble on about something again and saw the comment Bruce wrote...... It really struck me and pulled me out of all of my agonizing.

Yeah.... the only reason I wouldn't go is because of bitterness. Youth often has an image of lightness and the lack of bitterness and resentment that often us adults have permeating our lives form situation not going the way we want.

My first reaction when he asked me was to say "no", but in a kind of spiteful F**k you sort of way. However, my first reaction to the Hex was to go.

So I will go if I have time. I will not move mountains for it though. AND more importantly I will just go have a light enjoyable lunch and enjoy this person and our relationship for what it is. Thanks so much everybody! I feel so much better.

Lian

 

[Trojina]

. It's a positive line, an auspicious line, so that would indicate that you should lunch with him. QUOTE]

What line ? There were no changing lines ?

 

[dobro p]

I meant the main text. The papa, the mother of all lines.

 

[hk89]

In hexagram 4,The answer is you should'nt go.

In hexagram 4, didn't see u both match, just see u both crash.