Hexagram 46

[mozzer]

I'm sorry, I don't write english well, but I will try to explain my situation...

I asked the I Ching a question about a girl I love and I have lost... for my haste.
She just sees me as a friend, now.
I asked how to get close to her again and the answer has been 46,
no moving lines.
I think It's a good answer, even if a great effort and a long time is needed,
but the success is granted.
What do you think about?

Thank you

 

[pocossin]

How can I get close to my girlfriend again?
46

The Image of 46:

Within the earth, wood grows:
The image of Pushing Upward.
Thus the superior man of devoted character
Heaps up small things
In order to achieve something high and great.

Don't skip the small things. Remember her special days. Be attentive as a friend should be. Share your inner life with her and ask her for advice. If haste caused you to lose her, then a quiet devotion may win her back. Let your relationship grow slowly as wood grows.

 

[Trojina]

i immediately saw the 46 unchanging as pointing to the fact you simply outgrew her

you have grown past her why would you want to return to a past self


Move on up



i could be wrong...thats just my very first thought here. I feel its good for you grow beyond this now.

 

[oponopono]

I asked how to get close to her again and the answer has been 46,
no moving lines.

Hi mozzer,
I get this hexagrams in situations that require my effort and will power, like - if you want to do this you have to work for it. So I would generally tend to agree with pocossin, in his practical advise. On the other hand, if this is a situation that is leading you down, maybe trojan has a point, you should rise up and leave up to your higher potentials. Move on.

Departure towards the south brings good fortune - does this ring any bell? Could u go on a trip together?

How do you feel about it when you read this?

Best,
yana

 

[mozzer]

i immediately saw the 46 unchanging as pointing to the fact you simply outgrew her

you have grown past her why would you want to return to a past self


Move on up



i could be wrong...thats just my very first thought here. I feel its good for you grow beyond this now.

Thank you all!
Please let me understand... What does it mean "to outgrow someone"?
"to grow past someone"? "to return to a past self"?
I clearly asked to show me the way to return close to her, does the Ic may give an answer not exactly pointed on the question but more "complete"?

Thank you!!!

 

[Trojina]

Thank you all!
Please let me understand... What does it mean "to outgrow someone"?
"to grow past someone"? "to return to a past self"?
I clearly asked to show me the way to return close to her, does the Ic may give an answer not exactly pointed on the question but more "complete"?

Thank you!!!

Yes the I Ching does not always answer the exact question IMO. You asked 'show me how to get back close to her', but maybe you can't in which case there is no way to return to her so the I Ching can't tell you how to. You can't force it to happen can you if she doesn't want it.

46 is about growth, pushing upwards like a seed trying to find the light and because here it is unchanging I feel it unlikley there is much you can do to change the situation, it is as it is. I felt here because it is unchanging what has happened would have happened anyway, an organic process.

You asked what i meant by 'outgrow' someone. Well I mean like we may outgrow anyone or anything when its time to move on to pastures new because our growth has been exhausted in that area. Are you still friends with those you were close to when you were 6 years old, or even 16 years old ? Maybe but chances are many of them you have left behind. Not because of anything wrong but because you changed, they changed, you needed to meet new people. I can't explain it any better than that


Don't get distressed about, I could be wrong here, its just my take you don't have to accept it. Either Toms view or mine could apply.

Its your reading . in the end only your understanding and application of the answer count

 

[gato]

46 comes after gathering together (h45) also "One must see the great man." can mean the same thing - try to see her... the image of the 46 (wood under earth) suggests a gentle development like a seed grwoing slowly to a full plant.

 

[ginnie]

I agree with Pocossin and Yoana. Relationships take time and sometimes a lot of effort.

There is no shortcut into the heart of another.

Trojan, if he had outgrown the young woman, wouldn't the I Ching have given him hex 23 unchanging to signify: end the relationship; let the past be stripped away?

I see people getting 46 unchanging when their goals are inherently admirable -- but very difficult for them to achieve, given the limitations of their circumstances or given the other obstacles that apply to them personally.

 

[Trojina]

I agree with Pocossin and Yoana. Relationships take time and sometimes a lot of effort.

There is no shortcut into the heart of another.

Trojan, if he had outgrown the young woman, wouldn't the I Ching have given him hex 23 unchanging to signify: end the relationship; let the past be stripped away?

I see people getting 46 unchanging when their goals are inherently admirable -- but very difficult for them to achieve, given the limitations of their circumstances or given the other obstacles that apply to them personally.

23 is more about how a mountain erodes into the landscape....that is not the same thing at all as outgrowing something. In 23 you may have a rather painful falling away, an erosion, undermining. 46 can be equally as painful. Growth can be a struggle for the seed trying to find the light. 46 is hard work and can signify leaving something behind due to growth beyond. You are making an assumption that leaving anyone, separating from anyone anytime must be a 23 experience. It isn't always and 46 isn't always a huge amount of fun anymore than 23 is always a severe wrench
.
Anyway what you seem to have overlooked is what the girl wants ! She said she just wants to be friends now. It is not all a question of what one person wants to achieve. You can pour all the effort and time in you like but you have to take into account what the other wants

 

[mozzer]

Hi, what Trojan says is surely right, but I like to think that IC means that the way back close to her is long and needs patience and adaptability. The sense of 46 is that the success is assured, under its conditions. This is the way I understand 46, i will try to get close to her slowly but constantly, like a tree grows. Wish me luck, my friends....

 

[mozzer]

I thank you all once again. But i'd like to have more opinions... please understand me.
The girl in question still sends me (rarely) sms, and few days ago called me on the phone and the day after, she invited me to have a drink. I'm so confused.
I still try to grow up like a seed, like an acorn becomes an oak... but is it right?
best wishes
Stefano

 

[ginnie]

Your 46 is most interesting, Mozzer. 46 is not about getting something, acquiring a possession or position. It is about growing as a person.

To grow as a person, we need to go step by step.

There are certain "sacrifices" that need to be made to grow as a person. But I don't think it means giving up so much that you become bitter or resentful.

The picture of 46 is a ladle -- a cup with a handle. The ladle was used to measure out rice. Rice was the reward for ascending. So, first you ascend, then you get more cups of rice, so to speak ...

46
Sheng
The trees rise from the earth.
The superior man attends to himself
and takes advantage of minor developments
to achieve an important position.
He advances toward the warmth of friendly ground.
Success.
You may confer with the great man
without fear. -- Sam Reifler's translation

Since the young lady is friendly towards you, why not be friendly towards her?

Maybe Yi is telling you that in order to understand love, first you must learn how to be a good friend to her. Friendship is warm and undemanding. Those who are friends feel safe in their friendship, not full of conflicts, doubts and fears.

Sometimes what people call "love" is not love. It is more like a misery, an ongoing battle, or a relationship that causes fear to arise in both.

The giving of gifts is, I think, most important to friendships.

Learning to listen to conversation, which is a skill men find difficult but is natural to women ... Sometimes the growth for a man is in the area of communication, therefore. When we communicate, our minds meet and we forget ourselves. That is friendly communication, characterized by warmth.

 

[gato]

The girl in question still sends me (rarely) sms, and few days ago called me on the phone and the day after, she invited me to have a drink. I'm so confused.
I still try to grow up like a seed, like an acorn becomes an oak... but is it right?
best wishes
Stefano

46 comes after gathering together (h45) also "One must see the great man." can mean the same thing - try to see her...

hmmm....

 

[gato]

The girl in question still sends me (rarely) sms, and few days ago called me on the phone and the day after, she invited me to have a drink. I'm so confused.
I still try to grow up like a seed, like an acorn becomes an oak... but is it right?
best wishes
Stefano

46 comes after gathering together (h45) also "One must see the great man." can mean the same thing - try to see her...

go see her

 

[mozzer]

Thank you, your posts are very interesting.
I totally agree with Ginnie, I try to be a good friend to her, it's the fundament of every relationship.
At the moment, the situation is that she sometimes calls me, but when I look for her, she disappears, doesn't answer to my sms, doesn't call me back. There's nothing I can do.
I think I'm a man skilled for conversation , I 'm a good listener, just doesn't seem enough.
And about what Gato says, I try to see her, but - as I said - she doesn't answer.
I will try everything, I will "grow up", I hope this would be useful.
I hope to be clear, sorry for my english...

 

[ginnie]

Your English is clear.

I think you have a running-away type of friend. I have known two people like this. They were restless and had to come and go on their own initiative.

That's okay, if it's okay with you to be the tree, and she is the bird who flies in and out of your branches, as she pleases.

Maybe I should not give advice on relationships except to say it would be better for you not to expect too much from other people. Develop yourself instead. Whatever you think is lacking in yourself, try to remedy those lacks. In the meanwhile, just be companionable and let life live itself.

 

[mozzer]

Ginnie, you're so wise... Thank you!
Your words are very precious to me.
I think that if my haste has broken the relationship, 46 means that all i can do is to give up haste,
and to use all the patience i can.
And the unchanging lines mean that the situation is locked, there's nothing else to do.
I noticed that even the nuclear hex (54, the marrying maiden) refers to a "complicated" relationship.
This probably means that i will never be the "first thing" in her life, this woman has a lot of interests, and loves her independence.
Anyway, I'll do my best, and as you said, "let life live itself".
Wish me luck, and thank you all again.

 

[mozzer]

My dear friends,
she accepted an invitation to an art show in Rome next sunday....
Then I realized that for this one-day journey we will move to the south (we live in the north of Italy)
as the I ching say: "Departure toward the south / Brings good fortune".
I don't know what to say.... Wish me luck!!!!!

 

[ginnie]

Step by step by step by step

The situation is not blocked ... It will just take time and effort on your part.

Hope it went ok on Sunday ...

 

[mozzer]

It's hard to say, but as i read in another post, i confirm:
HEX 46
IS NOT FAVORABLE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.
Sadly, is time to turn page, but i feel the book is over, for me.

Thank you all.