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Hexagram 52 - 57 - regarding a dilemma

mobius

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Hi everyone and thanks to anyone who is taking the time to look at my thread.

I just had a go at making an Iching reading and I got a primary hexagram of 52 and a relating hexagram of 57. There were moving lines at 2 and 5.

My question was about the possibility of repairing a very damaged friendship with someone that I loved very much. Needless to say, my feelings weren't reciprocated and I cut myself off to try and cope, but I'm having some trouble moving on. When it happened I sent him an email about a year ago to try and explain the depth of my feelings for him and why I had to stop keeping in touch because I didn't want him to be hurt. He replied in a very cold way and basically said he was in love with someone else and I meant nothing to him. I'm not expecting the situation to change but I was hoping that if I got in touch again we might be able to part on kinder terms. I don't want to interfere in his life but I'm really sad that he seems to harbour ill feeling towards me. So would it be a mistake to seek a reconciliation?

Any thoughts would be gratefully received as I am a complete amateur at this.

Thank you

Mobly
xxx
 

my_key

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Hello Mobley

It sounds like the way this relationship ended has caused you a lot of hurt and now you are seeking to bring some relief for you by reconciling with your old friend and being able to part on kinder terms.
You are sad that he seems to harbour ill feeling towards you and wish to know if it would be a mistake to seek areconciliation.

My question was about the possibility of repairing a very damaged friendship with someone that I loved very much.
I got a primary hexagram of 52 and a relating hexagram of 57. There were moving lines at 2 and 5.

52 - You are looking to go back to a favouable position. The stillness you find yourself in now has wrapped you up and you are looking to put right old hurts. If you feel that you can attempt this while maintaining your inner calm then it will do you no harm.
52.2 - it is better to do the things that you feel are right for you, when you feel the time is right for you. There is no rush.
52.5 - Be crystal clear in your own mind why you want to do this and think long and hard about what it is you want to say and why you want to say it. It might be that the understanding you gain from this quiet contemplation allows you to make the best choices for you,
57 - The things that you learn about the situation if you look at the big picture as well as the detail will be a step forward for you.

Is it a mistake to seek a reconciliation? That is a great question, which only you can really answer.

Mike
 

mobius

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Okay I'm going to try and do this...

I think 52:2 is this -
Changing yin in the second place means:
Keeping his calves still.
He cannot rescue him whom he follows.
His heart is not glad.

I guess this means I should stop chasing after him and trying to force a response. Does this mean give up because I don't matter to him?

I think 52:5 is this -
Changing yin in the fifth place means:
Keeping his jaws still.
The words have order.
Remorse disappears.

I think I would interpret this as it being good sense to keep quiet and let the regret and sadness will fade away in time. But actually I am still quite confused.

Also how does the judgement of 52 turn into 57?

The Judgement

Keeping Still. Keeping his back still
So that he no longer feels his body.
He goes into his courtyard
And does not see his people.
No blame.


I don't really understand what this means. Some sort of disassociation? Should I do this or is my friend pretending I no longer exist? How does this go into hex 57 -

The Judgement

The Gentle. Success through what is small.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
It furthers one to see the great man

Does this mean I should try again to contact him as it could have a favourable outcome but only if my approach is gentle rather than forceful.

Oh dear I'm very very confused now!!! Please help!
 

mobius

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Thanks Mike!

I just read your reply after my own rather hapless attempt! Your comments make a lot of sense and to be honest, I think I do need to balance my hopes for reconcilation, with the risk that my friend will respond coldly again (or not at all) and hurt me even more deeply. So actually I guess my reasons are selfish. As I don't think I was that important to him I suppose the most likely response would be indifference. I'm not sure I am healed enough to deal with that. Thanks again for your insight. x
 

mobius

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Oh dear. I just tried another Iching to find out what my friend thinks of me. I got 21:4 which I take to mean (going by helpful comments on the forum) that my friend considers me an enemy capable of doing great harm or causing him difficulties. And 21:6 which someone said means this -
"We are dealing with an incorrigible wrongdoer. The only recourse is to fully remove this person from the general population or the group, or to fully cancel the person's privileges, etc."

Then it goes to 56 - The Wanderer. On yer bike?!

Doesn't look good for me huh? ;(
 

titania

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Keeping Still. Keeping his back still
So that he no longer feels his body.
He goes into his courtyard
And does not see his people.
No blame.


I don't really understand what this means. Some sort of disassociation? Should I do this or is my friend pretending I no longer exist?

I see it more in terms of Zen practice or Yoga. In Yoga, there's a posture called The Mountain. It looks incredibly simple. You just stand with your arms at your side. But to do it correctly, your spine needs to be completely aligned, and your entire body must be in balance. In this position, your upper body seems to almost float weightless above your center of gravity, and your legs can relax, freed from the extra work of keeping your body from toppling over. "Keeping his back still so that he no longer feels his body," isn't a bad description of the experience.

In Zen, there's a famous cycle of illustrations called the Ox-Taming pictures. They show a man finding and taming an ox (his mind) and attaining complete enlightenment. In the final picture, the man re-enters the hustle and bustle of the marketplace. He is able to do this without being pulled off-balance by it, or losing his stillness of mind. "He goes into his courtyard and does not see his people," reminds me of that. He can literally see the people, but he's not attached to his mental image of them. It's the inverse of your situation with this guy. You don't literally see him, but his image is stuck in your mind.

I think 52:2 is this -
Changing yin in the second place means:
Keeping his calves still.
He cannot rescue him whom he follows.
His heart is not glad.

I guess this means I should stop chasing after him and trying to force a response. Does this mean give up because I don't matter to him?

Could it just be describing your current situation, where you feel stuck, unable to rescue this relationship, and that makes you unhappy?

I think 52:5 is this -
Changing yin in the fifth place means:
Keeping his jaws still.
The words have order.
Remorse disappears.

I think I would interpret this as it being good sense to keep quiet and let the regret and sadness will fade away in time. But actually I am still quite confused.

I think it's describing a state where your thoughts are clear so your words are too. I agree, though, that it's good sense to keep quiet. Otherwise there's a good chance your words will be disordered and be a cause for remorse.
 

willowfox

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52.2,5 > 57


Yes, it would be a mistake to seek any type of reconciliation. Let it go and ignore him.
 

mobius

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Thank you everybody for your insight. I have decided against contacting him for the time being. I feel that if he wants to resolve things he will do so in his own time and pushing is not a good idea. I think my answer is to have patience and wait for a better time.

x
 

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