hexagram 8 and solitude

[gael123]

Dear all,

I am going through the loneliest period of my life - so lonely it's making me feel emotionally and physically drained. I left a career that wasn't good for me, a relationship that wasn't right didn't pan out, and meanwhile the life of my housemate - a good friend - has moved on, as she has embraced AA (great for her, but it also means she has stopped cooking, which she associates with drinking and which we used to share, and is spending more time out in the evenings). She has also got a new job and is socialising a lot with colleagues and putting down roots in her new workplace, so spending less time in the house. Basically, she's in the process of giving her life a makeover.

Part of me is hurt, but I actually don't want to be overdependent on my housemate. I think it's important I have a wider circle of acquaintances and friends in the city where we both live. I've been trying recently to make new friends but during the summer things are slow - people go away, there are weddings, weekends off, another new friend is in the midst of a complex house move, etc. It's just a very slow patch.

As it happens, I have also been going to a therapist. I realised that a lot of my relationships were unbalanced or not making me happy, and in particular, one relationship, my closest next to my housemate, has blown up. We had a serious row about something close to my heart during which awful things were said, the culmination of a lot of issues and difficulties. But I felt the need to stand my ground and assert myself - something I feel I have not done in my relationships in the past.

This is why I don't want to act on the impulse to reach out to people at this time, even though as I say loneliness is becoming a real problem/sensation. Many of my relationships, I feel, have been based on dependency and proximity, warding off loneliness. I want to approach new people in a new way, once I have worked through some more of these questions and issues. But then sometimes, when feeling low, I think loneliness IS the issue and I should show more initiative and get out there! This problem can feed on itself.

Instead of seeing people in the evenings, or repeatedly asking people who aren't available, I've been going for long, long walks, listening to podcasts, just drifting along. It's lonely but also, as I slowly work through all the problems I have had in the last few years, it's weirdly meditative.

I have asked the Yi for insight and advice, and Id be grateful for your thoughts about these readings.

What has been troubling me emotionally recently? Hex 33.6 to 31.
What do I need to understand about my current solitude? Hex 8.
Where is this period of solitude leading me, if I continue to approach it as I am? Hex 40.4 to 7.

Thanks for your thoughts. Any insights are very much appreciated.

Gael

 

[gael123]

(I should add, I never drank - but the convivial activities we shared are bound up, for my housemate, with her past and with drinking. Now she takes no pleasure in domestic stuff like cooking and preparing food, a big part of what we did together and the context in which our conversations took place, and I feel bashful and awkward asking her for more when she is moving on with her life and I am not.)

 

[moss elk]

What has been troubling me emotionally recently? Hex 33.6 to 31.

Your housemates retreat has been troubling you, the intimacy has changed.

What do I need to understand about my current solitude? Hex 8.

That the common cure for loneliness is to join with other people.

Where is this period of solitude leading me, if I continue to approach it as I am? Hex 40.4 to 7.

Is it teaching you not to try to control everything (releasing your grasp),
to go with the flow?

 

[Liselle]

The last time I got 33.6, the retreat was obvious, the "rich" was not obvious at all. I had to do some thinking about how and where the riches could possibly exist. I did find them!

Maybe at times 33.6 is more a promise, or potential, than a description of (currently-known) reality? In my case, the riches actually already existed; I just didn't know it. But mine was a mundane, practical issue, not emotional at all. In your case it's likely to be harder.

 

[radiofreewill]

Hi Gael,

Moss Elk's and Liselle's reads are nicely grouped! I'll try to hit the mark with mine, too:

Resistance finds Release and crosses-over to the Far Shore of suffering:



Tao Te Ching verse 77

The truth is: You haven't been unhappy with just your roommate's renaissance ~ you've been unhappy with nearly every aspect of your life...for a while now? Something more essential is calling you beyond these other relationships?

"What has been troubling me emotionally recently?"
33.6 to 31 ~ Resistance to Change is costing you.​

This is like drawing a bow back ~ it takes Resistance!

"What do I need to understand about my current solitude?"
8uc ~ You are aiming at a target beyond Separateness.​

To hold the drawn bow and focus on the Real beyond separation ~ it takes Resistance!

"Where is this period of solitude leading me, if I continue to approach it as I am?
40.4 to 7 ~ To the Release of your Resistance and crossing-over to the Far Shore beyond suffering.​

This is like letting-fly the arrow just when your aim settles on the target ---> hitting the mark with your solitude leads to great Release!

So, despite being painfully aware of the external costs to you of your solitude, you are also becoming aware of solitude's productive benefits, as well? Keep-up the therapy, long walks, podcasts and just drifting along...

Can you use your solitude like a stable platform ~ to draw back from 'the world' and look for something better ~ something beyond the loneliness and suffering that you've come to know so well?

Will you be Still enough to 'know' serenity and tranquillity when you see it?

Would you trade all of your Resistance to hit that mark?

I hope this helps and All Best!

 

[gael123]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses. I'm sorry for my delay getting back. I went on a 16 mile walk recently. It's really helping me sort my head out and my housemate and I had a good conversation also. This is a period of genuine change, and RadioFreeWill, you're quite right - I need to let myself be carried to the far shore. Thank you all.