hexagram 8 unchanging

[mozzer]

Greetings to all, my friends.
I'm seeing a woman I'm in love with.
We are very open and sincere with each other. She knows my feelings for her, she doesn't reciprocate my love but she says she is fascinated by me, she looks for me, writes me messages and always responds promptly to mine, we have lunch together, we talk a lot, she accepts my gifts and my attention and says she feels good about me.
Now she has confided to me that one of her exes is coming back to her and she wants to give him a chance. I understand that and I am forced to accept this situation.
I could close and forget her, but I asked I Ching what the right attitude is with her, if it still makes sense to try to get her love.
I got hexagram 8, unchanging.
Can someone kindly help me?
Thank you

 

[mozzer]

Let me add: I'm not used to receiving unchanging responses, so i need your help.
I know that the simplest thing would be to get away from this woman and at most wait for her to clarify her ideas.
I don't want to delude myself, but in my opinion 8 wants to tell me to be patient and keep this bond, which is in fact very deep, alive.

 

[mozzer]

Greetings to all, I'm sorry I haven't received any opinion from you yet, but it does the same.
To stimulate the conversation I ask you: I asked the question about my doubts about whether or not to continue the relationship, the hexagram obtained is "union": in my opinion it clearly means not to leave.
Thanks to those who will want to have their say!

 

[rosada]

Oh boy, this is a toughie. It seems so weird that we can fall in love with people who simply don't feel the same way about us. Some times Cupid just gets sloppy with those arrows. Anyway, I think 8. Seeking Union without change lines is describing the situation - you're seeking union, but nothing is changing. It doesn't necessarily tell you to back off but I do think this suggests your attitude should be that you accept the situation. The image of 8 talks about friendships and boundaries between the various lords and I see this as meaning "Good fences make good neighbors." If you are able to accept that she is not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you and you don't cross that boundary - then perhaps you will be able to continue to check in with her from time to time perhaps even become friends with the ex too if you are hoping to somehow stay in touch. Also, 8uc may mean nothing gets rekindled with the ex so maybe no Union there either. Bottom line, I think the I Ching is saying your attitude should be that she is seeing someone else at present so it would be inappropriate for you to continue to pursue a romantic relationship, but where there is life there is hope so let her know that you respect her wishes - maybe send her a cute note saying, "If you are ever a widow, call me!"

Meanwhile you might get value from reading the Hexagram 8 Unchanging thread over in the Exploring Divination thread.

 

[diamanda]

what the right attitude is with her, if it still makes sense to try to get her love
8 unchanging

Two very different questions mashed up into one!

• What is the right attitude? 8 uc - keep her spatially very close to you.
• Does it still make sense to try to get her love? 8 uc - "whoever comes too late meets with misfortune", how long have you been trying to win her love? Also, what makes you believe that getting someone's love involves an intense effort on your part? People either love us (as we are) or they don't - struggling to get someone's love never e-v-e-r works. Did you have parents who rejected you?

 

[rosada]

Thinking about how you zapped this woman with clear strong love and respect. I wonder if that attention somehow made her feel lovable and alive and able to look at her life with confidence after the break up with the ex. But then, after you built up her spirit she recognized there was unfinished business between them. I'm just saying maybe the attitude to have about this woman is that you were somehow instrumental in renewing her ability to have 8.Good healthy relationships. Now she'll either resolve her connection with the ex and they'll stick together or maybe they'll more consciously, and peacefully, decide not to - but for now you might say your role in her life script has been written out for this episode - so wish her well and pat yourself on the back for a part well played!

 

[mozzer]

Thank you, everyone. I've known this woman for three months, it was clear to her from the beginning that I'm attracted. For a week now, I've been telling her clearly about my feelings, and she's been telling me that she thinks it's too early and that one of her exes is trying to get back to her. Despite this, we continue to hear and see each other, and we are planning a romantic dinner that she is very fond of. She keeps looking for me, and only yesterday she told me that my attention to her warms her heart.

Dear Diamanda, it's true what you say, but I also think that for love you have to fight a bit if you think it's worth it.
And as you say, my parents didn't give me the love I wanted.