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Hi all, from long-time forum follower

Wildgeese

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Hi everyone, I feel I "know" quite a number of you from looking at your posts and interpretations over the years. I'm so glad that I found this community (thank you!), it helps me go deeper with my readings.

I feel I could use a little support in interpreting a some readings. I have a history of choosing romantic partners who were not good for me. I took 3 years off from relationships to "recalibrate my boyfriend picker" and it seems to have worked. I moved back to Oregon this year and am in a relationship with an old friend, someone very attractive, funny, kind, and smart, with many shared interests. I really care about him and, up until recently have felt "in love" in a balanced, happy, and sweet kind of way. I met his mom many months ago and really like her. I met his father and brother just a few weeks ago, and since then, have had a LOT of fear coming up for me around the relationship. Trauma from my early relationships with my parents has been bubbling up "in spades" (not new stuff...but just with intensity) and I find that I am thinking about leaving the relationship...which seems to come from a deep and illogical place based on the fear. I can't in my right mind see why I would want to leave this man, other than the fact that I am scared and want to get away from the feelings that are coming up for me *in relation to him. Perhaps there is an unconscious want to recreate some old pattern to make things less scary for me? We discuss problems, don't fight, are very affectionate and respectful towards one another, and have fun. I've just hit what feels like a wall of fear, though. I've been with him 9 months; usually my less-healthy and fun relationships have started to fall apart at about this point, but I don't think this is the issue here. Note: I'm working very intentionally on taking good care of myself at work, in my life-yoga, meditation, prayer, eating well, exercise..it sometimes feels like two steps forward and one step back, and it takes a lot of energy, but I want to be awake, aware, and generally kinder to myself. It seems harder to be kind to myself in relation to this relationship right now,and its clear to me that its an inner conflict of some sort...not the relationship that is the problem, per se.

Questions:
What is the nature of our relationship?: 24.1 changing to 2
What kind of possibility does P and my relationship have? 15 unchanging
Why am I feeling so much fear? 2 unchanging.
What are the chances that we will get married? didn't write down the first hex, second was 12.
What does Yijing think is my best course of action for now? 24.1.6 to 23
What do I most need right now? 41.1.2.5.6 to 8

In the two weeks, when I've asked what will help both me and him, I've received hex 8.

For a large number of my readings this week relating to this fear I am feeling, I have received 45 in the first or second hex position.

I know thats a lot of questions. Any thoughts? Thank you.:hugs:
 

pocossin

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What is the nature of our relationship?
24.1 > 2


The relationship is at a standstill. Why does meeting his father and brother evoke such darkness? The line is optimistic that you will be able to turn this around. Why not follow hexagram 2 and seek guidance from your partner?
 

Wildgeese

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Hi pocossin, I'm so glad that you responded, thank you. I posted in a paroxysm of fear. After feeling the intense emotions and calling a friend, I decided that I did, indeed, need to let me partner in on what was going on for me. He was very kind, accepting, and loving about it. Letting that energy "be" and sharing it with my partner, did indeed "turn this around." We had an exceptionally lovely day together exploring the outdoors together in springtime, and I feel that we are even closer than before. Sharing with my partner and receiving such a supportive reaction have allowed me to be a bit more accepting with myself, as well.

I'm still not exactly sure why meeting his father and brother evoked such fear--it could be that it clinched the "seriousness" (commitment) of our relationship, or it could be that I've been scared by "father figures" before.

I have made a point to stop entertaining thoughts about the future of this relationship as we both have intentions to have it be long-term AND because I have plenty to deal with inside myself in the present moment! I continue to receive hex 45 "in spades" this week, often unchanging. My interpretation is that the yijing is saying, kindly, "pull yourself together!"

:) Thanks again! Glad I'm online now with ya'll!!! :)
 

Wildgeese

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Update: relationship has been fraught at times as we've both had a lot of learning to do. Hands down, it's been a supportive, and fun place to be. Very 15 in it's modesty and real-ness. I've had to repost because almost 6 years in, there's no sign we'll be married. However, we are firmly committed to one another, and very loving with one another, and I'm legally taking his last name in a few months. How apropos that "12" was!
 

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