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How best to speak to him? Hexagram #6 unchanging

DebMcCarter

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My new online friend didn't react very well to a letter I wrote him. The letter was not sweetness and light but I questioned my ability to continue an online relationship. All the love he spoke of went out the window and he lashed out. Wanting guidance how best to talk to him, I asked iChing. Hex #6, Arguing unchanging is what I got and so I decided to fight for my point of view. He was taking all his past hurts and treating me like I was just one more disappointment and the letters we exchanged had no value. I showed him very carefully my point of view and await his response.

"Hexagram 6 wants to get the problem out in the open to resolve it. There’s no keeping it to yourself here – and also no keeping it from yourself" This passage resonates from Hexagram essay.

The inner hexagram is #30 Clarity. (This nuclear trigram should be #37) And the hexagram before is #5 Waiting. This is rather humorous! I was waiting for the other shoe of conflict to drop.

Any thoughts are warmly welcome.
 
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rosada

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Not sure what you mean by "The inner hexagram is #30 Clarity."
 

DebMcCarter

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The nuclear trigrams. Which I got wrong. The hexagram should be #37. I'll have to rewrite that. Thank you.
 
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legume

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don't have much experience with 6 uc, but in hindsight i usually find any argument that had to do with 6 often came from my own unresolved inner conflict. the judgment speaks of being sincere / honest yet meeting with opposition. if there's any particular advice in the judgment i'd pay heed to it's:

A cautious halt halfway brings good fortune.
Going through to the end brings misfortune.


which i'd read as don't try to get your point across at all cost, rather stop halfway, i feel in any argument it's always better to be the "bigger man" than become petty, this could be the maturity or "seeing the great man", even if it's admitting someone's right when they're obviously wrong (worked wonders in the past during conflicts with some of my bosses ;)).
 

DebMcCarter

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don't have much experience with 6 uc, but in hindsight i usually find any argument that had to do with 6 often came from my own unresolved inner conflict. the judgment speaks of being sincere / honest yet meeting with opposition. if there's any particular advice in the judgment i'd pay heed to it's:

A cautious halt halfway brings good fortune.
Going through to the end brings misfortune.


which i'd read as don't try to get your point across at all cost, rather stop halfway, i feel in any argument it's always better to be the "bigger man" than become petty, this could be the maturity or "seeing the great man", even if it's admitting someone's right when they're obviously wrong (worked wonders in the past during conflicts with some of my bosses ;)).
Good advice indeed. He did write back saying "Ok, I was wrong and you were right" and I was so tempted to continue the conversation with this not about me winning but thought best of it. I can see it is beyond either of us to weed through the issues and why #6 recommends an arbitrator. Thank you, I feel all is well to let it go.
 

rosada

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6 advice also worth paying heed to is from the Image, “When rights and duties are agreed to in advance there is no need for conflict.” (Wilhelm)This makes me feel you could use this recent exchange as an opportunity to email something like, “Oh thank you. I am so glad to know its safe to be open and honest with each other!”, to establish the right to be open and honest with each other.
 

DebMcCarter

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It's good in theory but in practice something always goes wrong. :) He did establish right from the start to honest and open. When I tried to tell him I not comfortable with developing an online relationship, I've never done it before. He took it as a rejection. This is the second time he didn't like my openness.
 

DebMcCarter

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6 advice also worth paying heed to is from the Image, “When rights and duties are agreed to in advance there is no need for conflict.” (Wilhelm)This makes me feel you could use this recent exchange as an opportunity to email something like, “Oh thank you. I am so glad to know its safe to be open and honest with each other!”, to establish the right to be open and honest with each other.
This was such good advice. There are reasonable expectations we need to establish with each other to build a strong foundation. I wrote and asked if we could have an open discussion about what we can expect and how we can practice that with each other. Feel like it's taking action to solve a problem. Thank you!
 
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DebMcCarter

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Well, learned there is no meeting of the minds on what is reasonable. But glad I asked and know the answer and no need for anymore conflict!
 

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