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How can I handle this "friend" of mine Hexagram 12, (moved lines 4 and 6 ) changing to 8

Devajyoti

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There was for a time no contact because I needed a pause and she said the same when first calling me again.
It is a friendship founded in a retreat service and followed my many phone calls, one visit of her at my place, she is far away in another town. many mails.
She fears phone calls ( sooo negative ) and I felt left alone and write mails back, giving feedbacks according to what I have left in my heart and if it is anger,
trying to get rid or trying to re-union, not sure, more the first.
I dont feel she has any empathy, shes is just judging and does not see the whole picture. But then I am judging too and I think We are better off without each other.
Others before suggested she was going on my nerves, but I just was patient back in time because I thought she had good intent.
Somehow.
but she is much younger and does not have any live experience like I have, she lives in the warm arms of her family clan all the time and cares for them a lot while I have to survive on my own, cut off from family here and there, just meeting from time to time as well - and I love my family as well. But the story is a bit different. Mostly more distance to my relatives except my children, which are kind of near by.



Your reading resulted in the following hexagrams:
changing to
12 8



Hexagram 12, Blocked

Key Questions

What work can you do when nothing is working?
Who are you when no-one is noticing?
Oracle

'Blocking it, non-people.
Noble one's constancy bears no fruit.
Great goes, small comes.'

Nothing moves or grows, communication doesn't happen, everything is negated and blocked – and this is because of 'non-people'. That may mean that some people are a consistently, exclusively and pathologically negative influence and sabotage all attempts at progress. It can also refer to perceiving someone as not quite a real person, explaining their behaviour with labels and stereotypes rather than seeking to understand. In both cases, there is a complete failure of empathy. This means that your very best and strongest efforts come to nothing. You can have a soaring imaginative concept of the creative possibilities here; you can have the will to be true to that concept and carry it through. You're not doing anything wrong; the problem is that these creative possibilities are just not available when things are Blocked. Small concerns dominate. The adaptive response is not to strive constantly to rise to a higher level, but to focus your attention on the small details – the immediate, uninspiring reality.
Image

'Heaven and earth do not interact: Blocked.
A noble one uses his strengths sparingly to avoid hardship.
He does not allow himself honours and payment.'


Sequence

Blocked follows from Hexagram 11, Flow:
'Things cannot end with flowing together, and so Blocked follows.'


Changing Lines
Line 4

'There is a mandate, no mistake.
Work with clarity, fulfilment.'


Line 6

'Overturning the block.
Before, blocked. Afterwards, rejoicing.'





Hexagram 8, Seeking Union

Key Questions

Where do you belong?
Is this a good fit?
Do you choose to join?
Oracle

'Seeking union, good fortune.
At the origin of oracle consultation,
From the source, ever-flowing constancy.
No mistake.
Not at rest, coming on all sides.
For the latecomer, pitfall.'

To seek union is to search for connection and belonging, discovering how it all fits together and creating a new world out of relationships.

It begins where divination begins: at your very source. Ask yourself why it was important to ask this question; get to know where you're coming from. When you find the source, you can flow perpetually out from there towards the right choices and connections. Such self- examination is not a mistake; it's the best way to avoid mistakes. It gives you and your relationships the authenticity of water, which flows together on the earth without changing its nature.

Seeking Union is natural, but not without stress. Singleness of purpose attracts restlessness (from within and without); demands are made on you from all directions at once. Not all the people or all the feelings that appear will be helpful. Yu the Great conquered the Chinese floods through a lifetime of hard toil. When his work was complete and the land was safe, he summoned the lords and spirits to a meeting to found the new world. One of them, Fang Feng, came late; Yu had him executed. To re-create a world of relationships, like Yu, is good fortune. To hesitate and come late, like Fang, is not. The decisive leader has to eliminate the non-committal spirit, the one who procrastinates and isn't quite sure whether to believe in this new union.
Image

'Above earth is the stream: Seeking Union.
The ancient kings founded countless cities for relationship with all the feudal lords.'
Sequence

Seeking Union follows from Hexagram 7, the Army:
'Crowds naturally have occasion to Seek Union.'
 

Matali

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12.4.6 - 8 : Line 4 is ideal for a romantic relationship : "He who acts in command of the Supreme remains without blame. Beings of a similar nature enjoy the blessing. » She's the right person for you ! Greeting ! Line 6 : "Stagnation is over. First stagnation, then fortune". So here you both stagnate (12)! You should get closer to her 🌺 8 is union...as you know
 

Devajyoti

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uff, we are not a lover couple... we are just two women who met in a meditation retreat...
arent we?
Ha, I could mail her: Will u marry me?
(she is asexual, so we could just live together)...

we are far away from each other and have many misunderstandings or stuff - if there is no real personal encounter this is nothing good anymore...

I doubt I will meet her again or not so soon. some months ago she wantet to come to visit me this month. One weekend, but now I will be on retreat next two weeks.
Happily.
 

Devajyoti

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but she lives with a friend, boyfriend. whatever that means for an asexual person. I am not even aware of the real whatsoever.
We cant get close like that.
 

Devajyoti

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"Seeking Union is natural, but not without stress. Singleness of purpose attracts restlessness (from within and without); demands are made on you from all directions at once. Not all the people or all the feelings that appear will be helpful. Yu the Great conquered the Chinese floods through a lifetime of hard toil. When his work was complete and the land was safe, he summoned the lords and spirits to a meeting to found the new world. One of them, Fang Feng, came late; Yu had him executed. To re-create a world of relationships, like Yu, is good fortune. To hesitate and come late, like Fang, is not. The decisive leader has to eliminate the non-committal spirit, the one who procrastinates and isn't quite sure whether to believe in this new union."


Maybe I see her more like the hesitant lord... and am "executing her" and likewise...vice versa
somehow
 

Matali

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uff, we are not a lover couple... we are just two women who met in a meditation retreat...
arent we?
Ha, I could mail her: Will u marry me?
(she is asexual, so we could just live together)...

we are far away from each other and have many misunderstandings or stuff - if there is no real personal encounter this is nothing good anymore...

I doubt I will meet her again or not so soon. some months ago she wantet to come to visit me this month. One weekend, but now I will be on retreat next two weeks.
Happily.

:rofl:!! I thought you were a man... So, maybe it's a story of friendship or just, people who do meditation together, and in the future ! I just read the Yi's response..., and since you had made a long message, I thought this person was important to you...
 

Matali

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"Seeking Union is natural, but not without stress. Singleness of purpose attracts restlessness (from within and without); demands are made on you from all directions at once. Not all the people or all the feelings that appear will be helpful. Yu the Great conquered the Chinese floods through a lifetime of hard toil. When his work was complete and the land was safe, he summoned the lords and spirits to a meeting to found the new world. One of them, Fang Feng, came late; Yu had him executed. To re-create a world of relationships, like Yu, is good fortune. To hesitate and come late, like Fang, is not. The decisive leader has to eliminate the non-committal spirit, the one who procrastinates and isn't quite sure whether to believe in this new union."


Maybe I see her more like the hesitant lord... and am "executing her" and likewise...vice versa
somehow

12.4 : On the other hand, I really think it can be a nice friendship or relationship zen 🧘‍♀️🧘‍♀️
 

Devajyoti

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pf - somehow I hate her.
she makes me feel bad and vulnerable.
vulnerable is okay normally.
but waking up with bad thoughts is not
she wants to be right all the time and does not care about other peoples feelings regarding what she writes or says. she thinks inside her box and never looks from above
 

Trojina

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You asked how to handle this friend you don't like.

If you don't like her she isn't your friend so let it go.


The reading indeed shows a situation where trying to make things right hasn't worked. But line 4 says that's okay, there is a 'mandate' in this blockage. So for some reason it isn't a mistake for you to be experiencing negativity from this relationship, the hardship you work through has some kind of purpose. What kind of purpose I don't know. Either you get through this, come to a new understanding and the friendship continues or you learn that such friendships just aren't worth the pain. Line 6 says that the stagnation is over thrown but again I don't know if something positive happens in the relationship or you feel much better when you realise you aren't obligated to see or speak to her ever again, that it is your choice.


People do stay friends with people they dislike for years on end out of either a sense of loyalty or maybe a sense they need the person or the belief if only they could change everything would be fine.

Hexagram 8 asks you to choose who and what you belong with. You need to do this quite soon, make a choice.


From what I have read here it sounds like this isn't the right friend for you, she seems to disturb your peace of mind and makes you feel bad about yourself. No one needs friends who do that. Of course there can be constructive criticism between friends but even that doesn't work so well. After all there are millions of people in the world and you have just one life so don't spend it with people you don't like. You have to spend time with family but not with friends.



Yang pattern is 35, yin pattern 5. You could wait and see, just bear with it for a while longer, it's up to you I don't think the reading clearly says whether the good fortune in line 6 is for holding on to her or getting rid of her or not responding to her any more.

Somehow.
but she is much younger and does not have any live experience like I have, she lives in the warm arms of her family clan all the time and cares for them a lot while I have to survive on my own, cut off from family here and there, just meeting from time to time as well - and I love my family as well. But the story is a bit different. Mostly more distance to my relatives except my children, which are kind of near by.

It does sound like you resent her. How does it benefit you to stay friends ? Make a list. If there are no benefits then just drop it. It's quite simple since you are not entangled in anyway are you ?
 

Devajyoti

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I was okay with everything and all what she did or did not do.
Telling me she would call next day but did not
and not the next and not the next and not next week.
I was okay with it
until I read her message that "the calls are so negative"
wtf?
She hates me.
So why this ching?
 

Devajyoti

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You asked how to handle this friend you don't like.

If you don't like her she isn't your friend so let it go.


The reading indeed shows a situation where trying to make things right hasn't worked. But line 4 says that's okay, there is a 'mandate' in this blockage. So for some reason it isn't a mistake for you to be experiencing negativity from this relationship, the hardship you work through has some kind of purpose. What kind of purpose I don't know. Either you get through this, come to a new understanding and the friendship continues or you learn that such friendships just aren't worth the pain. Line 6 says that the stagnation is over thrown but again I don't know if something positive happens in the relationship or you feel much better when you realise you aren't obligated to see or speak to her ever again, that it is your choice.


People do stay friends with people they dislike for years on end out of either a sense of loyalty or maybe a sense they need the person or the belief if only they could change everything would be fine.

Hexagram 8 asks you to choose who and what you belong with. You need to do this quite soon, make a choice.


From what I have read here it sounds like this isn't the right friend for you, she seems to disturb your peace of mind and makes you feel bad about yourself. No one needs friends who do that. Of course there can be constructive criticism between friends but even that doesn't work so well. After all there are millions of people in the world and you have just one life so don't spend it with people you don't like. You have to spend time with family but not with friends.



Yang pattern is 35, yin pattern 5. You could wait and see, just bear with it for a while longer, it's up to you I don't think the reading clearly says whether the good fortune in line 6 is for holding on to her or getting rid of her or not responding to her any more.



It does sound like you resent her. How does it benefit you to stay friends ? Make a list. If there are no benefits then just drop it. It's quite simple since you are not entangled in anyway are you ?
well, she helped me financially and yes, that was kind of positive for me.
But I wondered if it was worth it.
I like her clarity, but then again I cannot forget what she did.
I opened the mailfile where her mails went in and 5 new ones are there.
One says: being vulnerable makes u alive
one says: money ( as if we had not talked about it, she changed her mind all the time, when I suggested she lends it only and I pay it back soon then I get a message it was a present and does not mean anything, she did not want anything, then she suggests I could pay it back later ot spent it to vipassana retreat ( where my only dana is service because I am poor) )
and waht elese I cant remember.
I marked the mails all "read" although I dont feel any strengh to read it. pain enough done with the last one.
I guess my mails are not friendly either, and I never had such anger in me towards someone for LOOONG, very exceptive.
I try to make a border.
Yes, I would need the financial help, at least that she sents the money with out it being tracked in my konto and I give it to her.
Because her intervention with my father and me was hurting me and my father, so my father gave up this job for me.
And it opened the door for more hurt.

I would find another way to pay my bill monthly without a track but ...
I had of course hoped this would work longer like it was.
But its too stressfull

Its only destructiveness.
And if she writes maybe "positive" I cannot get it. I feel betrayed and robbed of my soul.

I feel misused.
 

Devajyoti

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A vipassana teacher I had last year just told me to let go those unwell for myself.

Of course it is tricky if the person shares some interest and activity and from her point can give u a necessary support, only in a way which another person did before but she due to her actions destroyed that other relationship functionality.

Whatever purpose.
In the moment I feel I need to let go.

And she is like me a scorpio and before my birthday, she triggers my 12th field theme ( let go, spirituality ) while I trigger her first field like intuition and instinkt and apperance.

She triggers in me "taking risks" ---
well but when I live in circumstances where this is not good for me id be better off by saying goodbye, see u later alligator.
Maybe in many years.

Her help is just a weak one and the price is being harmed.

Noone has the right to retraumatise me in any way.

Whatever. I might have choose her influence in my life for some time.

I dont know if I can stand it just for the sake of financial help or helping with transactions.

Trojina, thank u for ur words!
 

Matali

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pf - somehow I hate her.
she makes me feel bad and vulnerable.
vulnerable is okay normally.
but waking up with bad thoughts is not
she wants to be right all the time and does not care about other peoples feelings regarding what she writes or says. she thinks inside her box and never looks from above

Oh oh ! I didn't realize you hated her so much! You call her your "friend" in the question... But indeed, with the hexagram 12 (Standstill - Stagnation), the time is not to celebrate, that's for sure ! Maybe the two lines speak about other people in the context of meditation : Line 4 "Those of like mind partake of the blessing".
 
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Devajyoti

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it was not always like that, it just came recently.

I just came from where the king goes by foot and I thought there:
It reminds me of the ssituation when I was 14,5 years old and I had been abused in a hospital for 18 months and had gotten meds which made me half asleep for the whole day for months I had a very good time in another school in another town before during that hospitalisation, but when back in my parents care, which was not much care at all, when I went to the swimming pool starngers entangled with me.
They suggested to come with them, wantet to show me something.

something in my stomach said:
not a good thing...

but I was never taught to listen to my gut intelligence.

I was raped and gangbanged by 4 men there.

with this "friend" I often felt similar. The mind cannot understand, but somehow the gut said: not good


well - the mind always wants to understand.


and here I am.
 

Devajyoti

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I just thought during a ride through a tunnel on my way half an hour ago, maybe its a reincarnation thing, we meet again and have met before in another life.
Maybe my childhood dream has somethign to do with it, that nightmare I once had when I walked the streets or an seemingly arabic or maybe indian town with a friend and saw white houses, people and music on a big place played by western instruments, golden and white colours and suddenly a big animal scared all people away from the streets and they ran shouting "a bee as a dove" and there came a monster animal, head of a bee and wings of a dove, body of a bee, it bit her head of and then mine.

friendship was over, I woke up.
Meaning of animals like bee and dove: being busy and peace.
mh?!

sometimes "peacewarriors" are biting ur head off!
 

Matali

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Sorry to read all this, keep your self-confidence and keep the faith. And meditation... Namaste 🧘‍♀️
 

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