How does X truly feel about me? Hex 44 3.5 to 64

[dancingfox]

I had a relationship with a man for 6 months. I felt he wasn't ready to commit so I let him go. Last week, he reached out to me again. Feelings are there from both sides but also a lot of confusion. He will be away for 2 months because of unexpected circumstances, We agreed to wait and see what will happen between us when he is back by the end of August. I don't know if I am ready to trust him again. I asked the Yi what are his true feelings for me?

Hex 44 3.5 to 64
To biased to answer this one for myself.

Any insights?

 

[Lavalamp]

"what are his true feelings for me?"
Hex 44.3.5 > 64.
Oboy, the hex of the hot potential baby mama and the hex of it's not over... But let's delve further into it.

64 as context. Before Completion. Unfinished Business. Well yes, you both are in accord that it isn't exactly over yet. So what is it?

44.3 This is the line about he had his butt kicked, but he can still walk, and has not yet yielded to the tempting situation.

44.5 Wilhelm/Baynes: A melon covered with willow leaves. Hidden lines. Then it drops down to one from heaven.

This line is about a person that is protective of others. And he conceals his worth. Hidden lines refers to how an idea might gestate in a person, then appear all at once as an epiphany. Or as a child, and it may refer to the guy wanting to have kids.

The real question here may be what you really want from the relationship. Sounds like you kicked his butt a bit the first time around, and he's cautious for a number of reasons.

- LL

 

[rosada]

44.3 A very difficult situation but one feels to persevere.
44.5 A blessed situation that makes all the trauma worthwhile.
64. The time between lifetimes when you're reviewing the past and planning for the future.

I see these hexagrams as saying that like you, he knows your past together has been rocky to say the least yet there appears to be a genuine love and caring. Thus he's wanting to meet with you again to see if you two can plan a better future together. However, although these hexagrams seem to be saying he is sincere, that 64 could also be noting that even so, you two may decide it's still not in your best interests to try to partner again. It suggests more of a feeling of celebrating the past and being OPEN to the future, than with any specific plan in mind of where you two should go from here.

 

[dancingfox]

Thanks Rosada & Querent777

To give some more background

He is a father of two kids. He was two months single when we first met. His ex kicked him out after seven years because he wasn't invested in the relationship. He was not in love with his ex but wanted to maintain the relationship because of the kids.

When we met he was at an all time low point in his life. I have gotten to know him as a man who has trouble dealing with his feelings in general. Hence my question to Yi.... Despite this background and my own better judgement I fell for him really quick and hard. I never felt in control with him and he was never able to give me any certainties about our relationship. He wasn't ready to make a serious commitment which I do understand in his situation. But these constant uncertainties became to much for me which is why I ended things between us. In that way I might have kicked his butt... yes Querent777

He wants me back in his life. I have missed him so much, I don't want him out of my life either. I am unsure of what I want for myself at this moment. I have realised that perhaps I am not ready for a relationship myself. So yes it's a 64 situation, with a sense of openness towards the future Rosada. I still hope we can make things work between us, maybe outside of the idea of a conventional relationship. I don't know, we will have to see.

 

[Lavalamp]

But these constant uncertainties became to much for me which is why I ended things between us.

Well Rumi says we should not abide in borrowed certainty. He says if your certainty of fire is borrowed from someone else's experience, you should sit down in the fire and find your own certainty. Get burned and know for yourself, and do not abide in other people's certainty he says. I love Rumi.

There is likely a lot more to the situation than you have mentioned, but isn't there something paradoxical about breaking up with someone because you are not certain they will not break up with you in the future?

- LL

 

[dancingfox]

There is likely a lot more to the situation than you have mentioned, but isn't there something paradoxical about breaking up with someone because you are not certain they will not break up with you in the future?

Can't say you're wrong But yes there is a lot more to the situation. A few examples
He never introduced me as his girlfriend towards his family. His family thinks he shouldn't be dating anyone right now, he needs to focus on getting his life back on track.
My friends got worried about me because I was stressed and sad all the time because of his erratic behaviour. None of my friends liked him. He became a different person around them.
He actually broke up with me after 3 months. I asked him where we were heading, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship. We kept seeing each other despite all of that. Then corona happened and we remained in each others bubble.
I got angry with myself for allowing this situation to continue. That is why I ended the relationship, or whatever it was supposed to be.

 

[dancingfox]

Update: he never really wanted to be in relationship. He wanted me in his life but only on his conditions. I was (still am, bummer for me) so head over heels for him I wasn't able to see the truth of the matter. I tried to compomise, I thought. Truth of it was I wasn't clear about my boundaries. Not to myself and certainly not towards him. I ended things again last week. We have this bad habit of saying farewell and then starting all over again. It's toxic and emotionally draining. I hope this time it's final. I hope, not sure because I still don't feel in control with him.

 

[Matali]

Maybe you could make another yiking because 44.5 is a very good line for the futur... maybe you and him need time...

 

[rosada]

If the question had been about the future of the relationship 44.5 - which describes a gift being given to a prisoner in a pit - might somehow be interpreted as a positive response. However, the question was not about the future of the relationship. It was "How does X truly feel about me?" I think 44.5 in this case simply means he sees dancingfox as a welcomed boon while he is going through a hard time.

 

[dancingfox]

I think 44.5 in this case simply means he sees dancingfox as a welcomed boon while he is going through a hard time.

Sad but true.

 

[Matali]

[QUOTE = "rosada, post: 291266, membre: 1138"]
Si la question portait sur l'avenir de la relation 44,5 - qui décrit un cadeau offert à un prisonnier dans une fosse - pourrait en quelque sorte être interprétée comme une réponse positive. Cependant, la question ne portait pas sur l'avenir de la relation. C'était "Qu'est-ce que X ressent vraiment pour moi?" Je pense que 44,5 dans ce cas signifie simplement qu'il voit dancingfox comme une aubaine bienvenue alors qu'il traverse une période difficile.
[/CITATION]
I think there is more...

 

[dancingfox]

And perhaps there is Matali. Our connection is genuine and strong. This is why I hung around him for so long. But too much has happened and I am emotionally utterly drained. Maybe someday. But I will be wary of him by then I think.

PS So strange my quote appears in French in your reply?

 

[Trojina]

PS So strange my quote appears in French in your reply?

Yeah what's that all about, why the translation ?

 

[dancingfox]

Yes and no Google Translate French either. Really decent French too

 

[rosada]

Incidentally, I don't disagree with Matali that there may be more to this in the future. I just wouldn't have attributed that insight to 44.5. Maybe to 64. as describing an unfinished story...
Anyway, I think maybe I've been in lockdown too long. Things are getting on my nerves..

 

[rosada]

Also I think it's kinda interesting that this man has stirred such a strong response and yet his past history has been one of someone unable to commit. I wonder if he has a strong animal nature, the sort that makes a woman look up and say, "Wow, what was that?" And as a result maybe he lot of attention easily and has never really needed to learn to make a commitment cause something new always came along?

 

[becalm]

Sounds like a mirror (almost) of a relationship I was trying to be in at the end of last year and it took me a looong while to realise how toxic it really was and I broke it off but it still broke my heart to do that. 6 months later I ran into him without any contact prior to that. My feelings were still the same, as were his by the joy he expressed in seeing me....BUT I knew for myself it was a no go zone because I want to never put myself through such a draining situation again. I feel like it nearly destroyed my whole being.

I think Line 3 is about you and how isolated and hurt this (non) relationship makes you feel.
Line 5 - He sees your beauty that's how he feels and thinks your a gift from Heaven but just because he feels that doesn't mean that you should keep giving the beauty of you over and over and over without anything in return.

When I split with the man I was interested in, I said it was because you don't deserve the Beauty of me in the way you treat this (non) relationship.

 

[rosada]

Still thinking about this - see, this man makes a strong impression! - 44.3.5 could be about how he truly did recognize what a gift you are but 64. - and what you've told us about his life circumstances - could be saying the guy really doesn't know where he's going now. Certainly the fact that you started up so soon after his separation from his wife would sound a warning bell that not everything could have been dealt with yet. So I don't think he was necessarily taking advantage, he just didn't know himself he wasn't ready.
Whatever, I think you are wise to walk away.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Rosada

Yes many red flags from the beginning. And yes I don 't think he meant to take advantage of me. But he does have an animal nature and so do I. The attraction between us feels magnetic. He is definitely a ladiesman. Yes I am glad to be walking away being together felt like addiction (huge red flag). I still miss him ofcourse but I try to focus on selflove and to not be bitter about what happened. We had something beautiful for a while but it was just to damn difficult for me.

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Becalm

That does sound like a mirror and yes I feel like this is destroying me. Luckily I had some very good friends to kick me in the butt several times because they saw me drowning and being in denial about it.



Your reading of the changing lines really struck a cord, we really did go through the same roller coaster... I feel for you!

 

[becalm]

Thank you!! It was truly awful at the time but I got to learn to love myself a whole lot more because I said no sooner rather than later. I also listened to a heap of you tube stuff like Narcissists vs HSP and once I realised all that, I moved on to Sadhguru which has given me so much more understanding of life, generally.

 

[Matali]

You will see it is not finish 44 is you You want but he need more time...

 

[Matali]

And perhaps there is Matali. Our connection is genuine and strong. This is why I hung around him for so long. But too much has happened and I am emotionally utterly drained. Maybe someday. But I will be wary of him by then I think.

PS So strange my quote appears in French in your reply?

My phone translate....!

 

[dancingfox]

You will see it is not finish 44 is you You want but he need more time...

I try not to expect anything from him anymore. If I get my hopes up and he crushes me again... I need to get of this rollercoaster.

 

[dancingfox]

Hey Becalm

What is Sadhguru?

 

[dancingfox]

Update:

The relationship ended around this time but only because I was extremely firm about my boundaries. He keeps trying to contact me until this day, but with complete and utter lack of respect for me. His texts always hint at the animal connection we had and never appeal to anything more. It made me realize what I thought I had with him was mainly built on my own expectations. It took me a long time to accept this insight about myself and to forgive myself for the way I lost all sight of my boundaries when I was with him. He was only a few months in my life, but meeting him changed me forever. It was the beginning of my self healing journey.