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How to let go ... 30 > 3

L

laperdida

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I'm in love with my best friend but, realistically, there's no chance for us and I see that I need to stop holding out hope--it just makes everything harder. But I don't want to lose our friendship.So I asked: How can I let go (of my romantic feelings) while still staying friends with X? Answer: 30.1.5 (changing to 13). What I'm getting from this is that I can't! :weep: That I need to withdraw and and let myself grieve the loss. Does anyone have a more positive spin on this response or a different way of looking at it? Because it's breaking my heart.Thank you in advance.
 

equinox

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It's in no way said that you can't stay friends by this result! It's said that letting go of your romantic love to your friend is really a painful process for you -- it couldn't be more painful. But you are on the right track, since you don't indulge yourself in misplaced hopes and instead understand "the vanity of all things, [...] put aside both hope and fear, and sigh and lament: if one is intent on retaining his clarity of mind, good fortune will come from this grief." (Wilhelm)
30.1 suggests that you need to keep the faith in a good outcome -- in order to go on with your life and daily tasks.

Obviously with this result, you will succeed in going through your pain, even if it is hard, and have the great chance of being even a stronger and wiser person after. And kudos that you don't want to throw away the whole friendship if it's not working the way you wanted it, but try to keep it, that's very beautiful. :) That's the mindset of somebody who understood well "the vanity of all things" and doesn't regard his/her desires as the most important part of the story.

But please now think of your wellbeing first now -- if you need time to heal, then withdraw for a while, explain it to your friend and reactivate the friendship later. It's only natural that you need some distance now.
 
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L

laperdida

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Thank you!!! I appreciate your kind words. I've been trying SO hard to be mature and kind and do the right thing, but some days are really tough (yesterday, for instance). And then i give in to the hope and fear:) How do you get over someone who's *always* there?!? But I need to maybe focus on gaining a little more emotional detachment, rather than physical separation.
 

equinox

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I am very sorry for you and do not have any receipe how to get over someone who is always there. It's very difficult. And really, I am not good at that either. I just can recommend trying to keep physical distance if possible (why can't you?) in order to achieve emotional detachment, meditation, being nice to yourself, talk to friends about your grieve, reassure yourself daily that you are worth a requited love and that this love will find you sooner or later, allow yourself to mourn... these things -- you already know, I guess.
Line 30.5 is for sure talking of one of the most painful experiences one can ever have, for me it's the mourning line par excellence. But at the same time it's promising a real inner transformation that will be life changing in a good way. Yes, and as you say, some days are easier and others harder.
So go through your pain, remember it won't last forever and never forget the prodigys and nice surprises that life has to offer in your future, if you stay open for it.
 
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Lilly-La

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Hi Laperdida,

But I need to maybe focus on gaining a little more emotional detachment, rather than physical separation.

there is some truth to the proverb: Out of sight, out of mind.


if you turn it around: In sight, in mind - also true. ;)
 

rosada

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Hexagram 30.1.5 does not change to hexagram 3 or hexagram 13.
 
L

laperdida

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Don't I know it! Thanks you black milk and lilly. I tried getting physical distance but it didn't go well. So for now I'm telling myself that this painful process will be worth it to save our friendship.
 
L

laperdida

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Just thought I'd post an update (since I always like reading other's). Everything worked out exactly as Equinox described. I allowed myself time to mourn and then, come January 1, let it go. We're still the best of friends and I love him dearly, but it's a much healthier, secure love.
 

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