I Ching's reply freaked me out (29.2.3.4.5.6 > 56). Help me interpret it?

[killing moon]

BACKGROUND

Two years ago, my husband and I moved from a big city to a tiny town. We have almost no friends here. There is basically one couple that we hang out with. They're city folks like us. Our personalities, interests, and lifestyle don't help: in addition being from the city, we're introverts who work online and from home. This is a low-income, mostly rural town. Everyone here knows one another, and the social cliques were formed in childhood. I miss having a close-knit group of friends.

Me - How can I make close friends in (the tiny town I currently live in)?

I Ching - 29.2.3.4.5.6 > 56

I can see myself in hexagram 56 - a wanderer, a traveler, someone with no friends in the place they're in.

I can't say I fully understand Hexagram 29 with its changing lines, but it seems like the chances of me making friends here are pretty slim. The I Ching seems to be telling me I should be shouldn't expect anything at all.

What do you guys think of this strange answer? I would sincerely appreciate your insights. Thank you.

 

[weaver]

I would guess that there's a lot of trepidation but that 56 as a relating hexagram is suggesting the best approach is to act as though you were travelling. So, for example, not take it personally or show annoyance if people are inconsistent or behave confusingly; let it go, trust things will work out, enjoy the day as you would if you were happy and in transit. Equally, be as considerate and light footed as though you were a guest.

 

[Trojina]

BACKGROUND

Two years ago, my husband and I moved from a big city to a tiny town. We have almost no friends here. There is basically one couple that we hang out with. They're city folks like us. Our personalities, interests, and lifestyle don't help: in addition being from the city, we're introverts who work online and from home. This is a low-income, mostly rural town. Everyone here knows one another, and the social cliques were formed in childhood. I miss having a close-knit group of friends.

Me - How can I make close friends in (the tiny town I currently live in)?

I Ching - 29.2.3.4.5.6 > 56

I can see myself in hexagram 56 - a wanderer, a traveler, someone with no friends in the place they're in.

I can't say I fully understand Hexagram 29 with its changing lines, but it seems like the chances of me making friends here are pretty slim. The I Ching seems to be telling me I should be shouldn't expect anything at all.

What do you guys think of this strange answer? I would sincerely appreciate your insights. Thank you.

Same as you really, I don't see much of a chance of close friends. What if you set your sights a bit lower and just aimed for friendliness with neighbours ? Possibly you might get involved, if the chance arises, with community events such as fetes or whatever community events they have ? I don't think that will make you close in the way you were back with friends in the city but it will possibly make you accepted.


I wonder if the danger here, where you could get out of your depth (29) is your idea of closeness. It appears to me you could easily flounder if you aim for close friends at this time. A traveller, as Weaver said, travels light, doesn't aim to make long term relationships. However a traveller does aim to fit in, to be accepted, to be allowed to stay at the inn.


I also wonder if the very nature of friendship is different in the city you came from, different to how friendships are in this small town.


I imagine, I could be wrong, that there's a lot more practical inter dependence in the small town. People who grew up together, minding each other's kids and so on, working in the same places, their friendships are almost more organic to their daily lives, part of their daily lives. Where would you fit into that ? In a city I think friendships can be far more diverse, intense, friendships for their own sake.

I've lived in a small town where I grew up and live in a city now and even now I can see how differently friendships develop according to location. In the small town I'm friends with people whose parents are friends with my parents. In the city there's much more diversity and I'm friends with people very different to one another and in a different kind of way.


So returning to your question

Me - How can I make close friends in (the tiny town I currently live in)?

I Ching - 29.2.3.4.5.6 > 56

With all these change lines I'd also look at the change patterns. If all change lines were yang you'd have 44, if all were yin you'd have 24. Hmmm 44 is something like an intrusion to one's normal way of life and 24 is a return to it. I imagine tied up with your question is whether this lifestyle is something you can sustain long term ? Might it be more of an experiment for a few years than a sort of 'settled for life' scenario ? I say this with trepidation as I imagine it was a huge upheaval to relocate ! However 44 can inspire and bring new life so even if you did move back to the city it wouldn't have been a waste to have experienced this.


Back to your question and all those lines.


Well 29, danger, needing to be fully immersed in experience whilst not knowing where the hell you are going. What to do in situations like that ? Well I think 29 says you hold your heart fast, you flow on with sincerity and wide awake awareness just as if you were kayaking some rapids or something.


There's no time for rehearsal, you don't have clarity on the matter, you can only do things as they arise in the moment. And this is in answer to how you can make friends

What of the lines ? They go through not actually being able to do much but wait in lines 2 and 3 to finding some respite, some relief in line 4, to getting past the danger in line 5, to really being hopelessly stuck in line 6. Cheerful

And line 6 generally indicates one has to sit out a painful situation. You know what overall I'm not confident you will stay here in the long run but now you're there what to do ?


Well without Yi I'd say just make every day friendly gestures to neighbours and so on. Smiles, small talk, possibly helping at small events and so on, getting involved in community life through active input, things like that. I think that advise is consonant with the 56. You make yourself helpful and undemanding and people include you and accept you. However this really isn't the same thing as close friendship is it ? And I'm not sure with this cast you can get to close friendship at this time. It also looks a bit risky if you pushed yourself forward too much or got emotionally involved with people. 29 can be a very messy emotional kind of hexagram and I don't really know why you trying to make friends would warrant this cast but there must be hazards in pushing too far with this desire.


Line 4 makes me think there's this little opening for you of friendship somewhere and if you are alert to it you can take it and it will help. Line 5 makes me think you will feel better, at least this possible sense of alienation won't get worse. Line 6 ...and sorry there's no positive spin on line 6 really, makes me wonder if this town is ultimately somewhere you will want to leave.

 

[killing moon]

Wow, what an interesting perspective, thank you for this! Behaving as if I were a traveler seems like a great idea – if not for making friends, at least for feeling more upbeat and less lonely. I find that I'm a better version of myself when I'm traveling – more curious, more patient, more adventurous, more open, friendlier. Great tip about being considerate and "light-footed" as well. Thank you so much for the reply!

 

[killing moon]

"I wonder if the danger here, where you could get out of your depth (29) is your idea of closeness. It appears to me you could easily flounder if you aim for close friends at this time. A traveller, as Weaver said, travels light, doesn't aim to make long term relationships. However a traveller does aim to fit in, to be accepted, to be allowed to stay at the inn."

>>Yes. This desire to rush to closeness is actually a problem I have that's location-independent. What you said was an excellent reminder that I need to be okay with more "casual" friendships that aren't meant to last long term.

"I imagine tied up with your question is whether this lifestyle is something you can sustain long term ? Might it be more of an experiment for a few years than a sort of 'settled for life' scenario ? I say this with trepidation as I imagine it was a huge upheaval to relocate ! However 44 can inspire and bring new life so even if you did move back to the city it wouldn't have been a waste to have experienced this."

>>Yes! Although I'm grateful for the peaceful, healthy, and cheap life we have here, I'm constantly thinking about whether I should go back. (What keeps me from moving back is my husband – he loves this place and wants to settle down here. He grew up on a farm in a very rural area and has a smaller need for connection than I do. You can imagine how hard it is for both of us – he dislikes even talking about moving!)

"Well 29, danger, needing to be fully immersed in experience whilst not knowing where the hell you are going. What to do in situations like that ? Well I think 29 says you hold your heart fast, you flow on with sincerity and wide awake awareness just as if you were kayaking some rapids or something."

"There's no time for rehearsal, you don't have clarity on the matter, you can only do things as they arise in the moment. And this is in answer to how you can make friends"

Haha! I echo your emoji reaction! Wtf?

Dear @trojina:

My inability to use this forum properly (I can't seem to be able to reply with a quote or do other fancy things without my laptop freezing) means my reply is a bit chaotic, but I just wanted to give you a heartfelt thank you for your insight into my situation.

Really, it means a lot to me that you took the time to read my question and provide such a thoughtful answer. It made me feel less alone to be "listened" to like that. And you also gave me much to ponder about.

I'm also very impressed with your I Ching interpretation skills – looking into the change patterns is definitely advanced Where did you learn to read the I Ching like that?

Again, thank you.

 

[Trojina]

>>Yes. This desire to rush to closeness is actually a problem I have that's location-independent. What you said was an excellent reminder that I need to be okay with more "casual" friendships that aren't meant to last long term.

Yes looser more context based relationships needn't always be seen as inferior, they can be quite enriching in themselves.

>>Yes! Although I'm grateful for the peaceful, healthy, and cheap life we have here, I'm constantly thinking about whether I should go back. (What keeps me from moving back is my husband – he loves this place and wants to settle down here. He grew up on a farm in a very rural area and has a smaller need for connection than I do. You can imagine how hard it is for both of us – he dislikes even talking about moving!)

Oh Dear that does sound difficult. But maybe you won't always feel like a stranger. The reading is set in the time you are now experiencing and the 29 becomes more clear from what you say. This isn't only about needing friends this is wondering if you should be here at all. You don't have to see the cast as a kind of judgement for all time, but it's where you are now and where you are now is a to be a traveller experiencing rather a rocky ride.

My inability to use this forum properly (I can't seem to be able to reply with a quote or do other fancy things without my laptop freezing) means my reply is a bit chaotic, but I just wanted to give you a heartfelt thank you for your insight into my situation.

Thank you. There is a general fault for newbies here, they can't format, make paragraphs, so it's not just you. Hilary is aware of the fault but can't do much about it right now. The only solution at the moment might be to try using a different browser.


I mean every newbie has this problem and they all think it's their fault so maybe we ought to have a banner up stating what the issue is.

Really, it means a lot to me that you took the time to read my question and provide such a thoughtful answer. It made me feel less alone to be "listened" to like that. And you also gave me much to ponder about.

I'm also very impressed with your I Ching interpretation skills – looking into the change patterns is definitely advanced Where did you learn to read the I Ching like that?

Thank you. Change patterns aren't an essential part of a reading but I like to notice them especially with many moving lines. I think of them as like skeleton of leaf shining through, they are like the skeleton of a reading. I think I found out about change patterns from Hilary in CC but I think it was Stephen Karcher who came up with the idea. I think he calls them 'change operators'


I recommend the Foundations Course here for anyone who wants a really clear solid grounding in developing interpretation skills. I also recommend trying to answer other's queries on their readings, I think a person can learn a lot that way and I think it develops intuition too. I think people should just jump in have a go even if they think they can't add much.

 

[hilary]

My inability to use this forum properly (I can't seem to be able to reply with a quote or do other fancy things without my laptop freezing) means my reply is a bit chaotic...

Hello! Like Trojina said, this is not your inability, this is the forum being buggy. If you have a minute or two, could you send me your experiences via this form?

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/forum-issues/

Thank you!