I spoke to my daughter, 13 and 20, 2. 5. 6 > 7

[Psiche]

So last week I spoke to my daughter about her participation in field hockey (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...-How-to-deal-with-our-daughter-s-coach-(long)), it has not been easy for me but I did. I tried not to be rude, she wasn't happy but she told me that she wants to play field hockey and stay in the team, even if it means that she stays on the bench during the matches.
I hope to have done it in the right way and that she doesn't feel more unconfident than she is at times.
I asked the I Ching 2 questions:
- What effect the speech had on my daughter? 13
- What do you think of my speech? 20, 2. 5. 6 > 7

Thanks

 

[RindaR]

What is your initial take on it?

 

[Psiche]

Well Rinda, I'm not an expert and it looks like my interpretations are more like "what I would like to have as an answer" or "what I'm afraid of".
When I received this answers, I had a good feeling. On a first look, ex. 13 is about love, cooperation, communication and truth. But I've read here this isn't an easy ex. to understand at times...
I read 20, 2. 5. 6 as I've planted some seeds and now I have to wait till they grow up, it's not about me and I have to let things go, it's my daughter's life and choice. Ashteroid, about 7, 3, wrote that maybe I had to do more, to be a leader for my daughter. Is 7 (which I'm receiving a lot in the last times) telling I'm starting to be?

 

[RindaR]

Sounds about right.

 

[kafuka]

I see 13 as an open, honest and respectful communication, a sound rational advice offered by a person you trust.

 

[Trojina]

I think the 13 here is the school/college wherever she is, the organisation. That is who you need support from not the coach.

I just answered your last thread on 7.3....it was a simple answer to your question....

'the army carries corpses' means there are useless people in positions of authority, so that answer suggested this guy was not the one to go to...You need to go over his head if you want any sense. That is not to the monkey to the organ grinder.

It's no disaster that you did go to him, afterall what is the worse that can happen, it is a relatively minor matter.

I hope to have done it in the right way and that she doesn't feel more unconfident than she is at times.
I asked the I Ching 2 questions:
- What effect the speech had on my daughter? 13
- What do you think of my speech? 20, 2. 5. 6 > 7

I don't think the speech had much effect on him...that is you made the speech to him didn't you ? He is just part of a system where people are graded into streams and so on...so you need to go over his head.

20.2.5.6>7 however looks like you may have made him think....but the thing is in 20.2 it shows you really don't have the full picture in some way, and the other lines suggest more reflection is needed on your part about the whole situation.

I'm sure I have missed a vital detail...going back to original thread to see.

 

[Trojina]

Okay had another read...This is a 12 year old girl who recently had a 2 hours journey both ways to spend 4 minutes playing and was upset. That's such a shame. She should have the same time playing as the others at her age. She is 12....so any competitive wishes of the coach to win etc are ridiculous. He is there to teach all the girls not just the one he thinks will make him look good.

Maybe your talk to him has had an effect but if it hasn't don't hesitate to go to his superior, the head or whoever. It isn't right that fools such as this get to have an adverse impact on the confidence of children of this age.

When I was at school the main thing expected was that everyone had a go and did their best. She isn't even getting a chance ! That 7.3 suggests to me there is something corrupted, old or false ideas that get in the way of progress. I'd think this teacher's ideas were the corpse to be honest which is why I'd encourage you to see the head of dept or something not him.

Hex 20 asks you to sit back a while and see what happens next....there may be things you are as yet unaware of. Hex 7 as relating shows you taking charge as in the first answer.


I'm quite biased in my answer as I think it is awful for a 12 year old to be side lined like this by a teacher...So biases aside it seems to me you are right to be concerned, you have acted on concerns...see what transpires and then go over his head to his superior.

BTW how did he respond ?

 

[ginnie]

Trojina, it looks from what Psiche wrote above that she did not speak to the coach. She spoke to her own daughter.

Well, from that 13 the discussion went well with your daughter.

20 is about making observations and I think the I Ching is saying that you will be able to see how your daughter is reacting to your conversation by observing her.

 

[Trojina]

Oh I must have lost the plot...from the first thread

After this long introduction, the question: I asked the I Ching if it was right to spek to the coach about what happened and the answer was 7, 3 - 46

I didn't agree she needed to speak to her daughter when the 7.3 was clearly about the coach which is what she asked about. I have no idea what she would be speaking to the daughter about. Must have missed something....or lost the plot.

 

[Psiche]

Thanks Rinda, Kafuka, Trojina and Ginnie :bows:

Oh I must have lost the plot...from the first thread

Maybe it'm my English I's not easy to express myself into a different language...

I don't know if speaking to the team managers would be of any utility. As I told in the other thread, the club where my daughter plays is a top club and the main team (the adult team) plays in the field hockey major league. It is the most winning female team in Italy and I think that expectations from the managers are high, even with young girls.
Field hockey is not popular in Italy, a few people play it and there are few teams and few coaches. My daughte's coach is a kind of "top" coach, some years ago he was the male top team's coach and, in a couple of years, he transformed them from a middling (I don't know if it is the right word) team into a strong winning team. Then he left and last year, when his own daughter decided to play, he was asked to coach.
My daughter, as the other girls, play in more than one championship (and team): the under 14 championship and the under 16 championship (and the match where she played a few minutes was for this team. She doesn't play all the time in the under 14 team as well, but more). I'm not justifying the coach, but I think that it is the system: elite teams demand a lot, starting from youth teams.

 

[Psiche]

Ashteroid suggested to have a talk with my daughter to undrerstand what she really wanted and I decided to follow his advice.
I spoke to her, I asked her more about her feelings, I asked what she would do if she will continue to stay on the bench. I spoke to her about the fact that maybe she wont be a champion, a top player, that maybe other girls have a bigger talent for sport than she has (this was the hardest part, but I think that parents, like good friend, must be honest), but that this is not what makes people's value and that if she, one day, decides to quit, there would be no shame.
She told me that, even if she have to stay on the bench, she want's to play field hockey because she really likes it. Of course, she dreams of being in the main team...
I asked her if she would like to try other sport activities, she told me that she would like to try fencing (I know, not an easy sport...), but she would try it only if she could continue attending field hockey.
Of course, I told her many other things and I was supporting her, I told her that in the last months she improved a lot (which is true) and that maybe she can still improve, but that she could need more time and effort than other girls. I would like so much to write in italian, it's really hard to express myself. I'm summarizing a lot and I'm not explaining well...

 

[ginnie]

Well, your daughter has her heart set on playing this game, even though she is not as proficient as the other girls, and I think it was good that you spoke with her and clarified this. She sounds like a bit of a dreamer! Your English is lovely and there is no need to explain . . .

 

[Psiche]

Thanks Ginnie

 

[Psiche]

I have an update on this thread. I think that the effects of the conversation are showing already. I don't know if her "love story" with hockey is getting to the end or if she is just disappointed, but she seems more detached. She still likes it and wants to play, but she is more relaxed, I would say that she feels less pressure on her, at least from us.
Now she knows we don't expect her to a champion at any cost and that we support her anayway and in any of her decisions.
Me and my husband decided that, in the next transfer of the under 16 team we would have told the coach that she would have stayed at home and she agreed with us. Yesterday, there were a couple of matches in our town and on friday my daughter arrived from school with a failed test. The teacher gave her the possibility of doing again the test this morning, but she was afraid that she would have not had the time to study properly (they have a lot of homeworks): on friday afternoon she had the training session and she would have been occupied all day on sunday (mainly staying on the bench...) so we told her that, if she wanted, we would have explained the situation to the coach and told him that she wasn't going to the matches.
My husband was supposed to speak after the training session, but she did it herself: she told the coach that since he had a good number of players and she had many homeworks, yesterday she would have stayed at home. The coach just answered "Ok" (we weren't there, but from what she told us, it was more like "Ok, if you really mean it...", he was kind of surprised).
My daughter has always been the one who listened to the coach and obeyed him, the one ready to sacrifice for the team, but now something has changed and the coach himself must realize it. I don't know if the coach will change his attitude towards her, but I think she did well.
On one side I would have preferred my husband spoke to the coach, but, on the other hand, I'm proud because she took her responsability speaking by herself. As I said in one of the firts posts, it's her life and decision, it's her sport activity.

- I asked the I Ching about the results of the fact that she hasn't gone to the matches and the answer was 21 unchanging.
my feeling here is that, as I said, she took her responsability, she is facing the situation and biting through.

 

[Psiche]

But what abouth the results? I guess, again, we'll see... there is this line 'ancient kings brought light to punishments to enforce the laws.' ...

- I asked How the coach will behave towards her and the answer was 55.
At a first glance, the ex seems good as well, aboundance (if I read here many warnings about the possibility of overwhelming, how does it fit?). Again this line "Thus the superior man decides lawsuits and carries out punishments." ...

- So I asked whether there will be punishments and the answer was 11, 2 > 36
36 speaks about a wound, but 11, 2 is about detachment and going on on one's path to find the peace.

Any insight from you would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[DT_Iching]

So last week I spoke to my daughter about her participation in field hockey (http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...-How-to-deal-with-our-daughter-s-coach-(long)), it has not been easy for me but I did. I tried not to be rude, she wasn't happy but she told me that she wants to play field hockey and stay in the team, even if it means that she stays on the bench during the matches.
I hope to have done it in the right way and that she doesn't feel more unconfident than she is at times.
I asked the I Ching 2 questions:
- What effect the speech had on my daughter? 13
- What do you think of my speech? 20, 2. 5. 6 > 7

Thanks

The hex code for Hexagram 13 is Community. Some success has already been reached but far greater triumphs now appear possible after your speech with your daughter. Beware of self-serving interests as it can compromise the trust between you and your daughter.

When there are more than 2 changing lines, we look at the hex codes of the main hexagram and its related hexagram. The hex code for Hexagram 20 is perspective and the hex code for Hexagram 7 is leadership. You need to have an open mind when you deliver your speech because closed mind makes for dead end. What is done is done. Now is the period of careful observation and consideration. Not a period of action. Hexagram 7 suggests that you will do best by serving as a guide to your daughter and not as a dictator. Leaders, more than anyone else, must keep a tight rein on their emotions. As a parent, you are a leader to your charge, namely our daughter. Now is the time for you to keep your cool and act like a leader who knows his charges well.

Good luck!