I wish it would end 11.1.6>18

[oceangirl]

So many times in the last year I just wish I was dead. I just wish my life would come to an end. Nothing I do seems to turn out right and this has been going on for years I just don't want to do it anymore. Last year I got work and twice had to get away from abuse of some kind. I became homeless and jobless sleeping on my sons couch. I got a job then got sacked because of someones lies. I got another job and then got sacked because of workplace bullying and not living up to their expectations of me. I got another job and just got sacked because I didn't live up to their expectations of me. Each time I've also either had to move or become homeless. I'm now staying in another sons tiny bedroom but it can only be for a few days. I know I can get work and a place to live but it feels so pointless because of the obvious.

How would it benefit me to find a place to live around here for the next month

11.1.6>18

 

[Trojina]

Hug number one

 

[steve]

Hey

I really do know exactly how you are feeling, I have been in that situation, so I know what its like to be homeless. The cause of the issue is old patterns and the way we think or solve problems. The problem is it is extremely difficult to change the way we think or go about things the older we get.

If the way we do things works then thats ok i guess even if it is annoying to others, but if the way we do things doesnt work then we need to change. I am going through this at the moment with my business i am constantly in a feast to famine situation. I will post my latest reading shortly because its all about this subject. Personally i appear to be changing the way i look at my business and projects i take on and it does appear to be working. I have really fought this in the past as well, not even knowing i was doing so.
The reason was i guess that I will get by if i stay in the old mindset. i knew a friend that was in sales most of his life then one day couldnt stand it anymore or the merry go round. he ended up getting a job in the mines and loved the stability of a paycheck every month even though he was a garbage collector.

The thing is you still have fight in you and thats what you need to make the change.

i would be asking how do i or what do I need to know about creating some positive patterns to bring some stability in my life. All i am saying that for example you may think you are in the right line of work but you are not. To give an example I am starting a local newspaper in my village here in the Philippines,
Its actually where i started when I left the music industry, so its like going backward in time. Its not something i thought i would be doing.
These are just personal thoughts nothing to do with the reading.

Interesting The answer you have in the reading is to think outside the box in line 1 its an auspicious line, I think it could be positive to finding something nearby. It has to do with solid support maybe your son may help you find something. I believe its a combination of a new mindset along with some sort of support. Maybe talking to an official about your situation.
line 6 i believe is at the same time as line 1 in action is reflecting the state of mind you are in, as the lines are spread apart so I think this is happening at once.
the metaphor is a city that has collapsed walls. So the advice is dont get emotional about things let it unfold and in 18 you will heal from this or repair the walls.
Something you know how to do i would imagine.

So the answer could be to find something locally, I mean why not?
if you are thinking that then maybe there is a reason.

Steve

 

[diamanda]

How would it benefit me to find a place to live around here for the next month
11.1.6 > 18
I'm not sure it would benefit you much.
You'd lose your peace (11 concluding from a-to-z) and you'd go into repair mode.

Mercury is still almost totally stationary, will finally fully move on around the 16th.
So maybe a different solution will come up soon.
Fingers crossed for you, and another hug!

 

[oceangirl]

Thanks for the hugs diamanda and Trojina and your story Steve.

Unfortunately things got worse, my son lashing out and telling me he wish I'd just go away again. Deep seated emotional stuff he's choosing not to deal with and that I bring up for him he said. Now I've got a broken heart on top of it all but yes diamanda you're interpretation is right.....not a good idea to stay around.

 

[Trojina]

I don't have much to add about the cast except it gave me a thought that maybe you are trying too hard ? I mean 18, repairing what's decayed and 11 seems to sweep it all away, as if you make efforts only to see them washed away. Admittedly my thought didn't come directly from the reading (not sure) but in 11.6 one is being advised I think that the battle isn't there anymore, no need for defensive measures. I'm speaking generally (and rather vaguely) not about this particular situation you are in right now, but overall.

I mean you do try really hard. If there were awards given out for persistence you'd get it. My thought was possibly that inner drive to get to the right situation and make it all right creates more tension in you than you can manage and this might have an outer impact when these things don't work out. Just a thought I had. How can you try less hard ? I don't know. Do the easiest thing ? I also don't know if my thought has any validity but thought I'd toss it out there.

You have to keep in mind you've been through very bad times before and you've come through and you will come through this too. I do sympathise, I know it's awful to have no place of your own and be at the mercy of your son's opinions and so on. I hope this all passes on soon, well this cast does look like it will.

 

[oceangirl]

Thanks for responding and you're right. I did put different things in practice this time most importantly to have no expectations and said I'd only work there for a limited time, not run if things weren't as they could be and even that was cut short. The whole thing was weird from the start but to have it pulled out from under me was such a shock.
Yes as soon as these things happen I try hard to find another job etc. So I guess that's the bit about trying too hard to get it sorted out AGAIN!
The biggest difference now is I don't blame myself anymore, I know now how hard I've always been on myself. I think in terms of this particular question - I was hoping by staying around here I'd be able to start creating a renewed relationship with my son and sort out our dysfunction (repairing what's decayed 18) but he's made it perfectly clear he's no interest in that and his opinion of me is pretty horrible. I understand it's his own guilt from many years ago that's the issue and not me so I'm reading your take on 11.6 as it's not my battle anymore it's his so there's no need to defend myself and my efforts are just being 'washed away' by him. That doesn't mean that I'm not distraught over this turn of events with him though.

 

[Trojina]

so I'm reading your take on 11.6 as it's not my battle anymore it's his so there's no need to defend myself and my efforts are just being 'washed away' by him. That doesn't mean that I'm not distraught over this turn of events with him though

...mm I wasn't seeing the cast as specifically about him since you'd asked just about staying in the area a while I thought, but yes he's part of the whole situation I guess. In 11.6 there's sort of nothing left to defend, you can go your own way. I was thinking of the reading as more of a description of your inner state. But with your son although he's being horrible you are still talking so there is always chance for improvement at some point. Maybe not right now when emotions run high but in the future. It sounds like you've really lost faith in anything ever working out for you, understandably...but you always have kept faith, even if just a glimmer, so I think it's still there, just a bit buried at the moment.

 

[Liselle]

I was hoping Trojina would be able to put the reading into words, and she did. "11 washing 18 away" among other lovely comments. I couldn't think of anything useful to say, but I do sympathize greatly - these sorts of years-long intractable problems are for the freaking birds (actually not. I like birds & would never wish it on them. But you know what I mean).

Another one:

 

[oceangirl]

Thanks Liselle. My friends have been so supportive and amazing. I don't think they've seen me in such a state before, at least not since I split with my husband. Both have said OMG take a break and just don't work for as long as possible.
I've left where I was a couple of hours away at least and spending 2 weeks by the sea. My son and I are estranged, I just can't do it anymore with him.

 

[Erik58]

I will post here as I am sitting in a hospital with the question How can I cope with all of this? Not wanting to end it but feeling like things are all too much. Partner very poorly and a situation with Father that is potentially emotionally and financially damaging to me regarding a house purchase. The reading 11>18 is akin to yours somehow. Yes I try too hard to make things work and better .. yes I need to let 11 wash the 18 away. Anyone reading this ..I feel like I am too keen to take on other people’s stories ... hooked into an unreal play in which I have no directors influence.
Very helpful thread

 

[MeltingPot247]

Even though this is an old thread, and I sometimes see long term members wonder why people respond to them or revive them - I just wanted to with this one.

I hope that Oceangirl is okay today, I resonate with the emotive words she shared here of what she is going through. I'd read a past thread of hers 49.1.5 and then came on to SR to see if she had others and found this.

All in all, there is always a lot going on for everyone around us - kindness and support goes a long way.

Namaste

 

[Trojina]

Oceangirl is now called 'becalm' she is here posting also called 'goddessliss' a while back then went to 'oceangirl' then left then came back as 'becalm'. I stand to be corrected but after a decade or so of answering her I recognise her, have asked her several times directly and she hasn't said she isn't. Thankfully she is still alive and kicking as you can see.

 

[MeltingPot247]

Wow, that is good to know.

Thank you Trojina