Identity and roots - Hexagram 18 changing to 15

[altrum]

I asked the I Ching the question "Who am I?". After 3 or so months of depression, inertia and isolation I now realize, with the help of a few friends, that the next step forward is to establish an identity for myself. I cast hexagram 18 with changing lines 2 and 6 into hexagram 15.

Here's some background.

Physical and emotional neglect during led me to try and escape bad memories and a sense of worthlessness by moving abroad and start afresh, but I ended up almost immediately in an abusive relationship lasting 5 years, repeating the same patterns of childhood and some worse, sexual abuse from a doctor from whom I sought help, followed by 7 years of isolation, working mostly from home with a few social contacts and activities, and one-to-one talking therapy during which I became more and more dependent on the therapist and didn't really get over my depression and even began overeating.

In the last 2-3 years I have been part of an organization which is a source of therapy for damaged people and their families and then helps them in practical ways to identify their skills and resources with the aim of functioning preventively within society and ultimately changing it.

After a brief period of the therapy stage I moved city, leapt into the skills stage and had a positivve long run of self-esteem, helping others and using my skills.

The organisation is now planning an important expansion project and is asking for a deeper commitment from those willing and able and I, in theory, could be one of these.
A few months ago I went through a series of strong emotional challenges and disappointments which I didn't have time / wasn't able to deal with and this led to my relapse into depression.
My friends in the organisation are saying that I am negative, chronically indecisive, that I should make make a break with the past, make a decision to move forward in my life and decide what I want to do with it.

Now my question/confusion is whether to go with this ideological and worthy project, even though I see it as overwhelming and larger than (my) life at the moment, or to continue working with them on a low-key basis, rebuild my career, continue to work on my emotional issues and hopefully find love (I haven't been in a relationship since the abuse).

Thanks for giving me another point of view.

Altrum

 

[elvis]

....
In the last 2-3 years I have been part of an organization which is a source of therapy for damaged people and their families and then helps them in practical ways to identify their skills and resources with the aim of functioning preventively within society and ultimately changing it.

Your saying this organisation is focused on changing society? - the learnt skills are there to prevent intrusion from the existing society?

The organisation is now planning an important expansion project and is asking for a deeper commitment from those willing and able and I, in theory, could be one of these.

What does 'deeper commitment' mean? financial contributions or more free use of your time?

Are the critical remarks of your 'friends' in the organisation part of the course?
What is the name of this organisation? If we can see what it is all about, and so identify its driving force then we can see the relationship with you better.

 

[fkegan]

Hi Altrum,

You may wish to read other posts by Chris Lofting (alias Elvis) both here and on his web site before naively following his invitation to give him more information....

Shared readings are at their best when limited to comments upon some Oracle of the I Ching. Hex 18.2,6 >> 15 suggests that you are in the midst of resolving prior problems (hex 18) and moving toward some sense of balance (hex 15).

Frank

 

[rodaki]

hi altrum,

as you might noticed there are various ways to interpret a Yi reading -I think it's good to hear many voices and find what feels right to you . . also, the more people know about your circumstances, the better they can understand and the easier will be for them to make helpful comments; but then how much you want to disclose is up to you . .

:bows:

 

[meng]

I asked the I Ching the question "Who am I?". After 3 or so months of depression, inertia and isolation I now realize, with the help of a few friends, that the next step forward is to establish an identity for myself. I cast hexagram 18 with changing lines 2 and 6 into hexagram 15.

When wind stops moving against the mountain things stagnate. The first thing is to get things circulating. That's the gist of 18. Line 2 says to be gentle with this, don't demand from yourself too severely. Line 6 shows a very giving person, which is you. Is this a good thing for you, being one who looks out for the greater good? I don't think the Yi judges that for us, I think that's something we each decide. Serving the greater good, is there a personal loss you suffer for that? Just something to consider.

It may help to think of 15 as meaning authentic, rather than what we usually refer to as modest. Being who you really are, that's what is being worked on. No pretense, no need not to look anyone in the eyes.

 

[altrum]

Thank you all so much for your comments. In fact the reason I posted in the first place was to have as many points of view as possible and try and work through this myself, objectively. So this is very helpful.

I won't be disclosing the name of my organization, not only for reasons of privacy but also because one of my roles is to communicate the objectives of the group, and it is clear that in this case i haven't been completely successful! I will say that when I said "skills" I might have been better to say "talents" (e.g. an extremely shy but talented dancer is encouraged practically to go out and dance!), and that the organization doesn't intend to exclude existing society, but quite the reverse, it works actively and effectively within society to try and prevent social and emotional distress. And while I earnestly believe and know that the driving force behind my friends' "criticism" is to encourage me to make a stand for myself, with or without this organization, my dilemma, and the question I asked the oracle is about how to do this on my own terms, and understanding what my own terms really are.

Thanks again.