I'm in love with someone, there is a serious misunderstanding and he won't talk to me

[skittalion]

This guy hit on me, then bullied me?

Ok, two years ago a guy came onto me on three different occasions, all the while saying he didn't want to date me and telling other people he was uncomfortable with me. I turned down his advances until the last time, then I said yes but we didn't have sex. After that he told people he thought I was following him, a lot of friends got between us, and then said I was stalking him. He refused to speak to me and I was harassed for a long time for being a "stalker". I have never said I wanted to date him, asked him for anything, or hit on him in any way, loving someone and dating them are two different things. My life completely changed and I have to do something. There were some coincidences, bad communication, and misunderstanding. He has a girlfriend and I have not wish to steal him, but if I die from it, I have to rectify the misunderstandings between us, find a solution for what happened:>

I don't really know what i ask, so I asked the Iching many:

1)what is the purpose of his and my interactions:
15 modesty and progress, lines 5 - no flaunting wealth, and 6 - modesty and action
becomes 53 gradual progress

2)what action should i take towards him: 43 breaking through *no change

3)what does he feel towards me:
59 dispersing, lines 1- riding a strong horse, rectify problems quickly, clear up misunderstandings quickly and thoroughly, 3 - dissolving one self, be selfless for others good
changing to 9, wind and clouds

4)who is he to me: 10 worrying the tiger, line 6- the path u chose>58 joy

5) how to rectify the misunderstanding between us: 49 ko/revolution, line 4- honor redeemed
change to 63 aftermath

6) who are we to each other: 51 Thunder, line 6 don't react to rumors > 21 biting through

he's asked me not to contact him in any ways and I don't know how to reach him except through his gf.

seems to indicate force and action are required, but i don't really get it. please help

 

[moss elk]

2)what action should i take towards him: 43 breaking through *no change

Confucius / Legge : Resoluteness is the symbol of displacing or removing. (Him)
Tuck Chang : To get rid of (Him) (with determination but peacefully)

I sincerely do not wish to be unkind but, please consider my words.
You say you are in love with him.
To you, is being ' in love' a state of conflict, strife, turmoil, and backstabbing?
Or is being in love a state of peace, harmony, and happiness?

This is obviously very difficult for you.
I hope you end it soon for your own wellbeing.

 

[ginnie]

This relationship has been trouble and nothing but an argument from the beginning. You don't have to straighten anything out. You have to turn your back and walk away from this.

 

[skittalion]

Love is a state of peace, harmony, and happyiness. however I am going to do something about being bullied. And no, I don{t believe it is ok to let someone commite a crime against you, bullying, and do nothing. Nor would I tell the victim of any crime to walk away and do nothing. spiritually, if someone commites a crime against you, you then have a ersponsibility to hold them accountable. Also,what I am gathering from teh eradings is that confronting him will produce long term positive results. So please explain futher. U guys are basing ur answers on the idea that I want a relationship with him, however I have not said that, and I am not asking that. I am asking the iching for help with someone who bullied me, and whose actions are still affecting my life through third parties, not how to get a guy to like me. Please help.

 

[eastern_girl]

Dear Skittalion,

I think it's difficult for anyone on this forum to help you with the readings when there are so many contradictions in what you shared with us.

You say:

U guys are basing ur answers on the idea that I want a relationship with him, however I have not said that, and I am not asking that. I am asking the iching for help with someone who bullied me(.....) not how to get a guy to like me

but a few days ago you also posted this:

If I forcefully violate his privacy (he has blocked me and asked me not to contact him) and tell him I love him?

and this

If I post publicly that I lied all this time and I really am in love with him

from here: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?18182-What-should-I-do-if-anything-about-him

 

[skittalion]

Ok, I can see how u might be confused Eatern Girl. Here is the run down. I am in love with him and I lied about it. I don't like that I lied because I am not a liar and can't find inner peace. Just because I love him does not mean that I am asking for a relationship. He is already having one and I completely accept that and would not break it. People seem to think that telling someone u love them mean u want something in return, like for them to love u back, or a relationship, but asking for something in return is not real love, it is entitlemet. Real love is just a feeling, like a hair color, it doesn't mean u get something in return. So, what I want is to be honest without punishment, not to date him. Furthermore, he has bullied me and hurt me-still is, without realizing it, by saying things about me that are not true to many people, and damaging my personal relationships to the point that former friends now treat me with dicrimination and prejudice. I want to bring this to his attention and stand up for myself. My love for him plays no role in teh equation, I love my mother, but if she abused me I would still call the police on her. If someone is hurting u, it is your-my obligation to defend yourelf-myself.... The guy assumed that because I loved him I wanted something in return, like most people assume, and thought I was lying when I said I was fine as friends, which is the truth. Then, he told people he didn{t like me, but didn{t tell me he didn{t want to see me, I even asked. So, as a friend I tried to visit him and people started calling me a stalker. Then one girl told him I called him a rapist. I didn{t. He didn{t sk me, he went to my bar and invited all the people back to his house and all of my friends, including my best friend lied to me about it. I was so mad I told my best friend not to talk to me again,and even though i apologized later, he would{t be my friend again and he and this guy told everyone i know they wouldn{t go anywhere I went, and that I was a crazy stalker who called the guy a rapist. I didn{t know about this until people started to ostracize me and then harrass me. I don{t think the guy I am in love with knows I wa harrassed for being a stalker and he won{t stop saying it to people. When I try to talk to him to explain, people will say that proves it is true, because I am contacting him when he doen{t want me to. It has been two years, nd people still harrass me, and I need to clear up this misunderstanding, even if he never talks to me again. I lied about loving him because I wass afraid of loving him, and then to his gf, becuase I am afraid of more harrassment. I want to defend myelf and be honest about how I feel. It is about comunicating honestly and clearly, and that is what I am always asking aabout.

 

[moss elk]

I respect your intention to clear your name.
As long as you go about it properly.

On to the other issue.
"When I try to talk to him to explain, people will say that proves it is true, because I am contacting him when he doen{t want me to."

From Wikipedia: Stalking= unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual or group toward another person.
You Are stalking him. Stop.
Follow the advice of 43.

Your heart and head are all tied in knots about this.
Even your wish for Justice is all tangled up in those other feelings.
Break away and then unravel those knots.

 

[skittalion]

unwanted attention? a traffic cop gives you unwanted attention, he is not stalking you. Stalking only counts if there is no purpose for your interaction, if someone is slandering you or misinterpreting what you say, there is a purpose to speaking with them.