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Insight 1.4.5.6 > 11

chase

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I wanted to post this in the Friends area but I can't seem to get the whole page to load in order to get the "Create New Conversation" button.

I asked the Yi "what is the best way to go forward with X"
Some backstory: X and I have a strange and interesting relationship. Once, briefly romantic, and since friendly (we communicate virtually daily) with a definite sexual chemistry and mutual attraction that does not come to fruition since he chose to return to an ex shortly after we met. I am at constant odds with what to do with this man. I recently went on vacation with my 4 year old son to Mexico and brought X back a little bit of culture that I knew he would like. Our visit when I gave him the gift was very nice. I kept it very friendly (he tried to steer conversations to my meeting other men while on vacation). After we parted he sent me a note telling me that he "owed" me for the gift and wondered if he could buy me a beer after work one day. This was just before Christmas so I told him to check with me in the New Year when I would have more free time and wasn't so busy. We haven't talked since Christmas (he's on vacation). I assume he is still with his girlfriend but I didn't ask. So I asked the Yi what is the best way to go forward with this confusing man.

Any thoughts on my answer would be appreciated.

Thanks so much.
 

jte

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Quite a contradictory set there.

Off the cuff, I'd read that some of the things you're thinking of doing with him are fine - chatting, spending some time together as friends, etc, will be useful and beneficial: thus lines 4 and 5.

Some other things you might be thinking of, such as getting romantically involved even though he's with someone else (assuming he is), probably aren't such good ideas - hence lines 1 and 6.

In 1.4 and also in Hex 11 - I think part of this is that the situation requires inner strength to do just what is right instead of perhaps everything that you feel like doing.

My 2 cents,

- Jeff
 

chase

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Inner strength. Yes, I need that.

He makes it quite difficult at times. He is very flirty and complimentary and can be quite the tease. We used to work in the same building and 2 months ago he was relocated to a different office (same company), so much of our contact is via e-mail. If I don't e-amail him he will, without fail, send me a note before the day is through. He has not made an attempt to hang out with me socially since getting back with his ex (oh, and he has confided often that isn't certain about what he wants when it comes to his heart) so this invite for beer has me wondering just what to make of it all.
 

stuart

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I think this relationship has potential.From the hexigram configuration ,the only area of caution is too much of a good thing.I get the impression that its one of those atractions that just has to be.I do not see it as hex 54 where you take secound place;more like it unavoidable because dispite the circumstances it is right.
 

chase

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I just asked "what is currently happening with me and X" and got 40.2.3.4 > 15. This seems like a positive reading to me. But I have a nasty habit of looking for what I want to see.
 

jerryd

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40..2.3.4 reading from Wilhhelm Baynes translation useing book 111 to interpert > 15.

40 suggests deliverence. the southwest furthurs suggests transition back to ordinary conditions what ever these are for you? Side note: in another reference to southwest from another source about transpersonal psychology useing Yi,
1. The world of thoughts: comes from the trigram for wind. S.W.
2. The world of senses: comes from the trigram for receptive. S.W.

Line three in hexagram 15, in this instance the suggestion is it is a good thing/ though not as per usual, the ruleing line the defineing line remains as the dominate positive. Even though the transforming lines carry you into 15.

Perhaps slow and steady is you best course to a great renewal.
 

jerryd

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I took the liberty to ask the Yi wour question on this side of the world and here is my Hexagram for you to read. Huan Hex 59.
 

pagan

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Hi Chase,
Without throwing any coins, but just by knowing what the IC says in hex 54 about this kind of situation, I would have to say that whenever you go into a relationship where you are not the 'chief' wife, there is a series of miserable things that you will sooner or later, have to go through.

You will have to deal with not having him there when you need him because he has a responsibility to the girlfriend (54.2) You will feel disgraced and humiliated when her needs and demands come before yours (54.3) you will have to wait a very long time for him, because with you to spice it up, he has no particular need to clean up the relationship that he is in. You will probably have to wait till she throws him out or you will be meanwhile fortunate to find someone who is worthwhile to give yourself to (54 line 4). You are serving their relationship in what is known as 'triangulation' where a third person actually keeps a couple together by providing an outlet for the unresolvable differences. Left alone and without distraction, they will end it a lot faster than if you are in the picture.

Sooner or later, the fire will simmer into those warm embers, and you will find that you have a friend, even after the sexual yeehaw has cooled. (54.5) But, at the same time, what you first saw as so important about this relationship will now feel meaningless and even absurd. (54.6)

In general, the ICHING only recommends relationships that are protected by law, contract, family ties or the prevailing social status quo. The ICHING also warns that relationships that are based solely on personal inclination are ominous to commit yourself to.

I would cut to the quick and tell him that you have started fanatasing something more with him and the problem is that he is not free to follow suit. And I would tell him that if he ever gets free then give a call, the sooner the better.

Meanwhile, I would start going out with guys that you respect for one reason or another. Go look for a guy that you respect and take a chance to try and make a closer friendship with him.

Meanwhile make sure that the lover boy is really free, and that he really is standing on his own before you dump your heart in his lap.

Meanwhile, when you have an opportunity to connect with a guy who you can respect, then he is someone you will want to know the rest of your life no matter if it is just friends or something more. And if you end up hooking up with a guy that you really respect, then think of how awesome it will be, even after the sex hormones dim a bit.

When you meet a guy who ends a relationship with a 'wrong person' and carries on in his life alone, that is a man you can respect because he sets his boundaries right and doesn't waste himself on a go-nowhere relationship.

If I were you I would think a whole lot about the guys you really respect, and then take a good look at this guy and then take a really good look at your own values and your own ego gratification.

Other hexagrams that you might study are 8, 13, 17, 30, 31, 32, 37, 44, 50, 53, and 61.

If you don't ask the right question, then you can't really count the answer you get. The Sage retreats from a wrong question. Then instead of the right answer you get jibberish. That is reviewed in Hex 4.

But you can always apply the 'general IC perspective' and be pretty sure of its wisdom.
If he is the perfect man for you, it doesn't matter because it is, nevertheless, the wrong time.
P.
 

chase

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Jerryd - Hex 59 is a new one for me. Was your question about what is currently going on with me and X? Is it speaking of disolving old ways to make way for new things? I admit to feeling a little lost with this one.

Pagan - you speak volumes of truth.
"You are serving their relationship in what is known as 'triangulation' where a third person actually keeps a couple together by providing an outlet for the unresolvable differences. Left alone and without distraction, they will end it a lot faster than if you are in the picture."
I can't tell you how many times this very thought has entered my mind. He doesn't make it easy for me to pull away though. He is drawn to me in a way I don't fully understand and he can't go long without making contact with me. He knows my feelings for him. He knows I would be very interested in a relationship were he in a position to engage in one. As you can see this is all so puzzling.
 

jerryd

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Yes Chase, I tried to quote your original posting to the Yi as you have written it in you initial 40 2.3.4.>15 reply,

59 comes up here In Australia, my belief on this is that reading from content in a positive is the most positive reading of this Hex, if you feel constrained by what you feel Yi advises me you should clear gently the issue with him and talk about your feelings.
It also suggests perhaps now is not the best timeing, later as it warms in the new year?

I can only think there is something either in your life which is complication this or his at this time, do you have other alternatives to you in relationships you may be overlooking due to focusing to much energy onto your present ah friend?
 

chase

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Jerry,
By other alternatives in relationships, do you mean other men I could be dating? If so, then I would say nothing obvious. I am not sitting here waiting for this man to figure it out. I am a 36 yr old single mom (been single for about 2 years) and I am open to dating other men. I have not pledged my heart to X. But no other men have asked me out. As for complicatations, I think that X himself is rather confused about what it is he wants out of a relationship. He was very hurt by a woman a few years ago. He has admitted to being afraid of feeling that kind of pain again. I think he keeps himself in the relationship with his girlfriend because he doesn't have his heart fully in it and therefore isn't risking it.

I care for this man deeply. I am not however grief stricken that he is not with me. Perhaps that is because in a sense, he actually is with me. We most definitely have an emotional relationship of sorts happening here. My struggle is with what do with this "relationship". I never want to be the "other woman" so to speak. I mean while there is no "hanky panky" going on, there is a bit of an emotional betrayal to his girlfriend I think. My instincts tell me that he needs to be free of me to really be able to sort out his mind and his heart, but the damned man makes it hard for me to pull away from him.
irked.gif
I blame technology. Drated E-mail!
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I have had experience with the type of man who would "play" a woman and this is not that man. He is very sincere, almost naive really. I guess that is what draws me to him.

Pagan - I have read and re-read your post several times. I want you to know that it really speaks to me. I appreciated your insight greatly! Perhaps I need to ask the Yi for some insight on how to break free from this?

Chase
 

martin

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Just looking at the hexagrams (not the lines) I would say that this relationship has potential (agreeing with Stuart here and it is also what you feel) but that it's best to keep it (merely) potential for the time being.
The reading suggests, I think, that you limit your receptivity toward your friend somewhat and let him feel that you draw the line somewhere, that there is a boundary. So far and not further.
Maybe something like "first sort your things out and make up your mind, as long as you haven't done that I'm deaf for your flirtations".
I don't mean that you have to say that to him, there are other - subtler
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- ways to bring such a message across.
Well, I don't know if I'm making sense now but this is more or less what I get from your reading. It's probably colored by my own experience with triangles. Anyway, I agree with what Pagan wrote. Be careful ...
 

chase

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I did some more meditating on the subject today, taking advantage of some quiet time while my energetic 4yr old is at his father's. I asked the Yi "what will it (relationship) be if I give X the space to allow him to sort out his heart"
I got 13.2.5 > 14. Hoo boy! 13.5 certainly jolted the old heart.
Confucius says "Life leads the thoughtful man on a path of many windings. Now the course is checked, now it runs straight again. Here winged thoughts may pour freely forth in words, There the heavy burden of knowledge must be shut away in silence. But when two people are at one in the inmost hearts, They shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze. And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, Their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids."

14 - I see only good here. If I am missing something please point me to it (as I've mentioned before, I may be wearing my rose coloured glasses today).

Thoughts of course are greatly apreciated. And ways to give him the space needed are also apreciated. We are both back to work on Tuesday (different buildings thankfully), and he will no doubt e-mail me since we have not been in communication in over a week.

Chase
 

jerryd

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I am doing a bit of research and was wondering Chase if you would like to help me and I will give you some direct feed back on what I find.

To do this I need your date of Birth. month,day and year. Nothing els in order to project where you fit into your Dharmic life pattern?
 

chase

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Hello Jerry,
you have me intrigued. My date of birth is Aug 26, 1968.
 

jerryd

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Chase, OK thank you and as soo as I have some resilts I will post you on Friends area under Your name as a heading is this all right or would you like it posted here?
 

jerryd

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I will post it within an hour from now? What ever you time is at 8am jan 4 2005.
 

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