insight about the relation?

[sallybb]

Dear friends,

after silence in several months, I reconnected to ex and tried to talk about some blocks and issues to clean up. I want to have more insight about myself in this deep relationship (ended badly), so I feel the need to feel detachment without blames and judgments, but find a way to face it.

could you help me to gain some insight about this

general diagnosis of the relation between me and ex? 33.3.5>35
my position in the relation? 15.4>62
ex position in the relation?10
what is the best thing for me to do related to this relation? 58.5>54

Thank you very much,
Best wishes :bows:

 

[jesed]

Hi Sally

I can't believe that someone still remember -and practice- this way to ask about relations, here in Clarity. Just because of that, you won another useless comment from me

1.- General Diagnosis of the relation
There are 2 opposite forces: to retreat and to progress by colaboration. The fisrt one is the more evident; the other is a posibility...but only if both of you move things in that direction.

The time of retreat started in august, 2009 (Can you remember anything significative around august 1st and september 15th?) And it will cover until June 15th, 2010. So..it is a long time..things won't be solved in the short time.

The time of retreat is more an inner detachment than a physical retreatment (altough, it can be a physical movement some times). That is the theme now: to gain inner detachment. That is logical, when one relation is broken. In this time, is wise to avoid direct conflict and fights..."avoid danger" is the motto for this age.

The 3 line is ruling from November 15th to November 22th, 2009. Delay in retreat; there are bounds still present in the relation. Is not a time to force the "cut" of those bounds. One of the people involved refuses to detach him/herself from the relation. This is risky, and tiresome. Avoid anger, quarrels, fights. Accept the delay..but reach inner strenght to achieve the retreatment later.

Line 5 will rule from March 1st to April 22th, 2010. Now it would be time to achieve the retreatment in good conditions; even in friendly conditions. The decision to retreat would probe itself to be correct and wise.

2.- Your position
You are looking for balance what happened, and achieve a new and better "equilibrium" (sic..forgive my bad english).
Are your feeling that you was/are treated unfairly? Are you looking for some kind of reparation? (I'm not really sure about this)
Any way, line 4 shows that you are dealing with some kind of negligence (either yours or from your ex) and lack of solidarity. But you need to remain fair and acomplish your line of action. You need to discern and judge clearly the situation.

3.- his position
Tricky one, hex 10 unchanging. Some kind of mundanity? Feel himself like a "man of the world"? In the best posibility, he wants to remain fair, and act with justice and prudence. In the not-best posibility, he may fears you and only wants to calm down the situation.

4.- Best thing to do
First of all... seek and achieve inner serenity and calm.
Second.. many people would say: interact, talk, discuss with him. But the hex is about talk, study and discuss with people alike us, same-minded. If he is not same-mind than you, then this is an advice to seek and join people that IS like you, not him.
Third... there are many ways to translate line 5. One is "he/she trust in someone who will hut him/her". This is a huge advice. You can't trust in returning to the relation as couple. You need to be clear in this. Keep your eyes open, achieve a good judgement.

Best wishes

 

[jesed]

P.S
In one phrase: there are delays in complete the process of cut the emotional bounds. You shouldn't try to force the cut, neither attempt to attach yourself to him or the relation. Gain inner calm and strenght, and eventually you would be able to say goodbye friendly. Seek and join people that is more alike you; that will help you to walk this path.

 

[sallybb]

Dear jesed,

I got this method from reading the other posts' suggestion and discussion. Was it your post? hehe.

1. I looked at my diary! so interesting that I found the trace of my reflection.
around July 31, I started to have the little capacity of the inner detachment through rethinking a dark scared dream about the wedding with ex one year ago in his first time betray.

around Sep 13, I met the other ex lover T who I have become a very good friend even though we meet only once or twice a year. We had two years silence before being good friends again. I realized the very deep connection between T and me, even in the form of friendship. The connection with ex(as this post referring to) just cannot get there, even though so much fun,sweet and comfortable feeling. For me, this experience speaks to me that be careful what you allow to feed your body and soul.

33.3 I decided to talk to ex on Nov 16 after a half year's silence. When he tried to reconnect me on September and October, I just didn't feel calm enough to face it and didn't talk to him at all.

33.5 wow, it is a long time to face these issues and find a good retreat. I hope I can be calm all the time until April 2010.

How amazing you got these dates! :bows:
Do you combine iching with other methods?


2. My position: 15.4>62
I was betrayed in this relationship, so I don't feel fair and confused about the big gap between words and actions. But I also know that I didn't treat him fairly in the other parts. I feel bothered and want to find a balance and clean up for a good ending/maybe a friendship, rather than stop talking to each other and escaping these blocked issues.

3. His position :10
He maybe just want to calm me down because I was so mad at that time, many explosive emotions. He is still talking with big big words and loaded promises.

Feel himself like a "man of the world"?
Does it refer that maybe he has a lot of relationship, and I only have two relationships? Could you explain a little bit about this metaphor meaning and "mundanity" ?

Thank you very much for your post.
I realize that danger in this situation would be 1) trust his words, 2) trust my own habitual reaction or defense for judgment and blame, then I create the battle again 3) trust to be a couple again....
This may be 58.5's meaning of "misplacing trust." It is hard to find a place to place trust. I guess it is about finding hex 48 Well within one's own strength. In this situation, I will need to learn how to take his words without pushing him and me into the danger and emotional battle again. I really want to say a good goodbye! even though sometimes I have little voice saying wanting to be together again..danger!
It is so difficult to live and play in the suspension.


Best wishes, Sally

 

[jesed]

I got this method from reading the other posts' suggestion and discussion. Was it your post? hehe.

You got me

How amazing you got these dates! :bows:
Do you combine iching with other methods?

No. When I do Yijing intrepretation, I only follow Yijing's rules. When I do tarot interpretation, I only follow Tarot's rules. When I do astrology, I only follow ZIWEI's rules. And so on.

About how I get the dates, there are 2 or 3 post here in Clarity.

Best wishes. Patience and serenity. :bows:

 

[jesed]

Oh... I made a mistake.

Line 3 rules from November 15th, 2009 until January 7th, 2010.

Sorry.:bag:

 

[sallybb]

could you tell me where is the posts about the dates in the iching's lines?
thanks!

 

[jesed]

Hi Sally

Here it is
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=259

Best wishes