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Interpreting hexagram 51.2.3.4.5 > 5 to make a decision?

jqc1994

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I've been hanging out with my ex this summer but am moving away for my job this coming saturday. She doesn't want a relationship and i've told her that if that's what she wants, I can't be friends with her or have contact with her. She insists that we stay friends and although i really don't want to lose her, I'm afraid i'll never get over her if we do stay friends but at the same time, i'm not sure what the right choice is. I've been torn up about this decision so i decided to consult iching.


I asked "what's the best decision in this situation?" I got hexagram 51.2.3.4.5 changing to hexagram 5. Can someone help interpret this for me?
 

Trojina

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I've been hanging out with my ex this summer but am moving away for my job this coming saturday. She doesn't want a relationship and i've told her that if that's what she wants, I can't be friends with her or have contact with her. She insists that we stay friends and although i really don't want to lose her, I'm afraid i'll never get over her if we do stay friends but at the same time, i'm not sure what the right choice is. I've been torn up about this decision so i decided to consult iching.


I asked "what's the best decision in this situation?" I got hexagram 51.2.3.4.5 changing to hexagram 5. Can someone help interpret this for me?


You aren't sure about the right choice ? Funny cos I am...looking at this other thread you began on the matter https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...erpreting-hexagram-24-4-5&p=241568#post241568 Taking this quote from that thread and even without the I Ching it's clear the 'confusion' you feel is the confusion you get when someone is playing you along and using your tender heart to keep you where they want you ! Look at this...now if a friend described this to you what would you tell them ?
I'm a bit confused after this weekend. We were hiking yesterday and only briefly talked about the idea of reconciliation since we both didn't want to get upset in public... I asked if we are able to see other people but she said no and that she doesn't want to say we're dating because she doesn't want to deal with the problems that come with being exclusive (didn't ask for what those problems were.. maybe problems with her parents not supporting same sex relationship) and that she didn't want us to go through a period of not speaking again. I wanted time away from her when we first broke up so I told her I couldn't speak to her or see her just so I could get over her. I told her when I move for my job, that if we aren't together, I won't be able to talk to her anymore either because I feel I wouldn't be able to move on.. not sure if that's the right thing to do

This is called her wanting her cake and eating it ! WTF ! She doesn't want to reconcile, doesn't want to be exclusive to you but also doesn't want you to see other people. I'd tell her to eff off quite frankly, it's a ridiculous scenario she is suggesting.

If she wants to be with you then she needs to be exclusive and be your girlfriend, If she just wants this half baked 'hanging out ' thing..well you cannot do that when you still have strong feelings for her. of course you can't, it's cruel. Obvioulsy if you didn'thave the history and you didn't have strong feelings for her then you could hang out as friends but at this point no you can't. Also she is asking the impossible. There's nothing to be confused about at all, your decision is quite clear...let me quote the question again

Interpreting hexagram 51.2.3.4.5 > 5 to make a decision?
I've been hanging out with my ex this summer but am moving away for my job this coming saturday. She doesn't want a relationship and i've told her that if that's what she wants, I can't be friends with her or have contact with her. She insists that we stay friends and although i really don't want to lose her, I'm afraid i'll never get over her if we do stay friends but at the same time, i'm not sure what the right choice is. I've been torn up about this decision so i decided to consult iching.


I asked "what's the best decision in this situation?" I got hexagram 51.2.3.4.5 changing to hexagram 5. Can someone help interpret this for me?

She can't 'insist' you stay friends. You have feelings and need space to get over them. She sounds very selfish and unaware. You are, right you won't get over her while you give in to her silly unreasonable demands. If she doesn't want a relationship with you then she isn't having one, you don't want one...end of story. In a decade or so when feelings have subsided maybe you can be friends but not now and not while she is being so half baked. Sounds like she wants to keep you where she wants you, not committing but not letting you go either, keeping you in no man's land.

The reading supports my thoughts...the reason I gave my view is it's so obvious what the best decision is here for you IMO. You need to be clear and firm and take your space.

51 and the lines you have encourage you to be fearless, shake things up, go your own way. Tell her if she wants an exclusive relationship she can let you know otherwise you're done and no you don't want to hang out with someone who treats you the way she does as it's not fair on your emotions at all. I wonder if this shake up will make her realise what she's losing...or at least shake her up .

The yang pattern here is 28...you need to 'get out from under ' right now through asserting your wishes, letting her go, asking her to let you go. Line 2 reassures you whatever losses there are can be recouped if not with her then with someone else. Lines 3 and 5 are urging you to take courage and act, don't be held in this limbo of waiting (5) for something from here. When you are fearful of losing her it sounds like she plays on it...so that has to stop.

Move, shake it off, get clear of these impossible notions of hers about being 'friends' yet not being able to see other people :rolleyes:
 

jqc1994

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You aren't sure about the right choice ? Funny cos I am...looking at this other thread you began on the matter https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...erpreting-hexagram-24-4-5&p=241568#post241568 Taking this quote from that thread and even without the I Ching it's clear the 'confusion' you feel is the confusion you get when someone is playing you along and using your tender heart to keep you where they want you ! Look at this...now if a friend described this to you what would you tell them ?


This is called her wanting her cake and eating it ! WTF ! She doesn't want to reconcile, doesn't want to be exclusive to you but also doesn't want you to see other people. I'd tell her to eff off quite frankly, it's a ridiculous scenario she is suggesting.

If she wants to be with you then she needs to be exclusive and be your girlfriend, If she just wants this half baked 'hanging out ' thing..well you cannot do that when you still have strong feelings for her. of course you can't, it's cruel. Obvioulsy if you didn'thave the history and you didn't have strong feelings for her then you could hang out as friends but at this point no you can't. Also she is asking the impossible. There's nothing to be confused about at all, your decision is quite clear...let me quote the question again



She can't 'insist' you stay friends. You have feelings and need space to get over them. She sounds very selfish and unaware. You are, right you won't get over her while you give in to her silly unreasonable demands. If she doesn't want a relationship with you then she isn't having one, you don't want one...end of story. In a decade or so when feelings have subsided maybe you can be friends but not now and not while she is being so half baked. Sounds like she wants to keep you where she wants you, not committing but not letting you go either, keeping you in no man's land.

The reading supports my thoughts...the reason I gave my view is it's so obvious what the best decision is here for you IMO. You need to be clear and firm and take your space.

51 and the lines you have encourage you to be fearless, shake things up, go your own way. Tell her if she wants an exclusive relationship she can let you know otherwise you're done and no you don't want to hang out with someone who treats you the way she does as it's not fair on your emotions at all. I wonder if this shake up will make her realise what she's losing...or at least shake her up .

The yang pattern here is 28...you need to 'get out from under ' right now through asserting your wishes, letting her go, asking her to let you go. Line 2 reassures you whatever losses there are can be recouped if not with her then with someone else. Lines 3 and 5 are urging you to take courage and act, don't be held in this limbo of waiting (5) for something from here. When you are fearful of losing her it sounds like she plays on it...so that has to stop.

Move, shake it off, get clear of these impossible notions of hers about being 'friends' yet not being able to see other people :rolleyes:

You're absolutely right. Yesterday morning, I asked her what we were going to do when I moved away... will we still not see other people? She responded by saying that if that were the case, then we'd be dating and then I'd never move on. So then I said that we couldnt be friends then. She had work so we held the conversation off til last night... basically told her I didn't want to be her emotional tissue until she finds someone else and then I'm left to deal with all my emotions alone. She said that when we are together, she feels everything is great, but when she thinks about a future with us, she doesnt see it due to her "gut feelings". She doesn't know what to attribute those feelings to except she says the only thing she can think of that may be the reason is that her parents are against us being together since we are both women. I told her that if she wanted something, she shouldnt let someone stop her and she said that feels bad to make them feel anxious and upset.

She also brought up us both seeing a therapist so to speed up the recovery of this so we could be friends sooner.... i told her that she can do whatever she wants, but it will still take time for me - talking to a therapist may make things better but its still within myself to get over this. We had plans to go out to dinner tomrrow night with some other friends before I leave... not sure if she should come anymore :/ of course i really want to see her, but it may not be good for my heart.

I might consult i Ching later on today after i gather my thoughts. Thank you for your interpretation trojan
 

jqc1994

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This is my last question i'm going to ask i Ching as I dont want to overdo it and get confused...

I asked if time and patience will bring her back to me and got hexagram 42.1.3 changing to hexagram 53. seems positive to me, but i may not be able to read between the lines
 

jqc1994

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This is my last question i'm going to ask i Ching as I dont want to overdo it and get confused

I asked if time and patience will bring her back to me and got hexagram 42.1.3 changing to hexagram 53. seems positive to me, but i may not be able to read between the lines
 

Trojina

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This is my last question i'm going to ask i Ching as I dont want to overdo it and get confused

I asked if time and patience will bring her back to me and got hexagram 42.1.3 changing to hexagram 53. seems positive to me, but i may not be able to read between the lines

From what you say it sounds like she hasn't really gone anywhere yet. I can't say what she will do but she seems to be spending plenty of time with you explaining what she does and doesn't want....it all sounds very painful....and some of it quite crazy



She also brought up us both seeing a therapist so to speed up the recovery of this so we could be friends sooner.... i told her that she can do whatever she wants, but it will still take time for me - talking to a therapist may make things better but its still within myself to get over this. We had plans to go out to dinner tomrrow night with some other friends before I leave... not sure if she should come anymore :/ of course i really want to see her, but it may not be good for my heart.

There is no therapist in the world who can 'speed up the recovery of this so we could be friends sooner'. What a peculiar notion. She seems to have a very mechanical view of the human heart.
 

jqc1994

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From what you say it sounds like she hasn't really gone anywhere yet. I can't say what she will do but she seems to be spending plenty of time with you explaining what she does and doesn't want....it all sounds very painful....and some of it quite crazy

There is no therapist in the world who can 'speed up the recovery of this so we could be friends sooner'. What a peculiar notion. She seems to have a very mechanical view of the human heart.


I feel like i'm just grasping at straws at this point... i guess my question was if she would come back if i left her alone and gave her time to miss me. I'm not sure if i she should come to dinner tomorrow night with me and some friends... my heart wants her to be there so we can have a proper "goodbye" before i leave saturday, but my mind tells me that's wrong and just making it harder for me to move on...
 

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I feel like i'm just grasping at straws at this point... i guess my question was if she would come back if i left her alone and gave her time to miss me. I'm not sure if i she should come to dinner tomorrow night with me and some friends... my heart wants her to be there so we can have a proper "goodbye" before i leave saturday, but my mind tells me that's wrong and just making it harder for me to move on...

Sorry I can't be more help. I would find it difficult to go without saying goodbye also so maybe you have to calculate what's best for you. I just feel she is asking the impossible of you.


I asked if time and patience will bring her back to me and got hexagram 42.1.3 changing to hexagram 53. seems positive to me, but i may not be able to read between the lines

Certainly this does look like patience and generosity could pay off...but I hesitate to say it since I don't want to encourage false hope. Line 3 also makes me wonder if she gets panicky when she realises you aren't going to be there for her, come after you and then the whole cycle play out again.
 

jqc1994

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Sorry I can't be more help. I would find it difficult to go without saying goodbye also so maybe you have to calculate what's best for you. I just feel she is asking the impossible of you.


Certainly this does look like patience and generosity could pay off...but I hesitate to say it since I don't want to encourage false hope. Line 3 also makes me wonder if she gets panicky when she realises you aren't going to be there for her, come after you and then the whole cycle play out again.

You're right... maybe it's better to leave things on a good note and say bye. And we've been through this before, and she knew I didn't want to hear from her so she didn't reach out to me. I think tomorrow I may tell her that she can reach out if she changes her mind... if at that time I've moved on, then her loss. I mean obviously I'm not going to sit around waiting for her.

Last time we went through this, she was waiting for me to contact her first. I'd rather out the ball in her court...
 

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Spoke to her tonight... she says she just has a gut feeling that she shouldn't be with me and that she can't see a future with me even though she's been genuinely happy the past few months we've been hanging together. I brought up the "having your cake and eating it too" idea and she said that we were unofficially dating since we weren't seeing other people and that this is like we're breaking up. We're both girls and I know her parents are against us being together, but she said that even when we started dating before we broke up the first time, we had a time limit.. we knew it would have to end eventually. she said that it's a bunch of factors that's making her feel this way and she doesn't know why she has this gut feeling but its there. The thing that really hurts me the most is that she said if I were a guy she just met now, she'd probably be able to see a future with me... this has me thinking it's only because same-sex relationships are still frowned upon by many people. Basically, she said its her upbringing, along with other factors that she doesn't even understand/know that makes her have this gut feeling.

Tough situation... i think i need to move on
 

jqc1994

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Spoke to her tonight... she says she just has a gut feeling that she shouldn't be with me and that she can't see a future with me even though she's been genuinely happy the past few months we've been hanging together. I brought up the "having your cake and eating it too" idea and she said that we were unofficially dating since we weren't seeing other people and that this is like we're breaking up. We're both girls and I know her parents are against us being together, but she said that even when we started dating before we broke up the first time, we had a time limit.. we knew it would have to end eventually. she said that it's a bunch of factors that's making her feel this way and she doesn't know why she has this gut feeling but its there. The thing that really hurts me the most is that she said if I were a guy she just met now, she'd probably be able to see a future with me... this has me thinking it's only because same-sex relationships are still frowned upon by many people. Basically, she said its her upbringing, along with other factors that she doesn't even understand/know that makes her have this gut feeling.

Tough situation... i think i need to move on
 

Trojina

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Spoke to her tonight... she says she just has a gut feeling that she shouldn't be with me and that she can't see a future with me even though she's been genuinely happy the past few months we've been hanging together. I brought up the "having your cake and eating it too" idea and she said that we were unofficially dating since we weren't seeing other people and that this is like we're breaking up.

To me, as an outsider, it's what I'd call ...now what would I call it, ...I don't know it seems to me she is the one telling you what you had together, she defines it in all sorts of ways that are probably hard to argue with if you are involved with her but to me...well they don't add up. She's making a 'version' of what things are/were with no reference to your actual experience of it. How can she tell you 'oh it was this then but now it's this now and it's all because of my gut feeling' what about your version, your definition and so on. I wouldn't buy into her definitions too much .


We're both girls and I know her parents are against us being together, but she said that even when we started dating before we broke up the first time, we had a time limit.. we knew it would have to end eventually. she said that it's a bunch of factors that's making her feel this way and she doesn't know why she has this gut feeling but its there. The thing that really hurts me the most is that she said if I were a guy she just met now, she'd probably be able to see a future with me... this has me thinking it's only because same-sex relationships are still frowned upon by many people. Basically, she said its her upbringing, along with other factors that she doesn't even understand/know that makes her have this gut feeling.

I can see that both being women might mean that boundary between friendship and love and passion might be slightly more blurry than in a heterosexual couple simply because there's a different dynamic as well as all the cultural patterns between male/female and female/female so maybe she is confused. She does sound very immature (but then perhaps she is very young) and it does sound as if there was a discrepancy in the 'versions' you respectively held. If your heart was fully invested whilst she invented definitions of what you were, so she could have her cake and eat it.....well I think she has some growing up to do. Perhaps this is a reminder to take care of your heart, notice how you feel, don't accept other's definitions of what your relationship is without you being fully involved in, and agreed on, that definition too.
 

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To me, as an outsider, it's what I'd call ...now what would I call it, ...I don't know it seems to me she is the one telling you what you had together, she defines it in all sorts of ways that are probably hard to argue with if you are involved with her but to me...well they don't add up. She's making a 'version' of what things are/were with no reference to your actual experience of it. How can she tell you 'oh it was this then but now it's this now and it's all because of my gut feeling' what about your version, your definition and so on. I wouldn't buy into her definitions too much .

I can see that both being women might mean that boundary between friendship and love and passion might be slightly more blurry than in a heterosexual couple simply because there's a different dynamic as well as all the cultural patterns between male/female and female/female so maybe she is confused. She does sound very immature (but then perhaps she is very young) and it does sound as if there was a discrepancy in the 'versions' you respectively held. If your heart was fully invested whilst she invented definitions of what you were, so she could have her cake and eat it.....well I think she has some growing up to do. Perhaps this is a reminder to take care of your heart, notice how you feel, don't accept other's definitions of what your relationship is without you being fully involved in, and agreed on, that definition too.

Thank you. You are really full of wisdom and good advice. We are young (she's 23, I'm 22), but I do think she's a bit immature thinking back. In my other thread that you previously linked in this one, the first couple of questions I had asked iChing seemed to be relatively positive for getting back into a relationship with her but I understand nothing is set in stone.
 

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Giving advice to other people is a lot easier than taking it oneself :cool: Let us know how it goes.
 

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