Is it about me or the other person? 18.1.4 to 14 help with interpretation

[lysithea]

Hey you guys,
I did a reading for myself this morning regarding something that happened to me last night and I need some insight on the matter, because basically I am finding trouble understanding whether or not the changing lines are refering to me or the other person involved in the readin.

To give some context: I met a man about a month ago through friends, we "connected" and went out together a few of times. Every time that we are by ourselves we talk about everything, we laugh a lot and enjoy eachother's company very much. Things also became physical at some point. He kept in touch afterwards on an almost daily basis and the talking and flirting continued. About a week ago he was struggling with some work issues so we had a couple long conversation about his future and after those conversations he said that i inspired and revolutionized him to start making things happen, maybe start his own business. Long story short, he invited me over to his place last night. Again we talked and laughed and talked until about 5 in the morning. When I was about to leave he asked me to stay and he kissed me. We started talking, though and then he dropped me the bomb: He really likes being around me, I inspire him, we make eachother laugh and he feels great being with me, but he can't offer me more at the time, because after his last break up about a year ago he now wanted to focus on himself and his projects and he just couldn't bring himself to give me more. I thanked him for his honesty and told him that even though this was something that was just staritng, i didn't want to get myself caught in a situation with a person who starts with the premise of "not wanting" to go beyond a sorta friends with benefits situation, because that is not what I was looking for and I didn't want to "have" to discard the possibility of us being more in the future (this was a very mature, calmed and collected conversation, by the way) so basically we both decided that we weren't the right person for what the other needed/wanted.

This did affect me though and I have been obviously sad (I was very happy around him, loved to talk to him as well, find him interesting and smart, sensitive, etc) , so I asked the Yi for guidance. I asked for a general reflection on what was going on with me and him, and I got 18.1.4 to 14

I think hex 18 is pretty self explanatory in the sense of weeding out what is spoiled or corrupted and "tend my garden", taking care of things and repair the damage (in this case, avoid more damage) but I'm not quite sure if it refers to what I did last night (clarifying what I want, putting a stop to it before things get even worse) or to something I need to do after what I already did. Also, the changing lines, specially number 4, confuse me. Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for a "how to get him back" reading, but I just want to understand the situation better in order to cope with it, because it really struck a nerve to me in terms of how I deal with rejection and feelings of unworthiness.

Normally I hear the Yi message loud and clear, but this reading confused me a little bit.
Hope someone can help me figure it out.

 

[Trojina]

When I was about to leave he asked me to stay and he kissed me. We started talking, though and then he dropped me the bomb: He really likes being around me, I inspire him, we make eachother laugh and he feels great being with me, but he can't offer me more at the time, because after his last break up about a year ago he now wanted to focus on himself and his projects and he just couldn't bring himself to give me more. I thanked him for his honesty and told him that even though this was something that was just staritng, i didn't want to get myself caught in a situation with a person who starts with the premise of "not wanting" to go beyond a sorta friends with benefits situation, because that is not what I was looking for and I didn't want to "have" to discard the possibility of us being more in the future

Well Done for being strong and clear enough to know what you said was the right thing to say and not to tolerate this kind of corruption. Someone starting with the excuse of how they can't really be with you so you better not expect too much needs to have said to them exactly what you said to him.

This did affect me though and I have been obviously sad (I was very happy around him, loved to talk to him as well, find him interesting and smart, sensitive, etc) , so I asked the Yi for guidance. I asked for a general reflection on what was going on with me and him, and I got 18.1.4 to 14

The yang pattern here is 51...I think this shocked him. The yin pattern is 57...perhaps he will start reconsidering his selfish attitude of wanting his cake and eating it. I sort of feel you 'have him' from the 14 as relating...that is he is the one who needs to change to accommodate you not the other way around.

Don't be tempted to backtrack to accommodate him will you as that will impact further on your self worth.

To me it looks like he will have to consider changing if he wants to be with you. If he cannot commit then he cannot be with you. So it's up to him now. The 18.4 concerns me about you backtracking but OTOH it may well be him who really thinks it's fine to start a relationship with some waffle about his past. God what an old line that is !

other laugh and he feels great being with me, but he can't offer me more at the time, because after his last break up about a year ago he now wanted to focus on himself and his projects and he just couldn't bring himself to give me more

oh dear dear.... in that case why did he bother starting something with you ?

Anyway FWIW I think you handled this perfectly and he has gotten so used to people going along with this kind of corrupt deal where expectations are pared back that it bought him up short to find someone who wasn't going to play ball.

 

[lysithea]

Trojina,
First, thank you so much for responding and for the good laugh! I LOLed a few times with your comments, which were very insightful but funny at the same time. Thanks you endlessly, I really needed that laugh today.

I agree with you on your comment regarding line 4 and the possibility of backtracking, it is something that I worry about too (must. refrain. from. backtracking) and also about what you said that it might have to do with his own "ancestral" issues. That was exactly my confusion actually. Line 4 kinda sucks and I've been reading tons of translations, however, I found them cryptic and a little bit "damn if you do, damn if you don't". Hope it is the latter, though (really dondt want to backtrack because although the situation stinks, I feel good about the fact that I was able to articulate my feelings like I did and respect myself)

oh dear dear.... in that case why did he bother starting something with you ?

Oh my, why did he ever.... According to him, he is in exploration mode on every aspect of his life. He did say that after hearing what I said he felt selfish and that he realized that he needed to be more careful because he realized he didn't consider how I could feel about what he actually wanted or how it could affect me, and that I made it clear to him now that I wasn't that kind of woman. But yes, dude had more lines than the London Underground. I do think that he believes all of them though...

 

[lysithea]

Just to keep an update

I've been following the Yi's advice and haven't backtracked. The guy still keeps in touch every couple of days, but I have decided to keep my distance and nothing has happened other than that. I did a complementary reading regarding this, "What kind of development should I expect from this situation if I keep my distance" and got 25.2 turning to 10, which I interpret as focusing in the present without thinking so much in possible rewards, as they will come whenever they have to come and whatever they may be. It seems to me that this reading is very focused on not doing anything too drastic and just keep doing what I am doing (my hope, regardless of what the reading says is that I will get over this guy eventually and that he is going to lose interest when he realizes that I am not giving him neither the physical nor emotional things I was giving him before)
I also reviewed the nuclear/context Hex and change patterns (never did before until Trojina showed them to me in her interpretation).
For nuclear I got 53, which was a bit puzzling at first, but I guess it means that the basis of this is that this is a process that needs to develop at it's own pace. I guess I could interpret that regarding me getting over the whole situation or that this is not over and is just developing
For Yin pattern I got was 13 which is just... oh my... I don't know. So basically this reading is telling me that change will come from bonding? It is the Hex of lovers... But then again this Hex also talks about respecting the differences between people so maybe change will come from me realizing that we just have to agree to disagree and move on?
Yan pattern I got 7, Organized Discipline, so I guess this is telling me that this change will take the form of balance and stability. So let me get this straight: In a nutshell, eventually and in time, there will be bonding that will come from stability and balance if I remain focused on the present and not do anything too drastic?
Or... I'll get over this situation through balance and stability of mind, keeping my focus on the present.

I just want to go to sleep...