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is it possible that he will return to me and our marriage? 18.2.3.4 to 35

oriel

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Good day

My name is Oriel and I live in South Africa.

I am rather new to the I-Ching but find it very interesting and rather spot-on regarding my questions. I only have some trouble finding answers and guidance for the path forward in the readings, maybe because of wanting and expecting something specific.

Some background to my question: My husband and myself have been married for almost a year (2 Sep is our 1st anniversary). We have however been together for almost 6 years. In this time we have had 1 break-up that lasted for 3 weeks and we have also struggled financially for most of our time together.

We have moved back and forth between 2 cities due to family and/or work-related issues. The last move was last year October for work. I did not want to move because of my children (living with my first husband) but eventually decided that I have to go with my husband. My thoughts were that my children will be fine, I can visit them but my marriage is worth more at this stage in my life. Earlier this year we made the decision to return to our hometown. It was not viable to make the move at that specific moment due to my husband being unable to obtain a transfer from his employer. During July we made a final decision to move back but once again his employer was an obstacle and therefore we decided that I will move at the end of July and then my husband will join me after a few months (the idea was 3 months at the most).

I left on the 26th of July (Thursday) and on the 31st of July (Tuesday) he informed me that he has met someone else, doesn't love me anymore and want to end our marriage.

My sincere feeling is that we still have a chance to work at our marriage, but he is having none of that. We always had a great spiritual connection but I feel that he is being influenced negatively by others regarding me and our relationship.

Quote: "In ancient China, ancestors angered by neglect would send sickness and misfortune." This sentence rings very true due to the fact that I left without him and I believe he feels neglected and betrayed and is angry at me for that reason. Therefore he is now "punishing" me.

Quote: "When you receive Hexagram 18, it is time to examine those old, old patterns at last, to seek out their source and give it due honour and attention. When you understand where your experience comes from, you can restore the creative flow and make a genuinely new beginning. You will need to commit yourself to the journey and take the risk of crossing the great river into unknown territory." I have done some deep soul searching and I understand where this entire situation originated from. I feel that if we can be granted a chance to communicate properly and not take any hasty actions, we can delve through all the problems and issues and make a conscious effort to work on our own insecurities and ultimately have the wonderful marriage and relationship that we started out with.

Quote: ‘Following people with joy means there are things to be done, and so Corruption follows. Corruption means things to be done.’ I need an explanation for this...

The changing lines refer to ancestral mother and ancestral father. My parents were divorced but after many years they agreed that it was not what either of them wanted.

The second hexagram speaks about gifts and opportunities as well as seizing all you are given as an opportunity. I honestly do not know how to interpret the changed hexagram to relate to my question.

At this stage I do not have any real contact with my husband. I received advise that I should just let him be, this new relationship of his will run its course and end sooner than later. I am however heart-broken over our seperation and would really like to reconcile with him and have a better relationship than we had before, due to the understanding I now have of what went wrong and what we both can do to make changes for the better.

If anybody can please clarify and discuss this with me, I will be delighted.

Thank you
 

yxeli

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Hello Oriel,

I'm sorry about your seperation. I'm going to attempt a reading for you but I'm no expert, hopefully some other members will also give some of their own wisdom to this.

‘Following people with joy means there are things to be done, and so Corruption follows. Corruption means things to be done.’ I need an explanation for this...

Following is when the youngest daughter follows the eldest son. If you can imagine a young woman who follows the one she loves blindly, with not much life experience and not being the leader. Following itself is a very good thing, it means to move in the natural direction that things are moving in, without imposing your own direction on things. Now lets think of this young womans early childhood. Like us all, we blindly follow our parents ways of doing things, as we know nothing else. This is the 'corruption' of 18, following is going with the flow, accepting the way things are going and integrating them into ones own person. If, like the young child, we follow blindly, accept following or going with the flow as a pattern that lasts forever, 18 will naturally happen, as we haven't really been in control of our own direction and possibly have accepted certain patterns of thought or behaviour as being a part of ourselves, when infact they have been handed down to us from our past, from how we were brought up, or from our own passivity that our behaviour was a result of accepting things without really finding out if we should or not, subconcious patterns of thought or behaviour that we were blind to and as such didnt even realise corruption was happening.

18 can be called corruption, it can be called work on what has been spoiled, But the main theme of this hex is focusing on how to move away from the corruption, which often comes from passively going with the flow (17), and not even realising that anything is wrong because our way of thinking has been in existence so long, maybe even since we were watching how are parents interacted as children. Below is a synopsis of 18 by Bradford Hatcher (www.hermetica.info)

Fixing or Arresting Decay is a little peculiar here since the problems have come from things being fixed, arrested, stuck or stagnant in pathological patterns and thus decaying for the lack of refreshing movement and vitality. Correction, then, involves putting things back in motion. Gu is a Janus word in this context, meaning both toxins and the recovery from toxins. Historically, Gu was a dark magic poison: one put a venomous snake, a scorpion, a spider, a lizard and a centipede together in a bowl. Then the remains of the last survivor were used to make a slave, cause insanity or work evil (young boys make this kind of concoction all the time, though actual creatures used may vary). This is Bad Medicine: not fresh, not alive and not changing. The idea of correcting injurious fixations in one's own lineage may have been sensitive at the time in the light of traditions of filial piety and reverence for the ancestors. The Zhouyi authors might have been taking an opportunity to broaden the spirit of this tradition by calling it a form of respect to improve one's lineage and in the process become better ancestors ourselves.

So now to the lines.


Line 2 is specifically referring to mothers corruption. Now noone will be able to tell you here whether this means some behaviour you learnt from your mother, or from some pattern that your relationship has developed over the years which does not allow the 'child' to reach maturity, if you think of the term 'smother love', or a mother who cant bear to see her daughter leave her side.Or It might be the opposite, not enough real care or support has been given. Whatever it is, it's causing the relationship to not develop further. You cant continue in this direction anymore. There is a pattern which is either from a lack of care or of too much care that needs to be changed.

Line 3 is the fathers corruption, again, this line might be talking to your own fathers behaviour to you or your husbands attitude. You want to fix things, get talking with him again, but there's something blocking this from happening. this line is a go ahead. If you can gain insight into line 2, why the nuture and support was corrupted, and explain this to him, then line 3 is saying for you to do this. Its not going to be an easy conversation, but it needs to happen. And you need to go the extra distance to make this conversation happen.

Line 4 is hammering home that you need to set standards for yourself, and not let anyone take them from you. You need your own set of rules, and don't let anyone tell you that your rules don't apply. Do not blindly follow what others are saying is the way of doing things. And you will lose your self respect if you continue to allow the corruption to happen. You need to be bold with your own convictions here, and not let an abuse of power confine you. Nothing with be fixed this way.

35 is about seeing things very clearly. Dont let go of what you have seen, and dont let someone else bully you into submission, it also talks about meeting him, arrange a meeting and be very clear what your not willing to take.

This reading to me is really about gaining your own power back. It seems like theres been alot of letting htings happen, accepting them, even though you knew they didnt agree with your inner sense of whats right and wrong. this needs to be cleared up by talking it out. and you need to be very clear with yourself what your willing to take. You also have to be brutally honest here, theres no room for niceties or hamming up things.

Lofting has this combination by way of hexagram 32, which is about commitment. Obviously there is a big issue here if your husband has got another love interest. You need to be brave and strong in your own convicitons of how this relationship has developed, and explain clearly your point of view, with absolutely no 'following' here.


I wish you the best, be brutally honest and strong, and know what you want and what you are definitely not willing to take. Theres issues with commitment here, and what happens between you over an extended length of time. meet with him alot to discuss things, these problems have been in existence a long long time, so one meeting probably won't solve everything at once. Have you thought about meeting in a neutral environment? A relationship councillor maybe?

Yx
 
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ginnie

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How shocking that he waiting for you to go away before saying he wants a divorce! Actually, it sounds childish.

He married you and surely he understands a marriage cannot be dissolved so easily.

You both broke up once before for three weeks and maybe this will be like that time ...

This marriage sounds like it is filled with many moves and with turmoil, since the beginning. In terms of things to be fixed, maybe there are many things to be fixed. If that is so, the husband will have to be willing to make changes, not just the wife ...
 

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