Is this the end of my relationship with George

[dragonnest]

Hi, I am new at this readings and don't quite understand the messages clearly.
My relationship has a 8 year history. My partner has accompanied me for 4 years in a very
difficult situation, the slow decline of my husband through a degenerative decease all the way to his death. After that we lived together - it was mostly lovely. But he is a heavy heavy dope smoker and
he has for the last few weeks completly succombed to the dark side of the plant. He is practically unbearable, estranging friends and anybody who is a non smoker. Every time I do a reading I somehow interpret it as advice on how to be patient and get new hope. I am wondering wheather
I am just reading what my heart wants to have confirmed instead of reading the thruth.
Maybe somebody can give me some neutral interpretation of tonight's reading which is the following:

Yi 19.3.6 to 26

Thank you all for your help

 

[Trojina]

I am just reading what my heart wants to have confirmed instead of reading the thruth.
Maybe somebody can give me some neutral interpretation of tonight's reading which is the following:

Yi 19.3.6 to 26

Thank you all for your help

...and your question is 'is this the end of my relationship with George ?'



Well not if you don't want it be. There doesn't appear to be any sign of an inevitable disintegration and of course your question is false in the sense that it sort of suggests there is some kind of objective end point whereas the end point comes when either one of you or both you decides it.


19 to 26 as a sentence is 'Nearing's Great Taming' which makes me think this needn't be the end of the relationship but it may well need to be the end of sweetness light and tolerance about this !


If you just take the 2 hexagrams as a sentence what do you see ? At first glance I get the impression of the approach of someone who has maybe the qualifications, the understanding...the role of dealing with people like George.


19 is nearing, taking responsibility for, caring, teaching. 26 is the taming of large beast, stored knowledge and energy. 26 says 'don't eat at home' meaning perhaps you need to go beyond the family circle for help with this. Now this could mean you accessing other sources of knowledge,but whatever it is there's resources you need to tap into in order to approach George with care and also with a degree of 'tough love'.


Line 3 is a strange line and can be interpreted a number of different ways. I tend to think too lax and easy an approach just doesn't do any one any good here. But by line 6 there is a real maturity of approach where giving comes from the highest motives.


I tend to feel you do have the resources to assist George to get out of this dark spot he is in. Not through putting up with it but by taking action.


What action and how ?



Things that come to mind that would fit with the cast are


1. Telling George that you cannot go on with things as they are and because you love him things need to change. Just saying that is quite 19ish...beware of being too soft with line 3 there. This does need a bit of a hard edge. I mean use your own words of course and you probably already did this but I'm just brain storming.

2. The drug itself appears to be getting in his way. I wonder if he were presented with some factual information about the adverse effects of it on the mind/body/relationships, from an outside source he might come to see it is now deleterious to his life. Not least he stands to lose you, lose friends and become a degenerate human being.


3. I am assuming by 'dope' you mean cannabis here ? If it's something stronger then other measures would apply. Cannabis affects people very differently as you likely know. I have a friend who has smoked it each day since 1976 and she got a degree and has her own business. I more or less had to stop in about 78 because it makes me a completely paranoid fruitcake. For a while I enjoyed it then it affected my mental health. I reckon it can change from enjoyment to the darker side such as George is experiencing quite suddenly. Erm anyway this isn't a suggestion except he's probably come to see the smoking of it as 'normal' when for his brain it really isn't. More information, more points of view to expose him to ?


Trouble is he doesn't sound like he is exactly going to listen.



4. You could insist on him seeing a drugs counsellor. Often in cities they are free and they offer all kinds of help including coming off a drug, managing coming off, help with withdrawal, relationships etc etc. Not being a hard drug withdrawal is less of an issue but there will be a psychological dependence there whereby George believes he somehow cannot live his life with smoking a lot of dope.


5. Could his rages conceivably be down to something else that has happened not just the dope ? You say it's only been the last few weeks he's been so bad. What triggered it all ?



So to sum up it needn't be the end I don't think but I do think George needs to be approached with some discipline and firmness of intention. 26 calls you very much to look for outside help, to gather resources, perhaps to set up appointments and so on.



He may not agree to looking at his behaviour at all but well then if he won't you will be telling him you cannot see a future together. Overall the reading makes me quite optimistic that you can tackle this
and I say 'tackle' as I don't think th is cast is asking you to simply tolerate the situation at all I think it's calling you to take charge a bit more calling on outside resources as listed above if necessary.

 

[rosada]

26 could indicate you have many discussions about his behavior both with him and with friends, but I see 19.3.6 as saying you continue to take a lax attitude toward's George's behavior.
As a prediction for the future these hexagrams don't seem to portend your relationship ending just yet. However, if you read them as a "snapshot" of the way things are so you can then decide for yourself where you want to go from here, then I think the current events should serve as a wake up call for you to decide if you want the relationship to continue.

Astrologically we're at a turning point with a major eclipse happening today. Frustrations reach a peak and something's got to give. However, action may not result for awhile yet. Thus you might be deciding it's over now but not do anything about it for another year.

 

[rosada]

I don't think I was clear when I said your hexagrams could be read as a snapshot. I meant, it seems like the I Ching is saying, "Here's the situation, you have wanted not to give up too soon so you have tried to be patient and understanding (19.3.6) but this has just resulted in lots of talk about the need to tame this beast" So, you know what they say, "If you keep on doing what you are doing, you are going to keep on getting what you're getting." Anyway, I'm thinking that while the I Ching is not saying the relationship is over, it does seem to be saying, "This is what it is" and now YOU have to decide if it's over.

 

[dragonnest]

Trojina and Rosada, thanks for your very helpful comments and clarifications of my reading! I will
sit with it for a while and think about it. Already I have started to see a therapist for help and also have talked to a couple of commen friends about it. As for making a decision from my side, I am just not capable yet - it will have to wait but I definitly am training to be a bit more tough as suggested. - And also I am training to be more independent.
Thank you so much.

 

[Freedda]

What was your question?

Dragon nest, I want to know, what exactly was your question? Were you asking, is this the end of the relationship? Or was it advice about it? Or about how to deal with it?

Maybe somebody can give me some neutral interpretation of tonight's reading which is the following: Yi 19.3.6 to 26

 

[Trojina]

The question is in the thread title

 

[Freedda]

What was your question?

Thanks trojina. Yes, I saw the thread name, I just asked for clarification because of how I read her statement, which seemed about responding to her friend's condition, which might be a different matter. Just making sure.

 

[dragonnest]

Hi Freedda
my question was a bit unclear, I agree. It's because the situation is unclear for myself. George has been going back and forth between depression and febrility. He had been depressed for a long period when he finally went to see a doctor who gave him antidepressers. Now he is "delirious" with joy because he does not have this deep down sadness anymore. But he is completly hyperactive - little and many days NO sleep, eats mostly sugar and drinks coffee to stay awake. He has become ultra social, mostly in an imposing way to anybody who just happens to be near and he is completly into his very own delirium. He does not listen to anything or anybody. Of course, this makes it impossible for any feeling to be in a couple. I am shut out for now. I still love him because I know his other side. He also told me he still loves me but is now on a mission... Since Yi said it did not further to make a decision in the eigth month I did not know whether this refers to August (maybe to simplistic an interpetation) I asked that vague question.
I guess in August the doctor will adjust the medication and maybe things will get back to more normal.
I guess I should have asked whether LOVE is enough to look into a common future.
Thank you for your comment.

 

[dragonnest]

I am trying to wait out this 8th month but it is very difficult for me since George is not moving along.
We talk but he is completly in his own world. I am shifting back and forth between hope and feeling of having to let go, even I dont want to do that. So I asked Yi the following question:
Will he come back to me in a loving way. Yi answers with:
62.2.4 to 46
I don't understand line 2
After reading Hilary's advice to ask clear questions, possibly about the other person involved in the relationship I don't know how to interpet the reading for him when it seems talking to my personal situation.
Could Yi be talking to me instead about him?
Thanks for all of you who are willing to share your insight.

 

[Trojina]

I am trying to wait out this 8th month but it is very difficult for me since George is not moving along

The idea is not to 'wait out' the 8th month. Hexagram 19 isn't to do with waiting but approaching, taking responsibility for, getting near to, caring for. It is connected with spring time when all the work needs to be done, if it isn't done that is why there might be misfortune in the 8th month, harvest time, if one hasn't done the work in spring time then the harvest can fail.

We talk but he is completly in his own world. I am shifting back and forth between hope and feeling of having to let go, even I dont want to do that. So I asked Yi the following question:
Will he come back to me in a loving way. Yi answers with:
62.2.4 to 46
I don't understand line 2
After reading Hilary's advice to ask clear questions, possibly about the other person involved in the relationship I don't know how to interpet the reading for him when it seems talking to my personal situation.
Could Yi be talking to me instead about him?
Thanks for all of you who are willing to share your insight.

I can't make a prediction of what he will do. As I may have said before...asking about other's thought and feelings is seldom useful as you won't ever really know who the answer refers to so I think it's better to ask from your own point of view.


In 62 one keeps expectations close to the ground, it's not a time for great ambition in anything but a time to take care of the details. Also 46, one step at a time.


If this is about him then there is a message he seriously needs to get (line 4) and if he doesn't he gets left behind. Line 2 is an odd one. Hilary's commentary says it is more useful to be dealing with how things are than looking to original causes, whys and wherefores.



So you don't know whether to stay with a man with drug issues or leave but I don't think you have ever asked about what you need to do. The questions you have put are always just out of your control


'is this the end of my relationship with George ?'

'will he come back to me in a loving way ?'


The 62>46 looks to me like this issue has to be tackled in little pieces, it's daily work, it's being careful about each step. It isn't about sudden sweeping changes where he either rushes back to you or doesn't.


He needs to know of course that you can no longer tolerate the situation so he needs to begin working on these changes or you will feel you must leave. You have told him that haven't you ?


This isn't up to fate but to the choices both of you make, even small daily choices. Is he going to smoke another joint or is he going to go for a walk with you, that kind of thing

 

[rosada]

Another way of looking at the eighth month reference in 19. is to consider that things may get out of control before you've reached your goal - like in a conversation where you're trying to explain something and the other person interrupts you thinking they understand but since they didn't let you finish they really they didn't get what you were trying to say.
In this case 19. could be a caution that even though your friend may appear to be improving you have to not relax your ground rules as there could very well be a relapse. Of course now you are saying he doesn't appear to be improving at all so perhaps it is a warning not to do something "too soon" - like don't expect too much too soon or don't let down your guard too soon or even don't give up too soon.
Then the 62.2.4 - 46 reading. this really does sound to me like a warning you must not expect too much. 62.2 suggests not looking for some direct clear "return in a loving way" but perhaps he'll give you a round about show of interest and then 62.4 really cautions not to look forward to some big moment of reconciliation. 46. emphasizes the need for small steps that add up to something over time.

 

[dragonnest]

Thank you both for your very helpful insights.