Just a quickie - bit confused socially

[em ching]

Help..
I was invited to join a group for some drinks, though I don't know them all that well, and I suppose my gut was saying that because of that I shouldn't go - as I didn't want to feel awkward... It's just that though they are aquaintances I like, I lack closeness so perhaps it wouldn't have been appropriate .. also practical reasons but I suppose mainly lack of confidence with the group in question.

If I was self assured I would act on this and just not go - end of. But because I constantly feel that I am not participating enough socially, I think I should push myself.. but often that makes things worse...

Anyway I asked should I go?
17.6 > 25

Mixed impression - idea of being captured fits (being swept along blindly but not necessarily suitable for the act following? Reflected in 25.6 - humiliation? Which can happen if you're the relative stranger among close friends.. But then it also speaks of success and connection... Ambiguous so I asked again -

Is there a place for me there tonight?
43.1,3,4,5 > 7

Is this sternly saying to break away from them, at least for toningt, and my need for self discipline when it comes to making decisions? Especially in social situations.. I feel the pressure too much..

Anyway I decided not to go.
Would you say the readings support my decision?
I know it's mentally unhealthy to be this indecisive about something trivial, but, when it comes to social situations I feel that I am prone to botch things up, because of distrust and self doubt.. and I guess a fear of losing face.. (I know 25 says to forget the ego, no ulterior motives, but here could it be saying I need to take control and not be too innocent as it could lead to humiliation?

Thanks. I could really do with help here. My main prob in life seems to be knowing how to act in society.. and whether my instincts here are a result of past experience causing insecurity,, or the voice of instinct/ my nature which should be followed..

 

[em ching]

No worries! Heard from inviter in question and will meet another time.. perhaps he is the 'follower who appears who understands him and is not to be put off'.. (17.6)

But for tonight I think 25.6 would have been the outcome.

Wow - seems like I am being led with my answers recently how to understand a reading when there's one line moving - fan yao is becoming clearer!

:bows::bows:

 

[em ching]

Getting 17.6 - would you interpret as an encouragement to go or to think twice? in the context of my question..

 

[bamboo]

17.6 could go either way, i think. if depends on what you're bound up to...or bound up by: loyalty , forced loyalty, or even negative assumptions about what might happen. i think it might have implied that you felt like you should go, but the only good reason to go would be if you feel good about going. If you feel uncomfortable, trust yourself. you dont need to push yourself to do stuff that feels not right at the moment. learn to follow the good feelings....even if something feels scary, sometimes you'll feel like going.

as far as I know, the fan yao is not necessarily part of the response, just an adjunct adding a flipside . In your reading, 25 might have been saying, don't get embroiled in this , its okay to pass it by.

the 43 > 7 seems to say it would be a situation where you would be need to resolved and determined to see it through with dicsplined effort.

 

[em ching]

Thanks very much. Yeah sometimes I find it hard to abide by what I feel inside about a situation. I suppose doubts are there for a reason and you're right when it's right and comfortable you hardly question it.

:bows:

 

[Trojina]

No worries! Heard from inviter in question and will meet another time.. perhaps he is the 'follower who appears who understands him and is not to be put off'.. (17.6)

But for tonight I think 25.6 would have been the outcome.

Wow - seems like I am being led with my answers recently how to understand a reading when there's one line moving - fan yao is becoming clearer!

:bows::bows:

I think I've made you confused about the fan yao. Like Bamboo said its not exactly part of the answer and certainly I don't think 25.6 would have been the 'final outcome' as you say now why would you think that ? For myself I use it almost as a kind of footnote, something that might throw a little light on the answer I got..(.in your case here 17.6) but it doesn't override or become the answer....

Don't have much to add to what Bamboo said about 17.6...but people must like you or they wouldn't invite you...so thats a nice thought to hold on to if your're feeling socially inadequate

(It keeps occurring to me you'd benefit from doing one of Hilarys courses or joining the reading circle where theres access to I Ching wiki. I'm saying this because you seem keen to learn but it might be hard doing that here on the public forum alone as everyone has different ideas about line interpretation etc and I can see I've totally confused you with my comments about fan yao...so a more structured approach may be better for you...just a thought)

 

[em ching]

Thanks Trojan!
Yeah the course sounds good and I would definitely benefit as I am becoming more and more intrigued by the different ways to read moving lines etc.. but I think at the moment it would be too much of a distraction. I'm trying hard to learn the art of applying myself to one thing at a time!

Hope you're all feeling good today.

:bows:

 

[em ching]

Found this on how to read moving lines :

Taoist Master Alfred Huang, offers this from his book "The Complete I Ching" I will paraphrase his method handed down by Master Yin.

1. If there are two moving lines-one yin and one yang-consult only the yin moving line.
2. If the two moving lines are both yin or yang, consult the lower one.
3.If there are 3 moving lines, consult only the middle one.
4. If thereare 4 moving lines consult only the upper of the 2 nonmoving lines,
5. If there are 5 moving lines, consult only the nonmoving line.
6. If all six lines are moving, consult the Decision of the new gua,the approached gua.
7. Since there is a 7 invisible line in the first and second gua, Qian and Kun, for these consult the seventh Yao Text, called "All Nnines or All Sixes."


Any variations?

 

[mary f]

Hi Em Ching!!!
I find your readings interesting and they seem clear to me. Every time I find it clear like this I decided to throw my opinion. Well, in this case I can comprehend how you feel because I have similar conflicts when it comes to socialize (I live in a desert place, but it's something I have to work on). This time I'll use the support of Stephen Karcher, but try to make a simpler analyzis.

17 - Move, it's correct. An external stimulus brings internal energy. Go ahead.
17.6 - Offer your value and leave the old behind. Gather energy for a new decisive action. (Old here I interpret as your difficulties to socialize).
25 - Untangle from past afflictions - accumulate your spirit, purify from plagues. Get free from compulsive ideas. Live /enjoy the unexpected.

43 - Resolution - act clearly - make and announce your decision. Leave past behind. Face difficulties. (I would say here get out of the comforrt zone.
>> 7 - In general terms I agree with Bamboo's interpretation. Strength is needed for you to do the above.

You say "It's just that though they are aquaintances I like, I lack closeness so perhaps it wouldn't have been appropriate .. also practical reasons but I suppose mainly lack of confidence with the group in question..."
And I particularly ask: why would it be bad to just go out for a few drinks?

Relax Em Ching. Wouldn't this be a good opportunity for you to amplify / simplify perspectives? On your readings too.

Take care.

 

[em ching]

You mean not consult the Yi altogether! and let events unfold as they will I guess no matter how many questions you ask fate is fate.. truth is truth.. illumination is a tool though eh - puts the breaks on a derailment

Thanks Mary. In hindsight I think it would have been fine and appropriate to go but perhaps because I wasn't initially in the right frame of mind about it, I would have taken that with me and been unable to relax..
Next time I will try and train my initial expectation of a situation, to just be positive.

:bows:

 

[mary f]

You mean not consult the Yi altogether! and let events unfold as they will I guess no matter how many questions you ask fate is fate.. truth is truth.. illumination is a tool though eh - puts the breaks on a derailment
:bows:

??

 

[em ching]

As in calms you down when things are going wrong.. makes you see why it is, and what you can do, how to approach it. Stops you from pushing for something that can't happen just because you want it to. You know inside usually perhaps what is going on, but can't access it while your conscious mind is whizzing around... so it articulates what is going on, provides advise and a centre.. so that you can breathe I guess and re-connect with your Tao or inner nature which has perhaps been disrupted by an over-reaching ego, or negative outside events...
Does that make sense or too wordy there?

Yes, meditation would perhaps be a good idea for me... I am going to Yoga this week

Do you agree with the moving lines system above - as providing the essence of a judgement? Eg if 3 lines move you pay closer attention to the middle one?

 

[mary f]

With "Relax.....amplify perspective", I meant open the perspective of the reading, when in "soft" or "light" cases like going out with friends, especially when we have some difficulty in socializing (and due to this tend to "find excuses" not to go out - at least that is what I do). I had the impression to see slightly too literal interpretations on the Yi text on this case, when it was clear to me you were either anguished or were rationalizing something simpler.

Well, I believe Tao is Tao, that's all. I think I got your point (I hope, with my poor English). Sometimes we just have to comprehend our egoes and we do that the best way we can. All right with that - we have to survive. The struggle for that is a very good sign we are on the right way. We'll get there anyhow.

I love Yoga, but we don't have it here in the jungle.

Ref. Huang's system, well I think it's valid. I've tried it and it seemed pretty fine. But I would like to hear other opinions too.

Take care. Good weekend.