Lack of Phisical Attractiveness in Relationship 50.3.4>4

[rogimiracle]

Dear Community,

I've been for 6 months in a relationship with a woman which I deeply appreciate. This person has so many values that I admire and feel attuned to. At the same time, very strong resistance is coming in the form of feelings and doubts because after two months in the relationship I noticed a drastic reduction in my attraction to her physically. Since I value much more her other traits, I've been turning all the stones around to find where does it lie (work stress, corona, lack of sports, etc.) with no avail. I am considering to break up because it is hurtful for us both, but especially because I want her to be happy and feel valued. I feel emotions of shame and guilt in recognizing that I may be dismissing someone so special just based on my expectations of what a partner should look like physically. I asked the oracle:

Am I being Futile for not valuing the relationship because of physical attractiveness?

50.3/64.4/4

I recognize the question was not well formulated, which helps with not getting the message clear. But my feelings are of not knowing what to do because of inexperience (4), first put the house in order to find out if these emotions are not coming from other areas of my life (50.3) but at the end not having the means to process these emotions and transform my needs based on physical looks towards values and feelings of safety and emotional connection, thus losing this relationship due to incompetence and suffering accordingly (50.4)

What do you guys think about?

All the best

Rogi

 

[Matali]

50.3.4 : Yi seems to tell you that you are dropping all your good food contained in the magic cauldron... As I read you, I wonder if it is your unconscious that is playing tricks on you? Because with this person, you seem to have found your intelligent lover full of qualities... The lines say that in the end, everything will be fine... (64.4) time to get out of the "land of the devil"(doubts, division, hindsight, fear...).
4 : because you are learning, growing, walling...
Nothing is lost I think...
I love love stories, so I encourage you to dialogue with your unconscious prankster...
(I think that even if our questions are not clear, Yi still knows what's behind our head...)

 

[dancingfox]

Hi Rogi

I think the I Ching is merely reflecting back the state of your relationship with this woman.

Hex 50 changing to 4: you need to learn - how to take care of the Vessel/ relationship

50.3:
I think this line is about you: someone who is not open to connect with others: you not being able to fully appreciate the gift that represents this woman
50.4:
And this line is for your partner: the vessels legs break off; Just when it's stability is most needed it collapses. To have the vessels support fail at the key moment: this is not good for the dignity of the woman

I think with hex 4 as the context there is an opportunity for you to learn, grow in your relationships. If you really feel that the lack of physical attraction is hindering you then you are hurting her even without discussing this with her.

I was once in a long relationship with a man I did not feel physically attracted to. When in the end other aspects of the relationship started turning sour, the lack of physical attraction became a sexual problem between us. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but it happened anyway. The problem persisted and grew in proportion as the relationship went on. Not saying it should be like this between you and your partner, but perhaps a cautionary tale.

Perhaps it would be good to rephrase the question, maybe something along the lines of
What should be my next step with X?
What do I need to know about X?
What if I stay with X - What if I don't stay with X

Just some suggestions

Good luck!

 

[rogimiracle]

Dear Matali and Dancing Fox,

Thanks a lot for your insights, I appreciate them a lot.

@Matali I agree with you, I am taking this moment to connect with my feelings and see if this is related to an underlying fear of commitment.

@Dancingfox, yes, this situation undermined her trust. We planned vacations together but because of this issue we cancelled and it was felt as a lack of commitment to a plan and a broken promise - as the vessel's legs. About your cautionary tale, my common sense also tells me the same. But at the same time, I struggled to find someone with her qualities and I really want to give my best to honour her. If these feelings are coming from unresolved past issues or traumas I want to face them. I asked the oracle two questions you recommended to me, but from my perspective:


What if I break the relationship with X because of the Lack of physical Attraction?

48uc

What if I make a commitment with X now, despite my lack of physical attraction?

35.1.4>27

What do I need to know about my lack of physical attraction to X

49.2.4>5

I took the 48uc as not getting the source of nourishment, it is there but not used (48uc). If I confront these feelings together with her and work to sort it, at the end I will be forcing a situation - maybe because the attraction will not be there, and she will feel manipulated. So I need to be careful with what nurtures me and her (35.1.4>27). About my current feelings - or lack of, that I must be patient to shed the old (49.2.4>5).

Any further insights? I am deeply grateful.

Best

Rogi

 

[Matali]

Hello, yes I think you have the right translation. You're going to get food and attraction somewhere else...
But 5 shows waiting and patience... that the path is not over...

 

[rogimiracle]

Hi all, I just wanted to post the follow up:

In the end, I and my girlfriend talked a lot about our feelings and I realized that the problem was not the lack of physical attraction. The thing is that the attraction went well for the first couple of months with us because my current work contract did not start so far, so I had much more time and energy to be with her. When the work started was very hard to strike a balance between work and private life and at the end, I was unable to put a lot of energy in the relationship, even though I tried my best. At the same time, my girlfriend came into the relationship with a baggage of deep fear of abandonment and anxiety. So the more I was unable to "be there", the more anxious she was and the more pressure we both felt. I was constantly feeling sad because no matter what I did was not enough to give her this safety. On the other hand, no matter how much she would accept and understand that my work volume wasn't giving me balance to spend more time with her or communicate that often with her, she felt that her needs for safety weren't met. This took a toll on both of us and I feel that the physical attraction suffered also. We agreed to have a bit of time apart to sort the feelings and then after a few weeks to meet again.