letting go of a dream and 41.5,6 to 60

[folledeschiele]

I'm working through letting someone go...or at least an idea of potential between us. This is someone who I fell in love with at a time when my long-term relationship was going through a more than rocky patch. Things are back on track with my partner, but this other woman continues to haunt me, all the more because after dropping the issue and establishing a somewhat awkward friendship, we had a candid conversation the other day in which we essentially admitted how strongly we feel about each other. She's with someone else as well, and even though there are days when part of me feels like running away with her, I know I couldn't and wouldn't do something like that, because I do love my partner deeply (although we have continued issues, I admit).

I've been feeling grieved over this because she left town shortly after this conversation, and now I feel this surge of emotion all over again, and sadness that we'll never explore this relationship at a level I know we'd both like to (if parallel universes existed). I'm trying to let it go, once and for all. Asking how I can release this grief and move on, I drew 41, lines 5 and 6, to 60, Limitation. I do think Limitation addresses the very necessary boundaries that we've set up.

Any insight would be most appreciated. Thank you...

 

[folledeschiele]

I feel a little greedy here, but any comments would be very much appreciated! many thanks.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

I could be wrong. But.

41.5.6 - 60

Probably means you can make a sacrifice.
A reduction of self in this case. It will take time (60).

5: You will be making a increase in yourself if you do so.
6: Do so without selfishness but for a higher good.

 

[folledeschiele]

thank you for taking the time out, cyclotron.

With 60 (Limitation), I do see sacrifice here. I guess I'm wondering whether that would involve sacrificing my desire to keep her in my life as a friend? Is it just delusional to think we can be friends in the first place?

 

[Trojina]

thank you for taking the time out, cyclotron.

With 60 (Limitation), I do see sacrifice here. I guess I'm wondering whether that would involve sacrificing my desire to keep her in my life as a friend? Is it just delusional to think we can be friends in the first place?

41 to 60 limit your involvement..thats the answer as to how to reduce your grief but if you really want to stay in the relationship you're not going to do that are you. I don't envy your partners position much. I don't generally think our hearts truly belong to two people at the same time, not sure, I've not known it anyway. Why don't you just do what you want rather than stay half heartedly with one person when you're thinking about another person.

Anyway I think the answer was simple to reduce grief you limit (60) yourself, discipline yourself to decrease energy you put in to this..but do you really want to ? doesn't sound like it...perhaps you need to check out how much you are caught up in the drama of it, how much you perpetuate it. as i say i feel a bit sorry for her partner and your partner. Can't be much fun for them playing second fiddle to your longings....Hey maybe you should introduce them and they can get together and leave you two to it...

 

[folledeschiele]

ouch. I can definitely understand that perspective, and believe me when I say that I have enough catholic-jewish-you-name-it guilt to go around for several people. I don't believe I'm half-heartedly staying with my partner, just that I happened to meet someone who could have been someone very important in a different context. not sure there's anything fundamentally immoral about feeling such things for someone else, but I may be wrong.

 

[martin]

Well, this happens a lot, meeting an ex-partner and then the old feelings come back.
There is nothing immoral about that of course, it's perfectly natural. No blame!

But although the re-awakened feelings are probably quite strong now - and overwhelming, sort of - it is to be expected that they become less intense overtime. And perhaps that is what the IC is saying here with 41 and 60.

I don't know if anything can or should be done to speed up the process of letting go. I believe with feelings the best thing to "do" is often just to feel them. Nothing else. Better not try to manipulate them.
There is no need to, the psyche will automatically take care of it, in the same way that the body digests food and heals wounds.
But this is me talking, not the Yi.

 

[Trojina]

ouch. I can definitely understand that perspective, and believe me when I say that I have enough catholic-jewish-you-name-it guilt to go around for several people. I don't believe I'm half-heartedly staying with my partner, just that I happened to meet someone who could have been someone very important in a different context. not sure there's anything fundamentally immoral about feeling such things for someone else, but I may be wrong.

I didn't say anything about it being immoral nor mean to imply that it was immoral in anyway. Feelings are feelings, they just happen. But nevertheless one can decide how to live with them and decide where to give ones loyalties. Infact asking the question you did 'how can i let go' is a question of how to manage the feelings that you find difficult. If you are not ready to let go i guess you won't let go.... Sounds like you made a decision to stay with one person then wondered if the other would have been better...sounds like grass is always greener scenario.


My feeling some sympathy for the partners who appear somewhat to be on the sidelines waiting for you two to make your minds up doesn't make me a moralist jewish/ catholic /muslim or anything else...... I think you just choose which you want just do what you want..(i just wouldn't want to be with someone who was wondering if they would have been better off with someone else..though i know it happens its not a position i envy)

Its all your decision really unless you want to believe fate is tossing you recklessly between two women..so if it is your decision to let go, let it reduce, let the feelings reduce etc, like others said.
I think hex 60 is actually about imposing some boundaries or at least choosing to remain in those that are set..so I don't totally agree with Martin this will happen all by itself. I find with 60 some effort is needed and with 41 some feeling of loss is unavoidable. Like giving up smoking you can't exactly sit back and wait for the feelings of desire to subside there is an element of self discipline (60) there.

Infact if it was happening all by itself you wouldn't have needed to ask the question.

what did you make of answer anyway

 

[diamanda]

The answer speaks of loss (41) and limitation (60).
41:5 is a blessing.
41:6 is living with others.
Perhaps you need to clearly decide which one you prefer, and limit yourself to that.
Follow your heart instinct? Or your self preservation instinct?
Only you can answer this. It seems you can't have both in this situation.
As about being 'friends' with someone one is in love with but can't have...
i just can't see how anyone can call this 'friendship'.
'Waiting' perhaps, 'hoping', 'towing'... but i wouldn't call it 'friendship'.

 

[folledeschiele]

thank you...

all of your feedback has helped me to see that I need to stop vacillating once and for all, and be happy with the love I'm so fortunate to have with my partner. don't know if anyone around here has studied enneagrams, but I have identified myself as a "4" personality, always longing for perceived missed opportunities and addicted in a sense to that feeling of longing. the only way ahead is to stop adding fuel to the drama, as trojan judiciously pointed out. thank you!