Looks like I didn't get into school :(

[yxeli]

If you read my last entry you can see how depressed i am in my situation. I forced myself to do a portfolio prep course last year to try and get my head off of all of the crap thats come my way for the past 2 years, and to escape my social and homelife I applied to two music masters courses. This week they were reviewing the applications.

I need this so bad. I cant spend another winter on the dole and with no prospects.I'm completely confined to this grey dank city with its 4 day weekends and hangovers that make you want to die. My social life is at a dead end, the person i love and the only one i have ever loved is with someone else, my mother and father are about to divorce and i'm the only sibling (of 5) trying to help them out. my mother also nearly died 2 months ago, and the rest of my family didn't blink an eyelid. I wake up everyday with nothing to look forward to. The I ching is the only thing keeping me from going under.

sorry for the self pity. In short, this masters course was my escape route.

How is the application for music?
I got 63.6>37.

and in a follow-up ditch attempt 'will i be in music school come october'

Hex 62 unchanging.


Please help.


Yx

 

[pocossin]

How is the application for music?
63.6 > 37

You're under a very dark cloud, Yxeli. I think youth, time, and your own abilities will get you out from under it. Whether or not you make it into the music course -- Is it a paying profession? -- isn't the end of the world. The danger in line 6 is that you are neglecting resources and recourses. You've abilities that aren't being used, and 37 suggests that if you move about you will find the people you want to be with and who want you.

 

[iams girl]

I cant spend another winter on the dole and with no prospects.
I'm completely confined to this grey dank city.
My social life is at a dead end.
The person i love and the only one i have ever loved is with someone else.
The I ching is the only thing keeping me from going under.
This masters course was my escape route.

Dear Yx, have you heard of “all or nothing” thinking? It's from our early human days needing to make “snap” decisions to survive in “fight or flight” situations. Unfortunately, non-life threatening present day stress can trigger the same response and lock us into a serious depression cycle when in reality we have many more options. The website below explains how “all or nothing” or “black and white” statements tend to “oversimplify life” and end up causing “massive emotional swings.” It also gives examples of different ways of looking at things. Actually, learning to think in “shades of gray” may be more of an escape route than anything else you pursue right now.

I’m really concerned about your statements in this post and remember your mentioning counseling before, so don’t know where you are with that, but would encourage use of professional help with possibly meds or adjustment of meds/hormones to help you get through this. Also, the website below is a good place to browse on your own. Apologies if I am overstepping here.

Iams

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/dlp/understanding-depression/all-or-nothing-or-black-and-white-thinking-and-depression/

 

[yxeli]

Thanks so much poc and iams.

and iams, thats a perfectly fitting response to the way i phrased this thread. It definitly looks like that blac/white thinking. I have actually heard of this before, and i don't usually think this way. maybe when its that time of the month! but apart from that, i dont usually make these kind of bold statements with a very narrow channel of manouverability. 63.6 seems to be fitting to my mentality at the time of casting. It is right now for me, a great moment of transition. its the very end of an era. and i think that made me feel quite desperate when picking words to use to explain here.

Of course the world wont end if i dont get into college, and I usually have the mentality that 'things happen for a reason'. This kind of thinking comforts me and gives me in moments like im living through now, a sense of balance.

Its interesting that most interpretations of the line mention 'not looking back'. its a clean break from all thats happened previously, and i think the 'soaking ones head' is about the fear of the unknown, worrying about the last era. from 1 to 64, thats a safe known place, you have lived through that, and i think yi here was warning me not to look back. its buried now. I have to forget that last cycle and prepare and work for the new one, which will encompass the whole book again ,1-64.

Maybe in 5 yrs time i'll draw this line again. Maybe after this cycle i will look with more positive eyes at this line, and move onto the ext cycle with more faith and balance.

Trojan wrote me a beautiful private email about this ( thanks!! i know youll read this, and i wanted to show my appreciation in the public forum, i hope you don't mind!)

She has added a new paragraph to wikiwing about this line. I want to add it here as i think she sums it up beauitfully.

I see this line as a warning against the tendency to see oneself at this point as at the end of an epic journey, as having completed an entire personal story line. Its tempting here to make a story for oneself out of a cumulation of experiences since it really can look like a grand finale of a pretty major thread in ones life This temptation to wind up and recount ones own story to oneself is very seductive here and easy to drown in since( I've found) the events or times this refers to often really do seem quite like an end chapter or a full stop.. It is necessary to pull oneself out of the story making in order to really meet the future yet it is hard to do so. One might feel 'pulled under' by this tendency to recount since its carrying the weight of previous personal meanings/personal stories from the past. I think resisting being pulled under the 'water' here requires insight and self discipline and is hard in that it may not feel a natural direction in ones own personal life story. But believing this is the last lap of the journey one misses how far there still is to go and how many more stories and story lines there are coming next. Trojan

Thank you all!


Yx

 

[foxx777]

I am so sorry to hear about your dark situation (aargh, I think mine may be darker, if it is any help ) but I think the I Ching may also be reflecting this dark state of mind, making you see it.

As Poccosin says, do not neglect what recourse you do have. I would not view this as making a definitive declaration about your getting into music program though.

I believe your dark period will pass; you need only grit your teeth and do your best to get through it, until a new day dawns, probably sooner than you think.:bows:

Line 6 of 63 indeed is more than likely a warning not to allow yourself to let the waters close over your head. It is only a potential which you can and I think will avoid.

 

[dragona]

Our temperament is our destiny...
"The website below explains how “all or nothing” or “black and white” statements tend to “oversimplify life” and end up causing “massive emotional swings.”
This rings a bell for me, but I get the feeling it may be also an Irish thing?
There are many , many nuances of gray - think of them as of "tones"...especially if you don`t see any colors now...

 

[iams girl]

Thank you, I was pretty worried . So, it sounds like your answers applied to some "here and now" issues also. It's always amazing to me the way the readings are so very personal and individualized.

Btw, related to 62 about being in music school in October. I recently got that hexagram with some changing lines and, at first, was discouraged because of my rather negative interpretation of 62 in general from when I was younger: "you are stuck where you are and you aren't going anywhere, so just get over it and get used to it" . Looking at 62 more closely in Hilary's lessons, the way the lines seem to excessively fade in power from the inside out, made me think instead of how overextended I've always felt when getting that hexagram. Which maybe answers your question by saying "Don't worry about that right now." I wish I'd thought of 62 more simply in terms of "which burdens can I let go of?" or "what can I cut back on?" earlier on and hope it's useful for you also.

 

[yxeli]

I just got a letter saying i was accepted into one of the masters programs i applied for!!

Now I think this reading was really reflecting my headspace at the time of casting afterall and not necessarily the outcome of the application. ( i was so worried that day)

I asked the i ching 'what will happen if i accept this place?"

45 Unchanging.

Religious gatherings?? (music/religion, i can see a link) Unchanging though...i often think unchanging hex's mean theres no space for growth or change in the situation?

I applied for 2 different programs, won't find out about the other application result until August. I asked Yi about how this ones looking, and got 16.4>2.

This 2nd application is to a Music masters in a much more prestigious college, and the course has been in existence alot longer then the one i have been accepted for.

They both seem like positive answers, but I often wonder if 16.4 is slightly 'delusional'. I think i read somewhere here that it 'looks' good (hairclasp etc), but the 'doubt not' is very comforting.


Would love to hear what people make of the two new castings.


What a great day!

Yx

 

[mirian]

Hi Yxely,

Just to add my own experience with 16.4 over the years - I have always found the outcome positive. I don't know about the "slightly delusional" aspect of this line because it has never applied to any of my readings. Considering all different questions that I asked and got 16.4 I had some kind of help coming my way, friends that proved to be supportive and favourable conditions at work.

Hope it works the same for you.:bows:

 

[yxeli]

Hi Yxely,

Just to add my own experience with 16.4 over the years - I have always found the outcome positive. I don't know about the "slightly delusional" aspect of this line because it has never applied to any of my readings. Considering all different questions that I asked and got 16.4 I had some kind of help coming my way, friends that proved to be supportive and favourable conditions at work.

Hope it works the same for you.:bows:

Thank you mirian,


16 also has a lot to do with music, doesnt it?

both 45 and 16 have this similar quality i think, 45, get it together, 16, preparing to get it together....??


Any other takers?


Yx