Love Triangle? 50.2.4.6

[Lola1986]

Hi all,

I jave a boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. It has been quite a challenging relationship and quite unstable, but there is also a lot of love there. But also insecurity, mostly on my side, because when we first were together he wasn't into mongamy, there were some moments when he really let me down etc... But we have talked about that and they are slowly being repaired. We are monogamous. My main issue is him being emotionally present and atuned to me which he is quite inconsistent with. I can be ok with that, potentially, if I could understand what is going on for him.

Anyway, when we split up for 2 months last year he became close with a friend and their relationship has really evolved since then. They play music together (both musicians), he admires her look a lot and they are in touch a lot, they plan on having lots of quite sexy band photos together. Recently she had a meltdown and was sectioned for a week. It was very sudden and shocking. Her parents called him as the first 'port of call' and he gave her a lot of emotional support including letting her stay at his the first night she came out. This in itself shocked me because I hadn't realised how clsoe they has become that he would be this person for her. I didn't react very well when I realised this was the case, so instead of being supportive to him, I was sort fo freaking out. She has issues with her parents who she lives with so she didn't have anywhwre to go (don't know abiut other firends, she is younger so I guess that they mostly lived with parents and because of Corona she couldn't stay with them). He is very much into helping her and very distracted by her emotional needs right now. I am finding it all very difficult and hard to know how to behave (can't tell if i'm being paranoid or reasonable or what to do). I have expressed all this to him but the conversation was not very productive (him feeling defensive, me feeling hurt/maybe coming across as accusative or something). I know they are just friends, I don't think he would cheat on me with her, but the level of emotional dependency and reliance and the ammount of time they are in contact etc bothers me. He has told me that they are just friends and that there is nothing I need to worry about there. She and I have been in touch a little, she said she was sorry she crashed at his and empathised with me, and I said that was ok so yeah, that's it. She is nice, young, quite self-involved, very attention seeking, very gorgeous, but not a bad person. Seems nice enough, don't know her that well but she is friendly to me and obviously knows that i am his gf.

Anyway, basically I have realised that the issue is really me and him being unstable, so when things like this happen it really shakes me. And our instability is to do with other things, and we were in a period of trying to sort this out when her whole drama came alogn and sort of stole the show, distracting us both from what we need to talk abiut as a couple regardless. Our hang outs have now become dominated by talking about their relationship, beause I am distracted by it and so is he and I can't relax into just having a nice time with him because am worrying about them. Sigh. So now instead of me and him talking about our issues that were there before her drama came along, we've now expended a huge ammount of energy talking about my difficulties with their relationship. And it's like we don't have any more energy to talk about our stuff.

Long story - anyway, here are my readings and questions. Any light on what I should do, what persepctive I need to take, what is the best way with the most integrity of dealign with this situaiton would be amazing:

Please advise me with regards the (man name) and (woman name) situation:
50.2.4.6 - 15

What is it I need to see about this situation between (man) and (woman):
51.2 - 18 (is this saying I shouln't chase?? If he's 'mine' then he'll come back to me when this has died down, or I'll lose him, in which case he was never 'mine' to begin with....that I am reacting in exactly the way he/one would expect and that's what is causing the problem).

Is it worth talking about me and (man) and the foundation between us (- this is like instead of talking about them, should I have just talked about us and our issues):
11.1 - 46 (seems to be talking about action, but what action.... yes things are more entangled than i thought).

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi Lola 1986,

hard to tell ... however, line 50 is a complete change and renewal, so it will be better to allow the situation to evolve, whatever happens.

Line 50.2 points at jelousy, but tells that you don't need to be jealous. Line 50.4 reminds you to be very cautious and not to spoil what you've got - be it this relationship, be it just yourself, your inner being, your values, your dignity. Line 50.6 promises that things will turn out well once you are able to look back.

And also, relating hexagram 15 says something. For me, it is always a line which reminds me to stay composed, concentrate on my own being, and complete things I'm doing, and to be confident.

Not much what I can say, but just a little step towards understanding.

All the best
mandarine_23

 

[Liselle]

I agree with what Mandarine said. Especially like this part:

Line 50.4 reminds you to be very cautious and not to spoil what you've got

It helped me remember what I said to someone else earlier today - this is line position 4, and 4th lines are said to be the minister's line. Ministers are the people who get things done, so this line might reflect that you feel you should do something, and then it says what would happen if you do (failure, embarrassment).

Can't think of anything extra to say about 51.2.

11.1 to 46 - wonder if Yi's saying you wouldn't actually be able to keep things separate? If you start having a conversation about the two of you right now, these other issues will inevitably come with it. But I think the other two readings are telling you not to have discussions right now. Don't give chase.

 

[Liselle]

Another thought - you said your relationship has been quite unstable. 50.4 describes a vessel that's unstable (a leg breaks off and it spills), but line 6 is very stable. By itself it changes to hexagram 32, Lasting/Enduring. The handle is made of jade now, which is beautiful and durable and has had a lot of polishing work done to it. I wonder if the reading's saying your relationship will become like that for having gone through this?

 

[Lola1986]

Hi both,

Thanks so much. That's helpful - although very much against my feelings right now which are mostly anger and frustration - in part because my partner is so unempathic - which in a way does chime with the idea of not doing anything since to try and do something will only cause humiliation. Unfortunately I didn't see your replies in time so him and i did talk about him and her quite a lot and got nowhere, apart from him saying that I didn't need to worry in any romantic sense. It is hard though to know my bf is online almost every day, well into the night sometimes, chatting with a friend who calls him her soulmate and says he saved her life. In the meantime I have emotioanlly crashed quite a bit and basically ignored his attempts to call me (after he hung out with her...I just have this really negative mindset that he's only calling because he feels guilty or is like trying to compensate - it feels humiliating somehow). In retrospect I probably should have picked up but at the time I just needed a break from him and the whole thing.

Last night I asked again: please advise with regards (man) and (woman) and I got:
8 - unchanging

And this morning (him and I were planning on meeting today):
Please advise me on the best way forward with X (man) at this point:
54 - 4 - 19
54 - subordinate position right? there's nothing I can do, perhaps I overshot and spoke too much or showed too much emotion? So basically just leave him to approach me and to approach the topic? But without letting go of my principles??

Phewph. Last post and then I realise I need to stop obsessing. I don't trust that if I'm cool, he's not going to then ask me to put up with a whole lot of other really hard stuff as well.

I suppose it might make us stronger if we can get through it but right now it feels very dark to me and I feel very disconnected from him and not sure how to connect again without feeling I'm sort of disrespecting myself.

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi Lola 1986,
not sure if the Yi really does answer so many questions at one topic, but in my own experience, I think it does sometimes!
8 unchanged says - the power of attraction. It is freedom. Some people go together, some don't. You can attract people, but it is pointless to force.
And then - 54.4 - the marrying maiden. This is a nice answer. Just wait for your time to come! And it will come, which is in 19. And if he is not the right man for you, then there will be someone else.
All the best
Mandarine

 

[Lola1986]

Ok, thank you so much for your wise words. My temper gets the better of me sometimes and the iching really helps calm me down and have more trust in the universe and the flow - it just seems that I need constant reminders! Out of curiousity, do you do a daily iching reading - what is your iching practice? I seem to use it in emergencies when I am all het up and then it's very hard sometimes to actually read and understand what it is saying. Learning slowly.
Sigh
Thanks so much

 

[Trojina]

Want to respond bit by bit

I jave a boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. It has been quite a challenging relationship and quite unstable, but there is also a lot of love there. But also insecurity, mostly on my side, because when we first were together he wasn't into mongamy, there were some moments when he really let me down etc... But we have talked about that and they are slowly being repaired. We are monogamous. My main issue is him being emotionally present and atuned to me which he is quite inconsistent with. I can be ok with that, potentially, if I could understand what is going on for him.

With you so far.

Anyway, when we split up for 2 months last year he became close with a friend and their relationship has really evolved since then. They play music together (both musicians), he admires her look a lot and they are in touch a lot, they plan on having lots of quite sexy band photos together. Recently she had a meltdown and was sectioned for a week. It was very sudden and shocking. Her parents called him as the first 'port of call' and he gave her a lot of emotional support including letting her stay at his the first night she came out.

There's so much in this paragraph. Before I even look at the reading I want to look at the situation. If you feel unhappy about this relationship you aren't insecure or needy you are just a normal woman. Most women wouldn't feel entirely happy about this and certainly not happy 'he admires her look a lot' ! Eh ? He tells you a lot he likes how she looks !? That's not okay, it's emotionally insensitive and inconsiderate. If she were a passing woman it might not be so bad but she's in his life quite a lot so what are you meant to feel ? Jealous and insecure I imagine.


As if that wasn't enough she's been sectioned. You do not get sectioned for a 'meltdown' otherwise I think we'd all be sectioned quite often. She has severe mental health problems. Not small ones big ones....she's psychotic, she'd lost touch with reality in some sense

On top of that, and imagine me spluttering here, her parents say he's her 'first port of call' !!
They, as her parents should take responsibility. Why should they off load it onto him ? Also he isn't her first port of call, his priority is you not her. Okay covid 19 meant she couldn't go to her parents, I get that but it's a hell of a burden they put on him.

So he tells you how he likes how she looks, he spends lots of time with her and now she is apparently reliant on him emotionally.

Not feasible IMO. Not looked at readings yet but without Yi, in your shoes, I think it's basically he choose between you or her. If he gets involved with someone with that degree of mental illness he is never going to be free. Any time she has a 'meltdown' is he going to be responsible for her ? It's kind of him to look after her but where does it leave you ?

This in itself shocked me because I hadn't realised how clsoe they has become that he would be this person for her. I didn't react very well when I realised this was the case, so instead of being supportive to him, I was sort fo freaking out.

Why would you feel you should have been supportive ? Who is supporting you ? He is meant to be supporting you. You acted authentically IMO

She has issues with her parents who she lives with so she didn't have anywhwre to go (don't know abiut other firends, she is younger so I guess that they mostly lived with parents and because of Corona she couldn't stay with them). He is very much into helping her and very distracted by her emotional needs right now.

Well then if he's with her he's not with you right.

I am finding it all very difficult and hard to know how to behave (can't tell if i'm being paranoid or reasonable or what to do).

You aren't paranoid at all. I don't think it will do you any good to stay in this relationship, he sounds like a waste of time. It's so unreasonable to get close to her, then tell you he likes how she looks then be her main caretaker when she becomes psychotic. She'll probably be sectioned again and again and he will spend his life running around after her. Now I don't blame the poor girl, she's young and ill but that doesn't mean this makes it easier for you.

I have expressed all this to him but the conversation was not very productive (him feeling defensive, me feeling hurt/maybe coming across as accusative or something). I know they are just friends, I don't think he would cheat on me with her, but the level of emotional dependency and reliance and the ammount of time they are in contact etc bothers me.

I don't think this is something you can go on accepting really. I think it will take you down and down. I also find it hard to believe they won't end up sleeping together because it's a potent cocktail isn't it. He fancies her, she's reliant on him, they are in a band together and he is her 'first port of call' she's young and emotionally reliant on him and she's mentally ill. I'm sorry I envisage they'd sleep together and then he'd say it was 'just something that happened' and you'd have to deal with that. Can't you just see it, she's upset, she leans on him, they kiss...it's likely to happen. I'm not predicting that BTW because you know this situation better than me but frankly, apart from the reading I'd say getting out of the relationship at this stage would be doing yourself a favour. Or maybe he could change his relationship to her but somehow I can't see that happening without a long drawn out series of events where he says he will but he doesn't etc

He has told me that they are just friends and that there is nothing I need to worry about there. She and I have been in touch a little, she said she was sorry she crashed at his and empathised with me, and I said that was ok so yeah, that's it. She is nice, young, quite self-involved, very attention seeking, very gorgeous, but not a bad person. Seems nice enough, don't know her that well but she is friendly to me and obviously knows that i am his gf.

Well the thing is having expressed to you he finds her attractive it doesn't matter how sorry she is you will feel crap about this and quite naturally. You know if she was much younger and he really did feel like an older brother it might just about be okay but I mean all this sexy band photo stuff - it just sounds dishonest and also get the feel if you tolerate how it is this is going to go on and on and you will go on and on being unhappy.

Anyway, basically I have realised that the issue is really me and him being unstable, so when things like this happen it really shakes me.

The issue isn't with you and if he's unstable and he's looking after a psychotic girl he fancies it's a recipe fro disaster in terms your emotional health.

And our instability is to do with other things, and we were in a period of trying to sort this out when her whole drama came alogn and sort of stole the show, distracting us both from what we need to talk abiut as a couple regardless. Our hang outs have now become dominated by talking about their relationship, beause I am distracted by it and so is he and I can't relax into just having a nice time with him because am worrying about them. Sigh. So now instead of me and him talking about our issues that were there before her drama came along, we've now expended a huge ammount of energy talking about my difficulties with their relationship. And it's like we don't have any more energy to talk about our stuff.

You can't have a relationship with him whilst the whole sectioning episodes go on and they most likely will go on. So either he turns his attention to you and hopefully steers her to some other help or you decide not to waste any more of your life on him.

None of what I have said has anything to do with the readings yet, just to make that clear.

Long story - anyway, here are my readings and questions. Any light on what I should do, what persepctive I need to take, what is the best way with the most integrity of dealign with this situaiton would be amazing:

Please advise me with regards the (man name) and (woman name) situation:
50.2.4.6 - 15

What is it I need to see about this situation between (man) and (woman):
51.2 - 18 (is this saying I shouln't chase?? If he's 'mine' then he'll come back to me when this has died down, or I'll lose him, in which case he was never 'mine' to begin with....that I am reacting in exactly the way he/one would expect and that's what is causing the problem).

50.2.4.6>15 I wonder if the 15 shows you are quite a pragmatic person, you are able to see this dispassionately, you are able to see this in a balanced way. Thus from how you write and this answer I feel you can trust your judgement. Also 50, it's a very stable reading in some respects, The Cauldron's Integrity. You are asking advice for you and this I feel shows a picture of you. I think you are quite a balanced person, you can't be thrown off balance as easily as you think you might be. Straight away I feel the prince in line 4 is you, you who are sullied. In line 4 there's hurt and disrespect felt keenly from the actions of others, one's dignity is soiled. You can see this already. Line 6 shows a good steady cauldron able to be lifted and used. What about line 2 though 'food in the ting, comrades envious, they cannot touch me' (my own cobbled together from memory). Interpretation of that line does depend on who is envious of who. As you cast this and you asked for advice on the situation I would say possibly one or the other of them covets your security. She might covet your stable relationship except it isn't stable. There's 3 change lines, yang pattern 64, a situation where nothing is where it's meant to be. Yin pattern 63, I wonder if this is to do with you ending the relationship, completion. There is a case for seeing the reading as saying to you 'this is a stable relationship you are in' but I don't think so. I mean you are asking for advice for yourself and what I see is you as a solid stable grounded vessel in some danger of being humiliated in line 4 but even if you were you'd be okay.



What you need to see about the situation between them 51.2>18. I'm not inclined to see this as a description of their relationship, I can't because for me the answer mostly is about the querent. I'd say 51.2 is what just happened, all the drama of the sectioning and so on. It may be time to let him go so that he can come to you more fully later on maybe ? At the start of the post I just gave you my thoughts, I didn't feel it was a tenable situation for you. I really don't think it is, it asks too much of you. You aren't meant to feel insecure or hurt or confused ??? Anyone would because it's just not feasible for all the reasons I gave above. Hilary's commentary says actually what comes later is better than anything you might imagine now. Maybe if you let him go he may return in a better way or you will find someone else who is far better for you. I don't know.

Is it worth talking about me and (man) and the foundation between us (- this is like instead of talking about them, should I have just talked about us and our issues):
11.1 - 46 (seems to be talking about action, but what action.... yes things are more entangled than i thought).

Well as Liselle said it's all inseparable. Your first question was a good one 'please advise me with regards to this situation'.

Now if you know where you are that's all you need to know. You must make the best decisions for you regardless of what they do or don't do.

And this morning (him and I were planning on meeting today):
Please advise me on the best way forward with X (man) at this point:
54 - 4 - 19
54 - subordinate position right? there's nothing I can do, perhaps I overshot and spoke too much or showed too much emotion? So basically just leave him to approach me and to approach the topic? But without letting go of my principles??

Well it's pretty clear, maiden delays marriage, just let go of him I think....or let go in the way you choose to

 

[Trojina]

....or do whatever you think, my main point is this is not a reasonable way to be treated so whatever you do don't blame yourself for finding it hard. You may choose a number of ways to proceed but please do keep you 50.2.4.6 to 15 near you. I think it shows you yourself as a reliable stable base from where you will come to good decisions. But don't let people hurt you as in line 4. Actually as I said I think you are quite solid in yourself even if they do hurt you. You have a good base for your own future whatever is happening now

 

[Lola1986]

Wow, thanks for the energy you put into that Trojina. Yeah, you know it's funny, I don't think he even realises what he's getting himself into but yes, you are right about the multiple crises and the fact that this is highly likely to happen again and again. I did mention this to him today but we didn't get very far with it. Sigh. I'm in a real tangle - my boundaries are being messed with but in such a weird complicated way it's very hard to put a finger on anything. I guess I just need to trust my instincts in a way. Or else, which is so weird, like hope that a clear line is crossed so that I can just leave with a very clear reason. That's messed up to be thinking like that but that's how it is for me. I already feel humiliated to some extent. I don't know what to do! Leaving him is very hard, it has been hard in the past. And also the best thing is to maybe just try and hold compassion in my heart for her instead of anger because it is his issue not hers, his poor boundaries, she will of course just take and take and take until he says no, that is no doubt part of her disorder. Anyway, thanks for the time you all have put in. I appreciate it.

 

[breakmov]

Hi Lola1986,

I see this situation differently and possibly point to a positive evolution if you find the advice that comes from the reading useful.

"Please advise me with regards the (man name) and (woman name) situation:
50.2.4.6 - 15 "


R:- "There is something to be created/transformed that may have a higher purpose. But for this to happen it is necessary to bring to this higher purpose an attitude of "Readiness", "fair evaluation", "Sobriety". It is also necessary to "work/organize" with "Prudent Discernment" all this process."



If you look at the 50.2.4.6>15 frame as a whole, you notice that the main components are Hex50, Hex15 and Hex 64.

If you use Bradford Hatcher's http://www.hermetica.info/GuaMing.htm page to help feel the essence of each Hex, you can see that (see also the author's notes):

Hex50 »"Nourishing Merit";The Cauldron "nourishing to a higher purpose"; "Manifesting or Realizing Higher Purpose";" the transformation of mankind"; "the Alchemist's "Great Work"";"Realizing potential in raw material, social engineering, creation of higher culture
";"sacrificial vessel", e.t.c. ...

Hex15 » "Fair/Just Apportionment";"Readiness";"fair assessment";
"sobriety"; "tell it like it is";"Honesty"; "On solid foundations; exacting appreciation, accurate assessment, groundedness

Simplicity, nothing extra or extraneous, restraint, limiting to the most stable form
", e.t.c ...

Hex64 » "Prudent Discernment";"Not Yet Complete";"Tension between what is and what must be"; "necessity as a motivation";"Vigilance, making accidents serve ends";"using uncertainty & insecurity as sources
"

can you see what structure 50.2.4.6>15 shows?

we have in this structure "Manifesting or Realizing a Higher Purpose", "Readiness, fair evaluation of reality" and "Prudent Discernment of something not yet Complete".

- in order to exist "Manifesting or Realizing a Higher Purpose"(hex50), it is necessary to incorporate "readiness, fair evaluation of reality"(hex15), through (using, taking into account) "Prudent Discernment/Action"(hex64).

Put another way:

hex50= situation in need of remedy
hex15=remedium
hex64= introduction of the remedy in the situation (represents the various mutant lines).

-There is something to be created/transformed that may have a higher purpose. But for this to happen it is necessary to bring to this higher purpose an attitude of "Readiness", "fair evaluation", "Sobriety". It is also necessary to "work/organize" with "Prudent Discernment" all this process.

I invite you now to suspend for a moment your idea of "love triangle" and to consider this alternative and more positive vision:

consider this "new" triangle of relationships:

1- you and your boyfriend (a love relationship)

2- your boyfriend and the other girl (just a relationship of friendship/affinity through music)

3- you and the other girl (a relationship of friendship(?) because they both contribute, in their own way, to your boyfriend's well being and that makes you both feel good too).

Can you "cook" something superior (hex50) using a fair assessment(hex15) vision in this "new" triangle of relationships? - the "Tension between what is and what must be"(hex64) must be present, can you create a more positive vision, with a higher goal, organazing/working these ingredients?

Can you imagine the possibility of seeing a friendship in the other girl, where the component "competition for the attention of the 3rd element (your boyfriend)" is being replaced by your support for her (a genuine friendship)?
... Basically, a situation where each element supports the other two, keeping in mind, as a basis, the role that each member plays in this trio ?

I wish you the best.

PS- can you contemplate 50.2.4.6>15, and all that this implies, in daily factual practice, until the 1st week of August ?

cheers,


breakmov

 

[Lola1986]

Hi Breakmov,

Thanks...interesting interpretation. I don't know the yijing well enough to be able to tell from what you've said but I think the idea is interesting and potentially helpful to me at least in terms of finding peace with myself, my boyfriend and this new friend of his. His behaviour to me at least is more likely to be more respectful if I don't try and control his relationship with her - and of course I cannot - but he is less likely to find me as almost an enemy - he is treating me quite strangely right now, almost fake like. I need to learn most of all to trust my intuiation and follow that more than anything else at the moment, since all else is too too confusing.

Thanks for your suggestion. I guess yes, there is no harm in trying that meditation - I am so scared of being humiliated though, that is my worst fear because I will be raging furious if that happens! So that is the risk, not so much being hurt as being humiliated.

 

[marybluesky]

Hello;

Please advise me with regards the (man name) and (woman name) situation: 50.2.4.6 - 15
Go your own way. You have admirable characteristics others can't rob. Your stew (relationship) is spoiled now, but don't worry; you have everything needed to have a good life. The crisis will end and the things will get back to normal.

50.6 is very auspicious. Can't say for sure how it will manifest. I received the line two times along with other changing lines for relationship questions, and both times the relationship ended with me being in very good shape emotionally, while I imagined the end will badly hurt. It was like everything was naturally over, its time was come, so it faded without me really losing anything.

What is it I need to see about this situation between (man) and (woman): 51.2 - 18
51.2: You need to leave the situation. Don't let them surprise you (in this bad way) over and over. Protect yourself. Your wounds will heal.
51.2 gives hexagram 54; or you should have 51.1.2.3.4.6 to have 18. Which is the case?

Is it worth talking about me and (man) and the foundation between us (- this is like instead of talking about them, should I have just talked about us and our issues): 11.1 - 46
Yes it's helpful to remind him of what joined you at first place.

Readings aside, you mentioned he didn't want a monogamous relationship at first, and hasn't been emotionally supportive of you. I'm not judging your BF, maybe he's a wonderful person, but we need to see how he's been with you in the relationship. His closeness to this girl without any regards for its effect on you is inconsiderate. I think any woman in your place is supposed to feel jealous and frustrated.
Anyway, if he prefers to be around an unstable person, let him be.

Good luck.

 

[mandarin_23]

Hi Lola 1986,

Out of curiousity, do you do a daily iching reading - what is your iching practice? I seem to use it in emergencies when I am all het up and then it's very hard sometimes to actually read and understand what it is saying. Learning slowly.

But I'm the same. I tend to use it quite a bit, and also maybe over-use in cases of stress. However, I found that there are some clear answer lines, and it is not true that the Yi doesn't answer any second questions. It does. It is patient. Only that after a couple of questions on one topic I usually get confused, don't understand the answers any more, and tend to be unable to decide and take action.

So it is better to stay down-to-earth and do only one reading at a topic in a time. I always do that in cases of lesser interest. Sometimes it takes weeks to understand the sense of the answer! So that I write everything down and tend to come back to the first answer in cases I asked more than one question. But no reason to exclude the other answers.

All the best to you!
Mandarine

 

[lodro]

Hello Lola,
Just wondered about the outcome here. Any further understanding of what the reading meant?