Misplaced trust?

[moonrise]

Hi everyone!

Some of you probably know my story with an older friend with whom I stopped communicating and getting over it was difficult.

I feel much better now

I realised that I don't want this kind of treatement and if he doesn't show respect and care as I deserve, then we cannot be friends.

So, I was feeling good and happy that I finally learnt some self respect.

Until today I had some very good news about my future progress in life.
And now it hurts that I cannot share this with this friend. it is connected to what he does and what brought us together in the first place. And he inspired me to get the courage and go into this kind of thing.
It is like showing him first results in my struggle where he was of big help. Like going to the mentor and say: hey, you see, I achieved something! And you inspired me!

Something is missing if I don't share this with him.
And all my resolutness to be stronger and not manipulated by him any more, vanished

I forgot about the past, I feel pure again and all the drama and all the points I tried to make, seem futile.
I feel clear and fresh as a newborn

And I don't care if he hurt me, if I felt crushed and not considered by him, it is all forgotten. It doesn't matter, my heart feels pure.

I love him, I care for him, I would like to share this with him, this big step which he helped me to make.

But the communication is as it is...and he did treat me in an ugly way...I am afraid that my "pureness" is just naivety. And that I should be able to make my stance, you know, have a spine!

So, I consulted Yi Jing.
I asked: should I share this with him? (that is write him about it)
I got 27 unchanging.

I didn't really know what to make of it...If I share this with him, it will be nourishing? Or maybe it is trying to say that I should nourish myself and be careful about what I choose, even with whom to share?

So, I asked again: if I share this with him, how is this going to influence our relation?

I got 58.1.5->40
Hm...First line talks about joy, so I could say that, with hex 40, that this could disperse some of the tention which is there because we don't communicate.
But line 5 is very discouraging and I feel very clear: in one of the books I have it is called misplaced trust and it goes:
Pleasure makes you generous, friendly, sincere and trustful. It also makes you vulnerable to people with opposing principles. Danger! You may feel pleasure in their company, but you are under no obligation to associate with them You can break off in a gentle and inoffensive way.

Well, this line confirmed what I've been feeling for all this time...I am as it decribes, sincere, trustful, friendly and generous - and for all this time I feel that he doesn't see it and sees all kinds of different things in me.
And now I got a clear answer that he is not like me here, and I can get hurt by him.

For all this time I was thinking and pondering what I was doing wrong here...and now I see that I did misplace my trust. I mean, he is a great guy and not at all bad, but he was uncapable of well, being innocent.

I shouldn't write to him, right? my trust can be mistreated, right?

I would appreciate any insight.
Thanks!

 

[martin]

It must be hard to let him go and say goodbye. But I think your interpretation of 58.5 is correct. And the first line talks about inward harmony, the harmony that is yours when you are alone and intimate with yourself. It is not related to him or anyone else.

"I feel clear and fresh as a newborn". That feels like line 1 and also very much like hexagram 40 in the background.

And it's tempting to share it with him, I can imagine, but maybe better not now, better rest in that feeling and enjoy it. It's wholly yours. It's you.

 

[moonrise]

Hi, Martin!

Thank you for the answer..yes, you are right. I do enjoy it

 

[willow]

27 has to do not only with nourishment, but with "What you put in your mouth" - your responsibilities related to how you nourish yourself.

Concurring with your judgement. I might add that the 1st line, really relaxing into that feeling of contentment with yourself, is what would lay the groundwork for you ultimately, perhaps at some other time, communicating with this person in a safe and empowered way. Or not.

Another thing. There can be many reasons why a yearning to share a joy can't be consumated. What if the reason wasn't that this person is flawed and has been abusive, but that they were dead? Or in another country, out of touch in another phase of their life? Or gaga with alzheimers? If there were no overlay of a need to protect yourself, if the decision were not in your hands, and you only had the sadness and yearning, what would you do?

Often times, when something gets in the way of exchange on the ordinary plane, there are other planes where the exchange can take place. "The highest in me honors the highest in you." "Dad, I know you've been gone these many years, but I just wanted you to know..." Don't make the mistake of thinking that, just because you can't literally share your joy with the literal person, there is no way of making an offering of a bit of that joy to a bit of that place from which it came.