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NemeanMagik

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Here's something else to blight or bother me.

Two nights ago I had a conversation with my b/f on phone, and heaven only knows why he launched into an attack on me about my victim-mentality. Not kindly, nicely, speaking-the-truth-in-love-sort-of-way, but nastily, aggressively.
God.
Since I was already in emotional melt down, I just had to protect myself from this, and held the phone away from my 'right' ear, to give him the space to ventilate.
When I felt it was safe, I put the phone down.

Meanwhile, other events were gathering momentum in my life regarding all this other stuff of mine about the mental health Monster, you know. So, in part I am sure, my preoccupation with this latter business has not had a good affect on my relationship with S. And maybe he has been feeling it.

Now, bearing in mind some of the posts you lot have written to me about my negativity and recalcitrance, some may be interested in this:

I asked I ching: "What is going on with S"? Response was: 4.1.41 4 is Not Knowing. 41 is Decreasing and line 1 is something about correction not being too harsh.

Then I asked: "How serious is this conflict with S." (it feels a definite shift to 'disaster', very different from our usual tiffs...

The Response was Hex 39.2.3.4.5>40 Limping>Release

I have now seen s. twice since the incident. The first day following, the incident was hardly mentioned. I went to his house (which felt different, odd, not the usual friendly warmth). The second day following (yesterday), we went out to a pub in the evening for food, and I brought the subject of the phone diatribe up. This developed into a --well, row. He is now questioning whether the relationship can continue. We have been 'going out' for a number of years....quite a number.

This reaction of his is Totally OTT.

Here we go again!

Comments/All Answers to the Meaning of the Universe etc, very welcome.

(and just to add, although perturbed, I am not, so far, falling apart about this, just perplexed, and being nice to him.) :rolleyes::stir:
 

moss elk

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"Two nights ago I had a conversation with my b/f on phone, and heaven only knows why he launched into an attack on me about my victim-mentality. Not kindly, nicely, speaking-the-truth-in-love-sort-of-way, but nastily"

Because you spend much of your time complaining about how others "make you feel".
Just like you did in this post, and have done in most of your posts.
And it can be very frustrating to hear over and over again.

Do you recall what you were saying just before he started yelling at you?
Could you have been complaining about someone or something?
I would wager you were.

When people complain they are crying out for help. (With a crisis)
When people hear a cry for help they naturally want to help (by solving the crisis)
When someone is trying to help and they are unsuccessful because the very person they are trying to help is preventing them, unreceptive, or making the problem worse, you have the recipe for frustration. :duh:
Everyone has limitations, your b/f may be nearing the end of his rope.

When you reach out for needed help (sympathy) it is a natural and good thing.
But the thing is Nemean, you might be doing something slightly different.
By constantly angrily complaining you may be actually be looking for bonding.
But what you are seeking is a bond of misery, a warparty.
"I am feeling angry, come join the club, we can feel hurt together and make jerky of our enemies. Oh this one is chewey, pass me the salt"

B/F was applying the fetters to you, trying to get you to stop what you were doing.

Consistently, i have seen you focused on other peoples actions and not your own,
Reaching out for sympathy and not recognising when you have it.
And most importantly, not being sympathetic to yourself.
(When you are feeling upset, acknowledge it, remind yourself that you would like to feel differently, then take steps that make that happen. Sometimes the step may not be forward trajectory progress, but stilling or withdrawing your hand from the thorny box)

So, what did you have for breakfast?
Im having coffee and a sweetroll.

And, uh, what's up with "the pot" ? What are you stewing? :stir:
 

NemeanMagik

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"Two nights ago I had a conversation with my b/f on phone, and heaven only knows why he launched into an attack on me about my victim-mentality. Not kindly, nicely, speaking-the-truth-in-love-sort-of-way, but nastily"

Because you spend much of your time complaining about how others "make you feel".
Just like you did in this post, and have done in most of your posts.
And it can be very frustrating to hear over and over again.

Do you recall what you were saying just before he started yelling at you?
Could you have been complaining about someone or something?
I would wager you were.

When people complain they are crying out for help. (With a crisis)
When people hear a cry for help they naturally want to help (by solving the crisis)
When someone is trying to help and they are unsuccessful because the very person they are trying to help is preventing them, unreceptive, or making the problem worse, you have the recipe for frustration. :duh:
Everyone has limitations, your b/f may be nearing the end of his rope.

When you reach out for needed help (sympathy) it is a natural and good thing.
But the thing is Nemean, you might be doing something slightly different.
By constantly angrily complaining you may be actually be looking for bonding.
But what you are seeking is a bond of misery, a warparty.
"I am feeling angry, come join the club, we can feel hurt together and make jerky of our enemies. Oh this one is chewey, pass me the salt"

B/F was applying the fetters to you, trying to get you to stop what you were doing.

Consistently, i have seen you focused on other peoples actions and not your own,
Reaching out for sympathy and not recognising when you have it.
And most importantly, not being sympathetic to yourself.
(When you are feeling upset, acknowledge it, remind yourself that you would like to feel differently, then take steps that make that happen. Sometimes the step may not be forward trajectory progress, but stilling or withdrawing your hand from the thorny box)

So, what did you have for breakfast?
Im having coffee and a sweetroll.

And, uh, what's up with "the pot" ? What are you stewing? :stir:


Yes, yes, I am seeing things better now, Moss Elk! Something has shifted!:)
 

moss elk

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Good to hear.

So, what did you have for breakfast?
 
S

sooo

Guest
Do you really think they have your answers,
or anyone here?

Howl at the moon,
she is the best listener,

and silence,
the best teacher.

Who knows?
You may even forget your question.
 

moss elk

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"Howl at the moon,
she is the best listener"

Great line!
 

NemeanMagik

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I believe I Ching is working with me, and moving with me.... And it is called 'Biting Through'.
 

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