Moving out my place: help with 8 UC, 3 UC, 46 UC and 21.1.3.5.6 to 31

[Flowing like water]

Hi everybody,

I need your precious help to interpret my casts.
Here some backgrounds.

Since a year and a half I’ve been living with my flatmate. She rented me a small room in a nice apartment and I’m paying a very good rent for that.

I couldn’t effort an higher rent and I was happy with her. Since the very beginning, she told me the “low” price is because the renting room is really small, but mainly because she is renting a room (plus common use of bathroom and kitchen) but not the apartment. It was to say, she considered it mainly her place. That meant she defined her “rules”, I accepted. Despite some limits, I was happy in this situation for many reasons, including we became close friends (not hanging out together, in fact we have very different life style, but chatting and so on).

She is my opposite, she has a totally different approach from me to life. I’m a very deep woman, spending time to explore myself with meditation and other stuff.

She doesn’t like this kind of stuff but respect them. Since last summer, she started to be kind of depressed because she doesn’t really want to face her many problems (being single, finding the wrong man, not happy with her job and so on).

Instead of wondering why this happens and happens, she is just complaining her life, and reacting with overdoing, uncontrolled shopping, chemical medicines (sleeping pills, injections to remove cellulite), sleeping with wrong men and much more. Especially from last summer.

She is often in a really bad mood, she doesn’t spend a lot of time at home (fortunately), anyway I feel affected somehow by her bad energy. She almost stopped cleaning the apartment as well.

Now I feel all her “rules” as restrictions, because it’s quite a long time I’m sacrificing part of my needs (like to feel me free to invite a couple of friends for dinner, i.e.), but mainly I cannot stand anymore her, not all time, but often. Even though I see her behaviors are due to her uncertainties she hides (she is a very proud woman with a medium-high life style, despite she feels kind of “poor”), and it bothers me so much because she is doing nothing good to improve her situation. Somehow she acts with superficiality. And I cannot stand it at all.

For all these reasons and because I don’t think that talking to her can improve the situation, I started to consider to move out from here and look for another accommodation.
I know in my not being able to stand her and her behaviors longer, there’s a message for me, and I’m exploring this with my therapist, but I need to live in a place where I feel better.

What scares me to move into a new shared apartment is to be able to face a higher rent (for sure I have if I want to find a nice place where to stay) and if I will be happy in another situation because it’s really difficult to share apartments at my age (45), despite I like it and I know how to adjust to new environment.

So I had few casts (my interpretations are mainly based on previous posts here and other fonts, but I’m not very expert):


What if I move into a new place? In terms of what can bring me the new situation. 8 UC

I read that 8 uc talks mainly examining oneself and make my choice.
It’s interesting to see that 8 is about finding home, the place where you belong, not forcing things in unnatural ways.

But what does it mean? It sends back the question to me, I know I would like to move but I have many reasons to be scared about. I wonder if it could be a temporary inconvenience and could I instead think of facing/fixing the problems with my flatmate…

I also read that with 8 UC you can ask again with a more specific question.
That’s why I then asked:


Will I find a better or worse situation if I decide to move out of here? 3 UC

Another unchanging hexagram…

‘Sprouting.
Creating success from the source, constancy is fruitful.
No use to have a direction to go,
Fruitful to establish feudal lords.’

Oracle
‘Earth.
Creating success from the source, the constancy of a mare is fruitful.
A noble one has a direction to go.
At first: confusion. Later: gains a lord and harvest.
In the southwest, gains partners.
In the northeast, loses partners.
Peaceful constancy brings good fortune.’
Image
‘Power of the earth, Receptive.

Thus the noble one, with generous de, carries all the beings.’

I can read this one as a positive outcome as if I could improve my situation moving out.


Can I face economically a change of place? Will I find the necessary resources allowing me to pay more than now? 21.1.3.5.6 to 31

This cast with so many changing lines it’s too difficult to interpret to me.
Especially the changing lines in regards of economically issues…

I focused a bit on the secondary hexagram 31. I read the following about it.
I found in the forum this story by LiSe Heyboer

Yi Jing, Book of Sun and Moon

Hexagram 31

When King Wu had conquered the Shang, he could not sleep at night. He was worried and full of fear, because he had 'not yet ascertained Heaven's protection'. He decided to build a new city in which the sacrifices to Heaven would be valid again, and entrusted Tan, the duke of Zhou, with the planning and execution of this work. Tan asked the tortoise-oracle and found a site for the new city at the river Luo. The new city was called Luo-Yi. King Wu died and his successor, king Cheng, built the city, and so another name for this city is Cheng-Zhou. Cheng and Xian, the name of hexagram 31, are written almost the same, and are interchangeable.

This city was never used as capital by Cheng, it was only a place for sacrifices, a home for the ancestors. Here, the sacrifices to the ancestors could be brought, in new temples, where all the wrongs of the past no longer existed. If Wu only conquered the Shang, without honouring the goodness and greatness they had also brought in the past, the spirits would not help him. New life relies on the benevolence and support of all spirits involved, of past and present. And being a descendant of a Shang daughter, they were his ancestors too.

This story made me think that I could face the higher rent, but then it’s also saying that for personal goals, selfish wishes, to take advantage, it’s evil.

And I'm wondering if my with to move out is a selfish approach, thinking at my needs, and not to my flatmate's situation. Should I instead focus more on her, trying to understand her, her not being happy…? I know I have for her contradictory feelings: love and kind of resentment.
As last, a question about my relationship with her:


How should I deal with her from now on? 46 UC

Another unchanging hexagram…

It’s look like I should be patient with her, because it’s the only way to success in this situation. But I feel I have been patient for a too long time and the result is this tread…

Hope someone can help me to understand if moving out is the right solution. And, if so, are there good chances to feel better and being able to face the higher rent?

Thanks in advance!

 

[rosada]

8. Union.
The success of moving to a new apartment will depend on who you have as a room mate.
3. Difficulty at The Beginning.
No guarantees. Perhaps your question was too confusing. Or perhaps whether a move would be an improvement will depend on how you set up the arrangement. Appears to be a strong potential for things going either way.
21. Biting Through - 31. Influence, Wooing.
Looks like this is a serious consideration and while you probably will be able to eventually find a place you can afford you shouldn't take foolish risks. I can see this as also saying it would be worthwhile to try to "bite through" to your current flatmate and see if you can influence her to make better choices. Playing classical music is a way to nourish the higher instincts.
46. Small things add up.
Whether this is advising you to try to find something good about her each day or a warning that eventually her negativity is going to exhaust your patience I am not sure. The Image does refer to growing things. Maybe literally getting a house plant you can share and say positive things about....

Over all these readings suggest to me that you are still only starting to consider what you might do to improve your situation. I think as you research your options a bit more - seriously investigate the rental market - you'll find guidance, like you find better apartments aren't so rare or you find it's so bad out there you are suddenly extremely gratefully you've got a place with this crazy woman. In fact, maybe telling her how grateful you are she's rented this room to you will lift her spirits at least around you. Try saying, "Oh my dear friend, I feel so bad to see you looking so down and having such a hard time. Is there anything I can do to make things better?" Either she'll start to be more appreciative and considerate of you or she'll at least realize, "OMG, I'd better shape up or she'll never stop pestering me!"

Good luck!

 

[Flowing like water]

8. Union.
The success of moving to a new apartment will depend on who you have as a room mate.
3. Difficulty at The Beginning.
No guarantees. Perhaps your question was too confusing. Or perhaps whether a move would be an improvement will depend on how you set up the arrangement. Appears to be a strong potential for things going either way.
21. Biting Through - 31. Influence, Wooing.
Looks like this is a serious consideration and while you probably will be able to eventually find a place you can afford you shouldn't take foolish risks. I can see this as also saying it would be worthwhile to try to "bite through" to your current flatmate and see if you can influence her to make better choices. Playing classical music is a way to nourish the higher instincts.
46. Small things add up.
Whether this is advising you to try to find something good about her each day or a warning that eventually her negativity is going to exhaust your patience I am not sure. The Image does refer to growing things. Maybe literally getting a house plant you can share and say positive things about....

Over all these readings suggest to me that you are still only starting to consider what you might do to improve your situation. I think as you research your options a bit more - seriously investigate the rental market - you'll find guidance, like you find better apartments aren't so rare or you find it's so bad out there you are suddenly extremely gratefully you've got a place with this crazy woman. In fact, maybe telling her how grateful you are she's rented this room to you will lift her spirits at least around you. Try saying, "Oh my dear friend, I feel so bad to see you looking so down and having such a hard time. Is there anything I can do to make things better?" Either she'll start to be more appreciative and considerate of you or she'll at least realize, "OMG, I'd better shape up or she'll never stop pestering me!"

Good luck!

Hi Rosada, thanks so much for your insight.
I took some time to think about what you suggested me.
I had already started to have a look at the rental market (there are chances to get a nice room for a little higher price, but for sure I should check better the whole situation, including the flatmate).

I feel 46 as a warning that eventually her negativity is going to exhaust my patience more than your first hypothesis. I always tried to be nice with her, but it looks like she needs more than this. I think she needs me somehow, she's recently asking to hanging out together. Tomorrow she will come to the mountains with me and my friends. But still, she doesn't respect me (it just happened that, after cleaning the bathroom - I'm the only one cleaning..., I came back home and she got it dirty with her make up, and left without worrying about quickly removing it). Despite that, I still tried to be nice, but it doesn't work. Not for me. I don't like the way she behaves, from sadness to joy, from annoyance to pleasure. For no apparent reason. I think she is too unstable for me. And I'm too sensitive to her instability.

I tried one more cast, because this situation is exhausting me. And I asked:

Is it the right time for a change with her and moving out of here? 33.4 to 53

Retreat to Gradual Progress
Line 4
'Loving retreat.
Noble one, good fortune.
Small people, blocked.'

By luck, I found a very similar post here and it said:

Nine in the fourth place means:
Voluntary retreat brings good fortune to the
superior man and downfall to the inferior man.

In retreating the superior man is intent on taking his departure willingly and in all friendliness. He easily adjusts his mind to retreat, because in retreating he does not have to do violence to his convictions. The only one who suffers is the inferior man from whom he retreats, who will degenerate when deprived of the guidance of the superior man.

This needs to be a gradual and planned out move (53), so make the proper preparations.

I felt that was the right answer, I hope it's a good insight. I focused on "in retreating he does not have to do violence to his convictions" and accepting her for what she is and behaves makes me feel exactly I'm doing violence to my convictions.

I feel sorry for her, if my departure will hurt her. But as suggested, my departure will be well planned and gradual: I will take time to find the right place and wait for my finance to improve as much as I need to face the economic change.
I'm not saying I will do it for sure, but I think (despite my fears and worries) I want to go into this direction and see what happens.

My last thought is: I'm 45. I did and I'm doing so much to be centered and stable, and trust that life will support me. I have to work for that, and I do. Why shouldn't I think I deserve a better situation in the place where I live? A house where I can feel home and be happy with my flatmate? Why should I accept the compromise to live with a very unstable woman?

As advice I like your suggestion but I find it's really challenging. You might be right and I might be wrong to think in this different direction. But I want to feel well and be surrounded by stable and nice people. If so, I think I have to take a risk... moving out.