My brother in law

[Mylife]

Hi, I asked the oracle a question for my brother in law. I don’t have a good relationship with him due to an argument (I have been harsh with him and I told him to move on with life and not to wasted it with uni because it seems that Uni is not for him). He struggles to finish the university because he fails all the time (due to lack of study). Due to various reasons he started a uni 17 years ago and at today he is still trying. He keeps trying over and over for a lot of years. He practically stays on the same square for a long time and not moving forward in life. I asked the oracle what does it see about him and about his university, is he going to progress and finish? I received this answer 22.1.3.4.6 changing into 16. Do you understand what the oracle is trying to tell?

 

[rosada]

16. Enthusiasm can mean a celebration so maybe the I Ching is saying you're asking if there will ultimately be cause to celebrate? 22. Grace describes a lovely vision but 16. also describes a lavish funeral. Will his vision actually lead to a celebration or will he be in school up until the day he dies? Hmm...

 

[Mylife]

16. Enthusiasm can mean a celebration although the celebration could be a lavish funeral.
So maybe the I Ching is saying you're asking if there will ultimately be cause to celebrate? 22. Grace describes a lovely vision. So will his vision actually lead to a celebration or will he be in school up until the day he dies? Hmm...

Hi, thank you but I m not sure I follow you
There will be a celebration? which means he will pass and he will finish his missing years?
or your reply was negtive and the answer is no, he will not pass and he will not finish?

 

[rosada]

I'm not interpreting these hexagrams as either yes or no. I'm just saying what these hexagrams might symbolize. I think 22. - 16. sounds like it's just saying what is, without saying if the dream comes true: "What does the IC see about him and finishing?" and the response is, "Your brother in law has a vision(22) to graduate(16)." However, I would infer from that that he will need more motivation to actually cross the finish line.

 

[Mylife]

I'm not interpreting these hexagrams as either yes or no. I'm just saying what these hexagrams might symbolize. I think 22. - 16. sounds like it's just saying what is, without saying if the dream comes true: "What does the IC see about him and finishing?" and the response is, "Your brother in law has a vision(22) to graduate(16)." However, I would infer from that that he will need more motivation to actually cross the finish line.

Ok, so it’s not very clear to understand if he finish or not. It all depends on his motivation.

 

[rosada]

It's really tough to interpret "Yes - or - No" questions because all the hexagrams can mean yes and they can all mean no, although sometimes you just get a gut level instinct that a hexagram is saying yes or it is saying no. But yeah, if he has a really strong motivation, a clear vision of what he wants to do with his knowledge and education then this answer could be saying he'll complete it. Also it's good to consider what this answer is telling YOU, what your attitude should be, like maybe you are being advised to just think of it as his dream and while it's appropriate to be supportive of his vision, you should not be too concerned about whether he completes it or not cause it's his fantasy he's got going and not something you need to stress over.

 

[Mylife]

It's really tough to interpret "Yes - or - No" questions because all the hexagrams can mean yes and they can all mean no, although sometimes you just get a gut level instinct that a hexagram is saying yes or it is saying no. But yeah, if he has a really strong motivation, a clear vision of what he wants to do with his knowledge and education then this answer could be saying he'll complete it. Also it's good to consider what this answer is telling YOU, what your attitude should be, like maybe you are being advised to just think of it as his dream and while it's appropriate to be supportive of his vision, you should not be too concerned about whether he completes it or not cause it's his fantasy he's got going and not something you need to stress over.

That’s true what you say about me. Our argument happened because of his failure and never seen progression in 17 years. He was a heavy load on our shoulders, financially speaking. We are not talking much since then and I keep asking myself what shall I do to let go of all this argument and close the chapter. Because it’s there in my mind and it’s stresses me and the anger it’s growing and it kind of destroys my mood. This argument it affected my marriage because I also argued with my husband because of him. My husband defends him (he is his brother so obviously he does) but he understood where I was coming from. I m still a free because he never understood and he wanted to hear out my point of why I was against him with his university. He never cared that he was a heavy load to our finances. He is 35 years old and he was looking at me and my husband to support him in university because he is not working- he says that if he work he can’t study. I developed anger and disappointment towards him since then I cannot close this chapter.
I asked the oracle what shall I do to let go of all this argument to be “free” inside. It answers to me with 11.2.3.5.6 changing into 42.
I did not understand what it meant and what shall I do set my self free from this Argument, anger and disappointment toward him. Do you think you can help me to understand?

 

[rosada]

Ah! Now that I know a little more about your situation I am seeing more in your original hexagrams. From what you say it sounds like the arrangement with your brother-in-law is not clearly defined. It's like 22. Grace describes this undefined fanciful arrangement that somehow has your husband feeling obligated to support him until 16. Graduation. It's not a harmless fantasy vision that you can ignore!

So now you are asking what your attitude should be since it appears your husband is unwilling to insist the brother shape up. I am assuming that you and your husband have enough money to support this guy or else you wouldn't have any trouble telling him "No more!" so maybe your issue is that while you can support him you're not billionaires and it would be nice to not have to - plus it's kinda rude for him to act huffy with you for getting after him - like his relationship with his brother out ranks you as the wife. Really he should be kissing your toes and cleaning your house. But you feel kinda guilty about that because the poor guy really is a loser and you and your husband really can afford to help him out and anyway your husband somehow is okay with it and you're tired of being mad so what should your attitude be?

11.2.3.5.6

11. Peace is about the peace that comes when everyone is following their own path and yet we are aware of and look out for others. So it's a very appropriate hexagram for your situation!

11.2
I got this line when I asked for a definition of Social Distancing! For you I think it's about how this man is a relative you must keep appropriate distance, ie. no obligation to take on his issues, problems, and maybe even advice that you can't always agree with your husband and that's okay too. People need to spread out and not be so constricted by social ties.

11.3
Be compassionate. Recognize that life is full of ups and downs. Take the role of being kind to a fellow traveler.

11.5
Maybe it would be helpful to think of your husband's trying to get his brother launched is like a king trying to arrange good marriages for his daughters. He wont be at peace until he does. Hmm... maybe find him a girlfriend?

11.6
Surely your husband wont go on supporting this forever. Remind yourself, "This too shall pass!"

Further thought -
Now this line makes me think you should ask your husband to set some boundaries just as a good father would to get the kid to grow up. Like your husband should tell brother if he doesn't take a full course load (or whatever number of classes seems reasonable) and pass all his classes this semester that's it - no more free ride. (I also see it as a warning that if you and he don't set these strong boundaries everything you've tried to achieve will dissolve into nothing.)
Having clear boundaries and deadlines might help the brother focus and it would probably do a lot for restoring YOUR peace of mind!

42. Increase - Harvest in crossing the great river.
Strongly visualize your brother-in-law graduating! Tell him how proud you are of him! Talk about it with enthusiasm so no one dares come and tell you they .. uh ..didn't quite make it across the river to class again this morning...

 

[Mylife]

Ah! Now that I know a little more about your situation I am seeing more in your original hexagrams. From what you say it sounds like the arrangement with your brother-in-law is not clearly defined. It's like 22. Grace describes this undefined fanciful arrangement that somehow has your husband feeling obligated to support him until 16. Graduation. It's not a harmless fantasy vision that you can ignore!

So now you are asking what your attitude should be since it appears your husband is unwilling to insist the brother shape up. I am assuming that you and your husband have enough money to support this guy or else you wouldn't have any trouble telling him "No more!" so maybe your issue is that while you can support him you're not billionaires and it would be nice to not have to - plus it's kinda rude for him to act huffy with you for getting after him - like his relationship with his brother out ranks you as the wife. Really he should be kissing your toes and cleaning your house. But you feel kinda guilty about that because the poor guy really is a loser and you and your husband really can afford to help him out and anyway your husband somehow is okay with it and you're tired of being mad so what should your attitude be?

11.2.3.5.6

11. Peace is about the peace that comes when everyone is following their own path and yet we are aware of and look out for others. So it's a very appropriate hexagram for your situation!

11.2
I got this line when I asked for a definition of Social Distancing! For you I think it's about how this man is a relative you must keep appropriate distance, ie. no obligation to take on his issues, problems, and maybe even advice that you can't always agree with your husband and that's okay too. People need to spread out and not be so constricted by social ties.

11.3
Be compassionate. Recognize that life is full of ups and downs. Take the role of being kind to a fellow traveler.

11.5
Maybe it would be helpful to think of your husband's trying to get his brother launched is like a king trying to arrange good marriages for his daughters. He wont be at peace until he does. Hmm... maybe find him a girlfriend?

11.6
Surely your husband wont go on supporting this forever. Remind yourself, "This too shall pass!"

Further thought -
Now this line makes me think you should ask your husband to set some boundaries just as a good father would to get the kid to grow up. Like your husband should tell brother if he doesn't take a full course load (or whatever number of classes seems reasonable) and pass all his classes this semester that's it - no more free ride. (I also see it as a warning that if you and he don't set these strong boundaries everything you've tried to achieve will dissolve into nothing.)
Having clear boundaries and deadlines might help the brother focus and it would probably do a lot for restoring YOUR peace of mind!

42. Increase - Harvest in crossing the great river.
Strongly visualize your brother-in-law graduating! Tell him how proud you are of him! Talk about it with enthusiasm so no one dares come and tell you they .. uh ..didn't quite make it across the river to class again this morning...

My husband and I stopped supporting him financially. My husband understood that we cannot afford anymore and he agreed with me to stop. But when it comes to the argument with the brother in law, my husband disagrees with me that I argue with him. He said it was not need. For me was more like taking it out of my chest because he was a damage to us and he never cared for us, he just cared for himself and hi university which never ends.
So even if my husband disagrees with my argument towards his brother he agreed to stop Supporting him. Now, his mum and dad support him.
So From what the oracle says seems that the argument with him is not near an end.
But to bring peace I should care for my life only and ignore his troubles. I should also keep distance from him and his problems.
Do you see something else it says that I should do?

 

[rosada]

Well now I’m confused. If your husband is no longer giving the brother money why are you arguing? Because you think the brother is a bum and you said so to your husband? But things have changed now, right? In that case I don’t think the I Ching is saying the argument is not near an end, more like its saying don’t keep re-activating it. In fact, in that case 22. Grace could be an indication that the whole reason for arguing at all is now pretty vague. 16. Enthusiasm could be a warning that it’s easy to get into a habit of getting stirred up when there is no need to be.
Anyway, the advice for how to be moving forward is very encouraging: 11.2 No need to be closely involved with the brother (so don’t bring him up in conversation!) (And don’t be concerned the father is supporting the brother, that’s not your business)11.3 Remember life is full of ups and downs so we need to all be kind to each other. 11.5 A very positive line perhaps intended to remind you the father is now caring for the brother and that is as it should be, or maybe a prediction that eventually the investment will pay off, or just a promise to you that if you can be gracious now it will certainly make you look good! 11.6 says eventually this all passes away so again, let it go.
42. Increase is a wonderful promise that if you can be at peace about all of this much good fortune lies ahead!

 

[Mylife]

Well now I’m confused. If your husband is no longer giving the brother money why are you arguing? Because you still think the brother is a bum and you said so to your husband? Well I don’t think the I Ching is saying the argument with him is not near an end then. In fact, in that case 22. Grace could be an indication that the whole reason for arguing at all is now pretty vague. Your husband stopped giving the brother money so there’s nothing real to argue about anymore so just stop focusing on it! 16. Enthusiasm could be a warning that it’s easy to get into a habit of getting stirred up when there is no need to be.
Anyway, the advice for how to be moving forward is very encouraging: 11.2 No need to be closely involved with the brother (so don’t bring him up in conversation!) 11.3 Remember life is full of ups and downs so we need to all be kind to each other. 11.5 A very positive line perhaps intended to remind you the father is now caring for the brother and that is as it should be, or maybe a prediction that eventually the investment will pay off, or just a promise to you that if you can be gracious now it will certainly make you look good! 11.6 says eventually this all passes away so again, let it go.

The argument is not happening now. It happened in the past but my brother in law is not talking to me since then. So we never actually clarified it and put an end. He doesn’t want to. And the situation between me and my husband it’s fine now, we let it go and we moved on together.
My problem is that I resent and I m still angry inside with the brother in law. Bcs he was careless towards us and In a way he was shellfish and his careless actions hurt me and also made me angry - so I argued in the past and I still have those feelings towards him. As if I ended into a viscous circle and I can’t get out. And I want to get rid of this feelings and be at peace, hence why I was asking for advice. But the way you explained to me it makes sense what the oracle is saying. I will do my best to follow.

 

[rosada]

Ah, the eternal problem of how to deal with the voices in our own heads. I still argue with at my eighth grade algebra teacher who’s probably been dead for thirty years! So yeah, maybe the I Ching is saying this isn’t going to be over for awhile. If it helps, I now say only nice things to Mr Lindholm (the teacher) when he pops in and now he hardly ever shows up anymore.

I can see how 16. Enthusiasm could be that vicious circle!
Also it might be helpful to think of the anger as being energy blocked at the navel chakra and when you feel it visualize the energy lifting and moving upwards to your crown chakra.

Good luck!

 

[Mylife]

Ah, the eternal problem of how to deal with the voices in our own heads. I still argue with at my eighth grade algebra teacher who’s probably been dead for thirty years! So yeah, maybe the I Ching is saying this isn’t going to be over for awhile. If it helps, I now say only nice things to Mr Lindholm (the teacher) when he pops in and now he hardly ever shows up anymore.

I can see how 16. Enthusiasm could be that vicious circle!
Also it might be helpful to think of the anger as being energy blocked at the navel chakra and when you feel it visualize the energy lifting and moving upwards to your crown chakra.

Good luck!

Thanks a lot. You have been very helpful.