My children 44.1>1

[becalm]

My youngest son believes if I just remained humble the situation with the oldest brother would be resolved.

So bearing that in mind I asked How to progress my relationship with my oldest son Hex 44,1>1
Seems to me it's best to stay far away from my oldest son or he will trample all over me.

How to convince my youngest son there's nothing I can do at this time - Hex 61.1.2>20
Continue to be who I am and stick to what I believe is right for me and eventually he will see it for himself.

 

[Lao_Tzu]

How to progress my relationship with my oldest son:

Huang. Fasten with a metal brake. Being steadfast and upright: good fortune. There is somewhere to go. Misfortune appears―Impetuous lean pig, Pacing up and down.
The bottom line is a yin element starting to grow under five yang elements. It is better to stop its growth at the beginning so its evil influence will not extend any further. The Yao Text says, "Fasten with a metal brake. Being steadfast and upright: good fortune. There is somewhere to go. Misfortune appears." But the yin element is unwilling to lag behind. It is like a lean pig waiting to move forward. One should be alert and take precautions, as in using a metal break to stop a moving carriage.

Wing. You have the opportunity to put limits upon an inferior element and prevent a growth of its influence. Do not be tempted to allow things to develop naturally. If you ignore it, it will not go away but will, instead, become a sizable problem. Act now.

Wilhelm. It must be checked with a brake of bronze. Perseverance brings good fortune. If one lets it take its course, one experiences misfortune. Even a lean pig has it in him to rage around.
If an inferior element has wormed its way in, it must be energetically checked at once. By consistently checking it, bad effects can be avoided. If it is allowed to take its course, misfortune is bound to result; the insignificance of that which creeps in should not be a temptation to underrate it. A pig that is still young and lean cannot rage around much, but after it has eaten its fill and become strong, its true nature comes out if it has not previously been curbed.

Legge. Shows how its subject should be kept (like a carriage) tied and fastened to a metal drag, in which case with firm correctness there will be good fortune. (But) if he move in any direction, evil will appear. He will be (like) a lean pig, which is sure to keep jumping about.

Blofeld. The chariot wheel is held with a metal brake. Persistence in a righteous course brings good fortune. Those with a goal (or destination) in view will witness misfortune. However, even a lean pig is able to wiggle its trotters.
This whole passage suggests that we find ourselves weak or hampered in some way, but that persistence will enable us to emerge from the difficulty. Close to our goal (or destination), we shall witness (but not necessarily suffer) misfortune. Despite the weakness of our present position, we shall manage to progress if we take sufficient pains.

Cleary. A metal brake is applied. It is good to be correct. If you go anywhere, you will see misfortune. An emaciated pig leaps in earnest.
Strength applied with flexibility, cautious and wary, able to ward off the first arising mundanity, is like a fish being in a bag, unable to cause harm. The advantage is with the host, not the visitor, because the host (the celestial) has already espied the visitor (the mundane) early on. This is preventing mundanity before it acts up.

My Interpretation:
You are being called to action. When misfortune is without blame, it should be voluntarily experienced for the greater good. Strength is not how much weight we lift. It's our ability to calm the beast. Be it the thrashing of your lost young pig, or the anger of the tiger within yourself that demands retribution for unresolved conflict.

The family that heaps goodness upon goodness
Is sure to have an abundance of blessings.
The family that piles evil upon evil
Is sure to have an abundance of misery.

Murder of a ruler by his minister,
Or of a father by his son,
Does not result from a single day and night.
Its causes have accumulated bit by bit
Through the absence of early discrimination.
The I says, "Treading on hoarfrost, solid ice will come."
It shows the natural sequence of cause and effect.

The above Confucian commentary maps the slow development of malevolence. It would similarly apply to the slow development of benevolence. Small acts, a gentle push back towards the center. We cannot expect your eldest son to return to the light overnight. But when hoarfrost is underfoot, solid ice will soon come.


Inner Truth.
A crane calling in the shade. Its young answers it. I have a good goblet. I will share it with you.

 

[dfreed]

How to convince my youngest son there's nothing I can do at this time

This question seems to assume that you have already decided there's nothing you can do (at least right now). So, why do you assume this? And what's the situation you can't do anything about? Are you referring to your oldest son and/or to your interpretation of 44.1?

 

[rosada]

The Image often describes the key lesson a hexagram teaches. The Image for 44 advises looking over a situation without getting sucked in, particularly when dealing with emotions. 44.1 describes putting a stop to something before it developes any further and 1. The Creative means brand new possibilities. I see this as advising with your eldest son that you not address his criticisms at all but respond only to what is positive and focus on the future. IOW, send him a only a brief note: "Thanks for the pictures! Have a wonderful trip! I love you!"

I think 61.1.2 - 20 is saying let your younger son see how you feel.

Perhaps if you approach any conversations with the intention of sharing how this has affected your feelings, letting him 20. View things from your perspective without necessarily trying to convince him of anything, in fact maybe even acknowledging he might have helpful insights, would be the way to go. Like say to him, " I'm sure you understand your brother from a whole different perspective than I do and that's a good thing. I want you to have a good relationship with your brother. But I'm in a time in my life now where I just don't want to do this drama anymore. You may be right but for now it hurts too much and I just have to wish him well and step back."

 

[diamant]

How to progress my relationship with my oldest son 44.1 > 1
I agree with you, don't do anything at all, whatsoever. In 44, a solitary female line attempts to approach the male, and it's stopped in its tracks. Resulting 1 shows a repeatedly played scenario. If the line refers to him (might be, as he seems prone to rage and you don't), his behaviour was completely unacceptable and that also needs to be stopped, otherwise he will do much worse in the future. I fundamentally disagree with your youngest son - never try to appease a bully. Maybe your younger son has used appeasing towards his brother, but that doesn't mean you have to do it too. Non-action sounds the safest to me.

How to convince my youngest son there's nothing I can do at this time 61.1.2 > 20
'To be forewarned is lucky'. Maybe talk to him about the danger of being humble and submissive towards a bully.
Tell him you love him and understand him and you're there for him (61.2).
20 - either give him food for thought, or inspire respect in him, or both.

 

[becalm]

This question seems to assume that you have already decided there's nothing you can do (at least right now). So, why do you assume this? And what's the situation you can't do anything about? Are you referring to your oldest son and/or to your interpretation of 44.1?

I assumed that from the cast of 44.1 as yes it was about my oldest son.

 

[becalm]

Thank you rosada I used your message for my youngest son with a few adjustments as I think he needed to hear that.

Thanks diamante - my youngest is the one that has given me the strength to stand up to bullies as he's had his fair share in the workplace. The fact that he's about 6`2 " gives him a distinct advantage because he realised years ago it seems to intimidate some people straight away. My oldest is just as tall the difference is my youngest doesn't use it to bully people nor does he behind any religious beliefs. Having said that he still needs to learn about emotional manipulation so I hope he can learn and grow from the way I'm choosing to deal with it.

In regards to 44.1 - I realised that I hadn't given my perspective on things and that was unfair to me and I may hold onto repressed words that I didn't ssay in my Heart. But your right diamante, I hold no anger or rage, but to put a stop to potential inner angst I wrote an email saying I'm 100% happy with who I am having addressed my PTSD, apologised if it affected him but I do not wish to have a relationship with anyone who shows anything less than unconditional love and understanding of who I am. If he attempts to pull that to pieces then that's on him, I've said what I have to say and to be honest I'd rather wait until he comes back from his 2 year mission in Lebanon trying to change their religious beliefs to his own. I can only imagine he'll come back a changed man.

 

[becalm]

Thanks Lao Tzu - No need to put all that just your own interpretation works for me.

 

[dfreed]

How to progress my relationship with my oldest son Hex 44.1 > 1

44's upper trigram (three line figure) is Heaven.
44's lower trigram is Wind, with the 1st line moving. And here Wind changes to the lower trigram Heaven in resulting Hex. 1.

Looking at the trigrams, I wonder if this means that in order to best deal with your older son you have 'match' him in some way e.g. Hex. 1 has heaven and heaven.

Upper trigram Heaven may indicate that he sees himself a king, or as 'top dog'. And with lower Wind: could one possiblity be that you are trying to be like an older sister to him (wind represents the eldest daughter or sister), whereas you need to be a (or his) parent instead?

Heaven (the father, or in your case, the Parent), is charged with caring for all within her family, so I'd suggest that whatever you do regarding your older son, that you do it with the protection of yourself and you youngest son in mind.

Besides being the protector, how should you be, or act - does this mean you need to be humble, or passive, or aggressive, or ....?

When it is balanced, Wind (lower 44) is about gently exploring possibilities that will serve you in the long term. So maybe this too can be one of your filters or criteria for deciding your best course of action.

The line 44.1 includes 'impeded by a metal break; scrawny pig halts and will not budge. (Rutt)

I see this as advice to slow down, and be 'wind-like' in how to move forward: looking for gentle, long-term solutions - which is not at all passive in my mind.

In ancient China sacrifice was an important part of life. Here we have the image of a scrawny pig as our sacrifical beast, but we (or it) takes pause - puts on the brakes; perhaps the advice here is for you to not act or make decisions when you are depleted (e.g. a scrawny pig)? And ... making decisions about family matters are best done when you are not depleted, or feeling worn down, or fearful, angry, or ....

... and so being 'impeded by a metal brake' can be a choice you make and also a necessary step - at least for now.

I hope this is of some use to you.

D

 

[becalm]

Thank you D....I feel that's exactly how I've dealt with it re my latest communications with both boys.
I don't feel now is the time to actually come together to make amends but a time to put a stop his behaviour towards me even if it's just via letters and emails.
I'm not sure if we'll ever make amends and at this point I'm happy to wait another couple of years on his return from Lebanon and see if he's changed his attitude about me.

 

[Lao_Tzu]

I'm happy to wait another couple of years on his return from Lebanon and see if he's changed his attitude about me.

This is precisely what the line warns against. The full list of translations and interpretations articulates the same wisdom. If one lets it take its course, one experiences misfortune. Hate is cancerous and festers over time. Even if you're unlikely to speak with or see them for another two years, sending an olive branch now can make that reunion painless when it inevitably occurs.

 

[becalm]

This is precisely what the line warns against. The full list of translations and interpretations articulates the same wisdom. If one lets it take its course, one experiences misfortune. Hate is cancerous and festers over time. Even if you're unlikely to speak with or see them for another two years, sending an olive branch now can make that reunion painless when it inevitably occurs.

I did send an olive branch but I can't make him take it. I don't hate him but I think he needs to grow in himself before we can establish a healthy relationship.

 

[my_key]

My youngest son believes if I just remained humble the situation with the oldest brother would be resolved.

So bearing that in mind I asked How to progress my relationship with my oldest son Hex 44,1>1
Seems to me it's best to stay far away from my oldest son or he will trample all over me.

Hex 44 means 'supple meets strong'
Hex 1 means 'being strong'

To progress your relationship with your oldest son it is best if you remain strong while still maintaining a degree of flexibility.

Interestingly the nuclear of 44 is Hex 1 also, so reinforcing that behind this situation are forces drawing you to carry on your path for creating a new world around you. in Hex 44 you are encouraged to join with the new and to beam out the signals to all and sundry so that these will shape and change your whole world.

44.1 - You are still held fast by an inner chain. Take note of these as they have kept you safe for a long time. You will need to be persistant in the signals you send out and recognise that even in the direction you have chosen there are still many pitfalls to recognise and manoeuvre your way around.

How to convince my youngest son there's nothing I can do at this time - Hex 61.1.2>20
Continue to be who I am and stick to what I believe is right for me and eventually he will see it for himself.

Hex 61 meaning ' trustworthy '
Hex 20 meaning ' someone will trace the pattern

To convince your son of your chosen path you need only walk along it and trust he will see the pattern unfold.

Nuclear of 61 = 27 which is deeply drawing you towards being more discerning in the words you use and the things you do so that they produce the best nourishment for all in this situation.

61.1 - Focus attention on yourself and your inner working and not on other people at this time. Look at what you need to let go of.

61.2 - Something is calling to you from the shadows. Bring it forward and let it share in your world.

Be strong. Be creative. Be trusting. Be the New You.

...or it may be nothing at all like this.

Good Luck

 

[becalm]

Thank you my_key sounds like I'm beginning to get things right!!!