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My Dad's war momentos

sunnygirl

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Several years ago my Mom tried living with my sister and her family. Things didn't work out and when my Mom left she forgot to take Dad's personal items and war mementos with her.

My sister refuses to give them back to my Mom.

Mom is 81 and lives several thousand miles away from her so it isn't easy to just go get them.

I asked the yi

How can Mom get Dad's things back from X?

Answer is 17 unchanging.

Does this mean to wait until the sister is in a good mood to ask?

I asked why is my sister keeping Dad's and refusing to send them back?

Answer is 43 unchanging

I don't this is saying why but rather more what to do about it as in taking her to court for the items

I asked the yi

what about buying the items from her?

Answer
1.1.2.4.6 to 39

So many changing lines, I'll have to think about this more.
 
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willowfox

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How can Mom get Dad's things back from X?

Answer is 17 unchanging.

The key here is for her to be adaptable, not to get shirty or aggressive with the sister but rather play the inferior and to keep trying.

I asked why is my sister keeping Dad's and refusing to send them back?

Answer is 43 unchanging

It would seem that your sister is keeping the mementos because she wants them and because she can, she knows that your mother can do very little about the problem.

I don't this is saying why but rather more what to do about it as in taking her to court for the items
 

hilary

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Answer is 43 unchanging

It would seem that your sister is keeping the mementos because she wants them and because she can, she knows that your mother can do very little about the problem.

And maybe also because it's important for her to 'make a stand' here for some reason, to lay claim to these things as part of her identity, too? (Any chance they could share them out between them?)
 
M

meng

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Sunny, I think you're being advised to do nothing about it right now, and that your sister wants to show them off awhile.
 

willowfox

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Tell your sister she can keep them. Tell her she can have them, they're hers.

If there are letters and photos, tell your sister that you'd appreciate it if she could make photocopies of them for your mum, as your mum would like to look through them before she dies.

If there are medals, forget about them. They're just worthless objects you can pick up in junkshops.

Your sister may be shamed into returning them. But either way ask yourself what is more important? A bitter wrangle towards the end of your mother's life, or a chance to see these things in any form?

In other words, you will get nowhere by adopting an entrenched position. Best strategy would be to say, if you want them that much sis, you keep them, but let us have copies eh?

Are you getting this answer from the IC or are you just writing down the first thing that came into your head, like receiving a bus ticket for instance, automatic and brainless.
 

rosada

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I think Twilight was basing his response on the advice of hex.17, "Following has supreme success." Wilhelm further comments, "No situation can become favorable until one is able to adapt to it and does not wear himself out with mistaken resistance." So Twilight is encouraging going with the flow.
 
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rosada

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I wonder if your mother has really told you the full story of what happened? 43 says, "The superior man dispenses riches downward and refrains from resting on his virtue." and "The superior man begins to distribute while he is accumulating." Sounds like your sister may feel your mother actually gave her the items? Is it possible your mother actually did give the momentos to your sister before they had the falling out but is now claiming she left them "by mistake"?

Offer to buy them back? 1.1.2.4.6 > 39. Sounds like that wouldn't be a workable solution.
1.1 Although you are a witness to this drama it sounds like it is not your place to offer a solution.
1.2 However, I wonder if you can talk to your sister? Without appearing to be taking sides, just ask her what the deal is?
1.4 She may not be so entrenched in her position as she appears. Or perhaps when you hear her story you will not be so convinced the items should be returned.
1.6 Offering to by the items sounds arrogant.

39. Obstruction. I think offering to buy the items would just make things worse. But I wonder if there is a minor obstruction, like inertia? Maybe after you talk to her and she feels her side of the story has been heard she would be willing to return or share but still it may take some poking to get her to actually do it. In that case sending her a check for the postage might get things moving.
 
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maremaria

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Sunnygirl,
Its more a hunch than a interpretation but from here it looks like your sister keep those mementos to make a statement (43) to your mother. Without knowing the details , it seems that there are unfinished issues between the two of them. Your sister holds something your mother wants a lot. Maybe she wants something from your mother. To be heard ? I see that 17 might mean that your mother must stop resisting to that. also from w/b 17 “An older man defers to a young girl and shows her consideration. By this he moves her to follow him.” (where him=your mother ). Maybe those stuffs is not the real issue .
 

sunnygirl

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I should add more about my sister. She is mentally ill and has conned mother out of thousands of dollars.

The situation with my mom leaving all her things there was they talked her into moving with them so my mom sold her trailer and paid airfare for him to come out and paid for a moving van to move her things out there. The sister also had things in storage here for years and my mom paid the balance on that so they could get the things out.

The blow up was when my mother refused to cosign on a house for them. the husband blew up at her screaming and said she ruined everything and told her to get out of his house. This was on New Year's day!

So a neighbor heard all this shouting and my mom was out in the parking lot crying and the neighbor took her in. My daughter then took the next flight out and then drove mom back in her car the 2000. They packed up all they could but as upset as she was, she left a lot of personal items.

Mom has asked for these things back so many times over the couple years since this has happened and even gave her the framed medals.

So that is the story.

Today my mom said don't you think your sisters may want some of those things? the sister said well they have never asked me for any of it.

HA like she would sent it anyway.

I think I may write to her and appeal to the law of threefold as she is wiccan.
 

sunnygirl

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No, twilight, that isn't the case at all. My mother wants them back because they belong to her and she doesn't have much of anything to remember Dad by. Besides these things belong to my mother, not to the sister.

If you accidentally left a bracelet, laptop, or camera you paid $2000 for at a relative's house or a friend's house, I seriously doubt any of you would just let them keep the things just because they refused to give them back.
 

willowfox

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Your mother is going to have to look to some alternative method of getting her things back, perhaps the two of you can get your heads together to find such a way, like to doing a break in when your sister is out for instance but anyway a totally new idea is needed.

As for further thoughts on hex 43 which goes on to say that your sister sees that your mother is weak, and she is being very spiteful in being so defiant to your mother's wishes and keeping the things, she has so turned against your mother. It shows that she is quite determined to hold on to them, she does not seem to care at all for your mother's feelings, even though she is clearly upsetting others.
 

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