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My imperfect environment - where's my hex 45?

em ching

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Hello,

As some of you may know I had difficulties fitting into my new house and the group. Not that they are bad people, just that I'm quite different from them and don't perform so well in a group which they probs get frustrated by. Anyway, things are ok at the mo but they are getting a house together when the tenancy runs out in a couple of months, but I said I would return home. It wouldn't be right to live with them again as I don't have strong connections with any of them, though I do have a friend in this city and like it here.. and always said I wouldn't return home to my small town... but then I know I'll have family support there and can weigh my options without feeling social pressure re my next move in life.. but then I'm worried this'll be depressing; as I'll lack contact with people my own age and city opportunities etc.. but I think that'd be better than feigning feeling comfortable for the sake of appearing to be fitting in and succeeding..

I asked What's the best advice you can give me about my current environment?
44.4 > 57
:( Oh dear - bit of a criticism that I have been antisocial hence there are no fish in my tank, hence my house here is not a home (which is true) but I don't think it's all my fault - just incompatibility.. and I tried as much as I could though maybe my initial negitive expectations came into play too :eek:

Is it right for me to return home?
45 Unchanging
Positive - but wasn't sure whether it was saying I should try harder with my peers.. but then maybe the gathering relates to my family and security back home? Or gathering myself together inside with freedom from outside social pressures?

So I asked, Gather myself together at home or try harder here?
45.3,4,6 > 53

Wow with 45 again really comforting and feels as if the Yi is really in dialogue with me :)

I don't think there is anything left for me here with these people.
Perhaps the Yi is saying I should indeed gather with my family back home, and it will be a gradual process to make friends I'm comfortable with? And require self knowledge and inner strength and acceptance first, so that people of like mind will gravitate to me and vice versa? Or I suppose perhaps saying generally, that feeling a part of a group or community takes time and effort.

What would you say?
I think the encouragement is to return home, but I am a bit worried about this because I always thought it would be like regressing after uni, and though I will have family, I only have one friend close my age nearby, so I guess I'm worried about feeling detached from my generation... but maybe it's what I need now?

Thanks for any input here :)

:bows:
 

Trojina

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Yes I think the Yi is comforting you in a sense, it is in dialogue with you. It acknowleges your pain over all this and I think the process 45>53 is a gradual one of getting your life together. I don't think it says you've done anything wrong.

I remember on another thread where you said you weren't at ease socially and i and others said that some people just prefer to be alone more you said something like 'no i want to find a group of people who accept me'...well great if you do but the answer doesn't always lie there...you know you could spend your whole life looking for the right group of people. To state the obvious I think you are the one who needs to accept you.

I'm not sure 45 is saying you must go home..infact going home may feel a bit sad (45.6)...which also doesn't mean not to do it


Heres a test. Get 2 pieces of paper. On one write "go home" on the other write "stay in bristol". Pretend to yourself for 5 minutes that you must go along with whichever one you pick. Screw the bits of paper up and wriggle them around so you don't know which says what. Then pick one. If its what you want you'll feel okay if its not you'll feel disapointed. I often find this helps me know what I want...I can palpably feel my heart sink if i pick the option i don't really want.
 
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em ching

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Ok thanks yes I'll try that.
Thing is I know that if I did stay here, the option of living with people I already know here wouldn't be right. But going home doesn't mean staying home as of course I could return, and it'll give me a breather from the people that surround me at the mo, and I can return to the city afresh perhaps.. or to another maybe...

And yes there would be an element of saddness going home, as I lack friends there and there aren't many job opp's... so I'm not intending on staying there long.. I just think that's where I need to go for a relax from a group who are exasperating my sense of lack of acceptance, and see what's open to me from that secure base.

So defs I feel would be the right thing to do, from my standpoint now :rolleyes:
:bows:
 

em ching

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Hello,

Well I did the paper and the answer was home. It neither made me feel happy or sad, just kind of resigned. I know going home will be like putting the brakes on, but I'll be free from social pressures which I just can't seem to live up to at the mo (albeit in my head) and supported by family. I feel on one side there's home, on the other here, and I'm floating in limbo in the middle... I guess I just need embody hexagram 2 at this time.. to sit back without expectations and see where I'm taken, perhaps without trying to plan too much or second guess everything.

I asked the Yi How can I be more liberated?
(As I feel trapped in my own body.. inhibited with the people around me because I lack a sense of freedom of expression most of the time, and I'd so like to just have a carefree confience, and not pay so much attention to others and their expectations...)

I received 2.5 > 8

Apparently this could be saying there's so much going on under the surface, and it's all I can do to hold it together. I've also read that it's about discretion, and being polite - people can also see your a good person despite a lack of a demonstrative or open behaviour.. so perhaps I am not judged as harshly by others as I think.. I just wish I could feel free and have fun again, naturally without it being overshadowed by self criticism and mistrust :rolleyes:

I suppose 2.5 is a nice, reassuring line. Perhaps saying that where I am now, it's just not possible. It's interesting, in the Wilhelm trans it talks or Aristocratic reserve (Reserve is what I want to feel free of at the mo) and that 'genuineness and refinement', should 'express themselves only indirectly as an effect from within' So again, as you said Trojan, I need to be at peace and accept myself first...

:bows:
 
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Trojina

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Well one step on the way to finding peace of a kind, and as good a kind of peace as I at least aspire to right now, is to accept that this nirvana on earth like state you wish for where you are accepted by others and they by you and all is harmony in your environment and you feel nothing sticky and yucky like doubt, shame, embarrasment, lonliness, misery, out of placeness.., anxiety..whatever.ever. just doesn't exist really anywhere all the time for anyone....unless they are some enlightened sage some where and i even came across this quote the other day :rofl:


One day it was announced around the monastery that a young Buddhist monk had attained enlightenment. Greatly impressed by this news, several of the other monks hurried to speak to him. 'We've heard your're enlightened, is this true ?' they asked exitedly. "Yes" replied the monk. "how do you feel now?" they enquired in wonder. "As miserable as ever he said"

Buddhist traditional story



I mean look at the title of the thread "My imperfect environment" ! Can you name me any environment on earth that is perfect, that won't change ?


I think you'd feel better if you dropped all the 'I should be this' and 'I should be that' and even 'I should be self accepting'. You're probably in no worse place than 3/4 of the people on this planet..and you got a family to go home to which might be some peoples idea of heaven. Oh hang on thats another 'should'..okay you should drop the shoulds

Oh and eat your greens :rant: Auntie Trojan :rofl:





Hang on maybe theres something about 2.5 in there ? Being with what is......?
well of course you should expect to be happy to a degree but maybe some part of being happy is accepting things how they are ? 2.5 does seem a good answer to your question, though I'm not that clear on it...perhaps its being more concerned with the inner content not the packaging in life and that being beneficial, sometimes not thinking about number one can be a relief
 
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em ching

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Lol.
Yeah you're right :eek:
The reality is that my discomfort and all you mentioned above stems from the fact that I have made some mistakes.. but my situation is by no means terrible an hopeless, I know that.. (was just about to say I should be more humble lol.)
I guess I'm just doing battle with myself because I feel others are- It's just hard to feel happy when you are not at one with the people around you, but as I said that's my own fault perhaps for trying to hard to 'win' friends, rather than not forcing it.. gravitating towards people and forging real connections based on mutual interests etc.. which is not the case where I am now (lacking common ground) but then again, as you said nothing is ever perfect. But I know it could be better.

I think 2.5 is saying you can't show off successfully on the outside, unless you're comfortable on the inside, so that makes sense..

Thanks for your counsel as always :)
 

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