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ontheroad

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I'm estranged from 2 out of my three sons - one since Christmas 2019 and the other since around September last year.
The longer estrangement is with the older one, whom I've always had a difficult relationship with, since he was about 15, he is now about to turn 36. He's is a Christian minister married with my 3 grandchildren. Unfortunately his behaviour is far from Christian and he is manipulative and abusive. His wife isn't much better and is a user and a bit of a thief.
He sent me a letter mid last year suggesting we sort out our differences (in a roundabout way) but ending the letter with telling me I've got a lot of problems, to get help and there's no way I can have a relationship with my grand kids if I don't have one with him and his wife.
I did respond saying if you can't accept me for who I am then how can we have a relationship? No response and definitely no accountability.
Him and his wife, with the children, are going on a Christian mission to Lebanon which was supposed to happen at the beginning of this year but has been delayed until the end of August.
I honestly can't see how we can possibly have a relationship because of his toxic behaviours but I did ask the question 'What is interest in repairing our relationship'
Hex 27.4.6>51

The Shock may be because I haven't done my usual thing and just pretended everything's fine and tried to create peace and harmony despite the underlying currents.
27.4 - could be me and my (now ended) counselling sessions and for him and his wife - they pray to God for answers.
27.6 - it looks like we'll both continue to nourish our own lives WITHOUT each other.

The more recent estrangement is quite difficult for me to understand. We had very loving and close relationship up until 5 or 6 years ago. I can't quite pinpoint exactly when, why or how it started to go wrong. He's just turned 30.
He makes life difficult for himself and continually fights against the injustices of this World. Unfortunately he perceives the slightest thing you say as either bias, prejudice or discrimination of some sort.
He's always had anxiety and at the time of the estrangement wanted answers from me as to why, trying to blame it somewhere in his upbringing going as far as saying it was due to my difficulties with the older son.
Having recently been in therapy for my own anxiety I learned a lot about the causes. I definitely believe his anxiety is from 'in utero' - when I think back to the time I was pregnant with him and what was going on for me at that time.
Unfortunately he won't hear of that as valid.
He's a very strong minded, unyielding in self righteousness so I'm not even attempting to sort our relationship out.
What is his interest in repairing our relationship
Hex 5.5>11
Looks like he's just Waiting for the right time (whatever that means to him I guess) and is enjoying time with others he's on good terms with. Me too!!

Interestingly my youngest son can see why I said enoughs enough and became estranged from his brothers but he has the capacity to handle his relationships with them and would rather have a reasonable relationship with them than none at all.....wish I could do that!!
 

rosada

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What is son number one's interest in repairing your relationship?
These hexagrams seem to me to be describing someone who is ideally suited to go off to a foreign land and enlighten the heathens.
27.4 says he has very strong ideas about what things are good and he watches over his flock carefully to see that all are behaving properly. This carries over to his being intently interested in what you say and do and again, he feels he is the authority to decide what behavior is acceptable.
27.6 His enthusiasm and confidence in his own judgement carries him across the great waters to witness for Christ. It also steam rollers over any suggestions that you may make that you should be accepted as you are.
So it's his way or the highway.

Son number 2 doesn't read to me like he's in any rush to reconnect either but the good news is seems he is in a good head space so let him be and maybe he'll mellow out further on down the road.
 

my_key

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Hex 27.4.6 <> 51
27 makes a call for you both to be correcting your sources of nourishment and sets up within these actions a deeper urging for you both to be open and behave in ways that emulate that you each see reflects a high moral standing (Nuc:2).
And all the time there is a fertile shock wave (51) that is present all around which is helping to keep the pot simmering for a greater good,

Hex 5.5>11
5 means 'not advancing yourself'
11 means 'changing the ways you resolve things'

5.5 - Let pleasure, harmony, peace and joy open the way (Karcher)

... or it might mean nothing like this at all.

Good Luck
 

rosada

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I was just noticing that both readings conclude with hexagrams referencing peace.
51. Shock advises that amid all seeming disruption the nobleman stays calm and 11.Flow describes things moving along smoothly.
Not sure how that relates but seems to be encouraging for things eventually working out, particularly if you are able to remain calm until they do.
 

ontheroad

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I was just noticing that both readings conclude with hexagrams referencing peace.
51. Shock advises that amid all seeming disruption the nobleman stays calm and 11.Flow describes things moving along smoothly.
Not sure how that relates but seems to be encouraging for things eventually working out, particularly if you are able to remain calm until they do.
Thanks rosada - that makes sense for sure and was why I stepped away from them. I want to build up own equilibrium in all aspects of my life as best I can so I can manage these situations a whole lot better.
 

ontheroad

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Hex 27.4.6 <> 51
27 makes a call for you both to be correcting your sources of nourishment and sets up within these actions a deeper urging for you both to be open and behave in ways that emulate that you each see reflects a high moral standing (Nuc:2).
And all the time there is a fertile shock wave (51) that is present all around which is helping to keep the pot simmering for a greater good,

Oh wow - yes I can understand that now....I definitely knew that I needed to be doing that, I'm not sure he would recognise that though for himself.
Hex 5.5>11
5 means 'not advancing yourself'
11 means 'changing the ways you resolve things'

5.5 - Let pleasure, harmony, peace and joy open the way (Karcher)

... or it might mean nothing like this at all.

Good Luck
Sounds like I'm doing this already so I guess it is just wait it out in the best possible way I can.
 

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