new clarinet experiment 44.1>1 and 47

[philish]

Not happy hexes!

Quick background: my 9 year old daughter with Asperger's and ADD tonight signed up to play the clarinet in the school instrumental music program. She had fiddled with other instruments all her life, but for various reasons (too distracted, not mature enough, etc.) was not able to commit to lessons with them.

The school district here set up two nights for the community to bring their 4th and 5th graders in and try instruments before signing up for the program. Teachers were on hand to help the kids with finger and lip positioning, and the whole atmosphere was very positive and encouraging. Although she's never played the clarinet before, she did very well at her first try and the teacher complimented her. She is very excited about her clarinet experiment and so am I. She'll take the lessons in school, and my hope is that she will find a place to build a school identity --something sorely lacking in her world.

So I asked, "What do I need to know about her new clarinet experiment?" 44.1>1

This does not look good. She has a temper already. Thinking positively, perhaps this will be a creative outlet for all her swinish raging? She's a very creative, but almost wholly unstructured person. Tonight, and all this week she's been very aware of the instrumental music night --giddy, almost.

My next question: "How can I best help T with her new clarinet experiment?" 47, unchanging.

I would very much like this to read, "Contain her depression." And she has been depressed and anxious, so much so that she gets therapy twice weekly and takes medication for it.

Would appreciate anyone's thoughts on this because these are not happy hexes.

 

[sooo]

Hi again, Philish.

As good as what you've described sounded, the reading made me consider that the strict rules given to her would be oppressing to her own creativity. ("She's a very creative, but almost wholly unstructured person. Tonight, and all this week she's been very aware of the instrumental music night --giddy, almost.") While some structure and boundaries are good, I think it'll run out of room for her, possibly rather quickly.

I recall that quivering feeling in my stomach too on that first audition. I really wanted to play tenor sax, but I had already learned all the bugle calls from my brother's scout and school activities (back in the 50's). Anyway, I was jazzed about my chance at learning tenor sax, but they stuck a trumpet in my face, and once they heard that I already had the embouchure control thing down, that was it, it was decided. I was disappointed, because they wouldn't let me try the sax. boo-hiss.

It really depends on the real reasons she joins a strictly organized system. If she feels intuitively good about about it, I'd go with that. But if her heart is really on a ... more different form of expression, than for the sake of her wholeness, I'd go with that which employs her already strong intuitive gifts. I think the system will suppress that creativity, but that shouldn't mean not participating for as long as it lasts. It's good to know the fundamentals of music, even if you become all about flow of consciousness et al. Only few can go the other way though, from well schooled to forgetting all of it, and just playing. There are very rare ones who master both, like say a Wynton Marsalis.

If she's giddy over joining this group, which will go against her natural grain a bit, but from whom she will learn these fundamentals, and get to play some music... I definitely would at least go for it and see what happens. It's not the end result, only a beginning. Sounds like if she takes to it, she'll find her own way of expressing it. She's too passionate to stay enclosed. Clarinet is a better instrument to learn basic theory on than a brass instrument because it's more linearly structured, somewhat like piano.

Just for fun. http://www.wyntonmarsalis.org/multimedia/video/?v=25468472

 

[philish]

Ugh. I spent half the afternoon wondering how and when this experiment was going to go pear-shaped on us. Not a great day for me, anyway.

It's hard to say with her: I know she's always been passionate about music, and was for a while teaching herself some basic notation. So the impulse is genuine; I don't doubt that. She will NOT do something she doesn't wholeheartedly want, but when I floated this idea out to her, she immediately said, "I'm in!" She's been obsessed about the idea. And they allowed her to try three instruments before deciding on her choice. Apart from reminding her she'd have to carry the instrument on the bus, I kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself.

However, found out today that at the end of the school day yesterday, she pulled a tethered pig move. When her teacher's aide thwarted her attempts to run to the school front office during reminders/announcements and double-triple-quadruple-check the place and time of instrumental music orientation night, my daughter stomped on the woman's foot, pushed her and then ran to the office anyway.

So...we've been addressing the consequences of that today. The long fuse of a completely unrelated event found it's bomb, alas.

The restrictions of playing along with many other kids will wear on her, you're right. I hope she'll hang in there (and not stomp on anyone!) long enough to get some basics down. Maybe private lessons will be the way forward from there. (The anger gets its own therapy.)

Many positive happenings this year --unlike so many others-- but I'm almost unwilling to hope for happiness this year. It's hard not to get caught up in my daughter's enthusiasm.

 

[philish]

And thank you for the Wynton performance! Oh, my goodness---John Denver!

 

[sooo]

Must be very difficult for you.

I've looked at 44 in another way here too, when you mentioned the pushing and stomping on feet (even if accidentally), which could include this extreme desire/demand she exhibits. Again, my impression is that this school music program may provide only short-lived exuberance for her, but it may be much more.

Private lessons could be great if her teacher is really up for the challenge. Only problem with that is that she will be playing by herself, which I suppose is ok if learning piano, but learning a single note instrument is not much fun or use without others to play along with, and I'm thinking this social aspect is just as important for her as her individual musical expression. Perhaps there is a special program available which specializes in Aspi/ADD students. Or, maybe she'll find a way to fit into this program after all. I had similar challenges as she while in school, and their music program, combined with our own very young band, was a real Godsend, to me and to my parents. I think what I'd do is reward her with private lessons only if she shows sustaining interest in the instrument and demonstrates respect for her teacher and fellow students. The two work best together. The band student who receives quality private lessons typically excels in a band setting, and a student who takes private lessons requires the important social skills to fit in and play along with others.

Good luck and best wishes with this development.

 

[philish]

Thank you, sooo. Once again, you've been a great help to me. You see the benefits and challenges very well, and you're advice is absolutely what I need to hear.

I need to take stock in my own personal investment, too. Wanting her to succeed is every good parent's desire, and in my life, this desire takes on a special emphasis because of my girl's challenges. It's a great gift to be able to come here and share my feelings with so many thoughtful and generous people. Clarity, indeed.

I'll be sure to drop in later and update the thread.