new relationship w someone who has lots of women friends, flirtatious & how change th

[JuliaF]

new relationship w someone who has lots of women friends, flirtatious & how change th

Please help interpret ...
Other women, distancing with, flirting, keeping options open...what can I do to Change this

Your reading resulted in the following hexagrams:

changing to
50 16
Hexagram 50, the Vessel



Key Questions

What is the vessel for transformation?
What are you beginning?
What will you cook?

Oracle

‘The vessel.
Creating success from the source.
Good fortune.’

This marks a new beginning. The sacred Vessel is cast and used in the great ceremonies that inaugurate a new dynasty; the spirits are invited to share in the meal it contains, renewing their connection with the people. The Vessel provides stable, robust foundations for a new life, and also the crucible where you can expect to be transformed and remade.

The Vessel contains and transforms.

Just as wood becomes fire, or smelted ore becomes a great bronze vessel, or raw ingredients become fragrant food, so the experiences of life can be blended and transmuted into a meaningful whole.

Image

‘Above wood there is fire: the Vessel.
A noble one sets the situation straight and consolidates her destiny.’

Sequence

The Vessel follows from Hexagram 49, Radical Change:
‘For Radically Changing things, nothing equals the Vessel.’

Changing Lines

Line 2

‘The vessel contains something real.
My companions are afflicted,
Cannot come near me.
Good fortune.’

Line 3

‘The vessel’s ears are radically changed,
Its action blocked.
Rich pheasant fat goes uneaten.
Rain on all sides lessens regrets,
In the end, good fortune.’

Line 6

‘The vessel has a jade handle
Great good fortune,
Nothing that does not bear fruit.’


Hexagram 16, Enthusiasm



Key Questions

What do you imagine?
What inspires you?
How can you use your enthusiasm constructively?

Oracle

‘Enthusiasm.
Fruitful to set up feudal lords and mobilize the armies.’

The Chinese word for ‘enthusiasm’ contains an elephant – a character that also means ‘image’. The elephant is magnificent, strong, a source of delight – and also unpredictable and potentially dangerous. Imagination and anticipation move us with ease; with them, we can be motivated and inspired – or we can be carried away by the power of our own story.

The energetic charge of enthusiasm can be used to set great things in motion. It is good to use it to expand and enrich your experience by extending your network of communication and support, marshalling your resources ready for future challenges. And it is also good to use such structures to channel the motive power of enthusiasm, and keep it from running amok. Then its brightly coloured images can be woven securely into the larger patterns and meanings of life.

Image

‘Thunder bursts forth from the earth: Enthusiasm.
The ancient kings composed music to honour virtue,
They celebrated and worshipped the supreme lord,
Joining with their ancestors.’

Sequence

Enthusiasm follows from Hexagram 15, Integrity:
‘One who possesses greatness and is also capable of Integrity is naturally Enthusiastic.’

 

[Trojina]

Dear me. A poll instead of interpretations ? Not a great idea as the number of people who think a thing does not indicate whether that thing is a good idea for you.

Also can't see what lines are changing....let me find a pen. Right this is 50.2.3.6>16



So you are saying he is flirting with other women...

Other women, distancing with, flirting, keeping options open...what can I do to Change this

Let me go look at the poll options

 

[altair139]

A person's charisma I think is quite innate. You can't really change him or suppress it, it's almost impossible (I tried on my ex, didn't last long). Maybe he can change to be not so flirty but sometimes he can just do it unknowingly, or women can just fall for him without him even trying. So i think it's best for you to do things on your part to keep him loyal.
Line 2 is about jealousy (which is probably about you)
Line 3 is about his innate charisma and you're trying to suppress it.
Line 6: "One is receptive to the highest influence" - You have to be the one who influences him the most, it's the best way to keep him yours for long, not trying to change him.

 

[Trojina]

Er yes I've nothing much to say except beginning a relationship with a view to changing someone is a not a great idea.

 

[JuliaF]

Hi trojina, not sure how to post, as this is the first attempt.
So, very nice man, but didn't see it coming, after 3 months, he needed to start getting together w a woman he met the same time as me, who is a writer, like him, and wanted to follow up on a promise to get together. All reasonably ok, but I am more vulnerable than I usually, as my husband of many years died a couple of years ago and my heart is quite fragile. Anyway, he has not revealed much about his relationship with me, to her, so this seemed a red flag. He has several old friends who are woman, all single, all relationship avoiders, who I accept as his family, at this point. But new woman friends concerned me, which I am just becoming aware of. So I don't want to Change him, but need advice from the I Ching on how to proceed, if he will change or do I cut?

 

[Trojina]

Hi trojina, not sure how to post, as this is the first attempt.
So, very nice man, but didn't see it coming, after 3 months, he needed to start getting together w a woman he met the same time as me, who is a writer, like him, and wanted to follow up on a promise to get together. All reasonably ok, but I am more vulnerable than I usually, as my husband of many years died a couple of years ago and my heart is quite fragile. Anyway, he has not revealed much about his relationship with me, to her, so this seemed a red flag. He has several old friends who are woman, all single, all relationship avoiders, who I accept as his family, at this point. But new woman friends concerned me, which I am just becoming aware of. So I don't want to Change him, but need advice from the I Ching on how to proceed, if he will change or do I cut?

I see, I was going by the poll's 3 options of discuss, retreat or change him from within. But when you said 'change him from within' you didn't exactly mean making him change but giving him a chance to sort of adapt to you ?

Just going by the reading I feel you should see how it goes. Hexagram 50 is the 'ting', the cooking vessel and things do take time to cook. Perhaps line 2 indicates you really don't need to feel threatened by these other women. I think line 3 shows this awkwardness at first. He may be still living his previous lifestyle like he was before he met you and this makes it feel awkward. But the line does say eventually things clear up. Line 6 shows something valuable, solid and worthy. So I don't think the answer tells you to end this I think you perhaps just need to follow along with him right now (yin pattern 17) to let this come to the thing it can become.


But with relationship readings you must always assess the reading in relation to what is happening. Will post link to the sticky on relationship readings just because there are familiar pitfalls it's helpful to know about. http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...42-Blog-post-Advice-for-relationship-readings


So in terms of the poll I would say do a mixture of discuss and working from within by which I mean letting this unfold naturally. It's sort of like you're watching him, being present with him, seeing what he does, not feeling insecure (because 50.2 says there is no need for that) going along with how it is for now. I think in time this might be something very good. I don't know that for sure of course but just from looking at the reading, if it were my reading, I'd let it develop while realising there may be frustration that this doesn't look or seem like a relationship should look or seem to you. In 50.3 the ting's handles cannot be grasped. This is what the situation is like for you, it's something you can't get a handle on. But the line also says in time the rains come which means tensions lessens and things become far more manageable. So yes I think the reading advises you to stay with it.

Oh the 16 as relating hexagram may be your vision of how this ought to be. It may be especially hard if you were happily married to your late husband. So you may need more time to adapt to a relationship that's quite different to the one you had. Overall I feel the reading is about adapting to each other, adapting to one another's expectations and so on. All this takes time.

 

[JuliaF]

Thank you. This is very helpful. I will keep adapting. Yes, my relationship with my late husband was a fulfilling one, and we were important to each other, and close friends as well. So I probably am in such a different place, (as is he) that it takes time. Thank you so much.

 

[JuliaF]

Altair
Thank you for your interpretations of the lines. I agree, be the one, naturally, who "influences him the most."
Thank you

 

[JuliaF]

Thank you both for your kindness in helping me. So very helpful. Such kindness. Thank you.