Nonexistant Relationship Life/Healing Reading(s)

[Viru10]

Would like some thoughts on this series of castings I did recently. I've been concerned about my inability to find a romantic partner or even a first real relationship. For context, I'm in my late 20s, haven't had any serious relationships. Most of the times that I have met someone, I often become emotionally dead around the 2 week mark and just withdraw. I experienced sexual abuse in my childhood that I've spent the last few years healing, which is likely causing the "dead fish" effect. I tend to be avoidant by nature though so I have a tough time discerning between being lazy or genuine emotional fear. Most of my friends/family have wondered why I never had a GF or dated seriously but haven't been able to give them (or myself) a good answer.

I also tend to live in the future, so maybe Yi was bringing me back to the present.

What do I need to know about my next romantic partner? 32uc
The 32uc thread mentions that the circumstances of the question are unlikely to change for a long time. I interpreted this to mean that I will continue to remain single for quite a while. I felt a bit demoralized by this. But perhaps there are other angles that I'm not fully understanding.

I then asked:
Any potential for meeting someone in the next2-3 years? 13uc (64uc also)
The 13uc thread suggest failure to enter a group or being blocked from a group. Either way, based on other peoples interpretation of 13uc (at least in regards to work readings) it sounds like a "No." Although there may be other interpretations, maybe it means meeting someone from a "friend group". I have often received 64uc in regards to a general timeline before, which sounds like an insistence on focusing on the moment, and knowing something will come in its own time (and to stop asking about a timeline).

Clarify 13uc in regards to meeting someone- 54.1>40
An interesting changing line in this context which hints at good fortune but it sounds like needing to accept an inferior situation and "releasing" the need for a partner. I've dealt with this issue in some form on/off for 10 or so years now and have dealt with some kind of release of expectations frequently. I wonder if this is reaffirming that?

Am I meant to remain single? 48.3.6>59
I've seen this particular hexagram interpreted as relying on one's own inner strength, although line 6 talks about a community. For context, I have wondered if I'm meant to pursue a 'hermit' spiritual path that doesn't involve partnership. I am attracted to spiritual philosophy and beliefs around enlightenment and this sometimes requires non-attachment (Sannyasa). I don't necessarily want that, but I wonder if the complete lack of fulfillment of my expectations in love is a kind of harsh lesson in regards to this. Maybe not, idk. Alternatively this cast could mean that in spite of the healing the time may not be right for partnership, but time spent on this (developing boundaries, overcoming ptsd) will allow me to engage much more healthily in a relationship resulting in good fortune.

This was not part of this series of castings, I asked it about a month ago
What do I need to know about my love life? 25.1.4>20
Not sure how to interpret this; it sounds generally quite positive. Perhaps a call to remain authentic and unperturbed by other people. My parents have been pushing for marriage since in my culture being 30 and unmarried is odd (I think they just want grandkids). I'm not really interested in getting married right now or to someone from my culture particularly.

I use Wing's rules for changing lines and usually pick one to emphasize, though I consider the others too.

Either way thank you for reading this far, would appreciate any thoughts.

 

[Matali]

Hello, you will meet somebody... 13 is positiv, maybe you will meet this person with your friends or with Internet. 25.1.4 : a new relation.

 

[marybluesky]

Hello;

What do I need to know about my next romantic partner? 32uc
A permanent situation- sounds like no partner in near future.

Any potential for meeting someone in the next2-3 years? 13uc (64uc also)
13 indicates people in harmony, though not intimate; and it's unchanging. 64 also says no, it's not the time yet.


Clarify 13uc in regards to meeting someone- 54.1>40
You may not be able to form your expected relationship; still there are things to improve.


Am I meant to remain single? 48.3.6>59
No. Disperse the fatalistic approach! You have what it needs to form a relationship, there is potential. It has been ignored however, because of limiting beliefs or whatever. You should find a way to reach this fresh, clean water.

What do I need to know about my love life? 25.1.4>20
You have remained unentangled, much of an observer. Although you aren't "meant" to remain single, it's not a mistake to be so.

Good luck

 

[Matali]

Hello,
13 shows the society we have to deal with. Maybe your next meeting won't be ideal, in the sense that you may not be alone ... but living and meeting people can be fun... In any case, there is also place for love with 13 : line 5 is a beautiful line for love for example...

 

[Viru10]

What do I need to know about my next romantic partner? 32uc
A permanent situation- sounds like no partner in near future.

Thanks for the help. This does sound pretty final, though I would say "near" future doesn't sound right. Based on the 32uc thread the timelines were more along the 8-10 year mark (and beyond), which was why I had a strong reaction to this question. Also a "permanent" situation sounds like it confirms my 4th question, it doesn't sound "near future" really.

Am I meant to remain single? 48.3.6>59
No. Disperse the fatalistic approach! You have what it needs to form a relationship, there is potential. It has been ignored however, because of limiting beliefs or whatever. You should find a way to reach this fresh, clean water.

I tend to go on the fence about this answer, it does sound like the focus should be on the self. I've lived my life alone up to this point already so I've dealt with this particular route of healing frequently enough.

What do I need to know about my love life? 25.1.4>20
You have remained unentangled, much of an observer. Although you aren't "meant" to remain single, it's not a mistake to be so.

Thanks, this is a nice angle that I forget to acknowledge. Relationships can be quite karmic and cause long-term entanglements, from what I've seen from my friends. Of course it's not always that bad but being "unentangled" is freeing.

 

[Viru10]

Hello,
13 shows the society we have to deal with. Maybe your next meeting won't be ideal, in the sense that you may not be alone ... but living and meeting people can be fun... In any case, there is also place for love with 13 : line 5 is a beautiful line for love for example...

That's an interesting point, although I don't usually read the changing lines in a uc reading.

 

[Matali]

[QUOTE = "Viru10, post: 291447, membre: 22266"]
C'est un point intéressant, même si je ne lis généralement pas les lignes changeantes dans une lecture uc.
[/CITATION
Cette ligne 5 est juste un exemple d'amour dans 13.

 

[Viru10]

Cette ligne 5 est juste un exemple d'amour dans 13.

foux du fafa

 

[Trojina]

What do I need to know about my next romantic partner? 32uc
The 32uc thread mentions that the circumstances of the question are unlikely to change for a long time. I interpreted this to mean that I will continue to remain single for quite a while. I felt a bit demoralized by this. But perhaps there are other angles that I'm not fully understanding.

Or maybe your next romantic partner isn't a romantic partner but someone for keeps, someone you stay with for a long time, someone you're wedded to. 31 is the pair, making space for, attraction, the interplay of the emotions, 32 has gotten married.

I can't be sure of course but this doesn't have to mean things will stay the same as now. It could well be saying you aren't suited to serial monogamy or 'casual' . Wilhelm writes in his commentary

'In the sphere of social relationships, the hexagram represents the institution of marriage as the enduring union of the sexes'

Wilhelm hadn't quite caught on to same sex marriage but you get the idea. My gut feeling is you might be someone who just finds the right person and stays with them.

I don't know this, you may stay single a long time but 32uc is quite a lovely answer if you think about the implications here.

I then asked:
Any potential for meeting someone in the next2-3 years? 13uc (64uc also)
The 13uc thread suggest failure to enter a group or being blocked from a group. Either way, based on other peoples interpretation of 13uc (at least in regards to work readings) it sounds like a "No." Although there may be other interpretations, maybe it means meeting someone from a "friend group". I have often received 64uc in regards to a general timeline before, which sounds like an insistence on focusing on the moment, and knowing something will come in its own time (and to stop asking about a timeline).

Is that what it says in the 13uc thread ? I wouldn't say it meant being blocked from a group, remember what's written in those threads are people's experiences, they won't include every way 13uc is experienced and we are still in the dark with Yi, that's why we are sharing experiences. I think 13uc is hard to interpret it seems to merely point to the society one is embedded in or humankind. As an answer to your question the potential is in the society you keep, your social environment. Don't forget to go out and mingle that's where the potential is, finding someone in a social place. That doesn't rule out online dating etc because that's also a social situation.


64uc not ready ? It's important to be ready. The years one is single aren't just empty space there's always a process of connecting going on, being worked through in our overall connection to the world. I think young single people have society shrieking in their ear from every media outlet 'you should be with someone you can only be happy with someone' so there's that to deal with and that can actually drown out the sound of your own guidance and it might be you aren't quite ready or feel unready.

Clarify 13uc in regards to meeting someone- 54.1>40
You may not be able to form your expected relationship; still there are things to improve.

Not sure but I think it's suggesting you go forth even under what seem like not ideal circumstances. However this is a question asking for clarification on another answer and that generally doesn't really work in my experience because you need to stay with the answer you got. In general 13 might be asking if you are actually going out and mingling much ? I don't know if you are or if you perhaps think 'no I don't want to go there' and so limit who you meet ?

Am I meant to remain single? 48.3.6>59
No. Disperse the fatalistic approach! You have what it needs to form a relationship, there is potential. It has been ignored however, because of limiting beliefs or whatever. You should find a way to reach this fresh, clean water.

Yes, and it does appear there are resources, outlets for engagement you won't explore ? This might tie in with the 54.1 and the 13 and even the 64. If you go somewhere do you decide too quickly 'this isn't the place for me' ? I don't know what it is you are missing that you could be utilising but it comes good in the end anyway. Nothing is fixed in 59, there isn't a 'meant' that means you will go thirsty - there's water to drink.

This was not part of this series of castings, I asked it about a month ago
What do I need to know about my love life? 25.1.4>20
Not sure how to interpret this; it sounds generally quite positive. Perhaps a call to remain authentic and unperturbed by other people. My parents have been pushing for marriage since in my culture being 30 and unmarried is odd (I think they just want grandkids). I'm not really interested in getting married right now or to someone from my culture particularly.

I use Wing's rules for changing lines and usually pick one to emphasize, though I consider the others too.

Either way thank you for reading this far, would appreciate any thoughts.

Your love life is just as it should be, there's nothing wrong, there's no entanglements and what I love about line 4 is it stresses there is nothing lost. You haven't lost anything, it's all there ready to go and it's all fine.



Though you say currently you don't want marriage it's possible that the 32uc shows when you meet the right person there's quite a straight enduring path for you, no faffing about. I could be totally wrong of course but I don't think 32uc should be taken as nothing will ever change here in a negative way I do think it's more likely to point to your suitability for long term one to one/marriage.

 

[Trojina]

Oh and thinking about all the answers and this

My parents have been pushing for marriage since in my culture being 30 and unmarried is odd (I think they just want grandkids). I'm not really interested in getting married right now or to someone from my culture particularly.

I just wonder with the 13, your society, and the 48.3 and the 32uc if what you aren't interested in actually holds something for you that you aren't seeing right now ?

 

[marybluesky]

Based on the 32uc thread the timelines were more along the 8-10 year mark (and beyond), which was why I had a strong reaction to this question.

Well I have read that the I Ching can predict things up to several months later; and my experience of it plus other methods confirms this. And Trojina's idea of 32 interests me: it can indeed show a durable relationship.

 

[Viru10]

Well I have read that the I Ching can predict things up to several months later; and my experience of it plus other methods confirms this.

Haven't heard that, I'll keep that in mind. Definitely helps with fatalism! lol

 

[Viru10]

Or maybe your next romantic partner isn't a romantic partner but someone for keeps, someone you stay with for a long time, someone you're wedded to

Thanks, that's an interesting dimension I hadn't considered. Simply going off the dominant interpretations in the UC threads can be a bit distracting.

Wilhelm hadn't quite caught on to same sex marriage but you get the idea

I'm a straight guy, not sure if that's why you mentioned this but wanted to clarify.

Is that what it says in the 13uc thread ? I wouldn't say it meant being blocked from a group, remember what's written in those threads are people's experiences, they won't include every way 13uc is experienced and we are still in the dark with Yi

You actually point out how enigmatic 13uc can be in that particular thread. Some people had a certain outcome with it in regards to job interviews and I ran with their interpretations (because it was simple). But I agree with the societal implications in regards to culture as well. There is a whole mix of things and expectations, some coming from parents, some friends etc. On top of that I've been isolating and in solitude, but I believe this period in my life is meant for that and there's not much I can do (54.1), even though my natural inclination is to be social. Although, being in the US, not sure when we can go out safely again soon. I'm quite impatient so 64uc sounds apt in that regard.

You haven't lost anything, it's all there ready to go and it's all fine.

Thanks, that's good reassurance. I watched my friends go through multiple relationships since I was 16 (I'm 28 now) and I kind of internalized a feeling of being odd or "other".

I just wonder with the 13, your society, and the 48.3 and the 32uc if what you aren't interested in actually holds something for you that you aren't seeing right now ?

I'm not uninterested in marriage, I just want to travel and not be tied down for the near future. I generally equate marriage with settling down but I know it doesn't have to be like that (at least based on my family's definition). I think my issues stemmed from childhood trauma that caused a lot of avoidance. Perhaps 64uc may be pointing at a need further healing.