Obsessive Thinking

[Pearlescent]

So.

It occurred to me, that I have obsessive thinking.


I'm going to admit, out loud, well I guess with type, that I ruminate over things in the most dedicated and neurotic way you can imagine. Yeah, hours at a time.

I'm a smart girl, so I guess it's not in the worst way you can imagine, because I'm insightful, and very analytical and also intuitive. This, however, I often use against myself. At least once a week, if not several times I sit with (or without) the Yi and go over and over my fears, suspicions, hunches, quiet assessments, secret hopes.. This, has f***d me up. I can't think straight anymore.

I know that my thinking is counterproductive, More often than leading me to a sound conclusion or giving me any kind of useful closure, I pretty much just think in circles and end up confusing myself. I've had a lot of nights with the Yi where I look back on my questions and realize the Yi wasn't even talking about what I wanted to talk about, it was more than likely addressing how beside myself I actually was or something else I needed to realize. Even without the Yi, it's just me, running in circles, going nowhere over and over again.

I started really ruminating over things about 2-3 years ago when I first started to experience being 'gaslighted' by a girl who looked up to and wanted to be like. She was very good at bringing about situations to make me feel bad in a way where it would look like she was totally innocent, so that she could keep doing it. The thing about gaslighting is that there's no evidence, and nobody will believe you, which makes you question yourself and your sanity. In order to survive, I tried to learn to think like her. Operate completely hidden under the surface. Know what to expect, where I'm weak, where she may strike next. It became that I thought about her every day, when I woke up, when I went to bed, and countless times in between. It was almost like stockholm syndromn, although it couldn't be by the criteria for such a syndrom, but I identified with her, I feared her, I loved her, hated her, wanted to be her, wanted to die ect. It sucked.

So, I finally did come out of that situation and I began to distance myself from her, but because I had tuned into the realm of 'subtle' communication and suggestion, I noticed the underhanded methods more and more in other people. Before I met this girl, I had learned how to operate from people in the city I grew up in, which is basically, act tough and loud and don't take anything and people will respect you and leave you alone. That is part of why the underhanded methods really got to me, because I wasn't able to stand up for myself without seeming crazy. It was really debilitating and it definitely effected me on a deeply psychological level.

Anyway, I was not like this before... But it did happen and now it's 'over', and I'm trying to be happy and healthy again but it seems like ... now that she's not fulfilling the role of the 'obsessive' problem in my life, it's like a black hole that just sucks in whatever problem it can and put it under a magnifying glass. I can't seem to 'undo' this obsessive thinking that I used to protect myself for so long. now that I don't feel I need it anymore, it's actually causing me problems.

I asked Yi,

Why am I so Obsessive?

51.3.4 to 36


and

How to break the obsessive thinking pattern and approach my thoughts in a healthy way?

40.1.3.5 to 43


My interpretation of these readings is that 51.3.4 speaks of trying to be prepared in terms of shocking information or experiences, while hiding brightness.

and 40... that gives me hope that I really can break out of this. Cause it's not good, man...

the only line I'm familiar with in 40 is the 5th, which I actually got in reference to the girl who gaslighted me. Once I was able to really let that go and stop being afraid I was surprised at how easy it really was. I was giving her the power. Took a very long time to see that.

I would appreciate any interpretations or ideas about these hexagrams and their meaning. I'd like to be able to change my own mind. If it's a bit much for anyone I understand! Even just writing this out helped me. But any advice or interpretations are appreciated, so thank you guys.

 

[Tim K]

Why am I so Obsessive? 51.3.4 to 36

3, Richmond: Thunder (shock) is impetuous; reacting likewise is not harmful.
4, Crowley: Fight fire with fire, or sink in mud supine!

As you've said, that girl made you obsessive. You had to adjust your thinking (.3) but you got stuck in it (.4).
Time to let go of this pattern.

40(Release) with 43(Break-through) speaks just about that.
1 Crowley: Begin to loosen - Straight and clear the way.
3 Richmond: Riding in a carriage and carrying property he invites robbers. Continuance brings misfortune.
Let go of your thoughts, the circumstances are already carrying you.

5 Daniels: Remain aloof and avoid flatterers and cronies.
Richmond: We cannot be released by following something, for we are attached to what we follow. It is necessary to be alone and open to be free; separating from attachment enables us to be free.
Again let go.

One advice could be: Be aware of your thoughts and when one from the old pattern arises - transform it to something positive or imagine it flowing out to the sun and burning away.

 

[Endless]

Hi Pearlescence!
I've read your interesting post but instead of seeing your experience as a insane situation I've recognised something familiar in it. It's just part of our development as individuals that we seek for leadership in the personal and also public spheres, so I don' think you should be stress about something that you already realized.
I read a short advice in another thread saying that in 51 we're dealing, trying to build from past experiences. In the meanwhile, maybe, you should just disguise your truth until better times arrive.
You need to take a clear decisión about that and forgive Her(40 to 43).
Sorry, i write from my smartphone, im sure i agree with ashteroid without reading his view exhaustively.
Have a good day,
Endless

 

[mirian]

Why am I so Obsessive?

51.3.4 to 36

How to break the obsessive thinking pattern and approach my thoughts in a healthy way?

40.1.3.5 to 43.

Hi pearlescent,

My first impression of your readings:

51.3.4 > 36 You seem to find it difficult to process information received from outside world, deal with resulting emotions and respond to them. Basically you get stuck in the process, hence there is no response and/or action, just the process of going over and over.

40.1.3.5 > 43 Basically it is up to you to make a decision that you want to brake this cycle and move on. If you carry on like this there will always be a figure like this girl to stick on this pattern. So, the decision is in your hands.:bows:

 

[ginnie]

I think you get stuck in the obsessive mode because you're angry. Something in you is angry and saying, "This should not be." It could be also that you become indignant and take offense. You may feel that subtly hurtful communications, flying in the face of the ways you learned to defend yourself growing up, are basically underhanded and unfair. But it's all grist for the mill and these are all learning experiences.

I have been obsessing, too, for the past few days, and it's because someone accused me of being a liar, but not in those exact words. Nothing I could quote and pin on her. Yi says to forgive these people, the ones who give offense.

Countering the obsessiveness is really the process of learning to forgive. Forgiveness is the only solution. The I Ching says: "Thus do cultured people forgive mistakes and pardon wrongs." Forgiveness as a concept and as a practice is very important to an understanding of hexagram 40.

 

[sooo]

So.

Yes?

It occurred to me, that I have obsessive thinking.

Stop it.

Seriously, deliver yourself from that inner voice, that inner doubt. Say it once or twice and then move on.

When my eldest son was only around 8, he had an OCD to touch a door knob five times before walking away. I asked him why he did that? He said that he had the feeling that something bad would happen if he didn't do it; a very common OCD provoker. I said, nothing bad will happen, so just stop it. He did.

By asking yourself or Yi, "Why am I so Obsessive?" you only affirm that you are overly obsessive. The subconscious doesn't differentiate between a truth or untruth, it simply does what you direct it to do. Tell yourself instead, I'm so glad to be delivered from that habit, and it will believe you.

 

[Pearlescent]

wow everyone thank you so much for such a wealth of responses. All the different perspectives have allowed me see this problem from a new angle.

Ashteroid this was quite helpful, thank you!

One advice could be: Be aware of your thoughts and when one from the old pattern arises - transform it to something positive or imagine it flowing out to the sun and burning away.

Visualizations like that are powerful, alchemical kind of stuff which helps to unlock previously inaccessible levels of consciousness. I dig it!

---

Also Endless thank you, I'm glad you're already such an active participant on the forum And thanks for the advice, you're spot on about hexagram 40 and forgiveness.

---

40.1.3.5 > 43 Basically it is up to you to make a decision that you want to brake this cycle and move on. If you carry on like this there will always be a figure like this girl to stick on this pattern. So, the decision is in your hands.

Thank you Mirian, and well said, I have to agree that there will always be a potential stand in for that figure to ruminate over if I allow it, which had become more and more evident to me as time passed and I was still all neurotic about my problems. I think hexagram 43 is evil cropping up again over and over and the resoluteness to deal with it in a healthy manner, so that is now more clear to me.

---

Ginnie, I thought about your response several times. I'm really grateful you said what you did

I think you get stuck in the obsessive mode because you're angry. Something in you is angry and saying, "This should not be." It could be also that you become indignant and take offense. You may feel that subtly hurtful communications, flying in the face of the ways you learned to defend yourself growing up, are basically underhanded and unfair. But it's all grist for the mill and these are all learning experiences.

I'm not familiar with the expression grist for the mill, but the visual it gives me says a lot, and I hear you... I know you're right; I am angry about many of the things I obsess over. That is because there doesn't seem to be anywhere to 'put' the anger, it lives in my shadow and creeps up to blind me from time to time. Clearly I've got to find healthier ways to dissapate the accumulated resentment and hurt feelings, because they are there and they very strongly want to be recognized. I'd much rather heal them than indulge in them, but I admit I don't know what I'm doing when it goes that deep... I can forgive something if it's already over, but how to forgive someone or something that you believe will keep happening, especially if you don't feel strong enough to cope with it? I guess that's a rhetorical question because it's kind of vague, and I actually feel myself kind of slipping into the mindset now I'm trying to avoid. Perhaps if I just focus on releasing (40) forgiving, half as much as I try to figure out whats going on, I'd be a lot happier. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that your comment was helpful to me, and I'm glad you said what you did, it was illuminating for me.

---

Sooo thank you, that is an interesting story about your son! My brother has OCD and his has gotten much better, he used to lift one leg backward always before taking a step and a lot of other little things. It's good you were there for your son to nip that in the bud lol

By asking yourself or Yi, "Why am I so Obsessive?" you only affirm that you are overly obsessive. The subconscious doesn't differentiate between a truth or untruth, it simply does what you direct it to do. Tell yourself instead, I'm so glad to be delivered from that habit, and it will believe you.

That's true, and I didn't realize part of the obsessive state is reaffirming that I'm in it, I hadn't thought that just stating that I was obsessing was further setting it in stone deep in the depths of the subconscious. I will be more aware of that now.

---

Thank you guys for helping me, I plan on doing today differently. I'm already making a little progress using the tips I gained by posting here. Thanks again yall

 

[Endless]

And thank you in return for your warm welcome to the forum

 

[Pearlescent]

I thought I'd update on this thread! with one or two exceptions, I have all but ceased my obsessive thinking patterns. they are something I am gratefully leaving behind. Not only that, but they've been replaced by constructive positive thoughts about what I do want. I'm getting much better at thinking in an upward trend and problem solving in general and I actually have some very powerful subconscious inner work to thank for that, as well as all of you who were kind enough to reply to me back in july. :bows:

 

[sooo]

Congrats on your deliverance. Congrats on your deliverance. Congrats on your deliverance. Congrats on your deliverance. Congrats on your deliverance.