Painful hurtful situation

[sunnygirl]

Hi everyone. I almost feel embarrassed to be writing this but I am in such hurt over something that happened last night.

My bf and I have belonged to the same message board for years. Sometimes I think he is flirting with other girls on there but I have said nothing and just ignored it.

Last night I go to the message board and read a post he made to some teenage girl who I do think he has been flirting with off and on. He wrote:

"You're a beautiful, wonderful and fabulous person.

Hope I wasn't too nasty."

When I read it, my heart sunk and I had that sick feeling in my stomach. I went to another site as I was trying to ignore it and then I went back and read it again and even though I seldom cry about anything, I just burst out sobbing.

He asked me what was wrong and I said that message. He said i wasn't flirting. I said you never say those thing to me and you say them to some stranger online. He said he was sorry but he didn't bother to delete or edit it either.

Thanks for listening since you made it all the way through this post.

My casts:

What should I do about the hurtful post the bf made?

14.2 to 30

14 having to do with possession

14 line 2

a big wagon load

Seems it is just saying to bear with it.
---


What was bf's intent to the girl online with that post?

39.2 to 48

I have no idea. Seems to have more to do with me.

---

Am I making too much of a fuss over this post to the girl?

45.5.6 to 35

45 means security to me and I am not feeling secure

45.5 through devotion mistrust will be overcome.
Is that what I should be doing or what he should be doing?

45.6

Seems to say I should be expressing my sorrow and hurt

---
Was bf trying to flirt with the girl?

48.6 to 57

I take it as yes he was. He is trying to mentally connect with her as an approach.

 

[rosada]

What should you do about the hurtful post? 14.2 Pack him up and send him on his way.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

I doubt the yi is saying pack him up and send him away...

14 - is about haveing a great possession. with great possessions come responsiblity.

14.2 what 14.2 could be suggesting is that your relationship is able to be adaptable in this situation. You should not just bear with it and ignore it. But you should allow this feeling you have to be unloaded on the "wagon" of your relationship. It is supposed to be able to endure such things. This what you do with wagons. Each person supports the other as things change.
30 - Furthermore 30 is about clinging to somthing. It can mean clinging to a spiritual ideal a higher cause or vision, and in your case the relationship.

39 - means difficulty a trial a test of character. It's perhaps telling you that the time was of one of difficulty, the guy was meeting danger with courage. Perhaps he was simply being compassionate towards the girl, because he was in a difficult social situation of 39. He was in 39.2 and put himself in danger by his actions. It appears by the meaning of the line he was aware of this, yet went ahead nontheless (I would say this is not folly but courage IMHO).

48 - is about a deep one. It's about going deep within the self and bringing up sustenence, a shamanic journey, alchemy, psychedelic experiences. Don't loose yourself down there, be careful and be gentle, both with yourself and this situation. It's also about giving to others from the bottem of your heart, soul or whatever you like to call it. The people are changed but the well is not.

Added:
So this just occured to me.
Look 39 is about a test to character.
"Hope I wasn't too nasty." 39.
And 48 is about going into the well of one's character.
"You're a beautiful, wonderful and fabulous person." 48.


45.5 - is about gathering togather around somthing. The offering in 45.5 is a reflection of your concern. If you are gathering with somthing that has a real position for you. Then there is nothing to worry about. If your a little unsure about the issue, you need to have a deeper kind of endurance when bringing up the issue, becuase on the surface things will have to change but given time remorse will dissapear. So again no you should not just forget about this - bring it up.
45.6 is a counsel to this act. In gathering togather there is nothing wrong with discussing things that are not bubbly and chipper. Heviness and negative emotions shared between people is nothing to be ashamed of. There is no blame in this. -_-
So don't hold back. Move on

35 - here means move on, bring the injury out of the earth into the light (opposite of 36)

So you are right about this one.

48.6 is showing a man who is helping people through his inner worth. It's not saying he was flirting. It was a deep offering to the girl. 48.6 is about reciving and giving freely. It is about a town of people drawing up water from the well. Would be like a police officer personally connecting to and comforting a woman or man who has had an emotinolly tramatic accident. It's not his ascribed duty do to this, but doing so he improves himself and those around him.

In this case your BF is the well, and the town is the girl, she is not changing him (the well). She is only reciving the benifits of his inner worth.

48.6 is like what i'm doing right now as a matter of fact.

 

[willowfox]

"What should I do about the hurtful post the bf made?

14.2 to 30"

Yes, time to speak your mind but don't get yourself all emotionally worked up about this, try to find out the truth of the situation in a detached manner, this is about discovering the truth before you fly off the handle.

 

[martin]

"What should I do about the hurtful post the bf made?"

14.2 to 30

This is nearly the same as what your bf said to that girl.
"You're a beautiful, wonderful and fabulous person"!

No need to doubt yourself (or what your bf feels for you).


"What was bf's intent to the girl online with that post?"

39.2 to 48

He didn't do it "with a view to his own advantage" (Legge).


"Was bf trying to flirt with the girl?"

48.6 to 57

Don't think so. Line 6 is beyond that. It's not personal.

 

[Trojina]

Agree with Martins take on it. Also it sounds to me like the kind of thing one says to someone who is down and upset to try to make them feel better - so that would fit with the reading, perhaps he was just being kind to her, after he'd been 'nasty' - Hmm still it wouldn't hurt to tell you those things either perhaps this event shows you need a little more overt appreciation to overcome the insecurity you feel in 45,5- 45,6 says theres no harm in showing your upset about this, especially if he comes to see how he can create more trust between you, then your/you relationship can truly flourish (35)

 

[cesca]

What should I do about the hurtful post the bf made?
14.2 to 30

Hi Sunny!
The big wagon and a place to go, suggest movement and freedom from stagnation, and a chance to redistribute resources -- in this case, emotional resources -- and perhaps shift some perceptions in the process.

It sounds like an opportunity for you to fully express to him how you feel about the incident, and to understand how he feels about it. Easy to say, and not always so easy to do...But it could be a chance to shift some energy in your relationship and understand each other better...maybe to understand yourself better as well.

Cesca

 

[sunnygirl]

Thanks for all the wonderful responses!:bows:

Reading the different responses helped me to calm down immensely.:bows:

Usually I don't bring things up and just swallow any hurt I have and keep the calm face. When I read the message it and it itself alone wasn't so bad but it was just the straw that broke the camel's back on things I have been holding in with regards to our relationship. His lack of verbal affection has been a real sore point with me and I have said something about it a couple of times and he says he just isn't the romantic mushy type and nothing changed. I guess it hurt so much because he freely said things I would love to hear once in awhile to a teenage girl online.

So what happened was he got home from work and there was lots of tension in the air and awkwardness. I finally said, we're going to have to talk about this sooner or later.

He said I just don't understand why you were so upset by what I wrote as it was just a joke. I said I am really not sure why it made me so upset but it felt really bad and then I repeated more than once about him never saying those kinds of things to me but saying them to some teenage girl on the internet.

I then hinted about deleting or editing the post and later he deleted it but a little too late as the girl already read it and responded. Her response didn't take it as a joke. But he did and then he was deleting other posts and I asked him what he was doing and he said deleting posts and I said the only one I had a problem with was that one.

So things are almost back to normal and no he hasn't said any sweet things to me either.

If there is another teenage girl incident with him, I am done though. This is the 2nd one.

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

Look SunnyGirl,
I'm just going to delete this message
I don't think it was helpful to you
I'm sorry for the any damage I may
have inspired.

Please just regard the first one.
I hope you can forget the rest.

 

[sunnygirl]

Excellent point as it really isn't just about posts on the internet.

Here are my casts and questions.

What really is the root of the issue between bf and I?

9 unchanging

What's really bothering me about the relationship between bf and I?

27.2 to 41

 

[unsubscribed_cm]

-

 

[chloe]

Dear sunnygirl,

You and your boyfriend are OK!!! This I am certain of. Your boyfriend likes you being his girlfriend and doesn't want it to end.
What's not ok is your imagination and doubt.
If anything hurts you, it's only because of your thinking.
Jealousy is the most awful thing in the world - and we have to master it because
love is free for us all to feel about whomever we like whenever we like and it can't be stopped !!
If we have the idea that we're the only one who our partner should love we're insane. If we feel love, we just do, and we can't choke that down.
This is not to say that you might not like the idea of having some committments, i.e. not to sleep with others, but you can't stop the feelings another person has.
But your boyfriend only told a girl she was wonderful... well, she probably is ! And so is he and so are you and there's no harm done. Except by you, to yourself, in your thoughts.
If I were you now, I'd give myself good attention and caring and when the scary thinking shows up, just notice it and let it go. It will go if you don't make a drama.
The hexagrams and lines to me seemed to impy that that's what you've been doing.
You'll see, all will be well. Let go sweetheart, let go and practise loving yourself !
Chloë

 

[sunnygirl]

I'm not sure why you deleted your posts?

 

[willowfox]

Excellent point as it really isn't just about posts on the internet.

Here are my casts and questions.

What really is the root of the issue between bf and I?

9 unchanging

What's really bothering me about the relationship between bf and I?

27.2 to 41

Hex 9 you feel yourself blocked by your current situation, you cannot make any advances at the moment, like everything is on hold for you and that is making you feel frustrated and despondent. You feel that you are in a rut and your wheels are just spinning, getting you no where fast. But don't fret as the situation will get better for you.


Hex 27.2 what's bothering you is the fact that you are very dependent on the B.f. when you should be learning to be much more self reliant.

Hex 41 is about decreasing your dependency on your B.f., doing more to help yourself.

 

[cesca]

What really is the root of the issue between bf and I?

9 unchanging

What's really bothering me about the relationship between bf and I?

27.2 to 41

Hey Sunnygirl,
9 suggests to me that this is an opportunity to work on yourself, to clarify what you really need from a relationship, and your own internal blocks to getting that. Relationship is an exercise in personal growth. It's steady work, bit by bit -- not some cataclysmic change. Go inside and explore what your own needs are: what makes you feel safe? What makes you feel seen? What makes you feel connected?

27.2 points to a lack of independence plus an inappropriate desire. It’s an unfulfilled neediness, like a teenager who projects adulation onto a pop star. What is it that you are looking for from your boyfriend? Is it a kind of nourishment -- perhaps something like a feeling of self-esteem or confidence, a sense of yourself -- that you could develop in yourself?

Cesca

 

[sunnygirl]

Thanks so much everyone! :bows:

My internet has been down and that has given me a lot of time to really think about hex 9 and 27.

I do think I am trying too hard with the bf and why? I want things to work out.

I know deep down that if this relationship doesn't work out, I will be fine as there have been others that didn't work out and I am always fine.

I do feel insecure in this relationship and in some ways he gives me what I need and in some ways he doesn't. Part of my insecurities are self-made and part are from things he does or doesn't do. I sense he just isn't as into this as I am.

I had my solar return done maybe a month ago and I am supposed to be focusing on my career this year.

I do have a lot of exciting things planned for this year that I have been looking forward to for a long long time. I worked hard, very hard to get to this place and I am beginning to enjoy the fruits of that effort. I'm living and working in a new country. I just got the house I alway wanted. Things are good.