Please give insight into how I can get through to my youngest daughter if possible?

[MeltingPot247]

Answer: Hexagram 25.1.2.4.5.6 to 7

Without Entanglement/ Innocence from Army/Discipline or Restraint?

My youngest is currently going through what might be a phase of asserting independence or more self-authority... her and my eldest started living with their paternal grandmother during lockdown... a few years ago my eldest demonstrated similar behaviours when they lived with their grandmother back then for a little while as well - but her and my relationship is now just as good if not better than before.

I live and work one town away but visit
regularly and I’m their main financial provider alongside their grandmother.

I think this answer reflects that I need not worry as all the lines I received were quite positive and reflective of normal growing pains associated with parenting a tween/adolescent... luckily I did not receive line 3.

The general theme seems to suggest biding my time, just being my normal self with her, open, accepting, non judgmental. Restraint on my part from acting, and not attempting discipline as she is not doing anything wrong as such but is simply testing my love and patience with/ for her I guess. I’m sensing I need to maintain a more gentle, kind and calm attitude towards her, which I have actually started to do more seeing as how she would retreat or withdraw when I appeared to be too harsh in the past. It does not help her Dad is back in the picture... someone who hasn’t provided for or made any real efforts to help the children grow/ develop, he doesn’t help others much in general either which annoys me : I.e he is lazy. So that influence concerns me.

I asked this question as I’ve been concerned that my daughter is or has not been kept hold of what I’ve been trying to teach her over the years about personal safety, self care and empathy for others etc.

If anyone else has ideas about what 25 > 7 might be suggesting I’d be interested in knowing. I’m hoping that this cast does indeed reflect that I don’t need to worry, and everything will be okay again once we get through to the other side of whatever she is growing through.

Thank you

 

[rosada]

Line 25.6 seems to suggests someone who doesn’t learn from their mistakes, someone who needs to grow up and 7. Army describes the need for organizing around specific goals and a strong leader. You haven’t told us what the exact problems are but from what you have said about her living situation I wonder if she is not recognizing you or her grandmother as being that leader, as having authority, and is acting like she can do whatever she pleases? Perhaps these hexagrams are pointing to a need for you to make it very clear that you are supportive of the grandmother. You might say things like, “It’s Grandma’s house so we have to follow her rules” when she wants to do something Grandma doesn’t want her to do or, “Does your grandmother let you talk that way?” if she speaks rudely to you.
I’m just guessing of course but hexagram 7. does emphasize the importance of the sargent (the grandmother) who is there in the midst of the troups needing to have the support of the distant king (you).

 

[MeltingPot247]

Line 25.6 seems to suggests someone who doesn’t learn from their mistakes, someone who needs to grow up and 7. Army describes the need for organizing around specific goals and a strong leader. You haven’t told us what the exact problems are but from what you have said about her living situation I wonder if she is not recognizing you or her grandmother as being that leader, as having authority, and is acting like she can do whatever she pleases? Perhaps these hexagrams are pointing to a need for you to make it very clear that you are supportive of the grandmother. You might say things like, “It’s Grandma’s house so we have to follow her rules” when she wants to do something Grandma doesn’t want her to do or, “Does your grandmother let you talk that way?” if she speaks rudely to you.
I’m just guessing of course but hexagram 7. does emphasize the importance of the sargent (the grandmother) who is there in the midst of the troups needing to have the support of the distant king (you).

Background context:This post is regarding my youngest - and my eldest has told me that sometimes their “paternal” grandmother who they currently live with, tells them things about me that aren’t true... my eldest said she used to believe the things her grandmother told her about me when she was younger (same age) as her sister... and she believes her younger sister is now being told the same things. My daughters are actually well behaved usually, but their grandmother according to my eldest encourages them to rebel against me... she knows I’d rather they live with me, but I don’t have a house/home and it’s kinda hard to get one... I work and currently live in a town my children don’t like as their friends and fave schools are in the town their grandmother lives which happens to be an area I don’t like - it’s their father’s hometown, not mine.

I received 25.1.2.4.5.6 > 7 ... all lines were positive I thought. Only line that didn’t change was line 3.

My youngest is not doing anything wrong that would require discipline in my opinion - I guess I’m more focussed on regaining her trust as it seems her grandmother is trying to put a negative influence / spin on our mother/daughter relationship... their grandmother had a bad experience with her own mother growing up, so maybe it’s projection.

As one who has birthed and provided for my own children their whole life, even though from a distance at times - I’m there as regularly as possible. It’s always been a challenge as their Dad has never helped with them financially etc, but then again he is intellectually challenged/ brain damaged with mental health issues.

It might be nice if their grandmother and I had a better and more trusting relationship, so as much as we might be getting on each other’s nerves, perhaps that is where I need to start... I guess that is the main issue - my lack of emotional support for their grandmother and father ... mostly because I don’t like the way they do things, nor do I like what I’ve learned/ know about their family background etc... so it has been hard for me to accept my daughters being there... I don’t want to be there, I want my daughters back with me where I live and work but I do not want to force their return, or be resented... plus I don’t have a house yet.

If I get a house again at least then there may be more of a chance for them to return.

I asked another question : Please give insight into how to make things work better between Grandmother and I for girls sake ... and received 18.3 to 4.

Decay/ Spoiled from Youthful Folly:

Line 3 Trying to correct sins of the father.

This makes me think it has something to do with her son, my children’s father who she helped raise and is someone I do not see as being helpful or kind enough to anyone. To me he comes across as self- centred and dormant (nicer way of saying pretty lazy) - off with the fairies

 

[Trojina]

It's a very strange cast as the 2 hexagrams seem kind of opposite though they aren't structurally opposites. 25 is without plan or design and 7 is having a design of some kind.


So it's maybe as if there's a covert operation going on. Appearing not to have motive or a plan whilst actually having one ?


I don't really understand the question and I don't know how old she is because there's a big difference between handling a 12 year old and a 16 year old.


You ask how to get through to her but I can't really tell what that means in terms of whether you have something specific to get through to her or just generally. You said

I asked this question as I’ve been concerned that my daughter is or has not been kept hold of what I’ve been trying to teach her over the years about personal safety, self care and empathy for others etc.

Or 25>7 could show that the things you suspect and have the urge to change (7) are actually much more innocent than you think. I really don't know. With 5 lines you don't to focus too much on any one line but if we look at them here as a story there's a tension in the last 2 change lines between not trying to correct anything and then kind of relaxing too much in line 6. Line 6 just fails to realise she does need to have an input into what's happening.



Change patterns are yang 10 and yin 15 so effectively 25 and 7 connect through the energies of 10 and 15. 10 showing you're approaching the whole area with caution, 15 that the way through is to address it exactly as it is.


Overall if it were my cast I wouldn't have much of a clue with this. The wanting to get through to her has to be the 7 and then there's 25 and it's change lines which have no agenda ideally though in line 6 this lack of agenda goes too far.


My impression is she's already possibly disengaging with the family into her own life and that's fine, it's not a negative thing. Her life isn't going to be about her grandma or you and she can remain well disentangled (25) from the family and get on okay in life. However line 6 is worth heeding. In wiki Hilary gives an example of 25.6 where she plans to cook something for her husband, leaves it on the stove and it ruins because she's disengaged so much, her mind is elsewhere.


Line 2 is a strange one. The idea is things can grow from the efforts of previous farmer's efforts. Maybe she's had input as you say from a number of people in growing up, she's a product/being of all kinds of influence and apart from that she becomes a unique self, who she's born to be. As you say these lines bode well for a person growing into who they are in innocence. It feels like you can actually take your eye off the pot of her development but don't do what Hilary did and take it off altogether. It doesn't sound like you'd do that anyway. In general I think you are best keeping an eye at a distance, trusting her own judgement and her own being. regardless of what her gran says about you she'll hold her own ideas, I don't feel it will impact on her much. But while you trust also keep an eye out, keeping a covert watch on things. It's possible if you show faith and trust in her this will work well but not to the point where it seems you abdicated responsibility (25.6).

I asked another question : Please give insight into how to make things work better between Grandmother and I for girls sake ... and received 18.3 to 4.

Decay/ Spoiled from Youthful Folly:

This is a bit of a failed project, I don't think there's much you can do to make things better between you though it's not wrong to try you may end up a bit disappointed in any result.



I think the way forward might be developing faith in the girl and showing her that. The 25 would say to me she's not that sucked in to what her Gran says she's much more into looking to the future of her own life.

 

[my_key]

MeltingPot247 said:
I asked another question : Please give insight into how to make things work better between Grandmother and I for girls sake ... and received 18.3 to 4.

Your relationship with your Grandmother has been based in you both being distant from each other. You have both become trapped in this world of limited affection stemming from childhood experiences (4).

The confusion / unrest between you both pervades through many parts of your life. However there is a way to relearn how to be with Grandmother through softening how you see the whole situation. Recognise that things have changed and many of the truths that brought about the cracks in the relationship may now have worn away.

Begin to "Work on what is Spoiled" in the situation. Remember you can only really control what is 'spoiled' in you. In 18 the guidance is the ' noble one rouses the people to nurture character.’

What needs to be roused in you to remedy the situation you have all allowed to become what it is?

18.3 - acknowledges that you are keen to reform the way things are now. Now is the time to see things in a new way and to no longer collude with the 'stories' of the past. These 'stories' do not have authority over you in the way that they once had. So treating Grandmother with more leniency in your mind, while not being an easy thing for you to embrace, could start to gradually redress the unbalance that you are both maintaining in the relationship.

....or it may be nothing like this for you.

Good Luck

 

[rosada]

Hexagram 7. The Army is about making clear what the core intention is and who is in charge and 18.3 also points to issues around the key authority figure so working on making things better between you and the grandmother does seem to be a good place to start. Also as the girl is living with Grandma, likes the schools and has friends there I think you are right that you are better off focusing on improving the current arrangement rather than trying to move the kids out.

18.3 - 4. Could this be referring to the grandmother telling your daughters things about you that aren't true? Do you need to bring this up with her and ask her what the deal with that is? Or perhaps enlist the help of your older daughter and ask her to speak to her sister?

25.6 says somebody hasn't learned from past actions. Maybe consider how you finally resolved things with your older girl and see if there's a clue there as to how to handle this situation?

25/7 Suggests to me that your daughter is young person very much trying to fit in with the group, which is a very typical issue for young teens. How old is your daughter? As Trojina has pointed out it maybe that what really needs to be happening here, along with clarifying who is the authority figure in the home, is a strengthening of the girl's own sense of self so any activities you can do together that promote that would be good. When my daughter was a teenager we bonded over going to yard sales and thrift stores. We would drive around town and find great clothes and stuff, meet strange people and just generally have an adventure! So in your case, even if Grandma speaks against you or even if daughter thinks Mom really is a hopeless square, how can she not respect you when together you're manifesting treasure? And then of course when she sees her friends and they are all saying, "Wow, where did you get that?" and she says, "Oh I got it for $1 with my mom..." and of course you might find goodies for Grandma too - that couldn't hurt!

Finally, one thing I've seen with the I Ching is that even if you don't particularly understand a reading at first if you just continue to study it you'll find things start to line up as the oracle has described. So just keep rereading 25.1.2.4.5.6 - 7 and watch for it to come into focus. One technique is to consider the hexagrams as describing all the different players in the situation. Like, consider what it means if you are the Innocent One in 25, then what is it saying if your daughter is, if the grandmother is, or the older sister or the father?

Oh and finally finally, what is your daughter eating? Diet has so much more to do with our emotions and outlook than we give it credit.

Best wishes, we know it ain't easy!

 

[MeltingPot247]

Thank you all of you - you all touched on different areas/parts of this situation that make sense and are relevant to me and my family as a whole including the extension of the paternal side of my daughters. This morning I said to myself that there is no point of me focusing on how much I don’t like where they are living, they do for the time being although my eldest less so because of others in the house she does not get along with. My youngest is 12 and eldest is 14. Last time I moved to the area for two years and my daughters lived with me again which solved the problem. However my work and friends are in the area I’m currently living and my daughters moved back here with me beginning of year before Covid affected us and I had to work longer hours again to provide for us financially and only way I could work was for them to move back with grandma. There is no separate housing on the outskirts of where they live which is what I was considering... although I lived there for two years in the past - it really would have a negative impact on my spirit if I moved back again as I really can’t stand the look of the environment there, I only feel comfortable there in small doses.

If I were able to find a place of my own again where I live currently, that would help. I do a lot with my daughters - and have since learned it’s definitely better when it’s only the three of us and their extended family aren’t around to stress me or them out. They have a toxic cousin, and I find the adults a bit toxic over that side - I don’t like fake or false kindness.

I really like your advice Trojina to trust my daughter and have more faith in her... and My Key I should definitely be more lenient towards their grandmother and grandmothers in general in my mind - there is a family pattern on both sides of our family having mother and grandmother trust issues... due to a failure to protect us from men as children - I know it is the fault of men for harming us, but I also think parents should and could have been more alert in my upbringing instead of drunk ... I’ve never let my kids down in terms of keeping them safe while they are with me, but on one occasion at their grandmothers my youngest was harmed. On a separate occasion when my eldest was too young to remember family members on that side also did inappropriate things in her presence and their father harmed me in my eldest presence. I left him when my youngest was born, had planned to do so earlier but he was manipulative and aggressive, I was at that time younger and more afraid.

So as you can see, this is a layered issue... my children think the world of their grandmother, my eldest can see that her dad is not that great, but my youngest can’t see that at the moment. He has actually been indifferent and unkind to my youngest the most in the past which annoys me more. Part of me thinks he gets a rise from her clinging to him more nowadays instead of me, even though to me he is actually still an asshole, he acts nicer to her now and that worries more than comforts me.

 

[MeltingPot247]

I actually might prefer to live closer to them and not worry about work as much at all - especially if I got a house big enough to foster two additional children - as my current job is caregiving of others anyway - overnights and long hours etc. I could do that if only I could find a nice home closer to them on the outskirts of where they live, so they could stay with me, go to their school and visit their Nan sometimes instead of the way it is now.