please please help me

[innertruth]

Dear all,

I asked Yi about situation that's been torturing me for a long time.
There is one close person who seem to care about me yet makes remarks that
kill everything, including my feelings of self-worth. However I just tell myself
it cannot be so, this person cannot be cruel, you should stop thinking this way...
Out of tiredness I asked Yi: Should I fear this person is intentionally harming me?
(as i always feel helpless after some of comments or sayings)

Received 58.2.4.5 to 24.

It tells about inferior persons...But does it refer to myself or to that person???

I am lost to understand correctly. Does it tell me to let go fears, or to let go trusting this person....
Help, and thank you in advance!

 

[Endless]

Hex 58 could be about a corrosive situation indeed but you can get through those feelings dialectically.

 

[taoscopy]

58 - Attraction

Wait before comitting oneself. A simple proposal is enough. One wants to know what the other desires before responding.

2 - Friends give up when one commits themself reluctantly.

4 - Profiteers want to limit the response to the most modest demands.

5 - Repel the dangerous incitations.
In the making
24 - To return

One returns to see the results of their action.

http://taoscopy.com/en/consultation/798998/

There is one close person who seem to care about me yet makes remarks that
kill everything, including my feelings of self-worth

->2 - Friends give up when one commits themself reluctantly.

My take is that this guy stops being friendly because he feels that you don't want to talk with him. It's a bit low but it's human, his feelings have been hurt so he is hurting yours.

If you want to take distance from him to find peace:
->4 - Profiteers want to limit the response to the most modest demands.

Then the situation is going to escalate:
->5 - Repel the dangerous incitations.

Ask the Yi what to do, but 24 is already a good indication that you should change your attitude toward him.

 

[mirian]

Out of tiredness I asked Yi: Should I fear this person is intentionally harming me?
(as i always feel helpless after some of comments or sayings)

Received 58.2.4.5 to 24.

Yes, the person is a bad influence in your life.
58.2 >> What sort of people do you allow in your life? What is your role in the interaction with unworthy characters?
58.4 >> It is up to you to make a choice: do you really need that sort of thing? There is no point in living with that sort of conflict. Make your mind up.
58.5 >> You are opening the door to people who can really cause you harm. You need to get a grip and learn how to protect yourself from bad elements. Get out of this destructive game.

Hex 24 advises returning to a better place, where there is real sense of joy and peace. :bows:

 

[innertruth]

Thank you guys!

Yes it's been quite toxic relationship with many
Outbursts...I asked how it is better to behave,act towards X and received 46 unchanging...
Rising above circumstances

 

[innertruth]

Endless, how would you breakaway dialectically

 

[taoscopy]

Thank you guys!

Yes it's been quite toxic relationship with many
Outbursts...I asked how it is better to behave,act towards X and received 46 unchanging...
Rising above circumstances

46 - Taking form

One is guided until they reach knowledge.

But I'm not happy with "Taking form", in French "Formation" also means "Training".

It's very open for a reply. I can see at least 3 interpretations for this.

a) the Yi will teach you how to do it, so keep consulting.

b) seek knowledge from him, for example by asking him if his feelings have been hurt.

c) Educate him, tell him that his remarks hurt you and ask him to behave


In my opinion a) is more likely and c) less likely, generally the Yi does not comment on others more than necessary.

Note that 24 is also the hexagram for feedback, as in "Look at what you've done" but also as in "Tell him that he hurts you".

 

[Endless]

Basically I would tell that person that I need a break explaining briefly the reason why and posing him or her the option to reflect about his ir her behaviour toward me. If the person is too unavoidable, I would just let him or her on his or her own, without even explaining my reasons. But it is up to you. I think it is better to make yourself clear.

 

[innertruth]

I told that her words and remarks are making me uncomfortable,
she denied that it was intentional (who would thought otherwise). But she tells
that's just how I am - I am telling what I am thinking, and it's your problem how you perceive it.

Taoscopy, so training would mean learn to grow on your own, independent of whatever any even meaningful person says to you...

 

[taoscopy]

Ok my bad, I assumed it was a guy.

Taoscopy, so training would mean learn to grow on your own, independent of whatever any even meaningful person says to you...

Nope, to grow up with a tutor. It's the complementary of 25 which means acting foolishly, or without care or support. An orphan would be described by 25. Always check the complementary when you have a doubt.

By the way it follows the hexagram 45 which means group or gathering, I don't see where would this idea of growing alone fit in there.

The classical comments don't say otherwise:

PUSHING UPWARD has supreme success.
One must see the great man.
Fear not.
Departure toward the south
Brings good fortune.

They don't even say it is advantageous to see the great man, they say that the great man must be seen.

The point of 46.3 is precisely when the tutor goes away, to check if the subject of 46 can manage to continue without help.

For the record, acting on your own, independently, but with a goal is covered by the hexagram 10.

Now that I am thinking again about it, maybe the Yi hinted that you should act as her tutor and educate her.

 

[mirian]

Thank you guys!

Yes it's been quite toxic relationship with many
Outbursts...I asked how it is better to behave,act towards X and received 46 unchanging...
Rising above circumstances

The Yi is already telling you to move on, but if you want to continue with this toxic relationship it is entirely up to you, obviously.

 

[Tim K]

Should I fear this person is intentionally harming me? 58.2.4.5 → 24.
(as i always feel helpless after some of comments or sayings)

If you read Wilhelm's comments, and I believe that mirian's answer is based on them, they say that you will have to endure these remarks if you want this relationship (58.4).
But you are free to go whenever you want (24).
Wilhelm emphasizes the presence of some negative person.

On the other hand, if you read Richmond's book:
Worrying about past (.5 'Trusting in something that is disintegrating brings trouble') is useless.
Planning future (.4 'Calculating joys brings restlessness' ) is tiresome.
Just be in this moment, here and now (.2 'Genuine joy. Good fortune. No regret').

Basically what he is saying is 'Sticks and stones can hurt me, but the words can not'.
Buddha teaches: I'm a free man, I can feel how I want any time of the day. He looks at his response inside, and doesn't allow it to take place in his heart, to turn into feeling. Call it Zen or meditation, whatever.

So if you look at it from inner perspective, then 46 makes sense. Again I think you were correct in your interpretation - rise above.
Wilhelm: 'Adapting itself to obstacles and bending around them, wood in the earth grows upward without haste and without rest.'
So this relationship would be a practice for you, a lesson to learn (46). How to be more independent of other people's words and thoughts.

I don't believe she is intentionally hurting you, and no you shouldn't fear anything.

 

[innertruth]

Thank you so much astheroid. You really got it.
Somehow i feel the same way too.
Letting go hurtful past, staying and growing inside in this moment. Because only now is the reality we are yet capable of changing.
Feeling lighter to know she doesnt do it on purpose, and not to fear

 

[moss elk]

I told that her words and remarks are making me uncomfortable,
she denied that it was intentional (who would thought otherwise). But she tells
that's just how I am - I am telling what I am thinking, and it's your problem how you perceive it.

Taoscopy, so training would mean learn to grow on your own, independent of whatever any even meaningful person says to you...

Yes, what she said is true. It isn't about you.
It is all about her.
You don't have to take it personally,
And! you don't have to tolerate it.
You can walk away.

A robber hides in the bushes and waits for a person to pass by.
Someone does, the robber clubs them on the head.
The one who was robbed may take it personally, and if they do they'll suffer much worse and longer than they did from the pain of the blow.

The truth is that the robber is just an a-hole.
That's just what he does.

 

[innertruth]

Haha!! Moss Elk, i love your stark comparison..
I just feel so lonely when I realize all I can do is walkaway...
and it's better than taking it personally you are so right. Life is too short to ruminate over whoever's
stupid words..mere sounds...
I mean if you feel good about yourself, noone can ever make you feel down right?.

 

[moss elk]

Haha!! Moss Elk, i love your stark comparison..
I just feel so lonely when I realize all I can do is walkaway...
and it's better than taking it personally you are so right. Life is too short to ruminate over whoever's
stupid words..mere sounds...
I mean if you feel good about yourself, noone can ever make you feel down right?.

In general practice yes (takes conscious effort),
But if you stand in front of a fire breathing dragons mouth long enough, you will get burned. Anger can be force fed down ones throat and monsters can be made. People can be dehumanized.

I've a female friend in her 40's who's Mother exhales fire more than carbon dioxide. Mother is a truly awful wretch. You'd want to sick her on only your very vilest enemies. (And you might even feel bad and phone them a warning) The daughter acts as a truly good daughter, does anything her mother needs, all while getting flamed upon. She confided in me recently that she may be nearing the limits of her tolerance. She said she went off on her mother in a string of swearing and 'sort of blacked out" while doing it. I told her she should consider contracting out the caregiving. The blacking out with rage is when people die,
Some call it psychosis.

Anyhoo,
You seem on the right track.